Thanks, Phil. I feel I have much more clarity now in my intellect about spiritual life. I thank you, and James Arraj and all the participants of the forum (BR thread especially) for helping me to sort these things out. Your experiences and your feedback had been a real assistance in my transition. I feel I made my own decision about giving up Zen and I think this was God's will for me, but the exchanges on the forum and via email helped me a lot in clarifying stuff. Now I feel I'm truly home. Probably, other difficult experiences will come on my way, but the sense of belonging and being-at-the-right-place in spiritual life gives me hope. I take the present abundance of graces as a sort of God's way to tell me I'm on the right path and "keep going, son!"
I also see that those two years've been a test for my faith - which was confronted with emptiness and survived, mysteriously enough. I see it as a grace that I didn't lose my faith in God-Jesus-Church through this, but also I recognize that I had a choice and I choose to believe, hence my feeling of "having being tested" by God, in a positive and loving way, kind of... .
I've also shared recently my experience with my friends who were astonished by my decision to leave Zen for traditional Christian practice. I see that my sharing had an impact, and I'm beginning to think that maybe God wants to use me and my intellectual and verbal skills to explain to others some aspects and issues of Christian spirituality. So I try to learn as much as possible from Phil and other persons on the forum, who have so much more clarity and experience than I do, and there's a lot to learn here.
I'm getting personal, but the possibility of this kind of vocation is also a way for me to make sense out of everything that God's given me and gives those days, because, really, I can't get rid of a feeling of being merely an impure and broken vessel for things precious beyond imagination.
But only He can make us worthy of receiving His gifts and His GIFT.

quote:

Originally posted by mateusz:
[qb]... Now I feel I'm truly home. ...
I also see that those two years've been a test for my faith - which was confronted with emptiness and survived, mysteriously enough. I see it as a grace that I didn't lose my faith in God-Jesus-Church through this, but also I recognize that I had a choice and I choose to believe, hence my feeling of "having being tested" by God, in a positive and loving way, kind of... .
... and I'm beginning to think that maybe God wants to use me and my intellectual and verbal skills to explain to others some aspects and issues of Christian spirituality. ... [/qb]

It has been a wonderful pleasure to have you share so much of your extraordinary journey. I can see how immensely gratifying and illuminating it has been for you to receive God's gifts/teachings since December. I hope you remain open to God's call to teach...your experiences will be used to bring Him Glory.

mateusz:

It has been a pleasure interacting with you, as Shasha says. You come across with real compassion in your posts, even when they're loaded with philosophical reflection (which I enjoy). Having this small group share in these ways would only be better were it an in-person group.

As for my comment about relatively secure parent-child attachment yielding a less severe Dark Night of Sense and Spirit, treat that as only my opinion. Phil would know, through years of spiritual direction, how much it holds up in general. As you say, much of our spiritual pride is uknown to us, and so we can't resolve it through any of the subtlest efforts. In that sense aridity would be God's means of accomplishing in us what we'd only thwart if we could.

Phil, Shasha, W.C. and others:<br /><br />thank you for your kind and supportive words. <br />shalomplace is really a space when I see extraordinarily intelligent, open, kind and faithful people sharing and discussing. This is really great and what a contemplative community needs these days. <br />It's been and is a privilege to blog here.

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