Continuing this discussion from a long time ago, especially following up on the post above by w.c. Check out the article linked to below:
- http://www.usatoday.com/news/o...n-gay-identity_n.htm

Turns out there's no 10% of the population who's gay; it's more like 1.4%, according to some recent research. And parsing the numbers even more, it turns out that a good number of those 1.4% seem to be pretty confused on this matter. In people over 35 years of age, the percentage who are gay drops under 1%.

I liked the article. Especially, the observation that gay community considers it praiseworthy that someone turned gay after being straight, but not the other way round. It seems to be like that.
It's interesting and seems true that people after age 35 just stop being gay . I remeber talking to a friend of mine who said that now that he is over 30, he considers a possibility to get a girlfriend and try loving women, because 30year old gay is thought to be old and unattractive in gay community and after several relationships it seems to him that maybe he can't find a happy relationship with another man. He liked women before he engaged in gay life, so he thought he could turn straight after all. I suppose it might be the case of many bisexuals individuals who grow and realize that love-life isn't about having fun and sex. The problem seems to be, as my friend told me, that it's not that easy to "come back" to women after you spent 10 years ignoring them altogether.

Psychologically, it may be a part of identity crisis and identity seeking in young people. Unfortunately, today's teenagers are often not only in their teens, but in their twenties. I guess that there is a larger number of people who occasionaly have homosexuals fantasies, feelings and so on, but wouldn't describe themselves as "gay" or "bi", since they have a stable straight identity.
What I find interesting is that our culture is emphasizing feelings and emotions so much (narcisissm!) that people think that if you "feel" something for same-sex person, it means you're gay. This is ridiculous. But no-one seems to think that, if from time to time I feel I might steal something, I must become a thief... (not that being a homosexual is the same as being a thief, of course).

I remember also talking to a girl when I was in Ann Arbor few years ago, and she told me - "I went to New York, I was kinda lesbian for 10 years, then I came back and now I'm straight, because I live with a man, and want to have a child with him".

From a psychotherapeutic point of view, I think this would be the thing to work with - is it just feelings, or identity?

Mt,

You're right that SSA is often seen as a disorder of gender identity. But there are many different patterns that can cause same-sex attraction. Have you seen this website by Janelle Hallman? It's listed on the Books and Movies thread.

Here's a clip from her paper concerning some psychological predictors of same-sex attraction in women. And I think we can extrapolate and apply these factors to male SSA also.

http://www.deserthope.com/deve...emale-homosexuality/

Over the years, I have observed several broad categories in terms of common historic and developmental themes within the lives of women with same-sex attraction:

· A strained, detached or missing bond and/or attachment with mother without an available mother substitute, resulting in a need for attachment;

· The presence of sexual abuse or trauma typically at the hands of a male or disillusionment and profound disappointment in relationships with males, resulting in a dismissal, fear or hatred of men;

· Few if any girlhood/adolescent same-sex friendships, resulting in a need for acceptance and belonging;

· Gender non-conforming skills and interests often combined with a sense of emptiness or identity moratorium in lieu of a full and rich identity as a feminine person, resulting in a need for self/identity and gender identity.

While the presence of these elements is not a direct predictor or determinant of female same-sex attraction, they are nevertheless the most common and frequently reported facets of a woman’s story. These elements are sequential in order of development or experience, boast of other associated common themes, and often predispose a girl or young woman to the next sequential element and are therefore interrelated.
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There are so many interwoven factors that seem to form SSA, and each person is unique in how they handle and express sexual identity issues. I heard a therapist present a case of a teenage boy who began dressing in woman's clothes and thought he was gay. The clinical work with him revealed that his father was into porn, had multiple affairs and had recently left the family. He was devastated by losing his father. Knowing that dad liked beautiful woman, and as a bid to retain father's love, he 'became' a female.

What's so sad about this kind of story is that the gay activist community would want to rally around this teenage boy and encourage him to feel good about his emerging homosexual identity. This is not helpful!

