quote:

Again, I think monogamy is the way to go because otherwise one is just developing one's sexuality. And nothing wrong with that, of course. But if the point of life is to develop more than just that (and I think it surely is) then I think there are inherent reasons why a monogamous relationship is necessary. But I think there is a sense that if we were truly loving, truly kind, truly generous, and truly altruistic that we could be compassionate, understanding, and enlightened enough to be more than okay with a spouse being intimate with someone else. And thus the "free love" movement. And now, why it didn't and can never work, at least on this earth:

I think the problem with this is the deceit. If you are dishonest to your spouse and take it upon yourself to go explore your sexuality then I think it is wrong. If people are going to get hurt then it seems wrong.

If the couple discussed it before hand then two options are laid on the table. One is that they both agree or that they don't agree. If they don't agree and the suggestive partner still wants to explore then the offended spouse should have the right to exit the relationship.

Just my opinion though.

If the couple discussed it before hand then two options are laid on the table. One is that they both agree or that they don't agree. If they don't agree and the suggestive partner still wants to explore then the offended spouse should have the right to exit the relationship.

My thoughts on that, Eric, are admittedly quite absolutist. I don�t see how two people (unless they are just fooling themselves) can partner-swap at will with no hurt feelings and no inherent losses to the development of intimacy. So although I agree with you about the dishonest aspect being so harmful, what I�m talking about is a sort of harmfulness that is simply inherent in the beast, so to speak. We might come to all sorts of agreements with each other, but that doesn�t mean that we can suddenly breathe underwater or jump off of roofs and fly.

And look how healing the bounce-back effect has been for you and your wife. That is perhaps so (besides both of you being loving, committed, caring people) because you have rediscovered the meaning and purpose of relationship. Sometimes it takes experiencing the complete opposite to see the inherent value of something. And that might perhaps suggest some deeper, more unconscious reasons for what happened and why it did.

quote:

I don�t see how two people (unless they are just fooling themselves) can partner-swap at will with no hurt feelings and no inherent losses to the development of intimacy.

I don't see how either. It appears there are people out there that do it. I would have to question their devotion to one another. I could never accept it personally. It might sound good when hormones are enraged but afterwards how do you deal with the shame and guilt?

I don't see how either. It appears there are people out there that do it. I would have to question their devotion to one another.

I'm not condemning partner swapping, per se (that's not really the subject at hand). But I definitely see it as people who are punting, who are giving up on the chance for anything deeper and more intimate. But many (most? I don't know) males tend to sow their wild oats and then settle down. In a more balanced life that perhaps values a number of things besides sex, this would seem to be a quite normal thing to do. But I think we all get stuck on the path in our development as human spiritual creatures. There's always some attribute of ourselves that needs a little more transformation to sort of keep up with the rest of us. Consciously or otherwise, we try to jump-start that transformation and will often pick some seemingly odd ways to do so. They're often potentially quite destructive ways, I think, but it's funny how so many things can work toward the good. I don't have to tell you that. And I can think of some things in my life that served the same purpose. I was often times my own "useful idiot." But I also hit some major backwaters and just stagnated for far too long. And if one is still "playing the field" as an adult, over and over and over again, then I think one has possibly put oneself in an unhealthy rut. And that, to me, would be what many of these non-standard sexual arrangements can be all about. But at the same time, at least speaking personally, I wouldn't rule out the benefit of some exploration. But I would always hope that these things could take us to a monogamous relationship with the sex of our match.

