I found out what was causing the sever panic attacks . The fancy guppy genetics project that I have been running for six years now was the culprit. Because I got good at maintaining the right aquatic environment, which is tricky with fancy guppies, and the fish weren't dying I begin to have a way to many fish problem. Which means I had to lower the population levels in my tanks constantly. I just reached a point where I couldn't kill anymore fish. And I couldn't even go near my project or think about it without a sever panic attack. I was a basket case. So my wife just euthanized all of the the fish and we now hauling all of the equipment to the dump. I suppose I could look for somebody that wants some free aquariums and equipment, but I just don't want to deal with it. I just want everything gone. A couple thousand dollars worth of stuff gone.

And guess what Phil, I now have a whole bunch of new challenges! I am still having problems with mild panic attacks because a big part of my life is just gone. I spent four to six hours a day maintaining my project everyday for six years and really loved my fish and they got me through some hard times. And also without the pumps and filters running the house is really quiet. My fish were what was giving me a reason to move around and do things. They also provided a future reward mind environment to draw me into the future because I was developing some really nice and beautiful fancy guppy fish.

Anyway I know that you are sorry about this so it doesn't need to be said and the upside to this is that I no longer have any of the old stress realities. I have eliminated all of them. Everything is now new and a chance to start new . Hey, that sentence just gave me a positive mind chemical reward!

Love, Tucker

quote:

Originally posted by Phil:
So sorry to hear of these bouts of panic and hopelessness, Tucker. As you note, sometimes there's only so much the conscious mind can do to counter those very deep programs and the emotional experiences they trigger. It sounds like you're coming to amazing insights into how all this works, as your meditation experience enables you to observe the phenomena without identifying with it or get caught up in it. It is almost like you are describing something of an "owner's manual" of the brain! We could all use one of those!

That fight-or-flight response is one we inherited from our mammalian ancestors, and it's hard to rein-in, even in the best of circumstances.

Thank you for sharing your insights with us. Prayers. . . .

"Owners Manual of the Brain" ! Phil, that is a really good working title for something that I find very interesting! I am going to be spending a lot of time on your message board for the foreseeable because I have nothing to do to get in my way. And it is an awesome way for stimulating my mind along with getting to have some "Positive Mind Reward" chemical moments. Thinking about writing a book and publishing it overwhelms me so I think that I will just publish my daily rambling on your message board. And if anybody wants to use anything I say, they will have to go to you for permission because you own the copyrights . I love that part because it creates zero stress for me. And, I get to have a mind stimulating experience and a positive brain chemistry reward moment. Phil, I understand things about human programming and its relationship to the brain and nervous system that nobody in today's world knows . The only question is, "Can I put it into words?" And on top of that I know how to stimulate my autonomic nervous system with my conscious mind. And there is nobody in today's world that knows what I know about that either. But that I can not write about because that book would be a picture book .

Love, Tucker

Sorry to hear about the loss of your guppy project, Tucker. Sounds like an interesting hobby, but one that sort of took on a life of its own. It just goes to show how the dynamics of attachment can be directed to almost anything, and once they are in place, we are more emotionally vulnerable in that area of life.

A picture book on caring for the brain would be wonderful! Are you a good artist?

It does all seem to come down to the proper management of the power of thought. At least, that's where I am with things in my book. Thought and speech are a sharing in the power of the Word, and Lord knows we misuse this power all the time. I suppose it's why Jesus told us we'd be held responsible for every idle word we speak (Mt. 12:36). Sobering!

I am sort of a good artist . A picture book that I am thinking about would involve computer graphics, which I have no experience with at all, and a computer graphics program that I could use. I have looked into them, but I have no idea what to buy because I have no idea what program would do what needs to be done. And I am not sure that I would have enough computer experience to learn how to use it if I did find one. What is interesting is that you can look at a picture and that picture can affect your emotions and other parts of the autonomic nervous system. Because of that you can use different pictures to teach others, if they are interested, how to activate the life centers and the immune system as well as turn on other different neural areas.