In the case of the boy above, the dysfunction is brought about unconsciously. He didn't know he was dressing as a woman in an attempt to gain father's attention/love. Left untreated, he may never know that but develop a character around that dynamic (or not if other naturally occurring events bring healing). Many therapists who work with SSA in traditional therapy would say SSA development is likewise unconsciously determined. It is less frequent to hear a homosexual person realize and acknowledge that their choice of orientation is a conscious avoidance of heterosexuality, for instance. But it does happen. I've met lesbians who have been abused by men (sexually or physically, etc.), and they will tell you plainly they choose women because they hate the thought of relating intimately to men.

And paradoxically, another dynamic one sees in SSA is that one uses the erotic attraction and activity as a defense against their yearning for a deeper love connection. So a man may get swept away by the gay community as a way of avoiding a deeper, mature longing for a man's love. The longing for love from a man is not met through sex, but actually denied and avoided. It's the 'let's hurry up and have sex so we don't have to deal with our fears/terrors of intimacy' syndrome. On the other hand, some gay couples are able to integrate sex and commitment, which represents a healthier development obviously.

Nice contributions to the discussion, Mt. and Shasha.

Shasha, you wrote: What's so sad about this kind of story is that the gay activist community would want to rally around this teenage boy and encourage him to feel good about his emerging homosexual identity. This is not helpful!

And Mt. I liked the article. Especially, the observation that gay community considers it praiseworthy that someone turned gay after being straight, but not the other way round. It seems to be like that.

Yes, as you both note, it seems the pendulum has swung hard against the prejudices of previous decades. It's politically correct now to cheer on those who want to "come out of the closet" to the homosexual side, but quite the opposite to encourage those crossing over to a heterosexual lifestyle. Also, as the article linked to below illustrates, there's a virulent anti-Christian bias among many gay rights activists.
- see http://www.nationalreview.com/...hate-matthew-shaffer which recounts the experience of 92-year-old Chick-fil-A founder and philanthropist, Samuel Truett Cathy.

Bravo!

This guy has a refreshing and inspirational take on his problem of being gay and Catholic. And since we're talking on the other thread about the Eucharist, I thought it deserved to be shared.

Actually, the only time I get shock or disgust or disbelief, the only time I’ve noticed people treating me differently after I tell them, is when I tell someone who supports the gay lifestyle. Celibacy?? You must be some kind of freak.

... If I want open-mindedness, acceptance, and understanding, I look to Catholics.

Is it hard to be gay and Catholic? Yes, because like everybody, I sometimes want things that are not good for me. The Church doesn’t let me have those things, not because she’s mean, but because she’s a good mother. If my son or daughter wanted to eat sand I’d tell them: that’s not what eating is for; it won’t nourish you; it will hurt you. Maybe my daughter has some kind of condition that makes her like sand better than food, but I still wouldn’t let her eat it. Actually, if she was young or stubborn enough, I might not be able to reason with her — I might just have to make a rule against eating sand. Even if she thought I was mean. So the Church doesn’t oppose gay marriage because it’s wrong; she opposes it because it’s impossible, just as impossible as living on sand. The Church believes, and I believe, in a universe that means something, and in a God who made the universe — made men and women, designed sex and marriage from the ground up. In that universe, gay marriage doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t fit with the rest of the picture, and we’re not about to throw out the rest of the picture. ...So, yes, it’s hard to be gay and Catholic — it’s hard to be anything and Catholic — because I don’t always get to do what I want. ...

Would I trade in my Catholicism for a worldview where I get to marry a man? Would I trade in the Eucharist and the Mass and the rest of it? Being a Catholic means believing in a God who literally waits in the chapel for me, hoping I’ll stop by just for ten minutes so he can pour out love and healing on my heart. Which is worth more — all this, or getting to have sex with who I want? I wish everybody, straight or gay, had as beautiful a life as I have. ...

http://youngandcatholic.net/2011/07/catholic-and-gay/

Thanks for posting this, Shasha. It certainly goes against the grain of how the popular culture treats this issue.