[QUOTE]Have you heard of M. Scott Peck's book The Denial of the Soul? I'll look for a review of it.

O, my goodness,after reading the first few pages on Amazon... I want to buy this book, 80% of how he describes his Grandmother's condition is what has been happening to my mom... She is in & out of her mind... Please pray for wisdom for my sister & I on code status... Thanks!

My prayers, Gail.

That book helped me with seeing my parents getting old, and in general, valuing life---though I still fear that in tough circumstances I will have little courage.

Christine--You spoke in one of your earliest posts (about the boy you called Brandon) of your longing to see His face. I long for that, too--what a day that will be, beyond imagining--and the poem I posted, when I first read it years ago, made me long to hear His voice in utter clarity, too. Can any of us fully grasp what that will like--to wake up to the face of God, and hear His voice in a way not even any mystic could bear in this life?

The following poem may seem off-topic, but to me it's a central motivation to living with the mystery of why people suffer.

When first thy sweet and gracious eye
Vouchsaf'd ev'n in the midst of youth and night
To look on me, who before did lie
Weltring in sinne;

I felt a sugred strange delight,
Passing all cordials made by any art
Bedew, embalme, and overrunne my heart,
And take it in.

Since that time many a bitter storm
My soul hath felt, ev'n able to destroy
Had the malicious and ill-meaning harm
His swing and sway:
But still thy sweet originall joy
Sprung from thine eye, did work within my soul,
And surging griefs, when they grew bold, controll,
And got the day.

If thy first glance so powerfull be,
A mirth but open'd and seal'd up again;
What wonders shall we feel when we shall see
Thy full-ey'd love!
When thou shalt look us out of pain,
And one aspect of thine spend in delight
More than a thousand sunnes disburse in light,
In heav'n above.

George Herbert, "The Glance"

..."thy full-ey'd love"..."when thou shalt look us out of pain"...

a couple years ago, i watched my Dad die after being diagnosed with cancer that was throughout his whole body.

I sat with my Mom in the hospital after many tests as the Dr. told her to take him home.

We set him up at a hospice but he was later brought home. There were moments when he would become very lucid and look directly into my eyes. and say something very tender.

His eyes became increasingly bright and very deep. His countanance changed also in a way i cannot describe. I could see something very mystical was happening.

He was decreasing and God was increasing.

After he passed away for many weeks I could perceive that his spirit was extremely strong.I felt his love as never before. What a gift.

Even though this was extremely difficult to watch, I was is awe.

Blessings to you, dear Gail.

And I pray:

Father, we ask that Your Word go forth now to Gail's mom. We ask that You would touch her heart with Your love and peace. We ask that You would minister to her tenderly in the ways that only You know. Lord Jesus, please be with Gail and her sister; give them Your strength and comfort. Grant them great serenity; be their guide and their rock.

quote:

Originally posted by carmel43:
a couple years ago, i watched my Dad die after being diagnosed with cancer that was throughout his whole body.
...After he passed away for many weeks I could perceive that his spirit was extremely strong.I felt his love as never before. What a gift.

Even though this was extremely difficult to watch, I was is awe.

That's very interesting, Donna. I had a profound experience too around the time I lost my father to cancer. He was 'in and out' so to speak and it appeared to me at times that he was 'tying up loose ends' as though to prepare for the next world. He said almost nothing to me during the several month decline, and I said little more than nothing to him. That was normal as we rarely talked about anything meaningful ever. During his suffering, I sat quietly by his bed and prayed a handful of times. Somehow, there was a mystical exchange between us that was deeply healing. It was as though the slate between us was wiped completely clean. I didn't feel love like you describe after you lost your father, but I felt a complete release from all the years of bondage to hurt, deprivation, bitterness, fear, hatred, and worst of all, ambivalence...all gone as if they *never existed*, not denied or suppressed, but gone--pretty amazing as my relationship with my father was so central to my identity. Only God can do that...He never fails us; He is the faithful One...

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Shasha:
Blessings to you, dear Gail.

Thank-You Shasha... I miss you & our sessions together... You had a profound impact on my heart, mind and spirit. I don't mean to make you blush here so I wont gush... I am grateful for S.P. for the Lord brought me to you through Phil's web site.

Wonderful sharing on this thread!

My Dad died quite unexpectedly in January. We were very close and so it was a great loss for me . . . still is. I think of him often, and sometimes find myself humming tidbits from the various Broadway musicals that he would whistle around the house growing up and when I'd visit. It seems to me that this is all his doing, as I don't especially like some of these songs, but they do remind me of him. I don't have a sense of his personal presence in the manner that some of you have shared, but I do have a peace about him being with God and still looking after me and my family somehow.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Phil:
Wonderful sharing on this thread!

Indeed it is wonderful... So sorry Phil about the loss of your wonderful father...

After reading your words I went back to an old e mail I had written after my dad died in 2007. I added a little bit of my story here.

I love this quote by Mark Twain: "Forgiveness is the
fragrance that the violet sheds under the heel that has crushed it".

My father crushed me with physical beatings, drunken rages in the night, and possibly the most damaging, his constant asking if I was an ******* idiot and if I had a brain inside of my head. I still bear the scars but I am no longer paralyzed with the feeling of being a worthless idiot.

2007: My longing for my dad to released from the prison of Alzheimer's happened on Saturday around noon. He had been sleeping restlessly for the past 48 hours. In his last 45 minutes of his life he opened his eyes and seemed to know me, he had lost his ability to speak months ago.
The nurses assured me that he could hear. At one point I said, Dad, I know you can't speak, but I can see it in your eyes that you want to tell me that you love me, and I want you to know I can feel your love,
and he squeezed my hand!
My brother and his girlfriend and I sang songs of praise, after awhile of singing praises, I said, O, you old hound dog, you always loved Elvis, so we sang: You ain't nothing but a hound dog and he smiled!
I promised him that we, (my brother and sister) would take care of mother...That it was OK for him to go be with Jesus, his dogs and his dad. Told him that we would be a family and not fight too much. HE SMILED AGAIN...
I don't remember all I was saying, but my words were coming from a place of a love so big inside of me,
On the heels of his last smile was a second of pain and he was gone.
It was a beautiful ending and I have a new memory to treasure.
Yes, there is great sorrow in my heart but it is so tender it almost feels holy. (2007)

I was fortunate to have enjoyed reconciliation in my heart with my dad several years before his mind went. It took years, a lot of therapy, many prayers, but I found much later in life that I could with God's grace love this angry old coot of a man.

Gail--That is a truly touching story. Thank you for telling it to us here.