What I started doing years ago because I am an empath and really good at it, was to study the energy systems of movie and TV stars to learn how to do the different energy systems that they do as stars. The beautiful people in Hollywood light up in different ways and they can do it in a noisy way. And the way that they light up affects the emotions and the nervous systems of their audience. The question was, "What parts of the body are they putting thought into to create the energy fields that they are manifesting when they are doing what only the beautiful people can do ?" Nobody knows how it is that they are doing what they are doing, all they know is that the director can see it and that the camera likes them. It is not so much about acting that is important, it is about what you are radiating when you are acting that is the kicker. Now Phil back to "Thought", most actors are taught to think of something that creates the emotional state of being that the script is calling for. With the understanding that some actors just directly put "Thought" into the area or areas that they want to light up. In my world, at least back then, if everybody knew how to do this or how it was done, then everybody would be equal. The beautiful people would just be an example of what you can do if you want to. They wouldn't be Gods.

From it there became, if people knew how to directly stimulate their immune system and their life centers with "Thought", they would be healthier and happier.

Quote Phil:
"It does all seem to come down to the proper management of the power of thought. At least, that's where I am with things in my book. Thought and speech are a sharing in the power of the Word, and Lord knows we misuse this power all the time. I suppose it's why Jesus told us we'd be held responsible for every idle word we speak (Mt. 12:36). Sobering!"

You see Phil , the clues that you give me about what you are attempting to do with your book are very helpful. "The proper management of the power of thought." Your definition of "thought" is the process of thinking and the actions that result from this process of thinking. With Lord Jesus saying we are responsible for the action of speaking. I think that somewhere scripture says also says that were are responsible for what we think even if there is no action. But I could be wrong about that.

"The proper management of the power of thought." Phil that phrase that you have coined is a awesome gift to me and what it is that I am grappling with at this point in time ! What I am studying is also the proper management of the power of thought. What I didn't have is a simple way of understanding what it is that I am doing. Now I do as well as a better understanding of what you are working on. So lets define "Thought" as the conscious mind's and the subconscious mind's ability to affect the autonomic nervous system and "thought" as the act of thinking and the actions that result from it. "thought" originates in two different places, the conscious mind and the subconscious mind. And it is the conscious mind's responsibility to say "no" to any hurtful thoughts that come into the conscious mind from the subconscious mind if one has any "broken" programming in the subconscious mind. Which most of us do. "The Devil told me to and the Angel told me not to." From there it is up to the conscious mind to decide who it listens to. And the approach that you are working on at this time with your book is, "If you don't listen to the Angel, scripture says that you will be punished for it."

to be continued... but comments are still welcome.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Tucker,

Continued from the above post:

Here is what you are up against Phil, based on my experience with the Devil that dwells in my subconscious mind. The Devil gives you permission to feel "power" and the Angel takes away that permission to feel "power", according to the Devil. And the Devil has control of your autonomic nervous system . So here is your challenge Phil , You have to find a way to give the Angel "power". The Devil says that you will loose permission to feel "power", now remember that the Devil has control of your autonomic system, and when you lose this permission to feel power you go into a fight or flight mind reality. If fight is not possible and flight is not possible, then you go into a depression that overtime leads to death. And all of this is just non valid subconscious programing that you picked up in your childhood. "The sins of the parents will be visited on their children."

Scripture says that if you do not listen to the Angel that you will be punished in the Hereafter. The Devil says that if you do not listen to it that you will die now and He then gives you a nudge into or toward the "Valley of the Fear of Death". Which then throws you into the fight or flight response because everyone knows that if you do not have "power" you will die. The devil tells you how to get " power" so that you can live in this physical world. The Angel needs to tell you how to get "power" in this physical world so that you can live in this physical world. Usually the Angel gives you "power" through Faith and Hope or I am on some kind of mission, but if you read the New Testament in a literal sense, the message is that the reward is in Heaven, not in the physical world. Which is why if you want to have permission to have "power" in this life you go to the Old Testament. It is full of smiting thy enemies because God is on your side. The Jews do not believe in Heaven so their scripture is about "power" in this physical life.