I just instinctively think that, at least in humans, we're meant to explore and discover ourselves, and all of reality, through the relationship with the opposite sex, although I think there are some same-sex couples for whom such a thing is the natural thing. Eric, I thought you said the most wonderful thing about your wife when you said that you found she was much more intelligent than you had ever discovered before. Life can be such a rough and tumble thing and it's so easy for pressure and resentments to build up and distract us. But I think you showed the alchemy of marriage, of mates, of a monogamous relationship. There is such depth there if people will quit competing with their partners, if they will quit trying to win a seemingly easy victory at home, if they can somehow stop using a marriage as a vehicle in which to blow of steam and instead us it to recharge spiritual batteries. I'm not talking about you in this instance, but just relationships in general. There's obviously a deep pool of knowledge, wisdom, fun, joy, and loving that is lying dormant, unused, un-reinforced, or unacknowledged in the other. And as soon as a person can find that in the other, they'll likely be reinforced as well themselves. And I think that can be a happy spiral upward instead of the reverse, which is to chip away at a partner's imperfections and faults. That's a downward spiral that probably too many couples are familiar with.

I've seen too many harden their hearts and the hearts of others. It has nothing to do with love,
but for those who are perishing it is one of the most compelling of experiences. I was shopping for books today in the part of town with the leather shops and porno theaters and gay activists.

Several good used bookstores full of mystic mysteries among all that, but they have other things on their minds, such as they are...

I have seen a few good non-Christian marriages, and a few bad Christian ones, but those committed to the mediation of the Holy Spirit have a real chance for happiness.

quote:

I have seen a few good non-Christian marriages, and a few bad Christian ones, but those committed to the mediation of the Holy Spirit have a real chance for happiness.

Amen, MM!

I think finding one's work in life is very much about finding one's love. Right now it's taking me a lot of time and patience to discover my own work. In fact, it's sort of inconceivable that I indeed have my own work to do. I've been so long doing someone else's work. I just don't consider slavish commitments to others to be my work. I don't consider fulfilling obligations that were made by practically another person as my own work, although a gracious withdrawal is surely appropriate. I've changed and so, hopefully, will my work.

I'm reminded of this by a very dear friend. Our work is a major part of our life and love and it is meant to be this way, I think when we're doing the work we need to do, we will feel restored. But that is not to say we will not feel tired and worn out at times. But I think we will find our true work to be life-enhancing. It won't always be a walk in the park, but I think when we are doing our work we will feel our passions engaged and our creativity set afire.

Surely in this modern industrial, hi-tech culture we've become very good at compartmentalizing. Perhaps too good. We can't always love our job, we tell ourselves. We do it for commitments we have to others. And then at night, or on the weekends, if we're lucky, we'll be able to blow off a little of our creative energy and steam by engaging our favorite activities or hobbies. But this can become a drag because we'll expect these passions and hobbies to perhaps take on more importance than they can easily hold. And so it's no wonder these days that we see this spate of "extreme" sports and such. It takes a big shot of adrenal to try to balance the wasteland of our work lives. Doing such extremes is little more than the equivalent of whistling past the graveyard of our normal work lives that are so unfulfilling, but we just can't imagine the world being any other way. It is what everyone else is doing. Our work is just an annoyance, a thing we have to do so that we can be doing our own thing at other times. It's time buying time. And that's the attitude many of us bring to our work. How often have you heard, even if said only jokingly, "Heh, don't work too hard." It's said as a light joke but in that joke is our attitude.

I think surely one of the most frightening things for a human being is to discover their innate talents and creativity. It can be much better sometimes if they just lay dormant. Then we don't have to worry about the complications and pains of fulfilling them. And most of all, and I think this is a major consideration, if only an unconscious one, by keeping our passions and dreams inside, they remain safe against an often crude, hostile, and just plain uncreative world. Just as Marianne Williamson says, as you let your light shine you automatically give others permission to shine too. But quite often the others do not want your permission. They do not want to be reminded of their cold, grey unfulfilling lives; live in which there passions were long ago bartered away for notions of security, money, or even family. And they say talking religion and politics can lead to trouble between people. Well, I think those subject are nothing compared to actually challenging each other regarding our innate imagination and our destiny for creativity. This is what lies behind so much of the violence in the world. We don't like it when others remind us of the bargains we have made to give away pieces of our lives. Who can honestly say that Islamic Terrorism is not deeply influenced by such a dynamic? When our lives are swallowed up by structures, cultures, and institutions that we seem to have little power over, we will strike out at those who remind us of the innate freedoms, creativity, and passions that have seemingly been closed off to us forever. We might, for instance, strike out at "The West" or "The Jew" or who knows who or what. Maybe our friends and neighbors. We'll even strike out at ourselves and try to numb such seemingly life-threatening feelings by numbing them, or distracting ourselves, with drug, alcohol or some other type of addiction. In those addictions we momentarily connect to a feeling of great power and passion. But it is fleeting and ultimately quite unfulfilling. But sometimes its all we have.

