During the past couple of weeks, I've seen "Sideways," "Thirteen Conversations about One Thing," and "Shall We Dance." All were about mid-lifers trying to deal with the emptiness and malaise of their lives, though in very different ways.

In "Sideways," two midlife ex-college roommates embark on a week-long bachelor party prior to one of them marrying. The idea is to drink wine, play golf, lounge around, visit vineyards, drink wine, talk about wine, talk about drinking wine, drink wine at vineyards, talk about drinking wine at vineyards, etc. You get the idea! The soon-to-be groom also has an agenda: chase women, have sex, chase women, have sex, etc. The emptiness of these lives grates on one. By the end of the movie it's all resolved as they both realize they want to get serious with a woman and have a real relationship. Fine! Let us know how it's going in five years.

In "Thirteen Conversations. . ." we follow the lives of several thoroughly secular people who also happen to be unhappy. Well, one thought he was happy because he kept winning court cases, but after he hit-and-ran down a lovely young woman, leaving her for dead, the angst got the better of him as well. The one really happy guy is happily married, but portrayed as an air-head, pollyannish, and out of touch with "reality.' Even the guy that wins the lottery winds up miserable! There is a redeeming grace in it all, however; our run-over young woman, who eventually recovers her health, turns her life around when Mr. Happy Guy (a stranger to her) smiles at her one day. It made all the difference, restoring her hope in the human race. So we should smile at one another! That's what we need!

"Shall We Dance" is a fun movie, with Richard Gere, Jennifer Lopez and Susan Sarandon. Gere is dying of routinitis, even though he "has it all: nice house, well-paying job, beautiful wife (Sarandon), wholesome kids. Something's missing! Ball-room dancing, of course! He sees the sign every day, and it doesn't hurt that J Lo is looking out the window at times. He decides to go after her but ends up learning to love dancing for its own sake. This puts a smile on his face (which is good for "Thirteen Conversations" people) and steps a little more lightly through life. It would have helped had he told his family what he was doing; naturally, his wife assumed he was having an affair (which he would have been doing had J Lo not set the boundary).

In short, Hollywood hasn't a clue what to do about mid-life malaise. These are well-done movies, but the message just doesn't wash. People get new partners and learn new hobbies all the time to try to cope with mid-life issues, and it inevitably turns out to be just another fix. Jung said it best years ago when he noted that he never met anyone in mid-life who found contentment without availing themselves of spirituality (grossly paraphrased).

So think about it. Can you name ONE movie where spirituality is emphasized as the resolution for midlife or other issues? Outside of movies about religious people, can you think of any characters in any movies who seem to have lives of prayer, spiritual discipline, and involvement in a church community? None of those in the above movies do.

Hollywood perpetuates the delusion that if you can only find the right person, stuff, or activity outside yourself, you can make yourself happy. This might make for entertaining movies, but as counsel for living, forget it!

Amen brother! Though I haven't seen any of those movies, one doesn't have to..all you have to do is see the commercials on TV to get the same message. I truly can't even relate to the mindset in these kinds of things.

Blessings,
Terri

These are well-done movies, but the message just doesn't wash. People get new partners and learn new hobbies all the time to try to cope with mid-life issues, and it inevitably turns out to be just another fix.

I�ve taken up spirituality as a hobby.

Ouch! Don�t do that!

Hollywood perpetuates the delusion that if you can only find the right person, stuff, or activity outside yourself, you can make yourself happy. This might make for entertaining movies, but as counsel for living, forget it!

I�m going to "amen brother" that as well. Another criticism of movies such as these ("Doc Hollywood" is famous for this) is that you�ll get these glimpses of a Normal Rockwell rural America but there will be nary a church in sight.

In short, Hollywood hasn't a clue what to do about mid-life malaise.

I agree. I like the way you�ve made this connection. I haven�t seen any of these movies, but one reason I watch so few movies today (and one of the reasons I don�t have cable) is that the people running today�s Hollywood have lifestyles and beliefs as foreign to me as those of al Qaeda. But I do love watching the old stuff.

It�s getting so bad that they�re now talking about a quarterlife crisis.

quote:

HERE'S a guy who did everything right. Graduated from Yale. Married his high school sweetheart. Became a hotshot salesman at one of America's corporate giants. But that's all over now. He has divorced his wife, quit the wireless sales rat race and moved back to his hometown in northeast Pennsylvania.

The old midlife crisis strikes again, with one new wrinkle: the guy is 27.

"I was king of the world, but I didn't feel fulfilled," he said, asking not to be named because of embarrassment over his circumstances. "That started the snowball, and it all started rolling downhill from there."

Regrets about the past. Yearning for work that is spiritually fulfilling, not just lucrative. Misgivings about relationships. It turns out that many 20-somethings are wrestling with the kinds of issues long associated with middle age. They're having their "American Beauty" moment a decade or two ahead of schedule.

Think of it as a mid-midlife crisis. Or as some are calling it, a "quarterlife crisis."

I scanned that article fairly quickly, but this next part sounds reassuring, or at least the part that Phil notes as being left out of most movies:

quote:

Dr. Metzel said the young adults she treats often "judge themselves so harshly, and so much of judgment is predicated on financial success." She is troubled by their "willingness to sacrifice the internal life for the rewards of the external life."

Jeff Meyer, a software engineer, found himself doing exactly that.

"I'd always grown up knowing that math and sciences were this thing that would provide reason in life, and the idea of humanities and service to the community were absurd," Mr. Meyer said. "Then I left college and realized there's a lot of materialism that comes along with the engineering field and there has to be a place for emotion."

Now 30, he joined the youth ministry at his Washington church four years ago and began doing volunteer work. He leads Bible classes for high school students and takes them to soup kitchens to volunteer. "I have an extremely rich life in terms of the money I'm making," he said. "But there has to be more than those material aspects. A feeling of belonging."

So think about it. Can you name ONE movie where spirituality is emphasized as the resolution for midlife or other issues?

Not really.

In "Sideways," two midlife ex-college roommates embark on a week-long bachelor party prior to one of them marrying.

I recently watched that. I shut it off about 2/5 of the way through. It wasn�t "gritty" or poignant or any of those things that keeps one riveted to a story that might even be quite sad and painful to watch. This story was, frankly, just boring to me.

In short, Hollywood hasn't a clue what to do about mid-life malaise.

Fair enough. Neither do I.