You are a "Word Smith" Phil and I am a "Word Smith" And our challenge is the proper management of the power of words because they create thought . Maybe ?

How do you empower people through Christ Jesus? Christ Jesus had two messages, one for the Jewish leadership and the Jewish sects, who were basically the ones that were against Him. And He had another different message for His followers. His message to the Jewish leadership and the individuals of the Jewish sects had a lot of threat to it. While at the same time His message to His followers had a lot hope, love, and forgiveness to it. A lot of people both past and present have used Christ Jesus' message to the Jewish leaders and the individuals of the Jewish sects to scare or threaten people in becoming Christians and staying Christians and usually those people that use that message want the "power" that comes with a large following. While at the same time there are people that use Christ Jesus' message to His followers to bring people into Christianity through love, hope, and forgiveness. Apparently both approaches work . But the threat approach only works, in a free society, on certain types of personalities with that approach scaring everybody else off even if they join for a little while. While at the same time, the people who become Christians through the hope, love, and forgiveness message approach are Christians that are a gift to the love and forgiveness of our Lord and Savior and the message of His salvation.

That was fun Phil . I love smithing words (with the understanding that "smithing" is not a considered word by the educated crowd ). Well I guess I have to go back to battling the devil in my subconscious mind. It was fun to get reprieve for a little while.

Love you, Tucker

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Tucker,

You have a most interesting way of framing things, Tucker, but I'm not sure how literally you intend your comments to be taken. E.g., the autonomic nervous system and the devil: the ANS controls unconscious processes, like heart rate, breathing, digestion, etc.
- see http://www.merckmanuals.com/ho...nomic-nervous-system

It's hard to see how that kind of activity could be the province of the devil, so I am thinking you must mean repressed emotions and memories in the unconscious, as that would be in line with your earlier comments about dealing with old programming. But even there, I would not consign the psychological unconscious to the devil. Maybe you can say more about what you mean by "power," as the will-to-power can indeed become a great temptation.

I'm still working on the issue of thoughts, words, etc., and, as you noted, Jesus does hold us accountable not only for our words, but for the thoughts we get involved with (Mt. 5:27-28). We cannot help having thoughts, but we do have a measure of freedom to choose which ones we will become involved with and encourage. Thoughts eventually lead to actions, and are, in some ways, a kind of action themselves.

quote:

Originally posted by Phil:
You have a most interesting way of framing things, Tucker, but I'm not sure how literally you intend your comments to be taken. E.g., the autonomic nervous system and the devil: the ANS controls unconscious processes, like heart rate, breathing, digestion, etc.
- see http://www.merckmanuals.com/ho...nomic-nervous-system

It's hard to see how that kind of activity could be the province of the devil, so I am thinking you must mean repressed emotions and memories in the unconscious, as that would be in line with your earlier comments about dealing with old programming. But even there, I would not consign the psychological unconscious to the devil. Maybe you can say more about what you mean by "power," as the will-to-power can indeed become a great temptation.

I'm still working on the issue of thoughts, words, etc., and, as you noted, Jesus does hold us accountable not only for our words, but for the thoughts we get involved with (Mt. 5:27-28). We cannot help having thoughts, but we do have a measure of freedom to choose which ones we will become involved with and encourage. Thoughts eventually lead to actions, and are, in some ways, a kind of action themselves.

Phil that is why the question, "Can I put it into "words"?", comes up . And this is with the understanding that the word "words" means: in a way that others can understand what it is that I am trying to say. The concept of Satan is an interesting concept. If Satan is real and he wanted to destroy or hinder mankind's path toward God the best way would to be to plant a programing virus in the foundation personality programing of the subconscious mind and this program would be pasted down from one generation to the next through early childhood conditioning by parents and others who carry this programming virus. And if he was smart about things, which he is, he would anchor this programming virus to the "fight or flight response" part of the autonomic nervous system. That way, if it was done properly, any attempt to remove this programming virus would cause a person's brain and nervous system to shut down .