Look at people you may know in you lives. Look at their discontent and simmering anger. I think you know from where this stems. It is why it matters little whether we are rich or poor in regards to how much happiness and peace we may have. It also matter little just what our work is, as long as it engages us. It could be building skyscrapers or quite literally digging ditches, and there are the lives of countless monks and nuns (as well as others) who can attest to the deep satisfaction of doing small things with great love.

To even consider that we may be wasting God's gift of life to us is surely enough to throw up all the usual blinkers and denials. We will have many stories for why we had to give up this or such, or why we can't do what we really want. And most of them will be frauds. They will be lies we tell ourselves because, indeed, that latent power in us is so great, and we have become so used to expecting less of ourselves and others, that it is truly dangerous and frightening to the very way we live our lives to think of these possibilities openly. If we were to follow our true god-given passions and creative instincts, this would likely mean the end of our lives as we know it. And this is dangerous because at least the lives we have now are somewhat predictable and safe. Oh, but what a price we pay for this. If we truly believe that we are put here on this earth to cultivate destiny, creativity, and love then we must, I must, consider the scary possibilities and trust god to show me the way.

Many thanks for the inspiration of a friend.

Hi Every One,
Long time no write to Shalom Place. Hope everyone had a great New Year. I have unfortunelty backed myself into a corner where I can no longer procrastinate about house hold projects that need tending to, so I have not and will not be brousing and reading much here for awhile. But fortunately for me, I have my computer set to recieve notice whenever people post on Love Habits. My heart was so touched and moved by all I read here one day, when I took to the time to read them all, that I wanted to make sure I'd receive any new inspirations posted here. And as I could relate so much to what Brad had to say, I thought I'd take to time to coattail his post with a few noticings.

I find so much truth in what you have to say Brad, about our work and its relationship to love. The ole "Do what you love and the money will follow" trip. Fortunate indeed is the person who is clear on what they love, and has the skills and experience to find or create work that allows them to actually do what they love. The work of people I know who have been successful at this, always seems to affect peoples lives for the good, and that would make sense, as their work was inspired by love.

St. Theresa says "It is not a matter of thinking much, but of loving much, so do what most kindles love in you" Do what most inspires love in you"

Amma, the Indian Hugging Saint, says basically the same thing, in different words, but I don't have the quote in front of me.

I have often noticed others and myself doing things for others that we thought would make others feel loved. And even though the action itself might acheive that on some level, the action was not necesarily something that kindled love in me, in and of itself, ever if it was done out of love. And I think this is an important distinction to consider, in contemplating St. Theresas words. She does not say do what most kindles love in others, but do what most kindles love in ourselves. Indeed to try and anticipate anothers needs could lead to inaccurate projections, and I think this has been true thoughout the history of man, individually, socially, religiouslly and politically.

Just in thinking about my own life for instance, I grew up in the shadow of a seeminlgy selflessly giving mother, a nurse, mother of 6, homemaker, dedicated wife. She tended to think of many of the things I loved, such as: dance, music,drama, poetry etc, as secondary,as less valuable to society and less practicle then her more easily marketable service oriented profession of nursing. For years, I 2nd guessed myself and the value those activities for mysef; the very things which most kindle love in me. And it's only natural to want what inspires love in us to be shared, seen, heard and appreciated by ones parents. And when it's not, it can create a wound that tends to get re-opened or at least revisited on some level, every time we go to visit the activities which most kindels love in us. And not surpringly, when I try to do more traditional service orient professions,or just things that my mother thought were important and valuable,I find my attention waning, my evergy lower, my patience shorter...and I procrastinate doing them like crazy.

