Click here for the presentation on Dark Nights of the Soul.

-----------

Reflection and Discussion

1. What questions or comments do you have from this presentation?

2. Have you been through dark night periods? If so, what was it like? What helped you to hang in there through this time? What were the positive benefits of going through this?

quote:

Once Mother Teresa began her work in the streets of Calcutta, a new dimension characterized her interior experience: the intense union with Jesus that she had felt was no longer felt . The consolation of God's sensible presence gave way to a feeling of being separated from Him. In the pain of her loss, her desire for God became all the more acute and agonizing. She was encountering God in the pitch darkness of faithful longing and was being challenged to surrender to Him in blind trust.

This kind of experience is in fact a regular feature of spiritual growth. Persons who have already been freed from attachment to the things of this world enjoy a certain degree of union with God. They may then undergo periods of intense spiritual suffering that one of the most renowned Christian mystics, St. John of the Cross, calls the "dark night of the soul." Through such trials God further purifies the soul, preparing the person for fuller union with Him. He withdraws spiritual consolations in order to detach the person from everything but Himself. In this darkness the sweetness of feeling close to God gives way to a painful sense of alienation from God and even rejection by Him. The soul may even be tempted with the thought that God and heaven do not exist. It seems that all its efforts to believe, hope and love are in vain. Yet at the same time the person experiences a deep yearning for God, all the more painful for His seeming absence. All this is a source of great anguish even as the person continues an intense life of prayer and remains faithful to the ordinary duties of daily life.

It is with the Joy of Christmas & the suffering of St. Stephen (Dec 26th), the Protomartyr, that I share with you The Soul of Mother Teresa, Part 2 - The Experience of Darkness , for as the Church juxtaposed the Feasts of the Incarnation and Stephen, so, too, will we experience, along with Mary, along with the Little Flower, along with John of the Cross, the Luminous, Joyful and Glorious Mysteries --- juxtaposed with the Sorrowful, such as the Agony in the Garden, Jesus' own Dark Night.

pax, amor et bonum,
johnboy

After my Cursillo weekend 10 years ago, I experienced for about a year a wonderful spiritual high. I felt very close to God and He close to me. After that started a spiritual dryness and a frustrating time for a while, until I realized that this was purgation and God revealing to me faults and weaknesses, which I never even knew I had. I thought I was close to perfection.(!!) I learned to admit these faults and weaknesses, confront them and seriously persevere with God's grace to change and "put on the new man" as St. Paul says. It has required a certain discipline of life, formation through reading, spiritual direction, and practice and a serious prayer life. All these, only with the grace of God. This purgation continues, though now it is not only about "sensual attachments" ( these seem to be less) but I feel like I am going through a purgation of the core of my being. Feels like roots are being pulled out from the deepest parts of me. I feel like I am being tested in fire, sort of.
It is very difficult , but never have I felt more peace and serenity, more love in my life. I also have much more courage now than I used to. I think I am now experiencing the kind of peace that Jesus said he leaves us and gives to us.

When doubts come about the reality or truth about these changes in my life, I look at the "before and after" and this makes me want to continue to move forward no matter what the cost.

Phil, it has taken me over and hour to post this short reply. It is very difficult for me to verbalize, much more put into writing what goes on in me. But I feel the Spirit urging me to me to do this and accept who I am, just as I am, and not be so afraid of being thought of "inadequate" in the way I express myself. And keep trying I will. Thanks.

pgfern - thanks for the generosity of sharing in the personal nature of your response. It was as depthful, too, as it was generous.

This is an incredibly difficult aspect of the spiritual life to articulate and, even if we can fashion some words and phrases, it can be especially difficult to open up and be vulnerable in sharing them.

I will attempt to share some of the dark nightish dynamisms I have experienced.

