Actually, it is the most profound and positive of the K? experiences I have had. I would really like to know what you think may have happened to me. I only told 3 or 4 people, and have not had any satisfactory explainations, and this experience happened back in 1979.. August 7th, to be exact. (The comments in paranthesis I just now added)

I was so full of Joy that the only thing I could do was express it somehow, or I thought I'd burst. I had an old typewriter out on my table (living alone in an apt. at that time) and wrote it down. I saved that piece of paper all these years. I will type it here axactly as I wrote (typed) it. Here 'tis:

"Tonight I cry tears of joy. I made it. "Cakie" (my old nickname) made it! I was thinking back on my sufferings. It seems my whole life was one suffering of some kind after another. But I thank and praise Jesus for it. Thank you Jesus those things are over with. Oh what joy fills my soul. Thank you Jesus, I praise you, Jesus, Thank you, thank you. I feel so, I don't know what. But what a spiritual experience I am having! Oh God, thank you! I can hardly believe it. Relief at last! I am enjoying my resurrection.(Don't know why I said that) Praise the Lord! My head feels good. A peace I have never experienced.

Am I dreaming? Lord is the worst really over? I feel that all of the worst is over. Thank you, Jesus. I must rest my leg muscles now.(not sure what that was all about) Thank you Jesus for the fatigue in my legs. I think that's what brought me to this, for some strange reason.. I don't know. Praise the Lord now and forever.

So many parts of my life are flashing before me. Oh! I could burst with joy! I know I have tasted a bit of heaven tonight. I am almost in a bright light. I just keep crying with joy! I cannot put it into words. Thank you, Jesus. My mind has been saturated with the fact that I have surrendered, died to myself and has been feeding on that knowledge. There wasn't a whole lot of joy then.(when I surrended to Jesus) Just been doing a lot of thinking. I will quit reading the heavy material for a while (I don't remember what I was reading!) and next read "Hinds Feet on High Places".

I KNOW, I KNOW. I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT. I NOW FINALLY, FINALLY KNOW THE TRUTH, FOR SURE. PRAISE THE LORD. THANK YOU JESUS. All this tonight is just a tiny bit of what is to come! Oh, how glorious it will be. BEAUTY, LIGHT, JOY. OH MY! I didn't know I could feel so good, so ecstatic. But don't forget, Kathy. DON'T FORGET. NEVER FORGET. My head feels like I took a couple of 10 mg. of V (a medication I used to take for depression) But I didn't even take my evening medicine yet!" End.

Well, this is quite humbling for me to write all this. Some of the silly? things I typed. But I was in such a state of ecstacy, I just typed whatever came to my mind... like I said, I felt I would burst with joy, and I was crying and crying for joy.

Another thing..I didn't do anything to purposely bring this on. In fact, I don't think I did anything unusual.

But it was something I'll never forget, and I'm glad I did that typing during my experience.

Soo. do you think this was kundalini related, or what?

Thanks for reading.

And, oh I have many more stories, but this was the highlight of my spiritual path, you might say, and the most positive and joyful.

Katy

Katy, your experience sounds lovely. I'm no expert on Kundalini, so maybe Phil, Grace, or wc or some of the others will advise you.Peace often accompanies a decent of energy, especially in the head, as you describe. People on this site distinguish between the decent of the Holy Spirit and the awakening of the Kundalini. It seems to me like the Holy Spirit touched you deeply. In my experince, such decents prepare the way for the Kundalini opening. This happened a few times when the spine opened and my awareness shot out over my head. I believe that such experiences were tastes of what this Kundalini is, but not definitive openings. Do you feel this energy in the frontal being, or in the spine? These two locales usually suggest, the Spirit, or Kundalini respectively. I find the best thing is not to mull over it, find something you're passionate about and let the Spirit do its work, or alterately gently coax it by your loving prayers. You seem in touch with angels. But, as you are probably well aware, I am not a Christian, and so have little authority to speak on the Christian Holy Spirit. Others will be best to advise you, I simply wanted to encourage you.

Regards,
Asher

Hi Katy, your experience in 1979 sounds so lovely and was truly a gift and blessing from Jesus Christ. He enfolded you in His love and light giving you strength and power in and through Him.

Now we have 2005 and Jesus has surely carried you through your trials and will continue to protect and guide you through The Holy Spirit.

Rejoice in the Lord always. As far as the kundalini, give it to Him, in His care.

Habakuk 3:19

The Lord God is my strength,
and He will make my feet like hind's feet,
and He will make me to walk upon my high places.

Blessings

Katy,

I don't know if this is K related or not. I don't know that it needs to be. It just sounds like a moment(a series of moments?) of blessed relief, of surrender, of letting go in joy and love. It's wonderful! Of course, K awakening can be a great moment of release, it was for me, so yes, the K could have been involved. But it's the great joy in release that really strikes me about your experience. It's during these times that the Holy Spirit can enter and begin His healing work.

