The Kundalini Process: A Christian Understanding
Kundalini Energy and Christian Spirituality
- by Philip St. Romain
Paperback and digital editions
If anyone here is imterested in kundalini awakening and spiritual development, I know a great place to study it all. Kundalini
Hi "Mr. Rainbow." Looks like a site with some basic info and a Hindu slant. Lots of emphasis on "finding the right guru." What guru are you recommending? What's the cost?
Also, the site seems to present this as an experience that is completely positive. Surely that is not the case, as the many testimonials on this site and others on the web indicate.
The best that I can describe it
After many months of reading here, I’m making my first post (I hope this is the right place to post it, and I apologize for the length!). Many blessings to you all.
I wanted to share my story, as there may be someone who derives value from it and I may hopefully learn from any feedback that might be generated.
I’m in my early 30’s, a pretty normal guy, married with a nice little family, and part of the rat race (living in NJ and commuting into NYC everyday). It’s all very nice. I was raised without any religion, but I had always considered myself spiritual.
About two years ago, my wife and I were expecting twins (our first kids). Very late in the pregnancy (~35 weeks), something happened and we lost our little boy. The same day that we learned of the complication with him, the doctors advised that we deliver our little girl, who was and is happy and healthy. What a thing…to lose one child and to deliver another all within the course of about 6 hours.
Ever since really probably middle school (~age 14), I’ve been something of a substance abuser. I always partied a lot…lots of drinking and daily pot smoking through my teens and mid-20’s. My wife wasn’t so big on the smoking, so I’d either conceal it or trade it out for more drinking. I don’t think I was quite drinking alcoholically, but it was getting pretty close. I wasn’t out of control, but I wasn’t quite in control.
I mention this because my drinking ramped up considerably after losing my son. I was having a few drinks (typically 2-4) every day, and getting drunk on the weekends. Not typically getting plastered, but definitely using alcohol to escape reality. Also, constantly lusting after women (never actually cheated, but lets say I was lost in a fantasy world of lust). Basically, I believe I was self-medicating with either alcohol, drugs, or sex.
At or around the same time, I was—in my sober moments—also feeling a greater and greater pull towards the spiritual side. I joined my wife’s faith and became Catholic, receiving my baptism/communion/confirmation last Easter. Despite joining the church and being mentally on board with much of the doctrine, my lifestyle was still astray and the self medicating persisted.
Last August, I found some internet resources on the concept of meditation and kundalini, and it got me searching for the spiritual side of Christianity through this practice. It resonated with me, and I started to meditate on a daily basis, typically for an hour or two a day (30 mins AM/30 mins PM/+). The first time I ever tried to still my mind, I felt as if there was going to be an eruption of bliss from deep within, a new type of energy I’d not felt before. It felt like what I was searching for—a higher love of sorts—and I took it as a sign. It felt so loving, like I was a child being held onto tightly by a parent or something. This was the start of what I call my “awakening”. It became my goal to chase this feeling and to try and find this loving, divine embrace.
Well, that blissful feeling—it was truly ecstasy—was very hard to come by at first. Only every so seldom, when I managed to get into a deep state of meditation, did that feeling come back, and then only for a fleeting few moments. I needed to find “the stillness” through meditation before I felt the love of this energy, which always swells up from the area of my reproductive organs. The experience feels very sexual in many ways, to the point that I typically experience a physical arousal at the same time that I’m feeling the arousal of this energy from within. I’m not craving sex or feeling lustful during this experience, but the arousal of a sexual energy certainly goes hand in hand with the arousal of this ecstasy feeling that I described.
As a tangent, here’s some more detail on this energy I’ve been chasing: during meditation, my mind wanders. It can be hard to control. My personal method of trying to bring my mind under control is to recite the Lord’s Prayer and Hail Mary’s, and then pause a few minutes in between each to try and have no thoughts. When I’ve finally gotten my mind under control, I can feel my conscious mind—which is typically always running—drop out of my head. Like…the incessant voice in my brain seems to migrate out of my head and drifts downward, into and out of my body. When this happens, my mind is filled with what I’m calling “stillness”. In parallel—typically at or about the same time I achieve the stillness—I can feel my mind “open up”. It literally feels like my mind is expanding out horizontally in all directions. When the expansion of mind happens, I can feel something happening in my brain that I’m pretty sure is some sort of chemical release. Perhaps a secretion of DMT from the pineal gland? I don’t know. But once this stillness has been achieved and my mind “expands”, I then start to feel this loving energy bubbling up from below. When I can hold in the stillness long enough, the energy seems to travel upwards through my midsection in waves. Its very orgasmic feeling. I call it ecstasy. And when it happens, I feel a great peace come over me, and a great closeness to God.