One predominant experience has been the loss of the affective ego, more fully described in this article, Dark Nights, Depressions and the Loss of the Affective Ego , by Jim & Tyra Arraj. When some of the emotional energy of our memories is quenched and no longer attached to the things of God or to the things of the world, we can feel lost. To make matters worse, in my own experience I have often gotten bogged down in brow-beating myself, asking how I may be culpable for my aridity or depression or melancholy through acedia or even a more conventional episode of backsliding. Or, if I convinve myself that my behavioral patterns suggest exculpability, then I wonder if I am suffering from some form of depression or chemical imbalance episode. Or, maybe I am responding to the grace of contemplation?

These are some of the issues I have dealt with. I must run now.

pax, amor et bonum,
jb

PG and JB, sorry for the delay in replying. With the holidays, company, etc. I've been a little less active online than usual.

PG, I very much relate to your story, including that magical time after Cursillo (Sept. 1973, here). From 1974-76, I went through a time of intense purgation as well, especially concerning the emotional scars from family of origin issues. It was a hard time, coinciding with the loss of a very significant romantic relationship and disillusionment about my career in biology. I remember thinking that if I could only have a little self-confidence, I might make it through that time. That eventually came, but not until I learned to trust God with my life and transfer the weight of my soul to Christ instead of carrying it with my mind.

Out of that first dark night, I emerged a much more mature and peaceful person. A major shift had happened in me psychologically as well, in that I could no longer get any sense of who I was without relating myself to God. It's as though God had somehow claimed my identity, and when I drifted too far from God for lack of spiritual practice, I'd fall into a state of existential despair so deep that it just wasn't worth it to neglect spiritual practice. Sometimes that's bothered me, as I see other people who apparently have some kind of a self and life they can call their own. But I've also done enough retreats and spiritual direction to know that deep down inside, those people don't really have it together. "Only in God will my soul be at rest," wrote the Psalmist, and this is true.

There have been other dark nights since those early days, and a transformative process that continues to work in many ways that I don't fully understand. But I wanted to share at least that part of my story, since it relates to the Night of the Senses, a transition time which I'm convinced many go through.

---------

Let's hear from others of you about your Dark Night experiences. You don't have to write a long biographical piece . . . just maybe share what some of the struggles were, and how going through this has helped you.

Happy New Year to all of you!

Shalom. Phil

My most intense "dark night" was probably the most frightening thing I ever encountered because I didn't understand it, nor did I even really know what it was. After being given an extremely supernatural experience at a time when I was facing my own mortality, I spent a few years on such a spiritual high that sometimes I literally felt that I was "not of this world". But then the darkness came.

This darkness lasted a few years and caused me to ask...what have I done Lord? Where did I go wrong? Is this a punishment? But God, in His always perfect timing, brought to me an understanding. I had ordered a Lenten devotional booklet for church. It's called "From Fear to Love" containing excerpts from writings by Henri Nouwen. In one of these devotionals, he spoke of the "dark night of the soul" and the "second loneliness". And then I understood exactly what had been happening. It changed my life..both spiritually and physically.

I wanted to put just a couple of quotes from this booklet here because, to me, they say it so well and so simply. God bless Henri Nouwen...he was a man with an understanding of the love of God that I have seen in few others.

"....you have to suddenly learn that there is another loneliness. God is calling you to deep, personal intimacy, and it is an intimacy that is very demanding. It requires a letting go of many things that are emotionally, intellectually and affectively very satisfying. You must grow to realize and to trust that this deeper loneliness is not to be overcome, but lived."

I can't tell you what a difference those few words made to me. No more questioning....I knew..this darkness was special and to be lived!!

More of Fr. Nouwen's remarks:

"You must try to say, 'Yes, I am lonely, but this particular loneliness sets me on the road to intimacy with God. It does not pull me away from God or my deepest self, but brings me closer to the source of love in the depths of my being.'"

"In a way, this loneliness pushes us to know personally, the true God. When we touch the darkness we know that God cannot be owned, nor can God be grasped in the affections of the human heart, because God is greater than my heart and God is greater than my mind."

This little devotional booklet was a life saver God gave to me. It is based on the teachings Fr. Nouwen did on "The Return of the Prodigal Son".

Now when the darkness comes, I find myself anticipating what God is going to touch within me and I am secure in that it is His way of introducing me to facets of Himself that I do not yet know. Awesome.

