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Picture of brjaan
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Thanks for your response. Admittedly I have taken a break from meetings partly due to working two jobs. The anullment process is something I initially reacted negatively toward and even jumped back into the Episcopal Church to avoid it. I am back home in my parish and talking with the deacon who handles anullments. I do not like the concept but realize I need to be obedient and quite flirting with other spiritualities when Something bothers me.
I am attending a local john michael talbot group, some parish stuff. A lot of my issues still center on the need for everyone to like me. Philip thank you for your books I was wondering if you could make them available in mobipocket form info can be found at mobipocket.com. I have been blessed tremendously by your ministry.
 
Posts: 205 | Location: McHenry Illinois | Registered: 01 July 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of brjaan
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Today my emotions got the best of me and I over reacted to rumors at work. Everything worked out but I feel awful for not checking out the source or not laughing it off. I guess this illustrates my issue of wanting others to like me and then over reacting when I hear negative stuff.
 
Posts: 205 | Location: McHenry Illinois | Registered: 01 July 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I no longer have the luxury of carrying resentments
for days or weeks before letting go of them. Pray for the SOB to recieve everything you want in life.

People will talk, but the ego will suggest a grest deal more than what is actually going on.

Rumours are great for entertainment value. I have heard from third parties that I am a gay pedophile and another time that I am stalking women in mental health half-way houses. It's funny now, but hurt me deeply at the time. No weapon formed against us will prosper.

If we walk the path, we will face persecution.

caritas, mm <*)))))><
 
Posts: 2559 | Registered: 14 June 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of brjaan
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Wow it has been a long time since I have posted. I have especially been interested in the thread about a personal relationship with Christ. I am doing okay. I am dating and working three jobs and am in the process of taking the test for a local police job isnt that ironic. I have a good job currently as verizon wireless sales rep to fall back on if correctional officer job falls through.
I have been away from my 12 step meetings for a while but still feel a connection with the 12 steps and am reading phil's book growth based off of the 12 steps. The biggest challenge I have is letting go and trusting God that I will not fail and am worthy of love.
 
Posts: 205 | Location: McHenry Illinois | Registered: 01 July 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of brjaan
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Hi Mystical Mike
I can relate to the rumors and hurtful comments others make. My parents beleive I am going to hell and make hurtful comments from time to time.
I am doing okay rereading phils book on the 12 steps for Christians. I am dating and have begun the anullment process. I still find my loyalties devided between Anglicanism and Catholicism causing some personal crisis of faith.
 
Posts: 205 | Location: McHenry Illinois | Registered: 01 July 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of Katy
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Where are the 12 steps for Christians? I have started working the 12 steps, and am not that familiar with them, and I don't belong to any 12 step group, altho I thought about CODA. I mostly would like to do the 5th step, but I have no idea who to do this with. How do I go about finding someone?

Thanks,
Katy
 
Posts: 538 | Location: Sarasota, Florida | Registered: 17 November 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Katy, i don't know if this is what your looking for but when i was looking at the premiums groups here on this group, there was a e-mail co-dependance group i believe.
 
Posts: 135 | Registered: 05 August 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of Katy
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Yes, I think there are email groups, but I am looking more for a person that I can do my Step 6 with. I am working on the 5th step now. I don't know if I'm co-dependent or not, but I do tend to have an addictive personality and a lot of the other signs of co-dependency, etc. and so am doing the steps on my own..from a book.

I guess I will look into an internet group then, and maybe they can help me find a person.

Thanks!
Katy
 
Posts: 538 | Location: Sarasota, Florida | Registered: 17 November 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of Katy
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Oh! I found it.. the premium group. Thank you.
 
Posts: 538 | Location: Sarasota, Florida | Registered: 17 November 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Katy et al, see also this book on the 12 Steps that I wrote years ago. There's a 5th step process described along with other practice suggestions.
 
Posts: 7539 | Location: Wichita, KS | Registered: 09 August 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of Katy
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Great, thank you, Phil.
 
Posts: 538 | Location: Sarasota, Florida | Registered: 17 November 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of brjaan
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Phil also has some books that apply the 12 steps to christians they have been helpful to me. I have discovered or rediscovered a stumbling block to recovery workaholism. I think that I have exchanged one addiction for another. I am going to make a commitment to post more and be more involved in my spiritual and personal life. It is easy for me to use religion and work like I used what I am addicted too.
 
Posts: 205 | Location: McHenry Illinois | Registered: 01 July 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
<HeartPrayer>
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Thanks, Phil. I downloaded the light version and am looking forward to reading it. Smiler I am grateful for the deep generosity of your sharing -- as witnessed by this entire website, and what lies behind and beyond it.
 
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Picture of brjaan
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Today I have been thinking about all the changes in my life. Just over a year ago I was in a self destructive emotional spiral and now have a house a good job and wonderful fiance and my annullment went through. I am also reminded that without the 12 steps I would be back out on the streets so to speak. God is good.
 
