Thanks for sharing, Mary Ann. I'm also very curious about the "blasted by light" thing you mention. A lot of people seem to mention "light" in their experiences, as if there is a visual or otherwise ethereal component to the experience that is marked by some sort of bright light. I don't get this at all...nothing visual. Everything is happening internally. Just curious if you were actually having some sort of visual encounter. Thanks again!
-G

Hi Grant,

I often use "light" and "energy" interchangeably. However, yes, there is a visual aspect to the light.

When I was little and I prayed (with eyes shut), internally I would see/experience gold light coming to me from above. Also, I remember one time praying with the creation story in Genesis, and somehow I journeyed back to the dawn of creation and saw (in my mind's eye) creatures emerge from a great golden ball--like a spiritual sun. [In Arizona many years later, I read a Native American prayer/song in a museum where they also spoke of this golden sun in connection with creation. It is probably common around the world.]

OK, so I was really into gold and at that point it was all seen internally. But when I awakened kundalini, with my physical eyes I briefly saw a silver ball of light about the size of a volleyball just before it entered my feet. [By the way, many years later, at a museum in London or Greenwich, there was some reference on a display card that I believe Admiral Nelson spoke something about experiencing a silver ball of light. In this way, it makes sense to me that Phil differentiates kundalini (as natural) vs. the Holy Spirit. It is an awakening of lifeforce that doesn't necessarily have to do with love of God--not that I know anything about the Admiral's spiritual life.]

When I say "seven years blasted by light" I am equating energy with light. I think I met all of those blasts with eyes closed, so maybe that energy had color but I was busy focusing in the heart to endure whatever was dished out. The blasting never hurt me and I always felt it coming a few seconds before it hit. It almost always was a full-body foot to head sweep, sometimes being the innermost thread-like channel inside the spine, to sandblasting from the physical body to several feet off of it.

Before long, perceptual changes began to happen. It started with something that looked like steam coming out of peoples' heads--a wavering of energy above their heads. I remember one concert in particular about a year into the kundalini. I was sitting with a drawing pad drawing members of the orchestra and I was surprised by the strange phenomenon. Not long after, this developed into sometimes seeing bits of color around peoples' heads.

One time stands out in particular. I was talking to a woman about my parents' age in a museum (OK, I've logged a lot of museum hours), I had never met her before, and she started telling me about how her daughter was dating an African American and that she wasn't upset about it. In the air to the left side of her head was a grey blob of energy. Gradually as she told me more about her daughter and her boyfriend, the energy blob flushed a beautiful green color. I felt happy for her because talking/being heard helped her resolve an emotional conflict--or that was my interpretation of the visual special effect. When energy flushes green, people are always happy about it (it's the color of spring grass).

People who have prayed a lot often have a radiance to their skin--like more light for about two inches off the skin than the average person. You can't always tell, but with some people they have a luminous look. A long time ago I went to El Santuario de Chimayo in New Mexico with a friend. As we were entering the grounds, a Mexican-American looking woman in traditional modest garb including a black mantilla was exiting. She was all lit up with tremendous silver light that went out about a foot from her body. I laughed and waved at her, happy to see such a devout, prayerful person. She looked a little confused and probably just thought I was being weird. But some people have silver lustre to their skin, some have gold. A small number of people have gold halos (but even then, I think they are capable of human foibles.)

I only see little glimpses of things. A couple people have offered methods to really open up the seeing, but I've been reluctant because I don't like getting into peoples' business and then there's the whole problem of projection and other ethical aspects. During the kundalini/blasting time I was so overwhelmed that I didn't want to awaken anything extra, I just wanted to learn how to be with what was. And after that, I lived a semi-monastic life (lived that way but no vows) and didn't encourage any special effects. I offered them back to God.

A long time ago, a few times I saw a couple lines of light on a person's body. They might have been meridians as in Traditional Chinese Med. I wouldn't mind being able to see them now. Or like walking a deer trail and catching glimpses of a thread of light left hovering above the trail. Certain activities leave trails of light for some time--as we say, we catch the thread.

Many experiences come and go, but something that has remained constant for at least twenty years is that everything faintly shines with white/silver light and has a vibratory quality to its aura like the breath of life, whether a rock, an ant, or a person. During a period when I did a lot of spiritual practice the light that shone forth from all things was as brilliant as moonlight reflected on water. I still occasionally see bits of color on a person's body and around the head. If a person has a strong thought, they sometimes shoot off a silver spark of light or a blue spark/flash.