So I very much appreaciate your well-minted words Brad. Once again, your fine mind and talent for writing have pulled out some pearls of wisdom for me and I would suspect others, to find bits and pieces of our own inner truth reflected back to us in a a clearer way. You obviously love to write and you write beautifully and brilliantly, So surly it's true, that it is in doing what most kindles love in us, that most kindles love, beauty, light and kindness in others.

Well, off I go, back to taking care of clearing up all the projects I started that didn't kindle love in me, so that I too can do more of what kindles love in me. Writig is becoming one of them, thanks to the Muses here at Shalom Place !

But fortunately for me, I have my computer set to recieve notice whenever people post on Love Habits.

I wasn�t aware of that. You are a splendid and obviously busy woman at the moment so I will try to be brief. Yes, I know. �I� and �brief� are oxymorons, but I shall endeavor to be brief all the same.

I have often noticed others and myself doing things for others that we thought would make others feel loved. And even though the action itself might acheive that on some level, the action was not necesarily something that kindled love in me, in and of itself, ever if it was done out of love. And I think this is an important distinction to consider, in contemplating St. Theresas words. She does not say do what most kindles love in others, but do what most kindles love in ourselves. Indeed to try and anticipate anothers needs could lead to inaccurate projections, and I think this has been true thoughout the history of man, individually, socially, religiouslly and politically.

I think that�s quite a wonderful insight, Pauline. And the action of your words just now surely stands as an example of just what you�re talking about, I think. At least that�s how I�m affected. That whole idea as you laid it out feels like another one of those little guiding lights that I can kind of take on board and add to the others to light my path. Thank you.

And it's only natural to want what inspires love in us to be shared, seen, heard and appreciated by ones parents. And when it's not, it can create a wound that tends to get re-opened or at least revisited on some level, every time we go to visit the activities which most kindels love in us.

Amen.

So I very much appreaciate your well-minted words Brad. Once again, your fine mind and talent for writing have pulled out some pearls of wisdom for me and I would suspect others, to find bits and pieces of our own inner truth reflected back to us in a a clearer way. You obviously love to write and you write beautifully and brilliantly, So surly it's true, that it is in doing what most kindles love in us, that most kindles love, beauty, light and kindness in others.

You are very generous, Pauline, and I�m quite gratified to receive such kind words. Thank you. And the way you said that, you have probably paid me the highest compliment that I could ever think of or want. Now get to work!!!!

And speaking of love, and speaking of work, another thought occurred to me right after I wrote about love and work, and it seemed to sum it all up for me: The true glory is facilitating the growth in another. Now that�s good work to have. You psychologists and spiritual directors out there (and you good friends, kind ears, and husband and wives) must know this quite well. (There are even sexual connotations to the idea of growth that leave me chuckling, but I think there�s even some truth to that.) To assist another in growth is perhaps where it�s all at. It�s the Meaning of Life. It�s the purpose of existence. It�s the aim of evolution and all kinetic movement. And I think a very large part of that growth process is learning new means to facilitate growth in others. Yes, true growth can come from conflict, from shouting matches, and even infidelity. It can come from wars, famine, pestilence, and plague. But when we�ve grown just a little bit more, our ways of growing and inspiring growth become quite different.

