Hi Everyone

Today I was reminded what the inventory was about and a reading from Recovery continues obstacles to recovery.I wanted to act out but was led instead to post and reflect on my 6 months of sobriety and look at what I am trying to escape. Usually when I resort to my addictions it means that I am running from myself, relationships, work, and commitments. Anyway this is who I am today and with God's help I can accept it and let it go to him.

There are so many ways an addictive personality can manifest.

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/05...circuits/27blog.html

Can we have the meetings online?

caritas,

mm <*)))))><

I had a difficult week and a good reminder what a complacency can do. I found myself in a situation that is still sending fear crawling down my back. Someone that I work with came on to me and instead of resisting initially I allowed her to kiss me and worse I enjoyed it. After several moments of heavy kissing the warning bells finally went off and I tried to do what I should have done before the situation had gotten as far as it had. She bluntly told me that she was evil and my God could not save me and that she knew I wanted her and she was going to take me down. The sad part was after that kiss she was right my addiction was in full swing. Somehow much later was able to with help was able to avoid the intimacy she wanted. I was totally unprofessional to allow this to happen and am afraid of the possible repurcussions. I am also thinking about bailing out of human services altogether. I thank God that I do not do what I wanted and was just allow full intimacy or sex to happen. She was right I did not see a person just a drug that was making higher and higher. Somewhere the program thinking ignited it might have been all the wierd stuff she was telling me that happened to her it might been the wierd stuff she was saying but I began to come to my senses and made some calls afterward to transfer her case to a female job coach and my sponsor to deal with my own lust issues and deal with the situation. I am ashamed and saddened by how easy this girl was able to get under my armor and I do not know what the outcome will be. Pray for me.

All very good counsel, w.c.

I would encourage you to share this with your sponsor, br. jaan, and maybe even in group. Also, I think you are to be commended for having turned away when you did; although it was a "slip," it wasn't a complete one.

Hi Everyone

Just an update. Thankyou for the replies I keep coming back to my second and third step. I am struggling with my own fantasies and powerlessness and in the process discovering how much I need God. Mystical Michael I would love to do online meetings maybe we could chat sometime. I am in daily contact with my sponsor and attend SA meetings.

Sounds like you're really working hard at it, Br. Jaan.

You and anyone else who wishes may use this site's chat room as you wish. Set up your own times and be my guest.
- http://shalomplace.com/chat.html

brjaan,

I assume that you have a copy of the white book. Have you seen the basic text fro the Augustine fellowship? (SLA) There is a chapter on withdrawal
which contains about 15 pages of some really good direction on the four stages on the way to feedom. You might want to look for the book.

caritas,

mm <*)))))><

Hi everyone
thanks for the suggestions. Where can I find the book and is it available as a ebook. I recognize from my 4th step work and recent relapse that I also struggle with an addiction to relationships and need to be needed which feeds my other addictions. Pray for me I have created a mess and am feeling completely powerless.

Needing to be needed in a healthy way is a good thing. Needing to be needed in a sick way is codependency. After treating whichever addiction
is taking one down the fastest, alot of the work
is around codependency. Maybe a men's codependency group like al-anon or coda? SLA seems to work more on relationship issues than SA or SAA. Any of them
would probably have a web site. Find what works 4U.

caritas,

mm <*)))))><

Hi Mystical Mike I will look into CODA groups I am also thinking about going back into counseling. I have a lot of issues surrounding relationships. Also in my reading of the 2nd step I can see my relationship with God is more about lifeless form and not substance.

The Big Book recommends taking a look at ourselves,
becoming a witness to what is going on inside. Otherwise, how are we to know what we might change?
This is mostly what meditation consists of, as well as inviting God's presence and action into the moment.
Also recommended is rather than wandering around in what can become morbid reflection, to turn our thoughts to those we can help. <*))))><

I am learning to Trust God. Tommorrow I have to face accusations stemming from the act of indiscretion I alluded to before. I am afraid and doing a lot of soul searching. Phil I do not know that your website is considered cultic by Panera bread thier firewall will not let go thier and i receive a message saying cultic etc.

Brjaan, what's Panera bread? It's probably the references to kundalini that trigger the cultic designation. Sheesh!

Prayers and best wishes from your meeting tomorrow.

Panera bread is a restuarant chain that offers free wireless internet connection and good bread to boot. There website is http://www.panera.com/
It bummed me out because I am completely wireless and have to go to the library to post on the forum. I hang out a lot at Panera with my Palm tungsten C.

I did lose my job but gained freedom and some real sobriety. I am looking for work and now ready to embark on my first step. I think one of my big issues is manipulation of others, the truth, and situations. I am reminded of what my sponsor said it takes what it takes to bring us to our knees before God and admit we are powerless. Today I am completely powerless yet loved by God my wife continues to stand by me and have a good network of support which I intend to use. Someone once told me that they did not see any change in thier life until they did a fourth step.

Songs of the Twelve Steps

Looks interesting!

The third step and crisis has led me through the first three steps. Despite myself I am finding recovery. God's grace and mercy has blessed me with a new job and my wife is still with me even after I told her the truth. I am looking into drug therapy for my depression and counseling for boundaries another admittance of powerlessness and my need for help outside of myself. Phil I checked out the website of the 12 step songs looks cool. By the way I am typing this on my windows ce device at home.

Good to hear from you, my freind. I salute you!

Today I go to the last meeting concerning my mistakes and bad choices last november. This is a good time for me to practice steps 1 thru 3. I honestly do not know what to expect so I ask for your prayers.

survived the last meeting stemming from my actions last year. I do not know what the outcome will be but it did lead to some soul searching and maybe a good starting point for my fourth step. I had a dream about a counselor in a similar situation. What was highlighted was the lies the person was telling herself they were the same as my own. This was disturbing and caused some reflection.

This has been such a blessing thankyou Phil for the forum boards!!! I was reading Matthew Kelly's book and realized I do not know what I want out of life? I am also reading Phil's book 12 step Christians both good books and available as ebooks. Last night I struggled with my powerlessness and was reminded of my need for God.

The question of what one wants out of life is difficult to answer, isn't it? Everyone should give it a try sometime.

I guess the more that I think about that question the more I desire heaven and if not freedom at least strength to make more correct choices.

I find myself reworking the first three steps over and over. I am especially working step 3 the surrender step. My wife is having difficulty forgiving me and is talking about leaving. I know she is deeply hurt and am learning to let go.

If I wish to know if I have a third step, I see what actions I am taking. The road to heck is paved with good intentions...