Sorry this is so long. I rarely talk about this kind of thing. Maybe it will help someone. Way back in high school, I remember talking to a girl who said she could see things. She was studying with a woman and the woman told her that if she ever saw a person with black (in his/her aura) she should run away from them. The thought of black to her was chilling--she was emotional about it (whereas a person who sees should develop dispassion). In general, I think it is good advise, but the black in their aura can be caused by various factors.

For example, I used to know a fellow as a friend and we would chat about once a week. One day I noticed a black blob in his aura (I didn't see the rest of his aura, just the blob). It was there for several weeks. After his brother died, it vanished. Other causes of the black might be mental illness, extreme pain, anger, and lust (NOT healthy sexual desire but the kind where it is about dominance and violence). Or as in the example above, an impending death, not necessarily their own. There are probably many more reasons, but those are the ones I have observed.

Hope that helps.
Mary Ann

Wow Mary Ann, loved your testimony, very helpful. I feel light, I don’t see it. Before I became Catholic I asked Jesus if I could receive Eucharist. There were ushers at this mass at a seminary. I told Jesus that if one of the ushers came to me I’d consider it his way of telling me I could receive. An usher did come to me so (against Church rules ) I received. That night I felt a beautiful life giving light in my chest for several hours. After that experience I decided to do what I needed to do to be officially alowed to receive by Church rules. I attended an RCIA class.

Hello everyone!

I would like to share my experiences with kundalini awakening so far, in hopes to possibly help others and get feedback. I’ve written most of the information below to Phil directly to get feedback and guidance and still keep all this to myself, but I now feel it’s right to share it openly with this forum community.

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For start, I would like to share some information about myself and my spiritual path so far.

I was born and live in Croatia, I’m 47 years old and happily married for 20 years with three children (aged 16, 14 and 10). My wife is the first and only woman in my life I’ve been intimate with and I’ve never felt the need to change that. I’ve been playing music for 40 years (10 years of classical music on clarinet, 30 years of jazz on the saxophone) and that has been my main ‘channel’ for spiritual experiences. The moments when playing music when I managed to completely forget the ‘little self’ i.e. the ego were and are complete bliss for me. I don’t play music for money, just for my own enjoyment. Other than music, I’ve very much liked math and physics since early childhood, and these also act as a kind of spiritual experience for me, in the moments when I managed to get really deep into complex formulas and understand them (the ‘Aha!’ effect). I have graduated and have a M.Sc. in electrical engineering and I have a very nice job which I like very much and which gives me much satisfaction, I work in the field of sustainable energy and climate protection and help to implement projects which have many positive impacts on society. Plus, my salary is quite good for Croatian standards and with it I can fully provide for all the needs of my family. I had a happy childhood, I don’t remember any traumatic experiences from early years. So all in all I’m a very happy person without any major problems in life, my kids are healthy, and all is well.

When I turned 40 I felt the need to explore spirituality and religion more deeply. I started thinking about old age, sickness and death, and came to the conclusion that spirituality is something I must explore in depth. Croatia is a dominantly Catholic country so the doctrines/concepts of the Catholic church are ingrained in our society, but my parents are not religious in the strict sense and I have been brought up in a relatively liberal (in religious sense) but strongly ethical manner. I started my exploration by first reading the book ‘The World’s Religions’ by Huston Smith which I liked very much (and still do, I’ve read parts of that book many times) in an attempt to understand the topic of religion better and perhaps find the one which would feel right for me. After reading about the religions of the world, my first conclusion was that Buddhism and the concepts presented in that book was the closest to me, and I started reading books on that. I very much like the teachings of the Buddha, as they are very rational and close to my engineering way of thinking. After reading several books I’ve started practicing Buddhism meditation and have joined the local Buddhist community. This lasted for about three years, but I started having the feeling that something is lacking. I started thinking more and more about God. So I read again about the religions which focus on God, and I started reading the Bible. It was very inspiring, but I still had the feeling that it’s not what I was looking for. So I started to read the Quran, but again after some time I had the same feeling. I then started to read the Bhagavat Gita, with the same result. I was reading these holy books for a few months each, trying to keep an open mind as much as possible. But I couldn’t get rid of feelings of doubt and skepticism.

As I was searching more and more, I came across the book entitled ‘A Course in Miracles’ - ACIM, and started to read it. This was at the beginning of last year. After reading it for a few months, I had the feeling that this might be the right path for me. But I still felt the need to take it slowly, and to verify and double check ACIM’s teachings and search for similarities with major religions and paths. This proved to be a big obstacle, and I got to a point where I was stuck. As the COVID crisis emerged in March this year, it was a big push for me to ‘jump in the water and start swimming’, so decided to try to follow ACIM and its teachings and exercises as best as I can without any reservations. I won’t go into details about ACIM here, perhaps you’re familiar with the book, if not I can provide more details if needed.