I think a fundamental shift occurs, although surely this may occur in gradual stages. We no longer define growth in terms of expanding ourselves but in expanding other people. We get our "jollies", if you will, from seeing other people grasp and enjoy the Meaning of Life. And that, in turn, is so fulfilling for us. And we ourselves then grow, which is what we wanted surely when we were just thirteen but perhaps had so few people to model a more mature kind of growth to us. We simply pick up what everyone around us is doing. We may not trust our finer instincts. But who ever does find it easy to stand apart from the crowd? I don�t. If a Francis or Clare had been there to take us by the hand, we might surely have gotten the idea earlier of what it�s all about. (And I would lovingly scold Francis for rolling in snow when he was feeling amorous and ask him to instead take that major leap and show how a loving sexuality could be in the service of God, even more so than perhaps torturing oneself. But he did good anyway. )

And I do love St. Francis, although he wasn�t perfect, and he was only too well aware of his limitations which, ironically, made him all the more perfect, I think. But it does not take perfection to create great waves of love that sort of ripple out from one�s soul. Helping people achieve growth, and doing so lovingly, is perfect. It�s perfect even when we stumble. It�s perfect even when we sometimes bring tears of anger, not joy. It�s perfect even when we are afraid, frightened, uncertain, and feeling powerless in the face of the Great Everything. I have been fortunate enough to feel the touch of perfect, of those who have selflessly and lovingly assisted in my growth. And that�s something I want to do in return. But opening up like that, truly making love a habit, means letting go of so many things that we consider life preservers but are actually like lead weights. I think I�m dropping one now, if only a couple try ounces, by writing this. How utterly stupid and blind I have been in the past to carry such needless weight.

quote:

For where the soul is highest, noblest, most honourable, still it is lowest, meekest, mildest. � Julian of Norwich

I love being small.

Not something that you thought you'd hear a man gladly say. There are so many connotations to that, almost none of them particularly pleasing. But I was just sitting here thinking, "Thank god I'm so small and insignificant. Thank goodness that I can sometimes sit face to face with someone and have that seem like the world and for it to be enough." It usually isn't enough. But sometimes it is.

So much of my angst and struggle is caused by trying to make myself be big -- or bigger. Small requires much less effort. Small requires almost no effort. And with the effort out of the way of trying to be big, much love may be unleashed.

Efforts to be big, or bigger, so easily camouflage themselves. The big ones are easy to spot. Working oneself to death for money, power, fame, or prestige are dead giveaways. And if that is the natural station for someone, then perhaps they should pursue big, because we need both. We need big doers and thinkers. We need people building Brooklyn Bridges and Space Shuttles. We need skyscrapers and Starbucks. But if big isn't for you, and you still find yourself chasing big anyway, then think small. Think as small and humble as a child. One of my favorite quotes is: No man stands so tall as when he stoops to help a child.

Think Small

quote:

My father used to say, �Son, no matter what you do in life whether it�s leading men in the military or mopping a floor, if you should die doing it they should be able to say it was your finest hour.�

As a result, my attitude became, �Do you want me to chair the meeting or set up the chairs for the meeting?� I invite you to adopt that attitude and adapt it to your everyday life. Some call that �servant leadership.� It worked for me and will for you�

Your servant leader�s heart is revealed in little acts, done without fanfare or expectations, that others generally don�t think of or wouldn�t want to do. Rick Warren, in his book �The Purpose Driven Life� states, �Great opportunities often disguise themselves in small tasks. The little things in life determine the big things.�

So I guess the point is, even if you want to be Big, it still pays to be small. One of the new catch phrases is small is the new big. I guess that makes my own business on the cutting edge once again. We used to be just small. Now we're big small. Okay. I like that.