Blessings,
Terri

Terri, that's a powerful testimony. I wonder how many people miss this intuition about the "second loneliness" being a gift and a call.

Would you be willing to say a little more about how it compares (for you, of course) with the "first loneliness"? Is there as sense of peace in the midst of the loneliness? That's been my experience, but I'm wondering if it's yours and others'.

Your discovery of Nouwen's teaching about this is a good example of how knowledge of the spiritual life can sometimes help us to accept our difficult experiences and even find meaning in them. Great post!

Is there a sense of peace in the midst of ____________________ [you fill in the blank]?

Phil asked that in response to Terri's wonderful post on the "loneliness". That was going to be the follow to my musing on the loss of the affective ego. I relate some of the dynamics in my own experience with same to addiction psychology. There can be a loss of emotional energy as has been attached to both things of God and things of the world and, with that loss, also a loss of the highs and lows that accompanied some of life's experiences, whether good or bad. I have found it useful to discern whether or not my own loss of affectivity is accompanied by an apathy or disengagement or wothdrawal versus whether or not it is the experience of a new level of peace, for I have experienced both dynamics. As long as I am engaged in community and in service to others, with a quiet contemplative gaze, I find that what I am experiencing is a new level and type of peace (not as the world gives such as in the absence of turmoil or the presence of calm). This is distinctly different from the emotional withdrawal that might accompany an episode of depression, an acedia or failure in spiritual discipline.

Perhaps we could also share stories or descriptions of this strange and new peace. I can't recall specific instances as much as I can relate to and describe this dynamic, in general.

Peace, my friends
jb

Would you be willing to say a little more about how it compares (for you, of course) with the "first loneliness"? Is there as sense of peace in the midst of the loneliness? That's been my experience, but I'm wondering if it's yours and others'.

Hi Phil..well I'll try. I don't know about you, but sometimes it's hard to really put words to some of these things.

In comparing the "second loneliness" to the "first loneliness", I think what comes to my mind first is that the "second loneliness" seems to be a more urgent thing. As Fr. Nouwen describes the "first loneliness", he says it is a sort of emotional loneliness..the need for friends, for family, for home. He then says that when those are satisfied is when you discover the "second loneliness" and the need for this intimacy with God. I think, in my own experience, the "first" was like a shadow of the "second". In other words, my need for friends in the "first" is paralleled by my need for friendship with God in the "second", my need for family is paralleled by my need for spiritual family of God, the Father; God, the Son; God, the Holy Ghost. My need for home is paralleled by my need to know that I AM at home with God. It's almost as if satisfying the first makes me open and recognize the way in which the second is manifest in me. I hope that makes some kind of sense there. If not, I'll try to think on it and articulate it a little better later.

As for whether or not I have peace in the midst of the loneliness...yes...now I do. Before I knew what it was there was no peace because I was struggling through confusion and a terrific sense of guilt that I had somehow done something wrong "to" or "in sight of" God. That's why I know that He is the one responsible for placing Fr. Nouwen's words before me. As a friend said to me once, it's amazing how when you read or hear the truth, you KNOW it is the truth because the Holy Spirit testifies to it as such within you. I truly think that it is only in having experienced all this that I comprehend what the peace that passes all understanding really is. Maybe some folks comprehend it without the dark night, but, for me, I don't think I ever would have.

I think what I find most amazing is that God send this need to us, fulfills this need, and carries us through this need. That leaves me in awe everytime I think of it.

God bless,
Terri

I have found it useful to discern whether or not my own loss of affectivity is accompanied by an apathy or disengagement or wothdrawal versus whether or not it is the experience of a new level of peace, for I have experienced both dynamics.

Very, very good point! I have experienced both myself and have witnessed it happening in others as well. It's difficult sometimes to fully know, for me, unless I really take the time to do some analyzing. I've been shocked at times to learn that it was actually the former rather than the latter in your statement there. I suppose it could be a little bit easy to fall into apathy rather than peace...maybe?