And it could be said that if people didn't carry this programming virus (which goes clear back to Cain and Able) they wouldn't listen to Satan. Or in a lot of cases, be in conflict with what Satan says and what those people who do not have this virus or are not under the influence of it this virus say. Now it should be understood that this programming virus is not Satan himself even though considering it Satan himself can be helpful , it is not actually Satan himself. We are biological computers and this virus is just programming. Nothing more and nothing less. And this virus' purpose is to make one susceptible to Satan's lies. Or at least be in conflict about them. And this programming virus is anchored to the "fight or flight response" part of the autonomic nervous system in a way that any attempt to remove this virus shuts down the mind and the nervous system.

"Power"? Humm? I am having fun Phil and I really appreciate your patience and compassion with me. For a little while because of you and your message board gift to others I get to think about things that take me away from and give me a reprieve from my normal daily stresses and problems. Thank you, I really appreciate this! Power? The problem is that if you start to delve into any part of a normal persons personality programing that is anything but surface programming they start to get "fidgety". And if you push it they get angry. Now in some people (a lot people ) the concept of having "person power", which can come in many different forms, causes them to be safe and anything real or imagined that causes them to feel a threat to this/their concept of "personal power" they then get angry or they walk off.

What is interesting Phil, at least to me, is that you are different. You do not have this need for a concept of "personal power" as a part of your personality programming . You are different. Phil, I have absolutely no idea how it is that you approach reality. The foundation for my personality programming is based on concepts of "personal power" and when I lose these concepts of "personal power", which I have done, I fall a part both mentally and physically. Which then leaves me in a state of depression and fear which I am constantly battling. And it is all due to programming that is not valid. And any attempt to change this programming stimulates the neural shut down region in my lower hypothalamus. And I get stuck there.

So Phil I guess we need to understand that what I am attempting to describe and explain does not apply to you and other like you that have a different personality programming. What I am attempting to describe and explain applies only to me and other people that have the same or versions of the same personality programming that I have. I think that that is where the confusion is coming in here. I think you are attempting understand what I am attempting to explain and describe in a way that is based on your explorations of your own personality programming. The problem is that people who have my kind of programming are different than you and others like you. And most of the people that come to your message board for help have my kind of personality programming and a break down in their concept of "personal power" programming is what is causing them to experience an uncontrolled Kundalini rising.

Well anyway, to sum things up, what I am attempting to describe and explain is why people like me who have the same or a similar version of my personality programming which they picked up in their childhood have uncontrolled kundalini risings. Why people like you and others like you have uncontrolled Kundalini risings I have no idea. Because, you have a different personality programming framework than I and others like me do. With people that have my kind of personality programming and they come to you because they are having an uncontrolled Kundalini rising the first thing you ask them is, "Do you feel safe?" Because something in their life is threatening their concept of "personal power". What does "power" mean? "Power" means, in simple terms, "I do not feel safe." For whatever reason, valid or invalid. The feeling of "not feeling safe" for whatever reason, valid or invalid, causes the beginnings of an uncontrolled Kundalini rising in people who have my kind or similar versions of my kind of personality programming. And if allowed to continue this feeling will lead to a full blown uncontrolled Kundalini rising.

Love, Tucker

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Tucker,

Everyone has been wounded by non-love (sin), Tucker; self included. I think this wounding begins very early on, perhaps during conception, as the energetic milieu of our development is contaminated. This is further reinforced through relationships as we become children, teens, etc. Imperfect love keeps that fight-or-flight system on edge; there's nothing wrong with it; it's functioning as it should. Only perfect love casts out all fear (1 Jn. 4:18), and only God can communicate this love. I think contemplation -- resting in God's love -- is the most healing practice of all, along with the practice of unconditional self-acceptance and the effort to love others unconditionally. Eventually, the false self programming is weakened, its affectivity is drained, and one comes out in a much better place -- not perfect, of course, but relatively free from interference with old programs.

