Hi All

This is my first post on this web site. I live in NY, 57yr old mother with 5 young adult children. I first heard of Phil’s book about the Kundalini from a talk on a CD by Brother Don Bisson. The CD was in a set of 6 on an intensive workshop about sexuality and spirituality, I could relate to a lot of what he said. About 15 years ago an Indian Guru offered to raise up my Kundalini and I naievely said OK. When intense devotions and energy started moving through me I guessed it might be from the work of the Guru but not sure. When I read Phil’s first book I was delighted to find the word for what happened to me Shaktipat. I repeated that word to myself over and over again. I finally felt certain that Shaktipat was at least part of my experience. Jesus had been telling me that I’d understand soon
I found Cece’s post from August 14 2001 very hopeful. Cece encourages us to write as the Kundalini energy is very creative and it calls forth an expansion of our consciousness. I’m always wanting to write but haven’t found the avenue that satisfies. May I write some Kundalini inspirations here to see if they resonate with anyone or to find out if you have suggestions on how my inspirations can make more sense or be more helpful? I will contemplate the meditation Cece suggests....Christ’s white light and Our Lady’s Loving Arms thanks. Kashta


Cece’s post is copied below

posted 14 August 2001 10:22 AM
All the best of advice here. I feel it important to add that this energy is very creative therefore one should also utilize the opportunity to explore any and all creative channels as a means to satisfy its hunger.
Remember, Kundalini calls forth ones expansion of consciousness, some gradually, others excelerated if the blocks to consciousness have been stifled through various circumstances, so for those who have had their's activated and don't know how to handle all the creativity, I would suggest to allow its communication to know oneself better through whatever means one feels the impulse to follow, be it art, writing, ceramics, or whatever channel it is one finds attraction to.
It is there for you to get to know your own self on a more intimate level and will lead you in the right direction through your personal interests, for just when you think you know yourself better than any other there lies Kundalini to show you something different, and more expansive of yourself, as there are no limits to contend with when in touch with this creative source.

Keep a Journal - write, write, and write some more, especially at those times when it prompts you to see something.
Don't be afraid. Fear lies in the ego, so allow it to get out of its own way in order for the light to manifest or the process only gets delayed and more un-necessary symptoms linger.

At those times of fear, close your eyes where ever you are at present and envision yourself surrounded by the Christ's White Light of Protection or Our Lady's Loving Arms. See youself in that place where no fear or harm can come to you and know you will be guided through Love.

Welcome to the forum, Kashta, and thanks for sharing. I'm glad to hear things have worked out positively with your kundalini experience.

Wow, you reached way far back with that post by Cece. I remember her from the early days of the forum. And, yes, good point about writing, or some form of creative expression. I have found writing helpful as well (hence, all the books I've published and all the posts on this board). Others have told me that painting was helpful, or dancing. Lots of possibilities. Maybe others will share about this as well.

Thanks for your welcome Phil. I tried writing a few things but got shy.

I feel spasms in my chakras that cause me to feel one with other People in the way Jesus prayed for in John 17 :22. If my heart chakra reaches a peak of devotion in mass I may feel a spasm and I may feel the holiest aspect of the priest inside my chest. I feel deep joy peace and connection to God’s presence in the Priest.

When I read about different levels of Shaktipat I found that at one level the person needed to meet a guru on the earth. I have needed a physical man in my life to represent Jesus for years. Before I became Catholic it was simple men who I felt helped me to connect to Jesus but it was a bit awkward. I was so relieved when I first felt Jesus’s possition in a priest, oh wow God has sent me to the right place, they are even officially in the person of Jesus. The priests are like my unconscious gurus. I need to hold my devotion to Jesus in my heart towards a priest on the earth. Once I felt a priest presence enter my heart then Jesus came. My inner experience of the priest seemed to open the way for my heart to connect with Jesus. When Jesus looked into my heart he saw me like no one had ever seen me, I felt what he saw inside me, I felt my own character more clearly than ever before. Jesus’ loving Gaze made me feel so good about myself. Thank you Jesus. Thank you for the priesthood on earth who help my heart to stay connected to your heart.

sometimes I wish I could write something to help people see the path way from the lower passions and attractions to the higher experience of union. Pope Benedict in his encyclical on love spoke of the purification of Eros in our journey upward towards God. I could relate. I’d like to add some ‘how to’s’ from my own experience. He spoke of Eros as ascending love and agape as descending love. Sounds like the path of the kundalini energy.

