My name is michael and I am a religious addict.

Jimmy Swaggart 1987. I remember it well. Swearing
to never become a hippocrite like him, I became a religious addict and eventually crashed and burned
and hit several "bottoms," with another milder bottom stemming from this election year which was a feast for religious addicts if I ever saw one.

I saw another one crash and burn after several years of working a twelve step program and going to mass every day... crash! The reason I could not see it coming to warn her was that I was again
entering denial about my own addiction. So, I'll have this thread going to work on this myself a bit, and if it helps you understand this illness,
HALLELUJAH!!!


Symptoms:

http://www.articlestation.com/...ious-addiction2.html

Black and white thinking and judgementalism, feeling high on being "chosen" or better or soemhow more "righteous" than someone else. Got that in spades, and I do it all of the time. The difference now is that I sometimes catch myself while I'm doing it or afterward, and hopefully before. I have a gay man in my life now and I see it as an opportunity to develop some love and tolerance and compassion try to understand rather than change him. God sends opportunities for growth.

Women share with me about their abortions or about their entire history leading up to an abortion and post-abortion trauma, and I get to
have a bit more compassion and a bit less judgement.

During the election year I created some distance between dear freinds who are nice people because of my political views. I'm working on making amends for this behavior.God loves deomocrats, republicans, anarchists and libertarians. Yes, even the Green Party.

Sometimes I expect magical cures like God will fix my finances without my help. Maybe a lotto ticket so God can "bless" me. I can pray all day, but God will not slip a sandwich under my door.

Scrupulosity: I have literally had a breakdown over trying to write more inventory for my twelve step program. 1500 pages and it was starting to look like War and Peace. I guess I though myself important, but I am really not that interesting.
I'm not much, but I'm all I think about.

The problem with pointing my finger at others is the three fingers pointing back at me. There is a saying among twelve steppers that we ought not take someone's inventory unless we wish to make their amends for them also. Another principle is that if I can "spot" it, I most likely have "got" it. What is it about that person which I really despise about myself?

Sex is dirty, sex is naughty, shame, shame, tsk,
tsk! Oh, please! Gimme shelter! Anyway, you get the idea...

caritas,

mm <*)))))><

One of the symptoms is a conflict with science education and the humanistic thinking arising from the "enlightenment." Some of this is legitimate, IMHO, but I see vestiges of bigotry and close-mindedness which I could work on some more. Agnosticism is sometimes the most enlightened position, methinks...

Retreating into a fantasy world. If you are mystically inclined, as I am, it is an occupational hazard of sorts. The texts on spiritual direction are full of warnings about this. IMAGINATE "NORMAL" (could be just a setting on the dryer)

"Manipulating scripture or texts, feeling specially chosen, claiming to recieve spiritual messages from God." Everyone gets spiritual messages from God, if they are listening. The problem arises when I feel mine are somehow better than yours.

Maintaining a "high" or trancelike state. Oh boy, did this alot in and out of charismatic groups. Did it alot with meditation. Again, the texts on spiritual direction are full of warnings about becoming addicted to the sweetness of the prayer.
Remember Dorothy in the poppie fields falling asleep just before she reached the Emerald City?
It's just like that...

"Sleeplessness, headaches, hypertension, psychosomatic illnesses." these can be warning signs. Be aware...

Arrogance "I,we are right and they are wrong", Us and Them. (a really good song by Pink Floyd)

"God is impersonal and vindictive. Religion is based on fear, anger and control." Ouch! I still can think this way at times. Lighten up...

"Emphasis on theological correctness rather than loving relationships." Bingo! Great way to avoid intimacy and responsibility and being close.

"I pride myself on my humility." ROTFL

Lack of accountability. Is your spiritual leader subject to authority or discipline of any kind? If not, why not?

Leaders attempt to impose their personal opinions upon "outsiders" or upon those still within the system but under suspicion. (witch hunts)

Lack of forgiveness, low self esteem, excessive guilt. "I'm lower than a whales belly, and so are you, by the way."