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This all leads me to the experiences I’m having and why I am posting this. The ACIM exercises I’ve been doing in June were focused on calling the Holy Spirit through meditation.

On June 27th in the morning after taking my sitting meditation position I felt a strange feeling in my lower back, which I would best describe as physical pleasure. It felt very nice, warm and pleasing, so I happily went on with my meditation for about 45 minutes. The feeling stayed the same all the time, and it stayed with me for the whole day. That day I was driving my car for 4 hours as my family were getting back from a vacation, and all that time the feeling of pleasure in my lower back was there with me. It was there also when I went to bed in the evening. The next day when I woke up I wanted to check if the feeling is still there, so I stretched a bit and surely it was there. And it was there the whole day, just like the previous one. The third day I had the first experience of the feeling of pleasure going from my lower back to my upper back, and within a week I learned that by doing stretching exercises I can control that feeling and channel it in my back, shoulders and neck, and finally my head. The feeling of pleasure intensified when I did the stretching, up to the point that its intensity became much more intense than the physical pleasure of sex orgasms, and it also could last much longer, like 10 to 15 minutes without any problems. In those times of high intensity my whole body would start to shake and jerk involuntarily and my breathing would become irregular and I would start to moan. I continued with this practice for about a month and the feeling stabilized, and I can now feel this pleasure in my whole body for most of the day. Another thing which I found out is that physical exercises like running increases the feeling, and I can do the physical exercises for much longer and with much less fatigue. For the last 30 days I’ve been running almost every day for 8 to 10 km, where previously I could not do such things. Just today I ran for 15 km which is by far the longest distance I ever ran in my life. Based on all this I decided to start preparations to run the marathon, we’ll see how that goes. I’ve tested this with swimming exercises and it works the same.

I also have a feeling that my mind is becoming more clear and that my intellectual capacities have increased, I’ve been reading physics books with relatively complicated text and I have a feeling that everything is more clear. One thing where my intellect has definitely not increased and where this can be measured is in the playing of chess, which I’ve been enjoying for years, there my rating and score has not improved but decreased. Perhaps because chess is in essence an ego game (there’s always a winner and a loser). For the last two weeks I actually stopped playing chess, because I am starting to find it more and more boring.

For the last 10 days I also started to sleep much less than before. I go to sleep at around 11 pm, and I started to wake up between 3 and 4 am, fully rested, happy and peaceful. Before this, my usual waking time was around 6. For the whole day I feel energized but in a joyous and peaceful way, as I said I ran 15 km just 2 hours ago (it’s now 22:27 in Croatia as I’m writing this) and I don’t feel tired at all.

One thing where I am also feeling an improvement is the ability to understand emotionally how other people are feeling and to provide them help and support, I’ve tried this with my family and friends, as well as people not so close to me, and all the time with good results. Another thing which I’ve noticed is that my desire for having sex has decreased to the point that I have very little interest for that, even though before all this I enjoyed having sex with my wife.

Through all this I continued to do the spiritual exercises and meditations from ACIM and I feel these are very helpful.

All in all I feel very good, peaceful and happy.

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The reason I am posting all this under the topic of Kundalini and the Holy Spirit is that, as I said, the ACIM exercises which I have been doing and which apparently triggered all this were focused on calling the Holy Spirit.

I understand that there are differences between the Catholic doctrines and its path and ACIM, but I believe that the Holy Spirit is very much the same in both. To me the Holy Spirit is in essence the Word of God, which can be heard in different ways, and serves as a communication medium between myself and God. My belief is that all the experiences I’ve described above are the response of the Holy Spirit to me continuously calling Him.

Many thanks in advance for any comments, Peace to all of you

Greetings, Velimir, and thank you for your posting.

We've already had a private exchange on this topic, so I won't repeat here what I've shared with you, except to note that the Holy Spirit is indeed alive and well outside of Christianity. Any time one sees evidence of the gifts and fruits of the Spirit as described in the New Testament, we can be sure the Holy Spirit is at work.

Your experience is one of the most positive spontaneous kundalini awakenings I've come across, so lucky you! I hope it continues.

Things are a little slow here these days, so I'm not sure how much additional interaction you'll receive. Most have moved on to social media of some kind. I leave the board exchanges up as archives for those who might benefit from past discussions, but would hope, too, that registered members would give you feedback if they have something of value to offer.