So…here it was last fall, I was newly Catholic, yet I was being drawn towards this practice of meditation and of seeking this internal energy. I was reading lots of stuff, including Phil’s book on Kundalini and Christian Spirituality. I sensed that this energy I was chasing might be K, but I wasn’t sure. I’ll say that I have definitely had an awakening of the chakras, with near constant forehead pressure, some ear pressure, and what has felt like an opening of the heart and throat. Heck, I’m still not sure what any of this is (any answers??). But it seemed like—at least from the outside—that my practices of meditation/seeking weren’t necessarily compatible with the Catholicism, and I was deeply conflicted. But then, into the winter of 2014, I finally figured out how to reconcile the two practices. Any guesses how I did this? I accomplished it through fully and finally turning my will and my life over to Jesus Christ.
Cravings to drink? Gone. Cravings to get high? Gone. Lustful cravings? Gone. Amazing the transformation that has happened on those fronts. Now when I meditate, I hit that point of “stillness” and I find that loving energy much more quickly than I used to. What I used to experience once every 10th time meditating and after only 30-40 minutes of intense focus, I can typically now realize in 5 minutes, and I can feel it pretty much anywhere…on a subway, while driving a car, at my desk at work, etc. I can maintain this state of "ecstasy" for a longer period of time when I think about Christ while in this state. I would say that this special feeling is literally something that I am living for these days. It is absolutely remarkable, and I believe it is responsible for many of the positive changes in my life. There has now been an ease that has come over my day to day life. A sort of peace that is underlying everything else. I try to arouse this feeling of ecstasy every morning; once this has happened, the rest of the day just seems easier to face. I've come to believe that this feeling of ecstasy is somehow related to feeling the presence of God, and I revel in it.
Going back a few months, I was probably pressing things too much with the meditation, seeking newer and more intense energies, and trying to evoke new horizons of consciousness. Now, I’m content to just let things be, to roll with the punches, if you will. I feel incredibly secure in believe that Jesus is guiding this whole process, and that He won’t lead me astray. I’m not sure if everybody who “finds Christ” has similar experiences to what I’m having, and I’m not sure if what I’m feeling is Kundalini or not. But I am sure that what I’m experiencing leads to a great peace, and if would be an incredible thing for anybody to find.
Thanks for listening. All the best to the group!
Welcome aboard, Grant, and thank you so much for sharing such a detailed account. It's wonderful to read about the positive changes in your life. The bliss practices you've discovered for yourself sound remarkably similar to the ones I've been reading about in Tara's books.
Thanks Derek. Do you have a link to "Tara's books"?
I'll click around your site, too!
Tara used to be a member here. You can find a list of her books on her website at http://www.taraspringett.com/self-help-books and of course on Amazon, etc. Practices similar to what you've been doing are mentioned in The Stairway to Heaven (Meditation F), Seven Golden Keys (chapters 1 and 6), and Enlightenment Through the Path of Kundalini (chapter titled "Awakening the Kundalini"). I'm guessing that last one might be most immediately relevant to you. It may confirm some things you've already discovered for yourself.
My path has been a bit different, with no kundalini involved. Somewhere on my website you'll see a link titled "Christian Awakening" where I set out my story.
it sounds good! I'm happy that your experiences are drawing you nearer to Jesus. I wonder whether you noticed any correlations between energy movements and consciousness states and the reception of Christian sacraments or reading/praying the Scripture? You mentioned the Lord's Prayer and Hail Mary. I remember that quite often praying with the rosary was impossible for me, because energy was so strong, accumulating in my head, that I had to stop. Now it's better, but it's hard for me to say the whole rosary, I fall into the silence soon. Sometimes it's a pity, because the prayer is so beautiful...
Yeah, I didn't want to get into too many details because my post was getting too long. But, in a word, YES. I do notice a pretty pronounced correlation between reading scripture and receiving the feelings I described above. In a nutshell, the blissful feelings happen more readily when I've been reading scripture.
Two other recent observations:
1. I had several really nice sessions this morning saw me experience the feeling of ecstasy each time. No forehead pressure today. I found this interesting. Almost as if it relieved the pressure or something.
2. A sexual release definitely seems to have an impact on the intensity of the head pressure, making it subside in the days following. But it has not really had an impact on the intensity of the bliss feelings.
I recite the prayers silently in long, chant-like fashion. I agree that they are beautiful. I also say this one alot: Lord Jesus Christ, take all my freedom, my memory, my understanding, and my will. All that I have and cherish you have given me. I surrender it all to be guided by your will. Your grace and your love are wealth enough for me. Give me these, Lord Jesus, and I ask for nothing more. Amen.