Posts: 205 | Location: McHenry Illinois | Registered: 01 July 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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brjaan,

What a happy message! Over and over again I have had the pleasure of seeing lives restored through the twelve steps. Having been through this with you and
wondering if you were going to be all right, I'm really glad things are better 4U. Smiler

Remember, we have to give it away to keep it, and share your experience, strength and hope with others.

Addictions are cunning, baffling and powerful, and
can manifest in a new disguise from time to time.
I have freinds with decades in recovery and they still get tangled up from time to time. Recovery is a process rather than an event.

"Keep coming back, it works if you work it!"

God bless, michael
 
Posts: 2559 | Registered: 14 June 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of brjaan
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I keep getting stuck at the first three steps. I am beginning counseling again and am thinking about returning to the 12 step group I attended. I stopped due to work load. I am changing jobs which will free up my evenings. I am lucky to have a supportive girlfriend who loves me and knows my story but this is not enough. I need to work past my guilt and fear. Work has been great therapy for me but I still find myself slipping into old self destructive patterns of thinking. Thanks Phil this site.
 
Posts: 205 | Location: McHenry Illinois | Registered: 01 July 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of brjaan
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Today I am thinking of all the excuses I use that appear to keep me from recovery work and growing spiritually. Girlfriend, work, school, all of these good things but I have learned to use them to avoid other responsibilities in my life and to avoid God. I am beginning to ask myself what is important my sanity or comfort.
 
Posts: 205 | Location: McHenry Illinois | Registered: 01 July 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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bryann,

There is a battle between the ego and the parts of us that want to get well. I see alot of boredom and depression in people between 4-6 years, or between
steps 5-7. Not alot of fun, but more will be revealed. Prayer and reliance upon a higher power, which are essential, will only intensify the egos tendency to cling to its agenda, and we go back around the spiral again and again, hopefully to higher levels, but sometimes backward before the next growth spurt.

It can be embarrassing growing up in public, but what choice do we have?

To thine own self be true, mm <*))))><
 
Posts: 2559 | Registered: 14 June 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of brjaan
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I have been thinking about Phil's first step for Christian He states selfishness is at the core of our addictions. For me lately it has been my desire to have a relationship at any cost which has caused damage to my recovery and relationships with others. I currently see my selfishness but I do not know and fear being alone. I guess my question is how to be alone and live with myself. Red Face
 
Posts: 205 | Location: McHenry Illinois | Registered: 01 July 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of brjaan
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Hi Spoonboy
I think my biggest fear is coming true I do not want to lose everything that I have gained since the worst of my addiction. That fear keeps me going. Lately the money issue has been destroying any hope that this relationship will last. I pray it will but I am faced with the fact that she desires to change me and it hurts. My addiction crashed and burned my career about three years ago and since Ive had difficulties finding my way vocationally.
 
Posts: 205 | Location: McHenry Illinois | Registered: 01 July 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of brjaan
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Today I have been reflecting on my behavior sometimes I act like a dry drunk my addiction is an emotional one. Yesterday I struggled with my desires until I was able to admit again I am in recovery and revel in the knowledge I need God to restore me to sanity. I am changing jobs next week so I as for all of your prayers.
 
Posts: 205 | Location: McHenry Illinois | Registered: 01 July 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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brjaan,

Sorry that I missed your post on the 18th. I can see
that you are in some pain and turmoil, but you may be experiencing some growth when you look back on it. Good luck on the new work environment. Smiler

"Today I have been reflecting on my behavior."

That's recovery. The next thing is to focus the mind on someone else's benefit, which also presents difficulties for those of us who tend to get addicted to people.

I don't know how to leave the work at the office or leave the other addicts at the meetings, but every year it gets a little easier. The most afflicted who wish the most to remain in the illness stay away from me more and more each year,
which is to say that my relationships are healthier.

One problem with that is that I have outgrown most
of my sponsors and spiritual directors. Therapists
and clergy and lay ministers are frequently some the sickest ones around, so I go to the bikers and the junkies and "fallen women" for direction.

I can see why Jesus spent so much time with them.
Religious people are frequently the most afflicted
members of society. I prefer to look outside of the establishment for the rare person who is able to "be in the world, but not of the world."

Find some one who has already been to hell, rather than someone afraid of going there.

keep trudging the Road of Happy Destiny... Smiler sb
 
Posts: 2559 | Registered: 14 June 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of brjaan
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I need to go back over step 1 thru 3 for some sanity in my life. I realized today that the stress from Fiance to be a better bread winner and her constant yelling to change who I am was getting to me and I almost lost my sobriety. I am bad with relationships How can i sort thru the yelling and look for the stuff I can learn from without getting angry and depressed?
 
Posts: 205 | Location: McHenry Illinois | Registered: 01 July 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Ryan,

I recommend chapter five of the Big Book, if you have one. The answers usually present themselves,
if I truly want them. Smiler

caritas,

spoonboy
 
Posts: 2559 | Registered: 14 June 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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quote:
Originally posted by spoonboy:
[qb] Ryan,
I recommend... [/qb]
Ryan? I think you meant to address "brjaan."
 
Posts: 455 | Location: Baltimore | Registered: 23 April 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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