But if we could ever be aware of all the small things we do in order try to make ourselves big instead of doing them because we love them, we might be in for a big shock, not a small one. Well, I shock myself, anyway. We hide these things so easily from ourselves. We justify efforts to be big in so many perfectly sane and reasonable sounding ways. But if you can't just sit in a room, or walk down the street, or talk to a friend, or talk to no one, and be completely satisfied, chances are 100% that it is because there's some inner voice telling you that you need to be bigger. And that's no small matter to consider.

small

open night and without passion
first night of spring and without wind
facing a small park
the shapes of trees dark between the lighted
streets tall and massive aged pines

Least Things: Poems About Small Natures

All the Small Things, by Lindsay, age 13

Here's part of a quite poignant poem that I ran across. I think you'll find it meaningful to read the whole thing. It's not a particularly small poem.

quote:

As hard as it may seem,
Life just cant be real,
Not with this depression, and anger,
It just seems to sit still

To get to me, to bug me,
To rip my head to shardes,
To anger me and fulfill me,
Being so small, just knowing its so large,

Think about how this person felt so small because he wasn't feeling very big. And perhaps we see in this extreme case why we so desperately chase big. Small means death. Small means meaninglessness. Small means powerlessness. Small means unfriendliness. But I think this is primarily because there are so many people running around being big, acting big, selling big, smelling big, eating big, demanding big, and faking big. Humble is just not "in" or this poor soul might be all the rage. Who among us is big enough just to be small? Few. It's hard. It's a big problem for us small, fragile humans.

Let me try writing a haiku to finish this off with:

The stars are big
And I am made of stardust
I am small and not

Brad, so much of what you've shared above resonates with my understanding of humility. There is this affirmation in one of the Psalms that God has made us just a little less than the angels, and something inside of us (our spiritual nature) knows that we are capable of coming to grasp infinite measures of knowledge and meaning. When the Ego appropriates this capacity to itself rather than realizing it as a gift possessed by every human being, we see false pride. But there is a healthy pride as well, which, ironically, has to also accommodate itself to the fact that "thou art dust, and to dust thou shalt return." (Gen. 3: 19) Your haiku captures these polarities very nicely.

Let me be just small
Like Phil is not Doctor Phil
Ooops. Maybe he is.


[Just a funny aside that occurred to me in trying to honor the subject of small. I want to also bounce what I hope are meaningful comments off of what you said, Phil. Errr, I mean Doctor Phil.]

Brad's post above inspired my poem of gratitude for it below. It was truly beautiful Brad. Deep gratitude. What a gift you have.


Ode to Being Small

if just this one brief entry

could be slowly taken in

and truly, fully, deeply received

in the depths of all our receptors . . . .

our souls, our hearts, our very beings

would be filled with ALL

the grace we need

to do the smallest things

with far greater love

than we�ve ever known before

from merely reading. . . .

just this one

of his many entries.


Love and Peace, Pauline

That was beautiful, Pauline. Thank you.

"thou art dust, and to dust thou shalt return."

I am just dust
A puff and I'm gone
Lost into the air
Like a dandelion's ball

Will I be remembered
By anyone at all?
The fate is unclear
For things that are small

As I float through the air
Like a seed from that ball
Where will I land
When I finally fall?

I really don't want to pull or coerce anything out of life, but I find myself doing so constantly. I guess that, to the core, I don't trust that life will offer me anything just as I am. I believe in God, but why such a lack of faith in this area? How do I learn to trust? How do I learn to quit pressing?

Faith in god is somewhat easy because He/she/It is so relatively obscure that we can easily delude ourselves that our faith is real and strong. Such a seemingly distant and invisible object doesn't offer us the direct feedback of our true lack of faith like people can. But if we don't have faith in people and the world, whatever does our faith in God really mean?

The world is not yet ready for the Doctor PSR show.
Let them evolve for awhile. He might get on the Episcopalian Network, if they ever start one, or the
History Channel's "Conservative Mystics of the 21st
Century." PBS documentary -"The Love Habit, How Brad
and Doctor Phil are Shaking Up the Postmodern World"

Faith in god is somewhat easy because He/she/It is so relatively obscure that we can easily delude ourselves that our faith is real and strong. Such a seemingly distant and invisible object doesn't offer us the direct feedback of our true lack of faith like people can. But if we don't have faith in people and the world, whatever does our faith in God really mean?