The last prayer, as you probably know, is from Ignatius Loyola's Spiritual Exercises and I always say this at the ending of my prayer time. It is Christianity in a nutshell really.
Perhaps you also know this most beautiful prayer by St. Augustine. For several years I was literally shedding tears every time I said or read this. It still touches me very deeply:
Late have I loved you, O Beauty ever ancient, ever new, late have I loved you! You were within me, but I was outside, and it was there that I searched for you. In my unloveliness I plunged into the lovely things which you created. You were with me, but I was not with you. Created things kept me from you; yet if they had not been in you they would not have been at all. You called, you shouted, and you broke through my deafness. You flashed, you shone, and you dispelled my blindness. You breathed your fragrance on me; I drew in breath and now I pant for you. I have tasted you, now I hunger and thirst for more. You touched me, and I burned for your peace.
Yes, I knew that prayer was Ignatius Loyola. And thank you for the Augustine verses. They are beautiful.
I've actually started to write a lot of poetry since this "awakening" transpired. The inspiration seems to come and go, but never before in my life had I been compelled to actually write. I'm having fun with it...and some of it might actually be half decent! At least that's what my mom and my wife tell me (hehe...but i'm not joking).
Thanks for sharing so generously of your experience, Grant. I echo what others have said in noting that it all seems to be going fairly well so far.
In another post today, responding to a similar experience shared by TexasGirl8, I shared a few reflections on the k process and how to journey with it. Sounds like you're already doing much of this.
Re. these pressures in the forehead and head that some of you report: that all goes away once the 3rd eye and crown open. Then the energy can go up and down and around or whatever as needed. It also marks the end of egoic compulsivity and the ego-persona complex (i.e., false self system). The mind becomes calm, though one can still reason, make choices and use the imagination, as needed.
Keep up the Christian spiritual disciplines, Grant, and don't push too hard on the k process. Sometimes it pushes back!
checking in again after a few months. I hope this note finds everybody well. Amazing the growth I have continued to realize even since April.
Forehead pressure is, for the most part, gone. I have found a beautiful place of "rest" in the Lord. Everything internal to me is very much at peace. Not a day goes by that I don't have a beautiful few moments of contemplative prayer in which this feeling of bliss comes over me, my mind expands, and I feel a loving connection to Christ. To be honest, I dedicate time to this several times a day (probably up to 2 hours, in total).
The sexual nature of these experiences is pronounced. Without a doubt, the experiences of bliss and expanded consciousness previously described are related to the reproductive system. I can feel energy from the reproductive tract move up my body and into my brain immediately preceding any of these experiences. This seems to be very much in line with some of the stuff I hear Gopi Krishna discussing on the several you tube videos floating around from when he was in his older years. Other than reading some of his stuff, i'm currently working through The Cloud of Unknowing. Great book.
Work has become a little bit more difficult than it used to be. I find a lot of what I've been doing to be...phony? I guess that is the right word. Profit-driven business is somewhat hard to rationalize given the awakening experiences Ive been having. I'd much rather spend my time in prayer or helping people than trying to chase down a sale. We'll see how all of this plays out into the future.
I had one specific thought on K that I'm interested in anybody's take on. Both Gopi Krishna and myriad other eastern references describe K as being like a "freight train." Not my experience AT ALL. For me, it has been light and loving, and fully guided by the grace of Christ.
Any thoughts on this? My intuition here is that Christ is guiding this process through Him, and what He has been showing me has been wholly good. Perhaps when K awakens and someone doesn't have Jesus to turn to, then maybe they experience something drastically different?
All the best. I hope everybody is having a nice summer. Late-summer/early fall is my favorite time of year on the east coast...truly lovely.
Thanks for catching us up on your situation, Grant. So glad to hear that things are going well for you. The kind of prayer practice you describe is similar to my own, and helps to sustain both a sense of connection to God and to both stimulate and bring order to the energy process.
I think the "fright train" experience described by GK was with the first strong rising of the energy. It happens that way for some people, but by no means all, self included. Generally, it comes to a gentle, almost imperceptible flow, as you describe, except when blocks are formed because of diet, stress, or other causes.
Re: freight train
When I awakened K long ago, I had seven years of being blasted by light before it settled down.
I never experienced the freight train. I had some very strong blasts--one period was like being sandblasted. Other times it was very subtle like a silken cord up the very center of the spine.
In the first few years I said "No" to an experience a few times that I thought would be too overwhelming and dangerous--like a lear jet threatening to awaken in the core of my being. I just didn't want to go there--it was too powerful and reckless, like I could easily crash and burn. Maybe that is the yogi's "freight train."
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