See http://shalomplace.com/res/orgfss.html

My books, Here Now in Love, and God and I provide extensive discussion of these dynamics. The link below is to a worksheet that summarizes some of these practices.

http://shalomplace.com/res/drop.html

The struggle with this inner programming is a cross we must all bear. I do hear your struggle with this -- a most courageous undertaking!

quote:

Originally posted by Phil:
Everyone has been wounded by non-love (sin), Tucker; self included. I think this wounding begins very early on, perhaps during conception, as the energetic milieu of our development is contaminated. This is further reinforced through relationships as we become children, teens, etc. Imperfect love keeps that fight-or-flight system on edge; there's nothing wrong with it; it's functioning as it should. Only perfect love casts out all fear (1 Jn. 4:18), and only God can communicate this love. I think contemplation -- resting in God's love -- is the most healing practice of all, along with the practice of unconditional self-acceptance and the effort to love others unconditionally. Eventually, the false self programming is weakened, its affectivity is drained, and one comes out in a much better place -- not perfect, of course, but relatively free from interference with old programs.

See http://shalomplace.com/res/orgfss.html

My books, Here Now in Love, and God and I provide extensive discussion of these dynamics. The link below is to a worksheet that summarizes some of these practices.

http://shalomplace.com/res/drop.html

The struggle with this inner programming is a cross we must all bear. I do hear your struggle with this -- a most courageous undertaking!

Thank you Phil, your words are very helpful! And thank your for the autonomic nervous system page ! I read the two pages that are on Shalomplace that you gave me and most of what you are giving others I already do as a part of my relationship with God and Lord Jesus so in my opinion what you are presenting is very valid. And while reading those pages I see that I can contribute to your ministry, so I am going to look into that.

Phil, I found the "On" switch area of the autonomic nervous system, the switch that when stimulated turns on everything that the "Off" switch in one of the regions of the lower hypothalamus turns off. Actually Lord Jesus gave it to me, but it just took me a while to understand what it was that He gave me . Now, here is what I am finding interesting about things: When the "On" switch is stimulated and the "Off" switch is stimulated, both at the same time, the result is a controlled Kundalini rising. Now if you would like to see an example of a person who can do this really well, have a look at Ariana Grande, the singer, when she is performing in concert. And because she can do this she is a mega star. And she can do this because it is a part of her genetic makeup with no conflict from her personality programming.

The reason that I had trouble understanding what Lord Jesus gave me was because I don't have any programming for stimulating this "On" switch. Also you have to close your mouth and breath through your nose while you are stimulating this "On" switch. My breathing habit is to breath through my mouth because my sinuses are always congested up. What is surprising though is that when I close my mouth and breath through my nose while stimulating this "On" switch, my sinuses clear up and breathing is easy. So it is turning out that in order for me to do what normal functional people do automatically without conscious thought I have to learn new breathing habits and to consciously stimulate this "On" switch until that also becomes habit. Learning these new habits is really hard for me because the old habits that are a part of my personality programming keep want to exert themselves. Which then causes me to slip back into a full blown panic attack.

Because I am a yogi with a lot of time and grade, I can shut off my thoughts and function with a quite mind. So, I don't have to deal with thought habits like most people do. And I don't have to deal with creating or learning any new thought habits either . I just am existing in the "Now" with no future or past. All I have to do now is to learn how to do things while I am consciously stimulating the "On" switch and breathing through my nose. And again Phil, that website on the Autonomic Nervous System that you gave me was a God send. From it I learned that I was shutting down the para sympathetic part of the autonomic nervous system and while at the same time, over stimulating the sympathetic part which then results in causing physical and neural degeneration. The "On" switch that I have been given by Lord Jesus, who is my master, is actually a switch that when activated turns back on the para sympathetic part of my autonomic nervous system . Yea!

I love you Phil! Tucker

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Tucker, what do you think about the Holy Spirit "managing" these inner "switches" and feedback loops? I, for one, cannot hope to manage my brain as you are describing, aside from taking responsibility for my thought processes. But I do find that prayer in the Spirit changes my breathing and brings about a quality of calm and confidence that must surely reflect some pattern of brain activity as well.