I've not heard many people describe the kind of connection you're making with Jesus through priests, Kashta. As you note, their ordination does constitute them to act "in the person of Christ," especially during Sacramental celebrations. I'm glad you shared that with us. Thanks.

Thanks Phil, after I read your appreciation for what I wrote I let out several sweeps of delight

I learned from a Catholic monk and speaker named Brother Don Bisson that Dr Jean Houston, a scholar, researcher of human capacity and philosopher who works with the United Nations wrote, ‘Contact with the Divine Lover is never complete until some other human being feels more loved and cherished as a result of that contact. The more deeply we encounter the divine beloved the more sensitively we feel the agony of the world the more we are called to creative action.” She is right, as I long for the completion she speaks of and your expression of appreciation brought a little completion to my experience of the Divine Lover.

The agony of the world I feel is agony over the confusion around sexual identity and sexual preference. I want to explain the nature of the sexual energy that calls us into Union with God’s masculine love for us and God’s femine love for us. If this is understood better, people won’t need to be confused in human relationships, they can allow the energy to unite them into oneness with God instead. Then they can recognize the calmer earthier nature of procreative sexual energy and appreciate it rightly while they allowed the higher more intense sexual energy to give them a glimps of paradise in union with the Divine Lover. Does this make sense. Any suggestion of what needs to be clarified would be helpful.

There is a misprint in my last post, I wrote sweeps of delight but I meant squeals of delight.

Also my introduction missed an important detail, I’m married.

After reading other people’s posts I thought to write that my ecstatic union experiences came to me due to intense ascetic practices. I think I can call it that. I am the kind of person who gets a lot of crushes. Like I’ve fallen in love with countless people, mostly men. I usually become afraid of rejection from these people so much that I can’t relate to them socially in a normal way. My first battle after I devoted my life to God at age 16 was to stop myself from fantasizing. My rule was that I could only imagine myself talking to them and maybe a hug. One time I cried out to God that I wanted To love him more than the man. That’s when God sang me a love song. That was the beginning of my inner experience of God’s love, Union came much later. God wasn’t a Father or a husband yet He was more a friend and I felt that His love was coming from the center of the universe. I felt God as my father and source of my lineage only after connecting with Jesus. I felt that I had discovered what the Bible verse that says we can only come to the father through Jesus meant. I felt as if I understood how religions other than Christianity can bring us to the experience of God and still see Jesus as the only way to the Father. I could be wrong. I think every major religion has an important and unique role to play.

Once after giving birth to several children I did start falling in love with women. The first stage of recovery was to notice how my feelings towards a woman reminded me of my mother and to cry and scream through all those feelings in prayer till I found peace. Then I entered a higher intoxication with the inner presence of a woman who wrote a book I’d read. I cried out to God saying I wanted to love Him more than her and I received a motherly hug from God, like it came from the center of the universe. Warm, life giving full of light and bringing peace. I began to easily connect to God’s motherly love from inside many women around me and after I became Catholic very soon I felt myself inside the womb of Holy Mother Mary.

The real trouble began after Jesus came into my life through a dream. In my dream I was third in line waiting to meet a very important man. I can relate to the story of the Deciple son the road to Emmaus because I did not know who this man was until I found out how I felt some time afterwards.Each time I looked at this man in my dream I began to cry because I felt so deeply loved. When it was my turn to speak to him I couldn’t understand his language. Then the dream changed to seeing a house for my family to live in. I woke at three in the morning with a fire in my chest. I went outside to pray on a hill devoted to pray in a private property of my community at that time. I asked God, “Why does this man make me cry?” I began to feel in my heart that I’d been completely forgiven, it felt as if my whole race behind me had been forgiven. I realized some time later that before the dream I had been repenting for the sins of my race against native people. In my dream the very important man had a Native American headdress on his head. The pieces of the puzzle were beginning to connect. I was also studying with a Jehovah Witness door knocker and after the dream when she read Jesus words to me my soul exclaimed “That’s the words of the man in my dream! I felt the word resonating with the love I felt from the man in my dream. When I visited a Protestant Church I felt my soul exclaim again, “These people love the man who was in my dream!”. When I started sitting in the back of the Catholic Church and when the Eucharist was held up my heart exclaimed again, “That’s Him!”

