I have started this topic because there may be someone going through the kundalini integration and transformation who is experiencing solitary sexual ecstasy, as I am blessed with.

Saint Theresa experienced this sexual ecstasy and union with God. She was told by her superiors that we cannot label this as saying that you are having sex with God and we cannot say that this ecstasy is diabolical. Hearing this was extremely devastating for a Nun and caused her great mental and emotional suffering, yet she managed by the grace of God to overcome her despair and trust in His love for her. There is no doubt that Saint Theresa also underwent a kundalini transformation and was blessed by God

I have been celibate for ten years. A few years ago I started to experience sexual arousal and what felt like penetration. I was frightened and imagined all kinds of external sources that would be the cause of this sexual pleasure. I found that the sexual energy did not come from an external source, but came from my right side, and I apologize for being a bit graphic, but this is the only way I can explain same. It appears that I have an internal lover on my right side who penetrates me and makes loves to me with the greatest joy and ecstasy. I have done all kind of research and the only answer besides Saint Theresa's experience came from Hinduism, the merger of Shiva and Shakti, the male and female energies merging and expanding in their consciousness within me. This merger and union is happening to me on a regular basis now whenever I lay down in my bed, may it be morning or night. It is an absolute giving that is beyond any description nor any sexual experience that I have encountered in the past. I must admit that this union is as Saint Theresa describes, a total surrender in the bliss and ecstasy within God's love.

This may be a gift to me because I am celibate and without a marriage partner. I know of many individuals going through the kundalini process who have increased sexual desires and are able to consummate these urges with their partners.

This joyful union is lifting the consciousness through the spinal canal higher than ever before, free flowing without any blockages, and during the union energies are rising into my head as well. I feel an expansiveness all throughout my body.

A most relevant topic, Freebird. Thanks for opening it. I've had intimations of exquisite bliss in my right side (beneath the ribs) for years, but nothing quite as developed as what you describe. I'll have more to share on this and related topics as we go along, but first a question.

Again and again in your posts you express an understanding of kundalini in terms of male and female energies being integrated (here you say "expanding their consciousness" within you). Is this an interpretation based on how the Hindus write about it, or do you actually have a sense of different energies that you consider male and female? If so, how do you know the difference between them? Also, to say that these energies are "consciousnesses" . . . what does that mean? That they have rational intelligence?

I'll wait to hear your reply, as I have a difficult time relating to some of your descriptions. They seem more like interpretations of experiences . . . well, that's what I'm wondering about, at least.

Phil, I am not so good in giving explanations as another person might be more capable. Spiritual experiences are extremely difficult to describe and some people can do it better than others, which does not mean that the one making an effort lacks knowledge. It is only that they are more limited in conveying what they have learned. The truth is some things just cannot be put into words. I shall try and hope I make some sense. Yes, I see a separation of feminine and masculine energies within us which also correlates with Hinduism in their perception of the Shiva and Shakti energies. In Christianity we have spirit and bride. We also have the left and the right brain. Our God is One God and cannot be divided. We also must become one within ourselves in what I call the union and merger of spirit and bride and/or Shiva and Shakti together with the merger of our left and right brain. To be divided means decay, to be merged means to be one. So there must be a merger between these feminine and masculine energies in us.

Every relationship of male and female is based upon this hidden truth. The Bible speaks of this merger being possible within a marriage, that the male and female become as one through the sacrament of marriage and the union of sex, the husband having the head of Christ and also being the head of the wife. In such a union and merger they become one, their bodies being united and blessed in marriage. This is a promise to a married couple, but is not attained by all since we know of divorces, remarriage, etc. So being remarried who will someone be one with, the first husband and/or wife or the second, etc. In a true marriage merger you will never leave your spouse.

I see the principle of life as being fire which is spirit and/or Shiva. Bride is the pure water, feminine, Shakti. Their must be a merger between them,fire and water must turn to steam, a spiritual alchemy, consciousness in its ascension. It is the marriage of heaven and earth and the mystical union with Christ and His Bride. They Bible tells us of this by stating: "Spirit and Bride say come, and let the one who hears come, come and drink from the waters of life". When this marriage occurs, you are free indeed and no longer will you want to embrace another nor seek for a merger. Every union of these male and female energies is a union with God back into oneness with Him, spirit and bride, and Shiva and Shakti.