Leadership considered infallible.

Undue overemphasis on authority. (take me to your leader)

Poor ability relating to people. Emphasis on pat answers rather than meeting needs of hurting people.

Lots to think about...

caritas,

mm <*)))))><

http://www.fundamentalists-anonymous.org/ They have upgraded the sight since I was last there about a year ago and there are many resources. Some people walk away from Christianity entirely or become very
anti-religious, which although understandable, could
be throwing the baby out with the bath water...

http://www.crescentlife.com/sp...igious_addiction.htm

A good, brief article.

http://www.lexpages.com/SGN/pa...gious_addiction.html

Another list of symptoms. Ain't no "fun" in fundamentalism.

caritas,

mm <*)))))><

http://www.talkaboutreligion.c.../messages/24287.html

Here are the 12 steps of fundamentalists anonymous and a message board for those in recovery.

caritas,

mm <*)))))><

Arrogance "I,we are right and they are wrong", Us and Them. (a really good song by Pink Floyd)

Sometimes you are going to be right. Sometimes the others are going to be wrong. Maybe you've been arrogant and selfish with your talents and gifts, but it does no good to deny them. We may not be intimately familiar with our strengths and faults but we have strengths and faults. We do not need to exaggerate the ones we have or create new ones.

If you have a certain attraction for being right, special, or important it is also because you are all three in some subjects and probably none of the three in others.

Don't throw out the best of who you are, MM, just because you've made a mistake or two. Goodness knows there was probably a pretty good reason your radar was a bit off. Now�if you REALLY want to escape this cycle (and I assume you do) then I want to hear about the glories, talents and abilities of MM�not just how he has fallen short. Anybody can do that, particularly those still a little too bent on being pious. (You may list that as one of your strengths. )

Ran into an old freind yesterday, who has been in recovery for about a quarter century now. His backround is Pennsylvania Anabaptist/Menonnite and
German/Dutch. I like him since he seems to have stepped out of a time machine. He even wears an Amish style beard. http://history.mennonite.net/

We spoke briefly, and I having not seen him in awhile, were catching up a bit. He said the election
was all about placing morality over ethics, from his POV. He spoke about the Nazis, Martin Neimoller and Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

He is a very sensitive person, and edited an art magazine until he cracked up and found himself in a treatment center. Talk about midlife crisis, he lost everything. The only path to sanity for him has been to become a liberal and reject the right-
wing ideals of his tribe. I respect and honor his journey and it helps me to understand how reacting
to an excess of cultural conditioning could result
in the second half of life being a liberal and liberating journey.

How's that for thinking outside the box?

caritas,

mm <*)))))><

I respect and honor his journey and it helps me to understand how reacting
to an excess of cultural conditioning could result
in the second half of life being a liberal and liberating journey.

I�m not sure whether I respect it but I sympathize with it and understand it. He�s looking for balance. The problem is that he�s traveling to what he thinks is the opposite side of the spectrum without perhaps ever really understanding or knowing what that opposite side (the one he thinks he�s coming from) really looks like. He�s in for only more manipulation and disappointment, I think. But mysterious ways. Mysterious ways.

I don�t wish to sound insensitive, but if one is coming from a background where one�s life is highly structured, regulated and regimented, and if bullying and being told to do is what one wants to escape from, then liberalism isn�t the best remedy to what ails ya. All one is going to find is that their religion is packed in a different container�so different that you might not recognize it at first but it is not less restrictive and all the harmful effects of fundamentalist thinking are still there.

If one wants to move toward true tolerance, toward authentic self-expression and to find space under the loving wing of fellow travelers on this journey of life then best of luck with today�s self-described saints, peace makers and humanitarians on the left. I don�t really have a foolproof strategy for finding such things but I would think I�d be pretty much making the search that much more difficult by concentrating my efforts there. Simply substituting one set of problems for another is never the answer.