After the dream I felt Christ’s cleansing love washing over me from above several times. Then the difficulties came. I felt something far more intense than a crush. It lead me to intense prayer, and self denial and the need to offer everything to God which brought medeep into the heart of Jesus. It was as if each man I felt this super crush for was an icon through whom I came in contact with a new realm of love inside Jesus and a new area of his work with humankind.

I chose my icon of what looks like two women because one way to release the pain of longing in the super crush was to support and affirm the value of another woman’s connection to the man I had the super crush on. Then something beautiful bagan to happen, I felt divine love caressing me. It felt as if it was from God’s presence inside the man. Finally I was able to receive the love I’d always longed for. Pure good and life giving but more needed to be overcome.

Is it God who’s keeping me awake? It’s A relief that I got to mass Yesterday evening, my Sunday Mass obligation is fulfilled. There’s lots of snow outside so It’ll be a day to stay in. Usually I sleep real easy and 8-10 hours but there’s an energy in my chest and neck connected to my sexuality keeping me awake. And a feeling of God’s loving presence behind me watching me also. Wow I actually feel a little pressure in my head for the first time....I was wanting it to happen after reading of Grant’s experience being similar to Phil’s from his book.

God answered my prayer. While listening to evening prayer on Divine Office website I heard that when we ask God answers. I had begged God to open the way for me to. ???? Can’t quite remember exactly but this feels like the answer. I either begged God to open the way for me to write or to give to others from What He gives me. Dear Lord please lead me to finish and sleep when YOU want me to and to keep writing as long as YOU want me to. I try to sleep after each post but it doesn’t come. The last time this happened to me my husband told me to trust that tomorrow will work out and it did miraculously I wasn’t tired. He told me then that maybe God wanted me to do something else other than sleep. He did.

Mathew 12:37 brought clarity when I felt great love for Christ’s presence in men.

37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

It was not easy for my husband and I when I began to feel such great love for Christ’s presence in other men. After Jesus came to me in a dream I began to meet his presence in so so many men. I found clarity in Matthew 12:34-36


34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.

35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.

36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

Matthew 24:43
But understand this: if the owner of the house had known in what part of the night the thiefwas coming, he would have stayed awake and would not have let his house be broken into.
In Context | Full Chapter | Other Translations
1 Thessalonians 5:2
For you yourselves know very well that theday of the Lord will come like a thief in thenight.


For me it was like Jesus had stolen my heart and my husband was the owner of the house in Matthew 24:43. The truth was that the owner of my house opened the door to the thief because of his devotion to see God’s will fulfilled in my life. It was my obedience to my husband that connected me to the men through whom my Lords love stole my heart. Each time my husband became disturbed by my devotion to God’s presence in one man I met God in another man. I began to think that the only way to devote myself to the work of Christ through a man and keep the peace with my husband was through attending a weekly bible study group. God gave me so much more than a weekly bible study group, He gave me the world wide Catholic Church, he gave me daily mass, and my inner and outer life was transformed.

My husband did not tell me to join the Catholic Church but he did keep reminding me of the time we stood outside a Catholic Church and I received a revelation that The Church would be a part of my future. I had not wanted to try to make my own revelation come true so I waited on the Lord to lead me. Lo and behold, miracle upon miracle I met a rare Catholic evangelist who did not stop her evangelizing work untill I was securely able to receive the sacraments. How did I meet her? Through obeying the owner of my household, my husband.

It was like the Catholic Church saved us. My husband respects religion and through the Church Jesus could bring some peace between me and my husband. He did not become Catholic but he encourages me to go to daily mass. When my husband occasionally attends a mass with me I can feel a new purity in our relationship. I can feel that God is in the center of our marriage through the possition of the priest leading the mass. A purer deeper more sincere love is developing between us centered on our love for God. Jesus had purified us through our difficulty with the thief.