We all long for this merger which is hidden from us. This is the dance of love and sexuality which is repeated over and over again between couples. It is only in the internal merger of our own male and female energies that one is freed from this carousel of joy, pain, suffering, etc.

I will discuss this further but for now I need a break from trying to explain myself.

There cannot be a division within us, we must become one.

Good topic Freebird. Phil put an important question and you respond it nicely. Let me share how I experience these two polarities.

During the course of my transformation I have always been aware of two moving opposite energies. Opposite in essence they have distinct qualities and distinct paths but they are not repelling with each other. These energies strive after balance and until they merge at head they continue to pass each other; one pole from left side the other pole from the right side of my body. While they are passing through my body they enhance the purification process triggered by Holy Spirit. Not long time ago I saw these two polarities merge at head. I saw them literally while my eyes were closed. Whether we call these polarities masculine/feminine or positive/negative is not important.

Phil,

Absolutely am I aware that I have two energies, on my right side the male with an internal (phallus) and on my left side is the female. They are in the process of merging together through their sexual union into the inner spinal canal flowing without blockages upwards into my brain and expanding outwards all throughout my body.

During this ascension clearly visible on my back looking at same through a mirror in front of me and one in back of me, I see wings, and during each ascension upwards more wings are forming on each side of my spine.

Thank you for your sharing Grace. You are deeply aware of your own merger of these polarities. You have described the caduceus perfectly, and I helped with the compliment of the wings on top of the staff.

I follow what you two are saying about the two qualities of energy and have described them as 1.) radiant/light and 2.) liquid light. I can see where one would consider them male/yang and female/yin energies, but I'd never associated that with the Shiva/Shakti teachings; more with what the yogis call the energies of Ida and Pingala. Shiva has seemed to me to be more along the lines of what we've called Self in another thread, and Shakti with the very energy of Self/consciousness. That's how I've understood kundalini -- as a full-bodied awakening of Self (see the thread on this in the Christian Spirituality Issues forum). Integrating the various polarities perceived by Ego would be part of this larger process, in my view.

But back to our thread topic. How often we seem to overlook the fact that just everything we do as humans we do in a body, and that includes the living out of our spirituality. Deep, contemplative surrender to God therefore entails a surrender of our sexuality, and when transformative energies are awakened, we're bound to feel stirrings in all parts of the body, including the reproductive organs. Sometimes people have very strong sensations and almost overwhelming desire for sex; as a woman told me on the phone years ago, "even the milkman looks good." In time, as the process unfolds, the energy becomes more diffuse, stimulating the heart, endocrine glands, brain, etc.

Consider sexuality in a human relationship, and how, even among spouses, it might take years to truly surrender one's whole self to another in the sex act. Such a surrender requires deep trust -- far beyond that which is required for mere sexual pleasure. This opens the door to a more spiritual experience of sex -- of two becoming one in spirit.

I think much the same happens with God. No one cherishes us -- body, mind and spirit -- as God does, and opening ourselves to God's cherishment does entail surrender of our sexuality. When, in addition, this happens in the context of the deep openness and vulnerability brought about through the kundalini process, then it's understandable that there can be highly energized sexual sensations associated with divine union. This doesn't seem to happen to everyone -- not the intensity aspect, that is. But my guess is that it's much more common that has been reported. Obviously, this isn't easy to talk about, as Freebird noted, and my own experience, here, is rather limited, I'm afraid.

- - -

An area that's been both an interest and struggle for me is how sexual energy is transmuted in the kundalini process, and how the sexual fluids themselves might be "recycled" through the lymphatic system to strengthen the nervous system. Gopi Krishna talks a bit about this, but I'll save all that for later.

quote:

Originally posted by Phil:
"An area that's been both an interest and struggle for me is how sexual energy is transmuted in the kundalini process, and how the sexual fluids themselves might be "recycled" through the lymphatic system to strengthen the nervous system. Gopi Krishna talks a bit about this, but I'll save all that for later." [/QB]

Hi Phil,

I share your appreciation for Freebird's opening the topic of K energy and sex.