Also, Tucker, I am still wondering after all this time whether yogic mysticism leaves those old internal programs intact while enabling one to live "around" them. At worst, this would be psychological dissociation; at best, it would be a spiritual adaptation for living in the present moment, but without significantly engaging the body and the psyche.

Glad to hear you liked that web page on the ANS. There was once a time, many years ago, when I was a biology major in college and had to learn all of that in great detail. Sadly, I've forgotten much of it.

quote:

Originally posted by Phil:
Tucker, what do you think about the Holy Spirit "managing" these inner "switches" and feedback loops? I, for one, cannot hope to manage my brain as you are describing, aside from taking responsibility for my thought processes. But I do find that prayer in the Spirit changes my breathing and brings about a quality of calm and confidence that must surely reflect some pattern of brain activity as well.

Also, Tucker, I am still wondering after all this time whether yogic mysticism leaves those old internal programs intact while enabling one to live "around" them. At worst, this would be psychological dissociation; at best, it would be a spiritual adaptation for living in the present moment, but without significantly engaging the body and the psyche.

Glad to hear you liked that web page on the ANS. There was once a time, many years ago, when I was a biology major in college and had to learn all of that in great detail. Sadly, I've forgotten much of it.

I love your questions Phil, they create depth and direction to a better understanding of the bigger picture. They really do you know. The presence of the Holy Spirit by its very nature brings balance to the energy systems both inside the body and outside that body. When a balanced energy presence indwells our physical and spiritual energy systems, these energy systems become as the balanced energy presence is. Also you can have the presence of Lord Jesus inside of you. Which scripture seems to indicated when Lord Jesus said, "I am inside of you." and when Lord Jesus said, "This is my body and this is my blood and that we were to eat it." And thus placing Him inside of us. We can be occupied by the presence of the Holy Spirit, the presence of Lord Jesus, and even the presence of The Father. Any one of these energy presences if allowed free reign will bring our energy systems, which includes brain activity, into a state of balance and if present within us long enough, into a state of Divine perfection. The problem is Phil, is establishing new thought habits that allow These presences to become permanently present within you. Phil you have an experience that you describe as "prayer in the Spirit" and this "prayer in the Spirit" experience brings you into a state of balance. So my question to you is , "Why can't you be in this "prayer in the Spirit" state of being all of the time?"

Yogi mysticism? I guess what you are asking would depend on the yogi and who his master is. Relative to tradition, different traditions teach different things. And yes, one of the things that is taught is how to shut off your thoughts. The foundation for that approach starts with, "Yoga (union) starts with niradha (a quiet mind). And that is rule one for the traditions that follow that approach to things. If you can maintain a quiet mind as a state of being you do not need to go through your personality programming and mess with it . Why do I label myself a Christian Mystic Yogi? When I decided to look into the mind aspects of yoga I went to Lord Jesus and ask Him to teach me what is that the Hindu yogis know. When I read, "The Autobiography of a Yogi", by Yoganada, Yoganada said that Jesus knew this Yogi stuff. So because Lord Jesus was already my Lord and Master as a Christian and as a Christian mystic, I went to Him to teach me about Hindu yogi mind stuff. And the first thing He had me do was to meditate on a candle flame to teach me how to focus my mind. I did this for hours at a time for two years. From there my meditation was to focus my mind on my heart center. And from there over the years we went into and studied all kinds of interesting things that the mind aspects of yoga are about.

I am a mystic because I do not have a master/teacher that occupies a physical body of this Earth. I am a Christian mystic (for sixty-three years) because Jesus is my Lord and Savior as well as my Master/Teacher. My original goal was to be able to help Christians who were being drawn to Hindu yoga traditions for information that they felt and were being told by these Hindu traditions were not available through the Christian Churches. Technically the Catholic Church does have a place for mysticism, it is just that none of their mystics, that have written about it, have gone as deep into things as I have as well as from as many different angles as I have. And I am still learning things. If I wrote a book, by the time I was done with it everything would be sort of different, at least relative to new approaches, because of new knowledge . I hate that part . You start out as a mystic thinking that there is lump sum of information and that once you know that information that you are done and home free. But it turns out that if you are any good at being a mystic that there is no end to it. The information that you are exploring is an ever expanding sphere that expands both outward and inward geometrically. It is like you have normal reality, which can be pretty complicated, as well as the direction that astrophysics takes you and the direction that particle physics takes you, all at the same time.