Hi Phil,

thanks again for your comments, I appreciate it.

Yes, my experience sounds too good to be true, I'm aware of that and I'm still sort of cautiously waiting for the catch-up. The personal advice you gave me (to be careful not to push things too much) is very valuable in that regard. I've of course shared all of this with my wife, and she's becoming worried about whether so little sleeping (the last two weeks I've been sleeping for around 5 hours in total per day) is going to have a negative impact on my health in the long run... I don't know what to say to that. I feel full of energy for the whole day, I've just ran 6 km and don't feel tired at all, I feel simply splendid when I compare it with the period before all this started to happen. Should I force myself to try to sleep even if I don't feel the need for it? Any thougths and advices on that are very much welcome.

One observation is that the Holy Spirit has not yet given me any answers (at least I haven't perceived or became aware of them) to my questions 'Please tell me what is God's will for me' and 'Please show me what is my role in God's plan for salvation', even though I've been asking these questions quite a lot. An intuitive thought I'm having is that this kundalini experience might be a training of some sort. It's gently pushing me to train my body (physical excercises feel so good!) and my mind (praying to the Holy Spirit feels so good too, while reading and meditating are much easier to do and also give pleasure). Perhaps I'll be shown what I'm supposed to train for at one point

I'll post here of any new developments.


Peace to all

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Velimir,

Regarding fruits without Kundalini and Kundalini without fruits, you could sort of say the same thing with the Charismatic manifestation of the Holy Spirit. Charismatics are not necessarily more fruitful than other Christians who are not feeling the energetic side of things. The main difference I got after a Holy Spirit Baptism was the sudden ability to not feel self conscious during worship.

Some other thoughts of mine (10-15 years experience with Holy Spirit, 50 days experience with Kundalini):

A difference for me personally I don’t know about everybody else is I have to have a fair amount of sexual energy built up to experience Kundalini. Not so with Holy Spirit. But I am still new with the Kundalini so we shall see in a few years. Although Jana from biologyofkundalini said it helps her activate if she is around sexual alpha males. This must change a little bit because I have to assume old people get kundalini experiences and I also assume they don’t have pent up sexual energy. Could be wrong on either.

Also Kundalini seems like it has to flow through the physical channels in a biological way. Holy Spirit feels like it can go through your body like a ghost through a wall.

Holy Spirit tends to lead me think about the things of the Kingdom of God and pursue those type of things. Kundalini seems to give me confidence in myself as a man for whatever I want to pursue.

Seems I got part of the answer to my questions regarding God's plan for me. That was quick!

I woke up at my now regular waking time at about 3 am and was doing the 'calling the Spirit' excercises. I received a clear vision that I am supposed to enroll in a formal PhD study in theoretical physics and become an active member of the scientific community. The vision ended there, leaving the impression that further guidance will be received.

I feel completely at peace and fully confident regarding this. In addition, there is a clear feeling that this 'I' is starting to dissolve slowly, so to speak.


Peace

The dissolving “I” can help you in scientific pursuits by being more in alpha and theta brain states and the enhanced creativity associated with them. The pressure of a PhD program and being around smart people with very high egos will make it hard to keep the ego in check.

Tom and Velimir, you both probably know that I've written a new book on kundalini, which is listed at the top of this forum discussion page. In it, I draw distinctions between kundalini and the Holy Spirit that you seem to be touching on as well, and I have chapters devoted to both these topics.

I will also mention my book on God and I: Exploring the Connections Between God, Self and Ego. The first few chapters are a sneak preview. I consider this work a companion to The Kundalini Perspective.
- http://shalomplace.com/view/godandi.html

Velimir, I think we discussed A Course in Miracles here briefly years ago, but if you would like to start a new topic for it, please feel free to do so in the Christian Spirituality Issues forum. A couple of my spiritual directees use it and find it helpful, mostly for the spirituality principles. They aren't bothered by some of the doctrinal problems that have been brought to light by critical reviewers. My experience has been that those kinds of issues don't always bother some people, but I consider them important in the long run.

Good that you found some clarity regarding your future goals, Velimir. It sounds like it's also congruent with what you know about yourself and your natural aptitudes.

Phil your book is on my to do list after I finish another book that I am currently slogging through. I also see after reading some of Tucker’s posts that my insights might be premature or incomplete. It seems like I have only had masculine kundalini awaken. One thing that stuck out to me before reading that was how masculine I was feeling as a result of it. But hey I’m a young male; if I had to pick only one, I got the one that I would have picked

Thanks for your thoughts Phil and Tom.