Like you, I am interested in this issue of transmuted sexual energy or the reversal of energy flow, up instead of out. On one hand, there is the change in how in feels. On the other, speculation about what is going on physically.

I have definately gone through a transformation since my awakened awareness of inner energy. Specifically, one of the new experinces is orgasmic contractions without ejaculation which results, not in the refractory period and the stupor that goes with that, but instead, it results in blissful inner conductivity. The inner energy coursing up from my reproductive organs feels so physically real, and the conractions so much like ejaculatory contractions, that it is as if, and I repeat, as if, the reproductive fluids are going up instead of out. That change has had an impact on my relationship with my wife, in my meditative life and I think, in my whole way of being in the world. And I think it is mostly for the better. And yet it is lonely because it is rare, and there are problems with feeling so different from other men.

Humm, now that I reflect on it, I've always felt "different", the reversal of energies has helped me move from lonliness to solitude. It is a great comfort.

How does this happen physically? From what I know of biology, the refractory period associated with ejaculation is hormonal. On the other hand, the inner energy feeling of inward upward flow is something else, another set of homones, perhaps. You're the biologist. I'm way out of my depth her.

ICR Canada, those students of Gopi Krishna, are dealing with the topic of Sexual Energy and spiritual transformation. See:

http://www.icrcanada.org/

then click on "upcoming events".

I might go. It is so rare to find people talking about this. It is doubly rare to find people like you, who are Chrisitan, talking about this. I deeply appreciate your courage in being open about this interest and struggle as host of this forum and using your public name.

Hi freebird and everybody,

quote:

It appears that I have an internal lover on my right side

I don�t have experience with a lover in my right side, but with the right side being my "male one". I.e. emotions, blockages etc. I "inherited" from the male side of my ancestors are stored and feelable on the right side only. (funny when you get "heart-pain" at the right side. ) Also strong, directed will I can only develop from the right side of my forehead, not the left one. Whereas energetic sensitivity is much weaker in the right side than in the left one.

Regarding sexual ecstacy from kundalini-process: It is only seldom in me, but when it is there, there is also a feeling of penetration, and it also goes up inside my body to the heart and the brain. There are inner pictures involved, that might be produced by my own mind, but do have an effect on my energies (or, more carefully put: go with a specifically matching effect on my energies).

Hi to all and welcome Irene,

How wonderful to have you share and contribute with your kundalini experiences, sexual and otherwise. Great website Ryan with lots of information to guide us in our journey.

Irene, the right side of our bodies is considered the masculine and the left side as the feminine. I liked what you said about the ancestral being part of the right side. We all have ancestral spirits that watch and guide us. This is well known among the American Indian spirituality and this is also a part of the Eastern concept of lineages. I also enjoyed you mentioning the feelings within your heart on the right side.

One of the greatest gifts from God in my kundalini journey has been to stay centered within myself with my love, trust, and faith in God that my experience is one of total love. Whatever fear of unknowing in this process has always been smothered by the power of God's love and this may be the reason that my kundalini integration and transformation is like a birthing of a beloved child, we all labor to bring forth.

Even before my awakening did I believe that the sexual energy was a gift that went beyond the use of bringing forth flesh and blood children and pleasures. I do not even label this energy as a sexual energy, but an energy that is part of God not only giving us the physical birth, but also our new birth as promised by Christ.

I also want to mention that the penetration and ecstasy experienced is free of lust and totally under the subjection of my loving heart. You are correct in your awareness Irene that the penetrating energy travels upward inside the body to the heart and the brain. I would like to ask you if you are also are aware of the energy filling your inner spinal canal in its ascension. I experience same as a river free flowing upwards without any blockages.

Since I was born with an open Reiki energy channel within the palms of my hands, this gift has been extremely helpful in the guiding of all energies. I experience same as a circle of flowing energy of God's love by the laying of hands upon my body and the flow from the hands into the body back into my hands, constantly circulating and giving more and more. Like a loving mother who is guiding and directing the energy upwards into my crown area. Since I have been celibate and without a sexual partner, God in His graces and love gave to me the compliment energy for the flowing one.