I didn't need to dig as deep into the foundations of my personality programming as I did, with the understanding that that exploration has almost killed me , I could have side stepped it either as some of the yogis or Buddhist do or by entering in a spiritual reality through the presence of the Holy Spirit or Lord Jesus as the saints do. But I did it the hard way ! I walked through the "Valley of the Fear of Death" with the "Valley" being on steroids. I went down to where your autonomic nervous system through absolute terror shuts down your whole body and any farther and it would have stopped my heart. And I did it because I wanted to have a look at that sucker. I wanted understand the part of my personality programing that was telling me that it was my friend while all of the time it was trying to kill me. And I wanted to understand its relationship to the autonomic nervous system. I had already spent years studying how to stimulate the different the bliss centers and how to how to stimulate the different life energy centers. Fear and its relationship to the autonomic nervous system along with foundation personality programming and its relationship to fear and the autonomic nervous system was the only thing left to study. I don't know if I well ever be able to repair the physical and neural damage that exploring it for years has caused, but I now understand it and I actually have some control over it . And as I practice I will have more control over it. It is to bad about the damage, but oh well we all have a cross to bear. I do not know where my life is going to go from here, but as Lord Jesus said, "Take things one day at a time." I have no past and no future, and the future is in the hands of the loving Divine. Just stimulate the area of the "On" switch, breathe through my nose, and hang on. And hopefully the damage results of my travels through the "Valley of the Fear of Death" won't handy cap me too much and maybe even be healed.

Love, Tucker

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In a nutshell, Tucker. Well-said!

quote:

Originally posted by Phil:
In a nutshell, Tucker. Well-said!

Thank you Phil. I have written some more since your post I hope you find it in a nut shell all so . It takes me forever to compose a post because I can't sit real long and because I have to go to Lord Jesus to help me organize my thoughts into words. "How do I say this master?" Then I have to go through and edit everything that I have written because I am a terrible typist, I am dyslexic and I also can't spell, so I have to run a lot of things through my spelling computer. Which has reached the point where the "R" is not working very good. But luckily I now have lots of time and do I love having somebody that I can run things by. Being here with you and posting things is very therapeutic for me . I am very grateful to you Phil!

Love, Tucker

I'm glad you find this therapeutic, Tucker, as it sounds like you really work hard at it. Makes your contributions all the more meaningful!

Well Phil, I have no idea what to post about . I guess I said everything that I wanted to say in a therapeutic sense and I sure had a lot of fun making a post.

Love, Tucker

That's good. Maybe others will have questions, as that is the purpose of this discussion thread.

I am going to say thank you for the conversation here. I don't understand all of what I am reading but it is comforting to know I am not the only "displaced" person with mystical tendencies who is struggling somewhat to find a place in the world because of it. I feel as though I have grown out of my Christianity, I am going through a "dark night of the soul" and undergoing kundalini energy processes. I am also breaking down the conditioning of my mind in regards to significant childhood trauma which can be painful and frightening at times, but my physical health is constantly improving as a result. I can't meditate for very long at any time without setting off some very unwanted physical effects but work within my limits. it will be interesting to see how far I will go in this process. I have a Chinese GP who taught me a movement based meditation who has some capacity to guide me through this stuff, but he is not used to having a patient undergoing such extreme experiences. But I try to keep my peace with the process and go with the flow as much as possible.

Welcome aboard, Belinda. A lot of the details of what is discussed here are outside my experience too. But I think all of us Christian contemplatives have experienced openings, awakenings, and born-again experiences over the years. It sounds like that’s where you are right now.

Yes, welcome Belinda, and good to connect with you here.