I was reminded of my niece, who, a couple of years ago, as a young child, gave up her struggles and suffering concerning the father who had left her, handed it to Christ and in an instant was changed. The tension literally dropped from her face and she expressed a feeling of immense relief as if her burdens had been lifted from her there and then. The whole of creation is groaning for that release, that surrender to the blessed love of God. I think you experienced something of that in 1979.

Thanks for your replies. I am pondering your interesting insights and will respond again later.

:-)
Katy

Hi Katy,

i am new to the forum, so i hope you don't mind if i respond to your post. i believe that it is definately kundalini related. it is also my belief that the holy spirit and kundalini are One...the divine essence of God. in the east, what you experienced sounds like a state called "samadhi"....a small glimpse of the grace of God...a small taste of the kingdom of heaven. The love that you felt flowing out of you was the heart opening up. it is the way that jesus lived his life-from the heart. i have felt that too and it is wonderful. If you surrender to the holy spirit...then the kundalini will take you to this bliss state to rest in.--"the kingdom of heaven is at hand"... though the path is long and wearisome sometimes, give the keys to Jesus and Spirit and it will take you there. i look at it as a small preveiw of where you are headed.

Thank you, Avlokita. Sorry I haven't responed before now.

O.K. I don't think I mentioned in my post that I did receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit in 1974 and "nothing happened". I think that I probably was not ready at that time? I went to lots of charismatic prayer meetings and other "high powered" charismatic events, such as a very large Kathryn Kuhlman event, and more.

As I said, nothing much happened to me during all this time, although I received the gift of tongues, and that, mind you, happened BEFORE my baptism in the Spirit. (Things like this don't seem to happen in the "right" order for me. lol)

Another thing I didn't share yet is that I had a psychotic episode in 1976 (after the baptism in the Spirit) and was hospitalized for 5 weeks. As much as I suffered, I must say that it was a relatively "positive" state I was in, such as seeing angels, and other spiritual "hallucinations?".. both visual and auditory. One person who I told this to said I may have had a kundalini awakening then, and that back in those days they didn't know about kundalini, and so I was taken to be "psychotic".

Like they say, "go figure".

Any more insights on this would be appreciated. All these years I still don't know for sure what happened to me.

Thanks,
Katy

Your not hallucinating....all that you have mentioned is normal and is a good sign for it is part of the process. i sent you a personal message to answer both of your posts. =)

love,
avlokita

I am not hallucinating.. have not "hallucinated" since 1976. :-)

I received your P.M. Thank you.

Have you seen my web site? It may help you to know more about where I'm coming from.

www.holystic.com

Katy

Katy,
I think you are seeing angels. Whenever I visit your site, I feel angels...:-)

It's a wonderful site, btw.

Asher, I haven't seen any angels lately, altho I do feel that there have been angels in my life.. lots of little "miracles". Until recently though, I haven't attributed the miracles, unusual happenings and synchronicities to angels.

If you feel angels at my web site, well, I consider my site to be successfull. :-) Thanks for the wonderful compliment, and for visiting my site.

Katy

In one of my above replies, I mentioned that my "psychotic" episode was mostly positive.. seeing angels, etc. I failed to mention ONE thing that was EXTREMELY negative.. (feels so strange sharing this, and on a public forum at that) The first or second night that I was there in the hospital, and on the floor on a mat in seclusion, I really thought that I was in hell.. the WORST night of my life.. by far. I suffered greatly. O.K. enough of that.

I WAS in a physical run down condtion, on medications, very stressed, too, which led to the breakdown. That is why I doubt that it was really a kundalini thing... I mean.. I don't know. Maybe it was a mixture? :-)

Katy

Katy,

You wrote: feels so strange sharing this, and on a public forum.

I know what you mean. I shared some things that made me feel vulnerable. To make it less of a risk, I am going by my middle name only.

Thanks for your vulnerable sharing. Your journal entry a while back -- the quotation from your night of surprising joy -- was very real and I found myself reflecting on it that day as I was doing construction work.

At the hospital, you really thought you were in hell! Your mental breakdown had an aspect of religious experience, both posibive and negaive. So vivd.

I like your autobiographical writing. Have you written a more complete story? I'd like to read more.

Ryan,

Thank you. No I have not written a more complete story, but I have been thinking about it for about the past couple of years. Maybe I will yet.

:-)
Katy

Katy, the "hell" you experienced was something that was brought to your attention for you to sit, observe, and walk through with complete trust and faith in God. Remember when Christ asked "father, why have you foresaken me?" the mystics know this to be a death before death. it is nothing but an illusion to walk through with complete trust in God. john of the cross described it as "the dark night of the soul". if it comes back, relax, DON'T fight it, watch your breath, DO NOT feed it anymore fear, and surrender to God and truth....you will find Grace on the other side. =)