I would definitely like to discuss ACIM here and will start a topic about it

I actually have a friend who is professor at the Faculty of Theology here in Zagreb where I live, and I've started discussing ACIM in the context of the overall Christian faith with him. I'll share thoughts here in parallel.

I will also read your new book Phil, as I'm really new to all this and it is much easier to relax enough to follow and trust the Holy Spirit if I have an understanding of what's happening to me at the rational level.

Just one very recent personal experience I'd like to share... I've written that physical exercises bring pleasure to me, indicating that this pleasure might be some kind of signal (the Holy Spirit wants me to keep my body in shape). I've just been reading a book on math (I'm taking my assignment seriously! ), and I've experienced the same kind of pleasure. I was solving a geometry problem which required visualisation, at first I was struggling with it, but then I managed to relax and trust my Guide, and the solution became clear. The side-effect was the pleasure, the same pleasure as when running but now not in my legs and back (the feeling I have when running is actually as if I'm doing a nice gentle massage to my whole body), but in my brain.

OK, so the Holy Spirit wants me to train my brain, fine by me! Thank you Spirit.

Hi all,

I'd like to continue with updates regarding my experience.

I believe I had a communication with the Holy Spirit this morning. It's 6:43 am in Croatia as I write this, I woke up at around 2:30 am today and I was mostly reading physics textbooks since then and in the breaks listening to some fine jazz. During one such break the communication happened.

Regarding the communication... it came not in any language, not in form of words, visual imagings, sounds or anything similar but at some sort of intiutive level. For some time I have been pondering in what language do humans think, I speak Croatian, English and Italian. I learned Italian by watching cartoons as a kid, as a matter of fact I was watching TV programs in Italian so much that I started having dreams in Italian, I clearly remember that. I am using English for the last 30+ years, for my job I use English for about half of the time, and though Croatian is my mother tongue I've come to the point that I feel English is at a similar level (not that my grammar is perfect, but then it's not perfect in Croatian either ). I can 'think' in Croatian, Italian or English. But then, the real thinking goes on at a deeper level, the 'intuitive' level or whatever it's called. I've become aware of that when doing meditaton exercises a few years ago. And it's on this level that the communication happened.

The communication was in a form of question and answer, me asking questions and receiving answers. Here is the communication as best as I remember it and can intepret it in words.

Q: This experience I'm having, is it kundalini or is it something different?
A: It's not the same thing. Kindalini can be misused. Your powers cannot be misused. If you try to use them for the wrong purposes they will quickly disappear.

Q: What are the right purposes?
A: To spread the message.

Q: What message?
A: You know the answer.

Q: How to spread it?
A: You will be shown. For now, keep up with your training. The pleasure is there to help you and direct you.

Q: Why is this happening to me?
A: You asked for it. You called me. Be happy and joyful as you already are.

Q: I feel worried that the decrease in my sleep might cause physical illness or worse.
A: Listen to your body and mind and it will be fine.

Q: What am I supposed to do with this?
A: You have been told already. The pleasure feeling you are having is your guide.

Q: Can you show me God?
A: No. You will not be shown God as long as you are in this body. But you will be able to listen to His Voice as you are listening now.


With this the communicaton ended.

Now, I don't know what to think about all this. Thinking rationally and with the approach I used to think in the past before all this started to happen, if I was to read something like this from an unknown guy writing on the forums I would probably think the guy is going insane.

But I truly feel peaceful, happy and joyful. As I wrote, like the 'little self' is starting to dissolve and a higher power is taking over. The 'little self' is still there obviously, as I would probably not be writing this otherwise.


Any thoughts truly welcome

Velimir, it sounds like you're in touch with some kind of inner guidance, and in the Christian spiritual tradition, this is understood as the Holy Spirit. What we do say about this is that the guidance needs to be considered, but also tested in the light of Scripture, Church teaching, common sense, and self-knowledge. If it really is the Holy Spirit, there should be no conflicts, and yet you ought to still feel free to decide about following this guidance. God never removes our freedom, and never over-powers our human judgment.

The content you're sharing sounds positive but ambiguous. The Gospel passage that comes to mind as I read it is Mt. 7:7-11. Maybe take some time to read and reflect on this. Generally, we have to let things unfold, one small step at a time, but we need to keep asking and seeking.

Velimir do you know what message you are supposed to spread? Ask the voice if the feeling is the Holy Spirit? You can also ask your answerer who is answering your questions. Paul asked Jesus who He was; I don’t think your guide will find it rude. This is kind of exciting so keep us updated.