Sounds like a deep, healing process is at work in you, and you can be assured that many other Christians have traveled non-conventional pathways on their journey. As you know, I've had my own kundalini journey as well, but always found that connection with Christ via Eucharist to be integrative and healing. And it can indeed be difficult to meditate, read, or do ordinary spiritual exercises at times. For me, it helps just to "be," to sit in the silence and rest. That's very much at the heart of the Christian mystical tradition.

Keep us informed about how you're doing. No doubt you've discovered the forum on kundalini issues as well.

quote:

Originally posted by Belinda Daniel:
I am going to say thank you for the conversation here. I don't understand all of what I am reading but it is comforting to know I am not the only "displaced" person with mystical tendencies who is struggling somewhat to find a place in the world because of it. I feel as though I have grown out of my Christianity, I am going through a "dark night of the soul" and undergoing kundalini energy processes. I am also breaking down the conditioning of my mind in regards to significant childhood trauma which can be painful and frightening at times, but my physical health is constantly improving as a result. I can't meditate for very long at any time without setting off some very unwanted physical effects but work within my limits. it will be interesting to see how far I will go in this process. I have a Chinese GP who taught me a movement based meditation who has some capacity to guide me through this stuff, but he is not used to having a patient undergoing such extreme experiences. But I try to keep my peace with the process and go with the flow as much as possible.

Hi Belinda and welcome to Phil's forums! I like your phrase, "a displaced person with mystical tendencies who is struggling somewhat to find a place in the world because of it." Your words say it all! And Belinda, I personally agree with what both Phil and Derek are saying and because I have experienced the intensity of the experience that you are experiencing I do understand where you are coming from and what it is that you are experiencing. And Belinda my heart goes out to you and I don't know what else to say about that . Belinda, sometimes it helps to just talk about things and it doesn't really matter if they make sense or not. A lot of what I have done in this topic is to just talk about myself and what I am thinking about things and like Derek said some times things don't make sense but it did help me to feel better and to cope with what I was experiencing at the time.

So Belinda you can talk about anything that you want to in this topic that you find might be helpful to you with what you are experiencing and what you say and discuss will probably be helpful to others also. And I agree with you that it will be interesting to see how far you will go with this process and maybe we can stand with you on this as friends who have experienced what you are experiencing.

Love you, tucker

Very nice response, Tucker. Thank you.

Tucker, this is not a question, but I came across this Saint's story today, and was reminded of you. See what you think of this one: St. Sabas.

https://www.franciscanmedia.org/saint-sabas/

quote:

Originally posted by Phil:
Tucker, this is not a question, but I came across this Saint's story today, and was reminded of you. See what you think of this one: St. Sabas.

https://www.franciscanmedia.org/saint-sabas/

Thank you Phil, that web page was interesting and helpful.
love, tucker

Phil I did not actually realize that you are a professional spiritual director and what it is that that actually means until just now. Phil I think that over the years that I have been on this message board that I have be running counter, generally speaking, to the theme of this message board and website and your job as a professional without realizing it. Humm and oops ? It has just now dawned on me that this is not a normal message board and forum, it is actually an extension of your office. And that I have seemed to have come here to a certain extent for spiritual direction without realizing it or paying for it. A lot of the things that I talk about on this message board are the same things that I would be talking about if you were my spiritual director.

And you have helped me come to grips with and to understand a lot of things that my life experience has issued me as a person and as a religious person in spite of my contrary nature. Phil I owe you some money that I do not have. Phil I can plead ignorance, but I am no longer ignorant and that can no longer be used as an excuse. I don't know what to do, I guess all I can do is apologize go find something else to do. I know that you are a good person Phil with a heart as big as the whole out of doors so I am forgiven and thank you!

Love, tucker

You're fine, Tucker. There's no fee for this board, and (believe me!) no one has been paying anything to interact here. The retreat center only requests money for private sessions. This Board is for open discussion and, as you know, it can go in many directions.

Thought you'd enjoy the story of St. Sabas. There were these cave-dwelling hermits in north African desserts from the 4th - 8th centuries, and they were highly sought out for their spiritual wisdom. A number of books have collected some of their sayings, which are often zen-like. The link below includes a few.

http://www.onelittleangel.com/...tes/saint.asp?mc=339