Visually when meditating, praying and my surrender to God, and with closed eyes I am seeing a body of light within myself that is growing daily.

I am so joyful to have started this topic so we all can share, help, support and guide one another, and for any new comer to our forum may this be a place for you to find answers and know that you are not alone in your journey.

Love you all.

Welcome Irene, and thanks for joining the discussions. It sounds like you've been around the block more than just a few times with some of these kinds of issues.

Ryan, there's a vas deferens between male and female reproductive biology. Consider that in all males, sperm and seminal fluids are constantly being produced; even in sexually active males, there is considerable resorption. See this link for a rather technical discussion of this process. Esoteric literature has long alluded to the reversal you mention, and has used highly mythological and archetypal language to describe it. (see this link and this one, for example; even wikipedia has a discussion on sacred semen). Some have claimed this was part of what Christ meant when he spoke of becoming celibate "for the sake of the kingdom of God."

Whatever the case, it does seem as though many men with awakenend kundalini experience increased activity in the prostate area, along with the sense of "reversal" that you mentioned. Gopi Krishna goes into this at length, and points out the many problems men and women can experience if they willfully squander their energies. My own experience and dialogues with others have confirmed this.

In the end, however, this turns out to be just another issue to entrust to the guidance of the Spirit. As I noted above, the surrender of ourselves to God entails our sexuality. If God wants to use these energies and fluids to support our transformation in ways that go beyond reproduction and marital bonding, then so be it. All belongs to God.

Hi Phil,

Thanks for the links.

You wrote:
"Gopi Krishna goes into this at length, and points out the many problems men and women can experience if they willfully squander their energies."

What sort of problems? Feeling depressed for a time? Loss of pranic energy. Sometimes people want less pranic energy. I'm drawn of "conservation," but I tend to emphasize the benefits of doing so rather than the problems of not doing so. With my wife, these days, I'm into cuddling. Ordinarily, if there is sex, which I do enjoy too, it is because she initiated. And let me tell you, she initiates a lot less than I did, back in the old days.

"In the end, however, this turns out to be just another issue to entrust to the guidance of the Spirit. As I noted above, the surrender of ourselves to God entails our sexuality...."

Well put.

Great discussion you all. I also would like to mention that in our kundalini transformation male and female need these mentioned sexual fluids.

I am aware that during the experienced penetration there is what appears to be a fertilization taking place as well. Since males and females both have these creative fluids, yet each lacking in excessiveness due to sexual gender, I experience a reception in my increase of the male fluid to help in the integration and transformation. Of course males are able to receive these needed fluids through their sexual partner, the ideal, of course, being a married one.

Ryan, the excessive activity usually results in feelings of depression and what might be call "rawness." Reduction of "prana" or subtle energy is also a consequence.

Freebird, you wrote: I experience a reception in my increase of the male fluid to help in the integration and transformation.

How can that be? However else the integration you describe has come about, it cannot be because your female body has produced male reproductive fluids. Do you mean this in a symbolic sense?

My understanding of male and female energy has been that these are largely archetypal in nature, and are associated with the right and left sides of the autonomic nervous system (aka ida and pingala nadis in the yogic literature). IOW, these energies aren't necessarily derived from the reproductive system and its secretions.

Phil, I like your question:

How can this be?

The answer for me is very clear in knowing that everything in God's creation of us is God. As sperm and ovum unite to create a new life, I feel that God's creative energies through His gift to us are also used in bringing forth our kundalini birth.

I don't have the analytical answers, but can only go by what I am experiencing and in what God is teaching me.

Every kundalini process has similar, but not identical carved on stone same in all. Men differ, women differ, and also it depends on being able to tune into the workings and understanding of our bodies. We women do have an advantage in this area.

Sexual fluids need the transmutation into the creating and transformation utilized by the kundalini process.

Everything in us changes as we are undergoing our new rebirth.

It is really good for me to see the workings of the mind of men and women in their knowledge and understanding of the kundalini process.