Good post! And I'd have to say that if I do the "fill in the blank", I'd have to admit that it depends on what I put into that blank as to whether I have peace or not...or as to how long it takes the peace to settle in.

God bless,
Terri

Good exchange, Terri and JB. Those are some good nuances about different kinds of loneliness and aridities. What you've described about that 2nd loneliness resonates with what I was describing earlier, Terri, about how I experience something of an existential emptiness when disconnected from God, or when I've neglected spiritual practice. This makes the previous situation (decades ago) of missing family and friends seem minor in comparison.

have read this thread and o, do I know! yet, I do not have the ability to put into words all that is going on at this point. but best to let me try to share with just words or short phrases and maybe even some free verse.....

..been so long.
....so dark....
.so weary.....
....yet I know He is there
in the shadows
holding up what is left
of my soul.

soul pain so deep
pain so sharp
so intense
just pain and yet
He is there in
the midst of the pain

loss....of self
of others...of all

where is He in that?
where am I?

to touch...to reach out
to hold...yet am surrounded
by nothingness.....

in that nothingness
I pray to see Him
I need to hear Him

in the silence
I sit..listen
listen, listen

it is a well,
deep,
dry and
seemingly forever.

yet now and then
a light glimmers
briefly, sharply
you pray, you hope
only the dim
returns

still Faith is what
holds you up
Faith is what keeps
you moving
Faith is ........

and in the midst of it all
is LOVE.......

pray for it,
reach for it...

one day, someday,
in His time
this will be over

but then what?

-----------------

thanks for listening. I pray it is okay to express in this way

anne

that was quite pitiful.......so let me share something better. I remember hearing about a book called, "My Only Friend Is Darkness" by Barbara Dent but was never able to find it to buy. But while on silent retreat I did find a collection of Barbara's called "The Marriage of All or Nothing" in which she speaks of her dark night(s). On p. 33 of that book she had this poem with which I identify so much andI would like to share.

ALONE

When I'm alone in the dark
and you have left me--although I know
You never do that, but knowledge is one thing
and feeling another--it is then that no comfort
comes from anywhere or anyone. I call---
you do not answer. Since it is a soundless wail
I must not wonder if a soundless answer
comes my way, but is not acknowledged or heard.

I am so far down the ladder of faith I do not register
{except on special occasions when you pander to me) with my clamoring ears such whispers of assurance
that never reach my heart. Have pity, Lord.
Have mercy on me, a sinner, who years for festive meals
when all you offer me is paupers' leftovers!
I do my best to value what you hand me
to quell my longings and my avid hungers
to bow in humility before your will for me
and accept with gracious willingness
your starvation diet in trusting meekness
and awareness of the truth.

Alas, my score is nil. The lonliness is absolute.
I know your love is here--but do not feel its comfort.

Is this purgatory? Or have I strayed into hell?

will cease and desist on this particular thread. I truly believe that one gives tooo much power by the words they use. The more one emphasizes the negative the more influence that has on one's thoughts and soul life.
as ole Bing used to sing:

Accentuate the Positive and eliminate the negative.

for us who are more prone to FIRST see the negatives and struggle to convert them, with His Grace, to the positives, dark nights are real enough without giving them voice. [not exactly what I wanted to say, but best I can do it]

Mary, I thought your poem was very fine! You captured many of the kinds of sentiments and perceptions people describe in Dark Nights in a very simple and direct style.

No need to shift to "accentuating the positive" on this thread, as the term, "negative," is not meant in a negative sense. It's used as a contrast with the kataphatic way, where God's presence is experienced via symbols, words, actions, etc. The shift to the apophatic way (via negativa) is often accompanied by a "drying up," as it were, of kataphatic experiences. Instead, the divine is to be found in the nothingness of waiting and longing, and eventually learning to rest in that. The "negativa" here isn't meant to be negative in the usual sense of the word, but more like "negation." All in all, it signals a very positive development in the spiritual life--a shift to a more contemplative consciousness and spirituality, although becoming acclimated to such can take quite awhile as the mind and emotions continue to search for God amidst the contents of consciousness.