Brad, I don't post office on the forum because I have such a difficult time expressing myself in words, and because of that it just takes too much time. But I really want to tell you how much your words bless me. Your poems move my spirit. Often as I read your posts, I find myself smiling and feeling a sweet sense of connection to you. So often you put into words so beautifully my own struggles. The above paragraph being one example. Thank you for writing! Thank you for sharing yourself so openly. You are helping me and probably others more than you realize.

With Love of Love,
Tate

That was suppose to be "With Lots of Love". Tee-hee-hee! But, hey, after looking at it again, I kinda' like it.

Amen to Brother Brads' writing talent Brother Tate!

And how perfectly timely of you to say so...
Why I was just telling Brother Brad the other day that I even find some of his past politcal threads move me ever so slightly and that's kind of scary, because we are on the opposite sides of the fence in that department. Yet, what I notice most about the uniqueness of Brads' voice at times, is an uncanny ability for diplomacy. Brad has a profoundly, creative gift to help people think for themselves, to find their own inner process and voice. He's one of the most gifted writers I think I have ever come across. Of course, I don't read much, (LOL) so what would I know?

I guess I figure that if someone can engage MY mind long enough to make me WANT to read, especially about subjects that would usually bore or irritate me, well, they are probably really, really, really talented at writing. And I imagine it must feel like a very heavy, awesome responsibility, to be wielding that kind of raw talent in ones' soul and consciousness. It would be enough to cause a soul to want to isolate a lot, don't you think? It would me anyway.

But what do I know?
I'm just another one of those
knee jerk liberals
a mere sparkingly
speck of stardust
passing through,
like him and
like you
. . and you
. . . and you
. . . . . . and you.

Sista' Pauline

Thanks guys for the great poems, reflections.

I must add the being small mantra:

I AM NOT

With Love of Love,

Tate. I like this first version too. With love of love. It doesn't get any better than that. Will that fit on a license plate I wonder?

I have such a difficult time expressing myself in words, and because of that it just takes too much time.

Tate, I can't think of anyway to repay your kindness other than to tell you this: In your one paragraph you already said so much. It doesn't matter how a person spells. It doesn't matter how a person puts together their sentences. It doesn't matter how good or poor their grammar is. And it doesn't even matter if one makes mistakes. ("With love of love?" What were ya thinkin'? ) But what makes any sort or writing shine, dance, or even weep is when it is authentically spoken. And that's what you did. And thus it was perfect. No errors�"with love of love" notwithstanding. I love that. I hope you write more. I think you do express yourself quite well.

Dear Brad, the thoughts that come to me as I read your post this morning and feel your Love, kindness and humor melt away frozen fears and insecurities in my heart...

As I allow the tears to flow and let your tender and thoughtful encouraging words envelop what feels like a very little "me" inside....

(At this point, I feel a real need to say something profound)...but to my embarassment, my mind virtually stops And this is usually the point that I just delete and set about other tasks. But for the Love of Love, I think I'll just send this and hope you can understand what I'm trying to say.

Pauline, From your post, I think you think I'm a brother, but, I'm a sista like you. And while I'm here, I'll just say that you too have helped me so much. I particularly like what you call "noticing". During intense moments during the day, when strong emotions are arising, it helps me detach to just say, "Okay, I'm noticing that I feel or think, etc."

The short of it all, is that Shalom place has become my spiritual community, a reservoir of wisdom and a sanctuary for my lost soul to rest. My long and wearisome spiritual journey has left me feeling pulled and tugged in every which direction, that like a swimmer plunged to the depths underwater loses their sense of direction, I too don't know which way is up. God, forgive me, but I don't even care anymore. I just want to rest, even if that means staying underwater and never knowing anything ever again.

Wow, I've said quite a lot. Here goes....I'm going to post it and not delete it...

tate, I often feel the same way but I can't say those kind of things. It just wouldn't be ahem, well
...dignified. Love ya' {{{{{{{{Brad}}}}}}}}