Hi, all--

Checking in after a week or so since I last did. Right now, things are a mixed bag. Most of the noticeable physiological affects have diminished to almost nothing, although I still get the occasional pressure in my head and the distorted vision. I finally came up with a decent metaphor for the vision stuff--it's like using one of those photo-altering apps on your phone, except the photo is what's in your vision, and the "app" is kundalini. There will be some color distortion, blurring of vision, and some over-sharpening at times. Using a gentle meditation from Bonnie Greenwell, I'm able to tone down these acute moments fairly quickly.

The psychological stuff, though, is flaring up in unexpected patterns: depressed states that last an hour or two, some hopelessness that this isn't going to go away anytime soon, anxiety about my job performance and money management. The transient suicidal thoughts have nearly disappeared, but I'm left being struck by these very black moods when I least expect them.

I've been in contact with Bonnie twice this week (Phil, I told her you said hello), once in a one-on-one session, and once in a Skype class she's doing on Kundalini. The one interesting thing is being able to meet (and see) 19 other people who have either going through the process, or are currently going through it. Honestly, I don't know that I've ever met or seen another person (aside from forums like this) who have been through it. In that regard, it's pretty special.

Overall cognitive functioning is still good, I'm sleeping very deeply (without disturbing dreams), and there's really no physical discomfort. Just this mostly-psychological trippiness, including extreme sensitivity to other people's moods and internal states. I've found myself physically moving away from someone I'm talking to face to face in order to handle it.

Mary Ann, I've especially appreciated your posts to this thread . . . it feels like we are quite simpatico in how we see this process unfolding, especially as it relates to full embodiment. Someday, when I have more time and energy, I'll share of my reflections on your thoughts.

Thanks for the update, Jay. Sounds like things are moving along, but I wonder if it would be worthwhile to see a counselor about the anxiety and occasional depression.

Sounds like Bonnie has been a good help for you. That's encouraging.

Hi Jay,

I'm glad you are doing better and are very aware of your process.

re: embodiment
A few years ago I attended Tanakh study by various rabbis. A rabbi made the comment that the Jewish tradition never divided man into higher and lower halves--that came from the Greeks.

I just had an interesting email exchange with an abbot of a Taoist temple in CA about kundalini and will post it if he gives the OK. I think it is very relevant to this discussion.

I wish you all the best,
Mary Ann

Dear Mary Ann,

I would be honored if you posted the information so that others would have access to it so that it might provide the answers to some of the questions that arise for those who are trying to do energetic work....

Joy and Gratitude,
Dr. Welch

***
Dear Mary Ann,

My name is Dr. William Welch Jr. and I am one of Dr. Johnson's Senior Students. Dr. Johnson forwarded your email to me so that I might be able to assist you in your goals. I have studied and mastered several systems of Chinese Martial Arts such as Yang Family Taijiquan, Baguazhang, and Mizongquan, as well as having received my Doctorate in Traditional Chinese Medicine and Medical Qigong, and having received my ordination in Daoist Spiritual Studies and Practices as an Abbot of The Temple of the Celestial Cloud and being a Senior Abbot of The Temple of the Celestial Fire, all through having been taught by Dr. Johnson. I would be glad to advise you on trying to ascertain the best direction for you to take so that you might obtain a better state of health and mental peace.

I read your email and I am familiar with this type of occurrence, what I believe happened is that you experienced a type of energetic overload as you were able to reach deeper energetic levels through your prayer and meditation that the body was not prepared for. The practice to reach Kundalini is a very high practice and is not necessarily for the layman regardless of how naturally gifted a person is, it is equivalent to trying to climb a ladder beginning at the top rung, there is a reason why they have the bottom rungs on the ladder, in this case it is to prepare the body so that it will be capable of handling the larger quantities of energy achieved at the higher levels of meditation.

In Daoism, the training begins with the Lower Dantian which is one of the three Dantians of the body, the purpose and goal is to be able to root the energy of the body into the earth so that you are grounded and balanced when performing any type of energetic cultivation. Also, there is a purification process that must be accomplished at this stage in order to ensure that the energy that is cultivated is free of emotional toxins that have been acquired from our own personal experiences, all anger, jealousy, rage, resentment, obsession, grief, worry, fear, unmet expectations, that have not been resolved will ultimately infect the energy that has been cultivated rendering it of very little use especially at the higher levels of training.

You mentioned how you have been very heart oriented in your training, for us in the Daoist training this is the middle Dantian and this is where all of the emotional issues must be overcome in order to progress properly in the training, all Mother and Father issues that have not been overcome, any feelings towards others that are not of a pure nature, anything that has an emotional component tied to it is addressed at this level of training. What helps us accomplish this is that we have already trained and strengthen the body to handle the emotional releases that will be had as we come to terms with our emotional issues, that is the purpose of securing a firm root in the Lower Dantian so that you can be emotionally grounded. If you fail to take the time to properly cultivate your root, what happens is the energy rises and begins to affect the Upper Dantian and the person's mind and thoughts become scattered and incoherent and they can become delusional and begin to suffer from episodes of neurosis and forms of psychosis.

Another thing that I would like to make you aware of is the difference between using the energy to achieve a spiritual state (Energetic Spirituality) and using the energy to open up your energy centers and mind to higher levels of communication between you and the Divine (Spirituality through Service) so that you can be of service to all of mankind, these are two different things. Being of service to the Divine has nothing to do with cultivating energy although energy is cultivated, it is not about trying to go higher in the realm of Spirituality but being content to be of service in the realm of matter and in that way you go higher than you ever thought you could go.

Keep in mind that this is just a preliminary assumption based on the information in your email and my own past experiences with people of similar situation and problems. My suggestion to you if you would like to hear it, is to attend a Taiji [Tai Chi] class, by studying Taiji you will learn more about energy and its effect on the body, how to root that energy, how it is used to strengthen your body, and also cure the energetic imbalance within your body. Taiji has quite the reputation for strengthening physical health and healing and it also encompasses Qigong training which is essential to the Taiji training. This will help you achieve the anchor that you need in order to progress, otherwise it is like a kite that has no string to control it.

I teach Yang Family Taijiquan on Mondays and Wednesdays from 6pm-7pm for $100 a month, and I also teach Taijiquan, Baguazhang, Daoist Spiritual Studies, and Medical Qigong, privately for $100 per hour and $25 for each fifteen minutes after the initial hour. [I enquired about what class/method he would recommend to balance my energy and restore the nervous system.]

I hope that I was able to shed some light and I truly wish you the best in overcoming your situation. Visit my website if you would like more information: www.3Celestialfires.com and let me know if I can be of further assistance to you regarding this.

Blessings,

Dr. William Welch Jr.

[I ordered on Amazon "Tai Chi: The Empowering Workout with Dr. Jerry Alan Johnson" to use while I look for a class in my area.]

quote:

Being of service to the Divine has nothing to do with cultivating energy although energy is cultivated, it is not about trying to go higher in the realm of Spirituality but being content to be of service in the realm of matter and in that way you go higher than you ever thought you could go.

That's well said.

Thanks for sharing Dr. Welch's letter to you, