Phil - Not to worry. There were a lot of intervening words between "weird" and "Phil" in my Google search!

"My movement phase started about a year ago. I enjoyed it while it lasted! Now my energy awareness is not leading me to outward movement. Mostly I'm aware of, and indeed cultivate, inner movements of energy between my sexual area and head via the spine." (Ryan)

I'd have to say that, while I sometimes enjoy the insect choir in my ears, I'm not enjoying the body movements at all! The slower asanas are OK, but the violent jerking feels so random and out-of-control. Actually, though there is kind of a pattern to it. I will begin to feel an overpowering drowsiness, and if I am able to get away for a few minutes, I will lie down. Then I feel the energy gathering in my spine, between the shoulder blades. Then the jerking starts: almost always starting at my left shoulder and criss-crossing back and forth across my body down to my feet. Over and over and over, and it's been going on this way for months now. It almost feels like the energy is "stuck" at the level of the heart chakra and is trying to shake loose somehow. Does that make sense? I hear others speak of energy moving along the spine, between pelvis and head, and it sounds like there's more of a flow to it. If the energy is blocked, is that a physical thing? A spiritual thing? Both? How does it get unblocked? Or maybe that's not what's going on, I don't know.

That's the thing with this whole process! I don't know anything any more. I've always been a really rational person, smart and well-read and able to figure things out, and it's making me crazy to be in the grip of something I can't understand let alone control! I asked for God and I get this?

And yet if it all just quit tomorrow, I would feel a great loss. Go figure.

revkah, the "jerking" is probably caused by blocakages, and so the energy shoots across to the nearest available conduit/nadi. Problem is, it takes a good intensity to jump across like that, and muscle groups are stimulated in the process.

The next time the "jerking" starts, try lying flat on your back, arms along your side, palms down. Be present to God from the heart, and invite the Spirit to take control of your breathing. Do not force anything; just let your breath move as it wills, even if it stops completely for awhile. Let the inhalations/exhalations be as slow and deep/shallow as feels natural. Let yourself be "breathed."

I find that a helpful exercise for balancing from time to time. It's also a deeply prayerful experience.

You might also benefit from Tai Chi. These slow, gentle meditative movements have a calming, balancing effect on subtle energy flows, and you can do them prayerfully as well.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by revkah:
"I'm not enjoying the body movements at all! The slower asanas are OK, but the violent jerking feels so random and out-of-control."

Wow, that is different from my experience. It is valuable for me to hear a contrasting story.

You wrote: "Actually, though there is kind of a pattern to it. I will begin to feel an overpowering drowsiness, and if I am able to get away for a few minutes, I will lie down. Then I feel the energy gathering in my spine, between the shoulder blades. Then the jerking starts: almost always starting at my left shoulder and criss-crossing back and forth across my body down to my feet."

Interesting. Just now I willfully jerked my left shoulder a bit to try to feel that energy. It brings back some memories. Often shoulder movement was a first phase for my movements. But it was both my shoulders at the same time and the movement seemed to make me more at home in my body.

I know what you mean about feeling overpowering drowsiness. It sometimes made me think I needed a nap. But then when the movement started, I was wide awake. It is more like world-weariness than sleepiness in the usual sense.

"I've always been a really rational person, smart and well-read and able to figure things out, and it's making me crazy to be in the grip of something I can't understand let alone control! I asked for God and I get this? "

You have been given a gift: an opportunity to witness without control or rational understanding.

You mentioned difficulty working. Have you considered a retreat?

quote:

Originally posted by Phil:

Sounds like things are going somewhat smoothly for you these days, Ryan. That's good to hear. [/QB]

Thanks Phil, for the encouraging word. In many ways, I feel more healthy than ever. In terms of inner energy, things are indeed smooth.

Glad to hear that, Ryan.

For me, the drowsiness usually comes when the energy is "pushing" up into the head. It often comes during a prayer time, and I feel virtually immobilized. I'm very much aware of what's going on and could easily stand up, shake it off, and be OK in a matter of minutes. But I've learned that if I go with it, there's much benefit -- clarity, lightness of spirit, energetic feeling, third eye wide open.

revkah wrote: Once I saw a bright shimmering white light, like the sun coming over the horizon, and I sat bolt upright and shouted, �No, I am not doing lights!� and that was the end of that.

LOL! Maybe next time?

This sounds very much like what Grace described in connection with his awakening, so maybe he'll say something about that. But your sharing indicates that we do have a certain freedom with respect to these experiences.

Thank you for the suggestion, Phil. I'll try it and see what happens. And Ryan, a retreat is exactly what I need! I have a few days of vacation scheduled at the end of June, and plan to spend them at a Benedictine monastery nearby. It is a very holy and nurturing place for me.

Like you, Ryan, I could describe the fatigue as a kind of "world weariness"...I feel it like a heavy weight pressing down on my head and shoulders, a great burden. And like Phil's description, I feel almost immobilized. Of late, the fatigue seems almost like a call to prayer, or at least a call to stop what I'm doing and lie down with great passivity and wait and let whatever happens happen. Sometimes after all of the body movements I doze off for a few minutes, and it is a very sweet sleep. Sometimes I can just get up with renewed energy. Sometimes I weep many tears, which makes me wonder if there is some kind of connection to old childhood abuse; some kind of cleansing or healing going on that is both spiritual and physical, beyond conscious awareness or memory.

I do see this as a gift, yet at the same time it feels good to say honestly how upsetting it sometimes is. I feel a little bit like a small child who is carried off to bed kicking and screaming the whole way, yet secretly so glad that it is her loving parent, and not her own small self who is in control. I can imagine God, with great love and no little sense of humor, knowing that this confusing, confounding gift is exactly what is needed for a daughter who lives mostly in her head and thinks she can figure out everything and think her own soul into heaven. So I am glad and awed, as well as confused, scared, and frustrated.

How glad I am to be able to talk about this finally! Thanks for listening.

Peace,
Revkah

P.S. Phil, what do you mean by "third eye wide open?"

hi phil, you talk to the third eye wide open, it interest me very much.
Since i am in balance with the heart center radiant in my body, the ajna place is no hurting too much again and i see all around me some green color everywhere with sparks on it, red, jellow and very lightening. I mean not only in the dark but everywhere and everytime. I don't know why all is green? Do you? I see also aura evereywhere just a little, and if i look in the blue sky and erase myself, like an empathic mind character, birds are no more birds but pure luminous light. Absolutly beautiful... I see that since the start, about twenty years, when i am in my spiritual personality. Now i am again becose the heart balance and i know now the process because you light that to me, and it isn't an instinct act anymore so... i wonder if thoses are real or not since long times, do you see things like that too? I am very septical since the beginning, because i am looking for the thrue and not for illusions, and i know my dreaming character, so i wonder if you share the same experience? It is a scientific observation i need. objective one.

And i have another big question for you, my friend. I can feel three currents in my head. The more active is the one who jump directly from muladara to ajna. The second is the one whitch pass behind the head to reach the top, and the third one is passing directly by the core of the head to the top. The first one is due to my error, the second is the natural way, it is the third one that gave me some question. It is very active, more than the others but i don't know if it is okay to lef the flux growing up by this way. What i am sure today, with a twenty years pain in ajna, is that if we do things wrong, the snake(the kundalini), will not allow you in peace for years... so i don't allow myself to practice yoga today becose i am not sure about this current. Can you tell me more about it please?

And, about the original sin, you know the story about snake and the aple and eve, don't those story remind you somethings? I don't want to annoy you too much, but just sharing some reflections.i see that like the symboles of the ape in the process of being human. Before, the ape dosn't ask some question about life and death, they live without knowledge and without fear about death or else. After the angel fall and the "copulation" with the daughters of men, in the enoch book, the snake, kundalini, gave to eve, the divine soul, the aple of knowledge... It isn't clear enought? What kundalini are made for? What it brings to us? Knowledge or new sin? Why are we so implicate with our soul since the beginning of our search? I wonder if there is any jewish in here, because i questionning myself for the hebra�c name of the original sin and what it means in kaball?
You known, sometimes translations are against knowledge... Almost everytime i mean... That also why symboles are made. I know your strong belief, i share with you some part of mine. Confrontation provides sparks sometimes like the one i had with w.c... Hello to you w.c, how are you?

For grace:
"The most difficult thing I encounter is entities. Once they are attached it is very difficult to get rid of them. Please share if you have experience in this area"
I have. And i know you will not answer me because i am not in your christ way like you, you made segregation and seems not loving all the creation, or close to others that aren't like you... wow... Are you sure that the christ is in you? I am jocking. I know that, i encountered a lot of people everywhere witch are like you, i mean very close to others because differencies... see the avlokita story. "I tried to speak of some of the wonders to my brothers and sisters in Christ, and they spoke of demon possession" Differences made hates... Avlokita, like me or others, will be burn if we where in the meddle chrestian age... That is the principal thought providing war and the most stupid act that i know in the human path, absolutly against knoledge,.. But, like i usually said, maybe i am wrong and didn't understand you well... But i had to tell you that in the case that i am not in the wrong becose i don't know you but i love you nevertheless... (With those people who are Christ-centred I feel attracted. With those people who rejected the gift of Christ I feel repelled. With those people who are neutral to Christ I also feel neutral towards them. This has nothing to do with my mind it is purely energetic experience) So to get rid of black entities is quite easy. Just love them and they will desapear. Respect they nature and don't be afraid. They are made for that... Tentation. Love is providing light, like the trust in christ does, they will flow away becose they don't touch you anymore by tentation if you are in the love, but don't love them too much, just act like the sun does... If they don't go it is becose you made them. It is an other things. demons, or egregores, or tulpas, or golem are made by everybody everytime. You feed them by your feelings. If you are talking about that, yes, it is very difficult to get rid of this.

Hi Avlokita, thank you for sharing your journey. My heart is aflame as I dance with you together naked in the Garden of Eden in the bliss and joy of freedom and innocence. Let us also join King David who shamelessly danced naked around the Ark of the Covenant. Bless you as we are joined in love in the One God.

http://www.plim.org/arkofcovenant.html

Hi Grace!

You asked why I am not affected by other people�s negative energies. When I was a child I used to. I have always been a �sensitive�. I used to look at it as a gift and a curse. I would sit up at night and let other people�s pain and suffering torment me. Then I met a wise teacher that taught me the key that has been the best advice in dancing with the kundalini. Be still. You see, I am an energy worker so when I place my hands on someone, I intuitively know things about them. I can feel anger, resentment, joy, love, hate and physical pain as if it were my own. I can either take it home with me and let my mind build on it, or I can go ahead and let the emotions go by being very still within. It will subside quickly. Most people respond to others �negative energy� with fear. But didn�t Jesus say �fear not�. There is no reason to guard yourself� Because if you think there is a reason to guard yourself, then the mind will create something for you to guard against. Be childlike and trust that you are already taken care of. This isn�t easy. It sounds nuts, but open yourself to these energies and you will find that they are neutral and have no control over you. The same with entities. Do not invite them, nor start frantically praying to get rid of them. Everything that you encounter is the will of God � you cannot escape God. Once you start labeling something �Good/Bad etc�� then all of the sudden you need to protect yourself against the so called �Bad�. All is just movement of energy. Feel what is to be felt, and keep calm. Watch your breath if you find that your mind starts running away with itself. This doesn�t come easy and takes practice, but you will soon find yourself to be a rock in the midst of the storms. You will feel the waves hit you, but will be unmovable.

Thank you so much Grace, Freebird, and everyone else for your wonderful posts on this forum.

Love
Avlokita

Avlokta, thank you for your input. What you said is correct. In my spiritual journey I have never tried to guard me from dense energies. The only thing I do is prayer. Prayer for me is a means to express my willingness to surrender; surrender to the will of God. Even during the time of attack I praise God because I know I'm in the hands of God. Actually what we call attack is intense purification. In order to regain our original nature God put us in washing machine and we experience it as attack. The passage of Dark Night is full of frightening moments. I usually open myself to everything God wants regardless my image of God is contrary to what I experience. Here plays faith a vital roll. In lack of faith people tried to fix it by themselves. But if we open ourselves to God everything will adjust naturally in a beautiful and amazing way. At initial when I was tormented by dense energies some people recommended me to apply some techniques in order to guard myself from impure energies. I said no. Although it is tormenting, I intuitively know my openness to other energies helps to strength me. Otherwise God couldn't allow it. The only thing we need is faith and prayer. So simple is God. You said "You will feel the waves hit you, but will be unmovable." I fully agree with you because I already began to taste it. I see/feel different impure energies but I'm not as fragile as I have been but I still need more devotional and prayer time. I don't willingly to expose me to other impure energies. Not because I'm in fear. I know God's plan is upward not downward. From experience I learn that the more I stay with him the more I uplifted. The more I uplifted the more I withstand other energies. Despite huge opposition from my nearest I choose to spend most of my time spend in devotional prayer. From the eyes of the world what I�m doing is seen as crazy thing.

I want to hear from you on the subject we touched earlier on. You sound to embrace every path lead to the same place. As I mentioned earlier on Christ owns the most pure energy. I would say he is the only way. Do you believe Christ is no more than any spiritual master?

Vincent, I'm glad to hear things are going better for you. The luminosity you describe sounds beautiful. As to whether this is the way things really are or whether it is a consequence of our manner of "seeing" is impossible for me to say. We know that even with our "ordinary vision," things can seem one way or another depending on our mood; how much more variation when high energetic states come into play.

I don't know what to tell you about the three currents you describe, but it sounds like you're clear to yourself about two of them. I don't experience these three as you do, so I cannot give you any feedback from my experience. Neither do I know of anything in the literature about them. The only thing I'd suggest is to pray for guidance, and if you must let yourself be drawn into one of these pathways, to use the one that you know to be trustworthy. I'm sorry I can't be of more help than that.

Re. the snake in the Garden of Eden: yes, some have related it to kundalini serpent symbolism, and I've written about that in my book. The serpent has many meanings among the mythologies of the world, and I don't think they're all about kundalini. See http://tinyurl.com/pdxg8 for example. The connection I'm inclined to make between kundalini and the Fall is that prior to the Fall, it was awake in human beings so that the body itself was fully alive with spiritual life. With the Fall (which I take to be both historical and symbolic) and the breaking of our relationship with God, the kundalini fell into dormancy and the physical body became doomed to mortality.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by revkah:
Sometimes I weep many tears...

Dear Revkah,

Regarding tears, I have cried often and in many situations. For me, no two teary times are the same.

You wrote: "makes me wonder if there is some kind of connection to old childhood abuse; some kind of cleansing or healing going on that is both spiritual and physical, beyond conscious awareness or memory."

That is interesting. But then you went on to say something even better imho. Try reading the next paragraph, if you have not done so already, as an explanation of the tears you were thinking of:

"I do see this as a gift, yet at the same time it feels good to say honestly how upsetting it sometimes is. I feel a little bit like a small child who is carried off to bed kicking and screaming the whole way, yet secretly so glad that it is her loving parent, and not her own small self who is in control. I can imagine God, with great love and no little sense of humor, knowing that this confusing, confounding gift is exactly what is needed for a daughter who lives mostly in her head and thinks she can figure out everything and think her own soul into heaven. So I am glad and awed, as well as confused, scared, and frustrated."

What a beautiful paragraph.

Grace,

I can honestly say that i don't know anymore. i used to know and it was black and white. and then my world was riveted with an awakening. i had a hard time at first because things were so black and white and when God would show me something different, it would go against my fundamental belief. It was then that i was filled with fear. My saving grace was when i thought i was being attacked by "satan" and a booming voice (God) shattered the illusion by saying "Be Still and Know that I am God". It was at that point i surrendered EVERYTHING. Including everything i had ever known to be God/Jesus/Holy Spirit, etc... The truth was, was that i didn't KNOW truth - i had only theories handed down from the bible and others. It was at this point when i felt the fire within and was washed clean of all collected knowledge and was ready to experience God. Now i understand the more esoteric meanings of the bible. It is beautiful. I do not worship the physical vehical of Jesus that i used to...but the source inside Jesus that is connected to the One....the Abba. When i say that i see Jesus in everything and everyone, it is because i cannot get outside what i know to be God. My life seems to be this "Flow". My perception is so different then when i first started this journey. And the truth is, is i don't know all the answers....what i have learned i keep very quiet because the Truth of what i have experienced cannot be put into words or described and lots of people aren't comfortable if what i describe goes to be against what they believe should be true.

No, not all paths lead to God. There are some paths out there that engages the mind into more drama, or covers the pure truth with lies to build up the ego or to live your life in fear.

Yes, the christ conscousness is pure, virginal,untouched by the mundane mind, conscousness. I guess if i had to label myself i would be considered a christian mystic (?).

Love,
Avlokita

yes, you maybe right. I thinck it is possible too.

Avlokita:

Earlier you mentioned how you learned/unlearned to simply rest, or be still, and let the conflicting emotions pass. You also spoke of trusting that we are taken care of. Are you saying that as you trust God you can ease into this stillness given by Him, or that intuitively it is also possible to settle into a still place in the midst of mental-emotional turmoil?

I find both are possible and related, but different in quality and depth. The stillness give by God is beyond my own doing, where I consent and the rest comes from within Him, either descending from above as a loving presence, or sometimes within. Then there is the resting where I can intuitively sink or settle back into a kind of "being place," and from there the emotions dissolve within my body, even though I'm quite awake. The latter sometimes includes simply watching the sensations rather than paying attention to the emotions, and then there is melting along/within the front of my body and the emotions dissolve as well.

I've enjoyed your posts, and can understand how it must be impossible to completely, intellectually bridge from your own experience to someone else's where differences appear at the subjective level. For myself, after years of Buddhism and Hinduism, I find the Holy Spirit to be distinctly related to Christ, and also find that presence in the Holy Eucharist. Jesus' humanity seems to be part of His presence in the Holy Spirit, sort of like the disgruntled child being tenderely cared for by the loving Father who humorously knows what is best. Yes, that is an apt description you gave. So for myself there is quite a difference between the soul's powers and God's presence. You seem to be saying this as well, especially in hearing "Be still and know I am God."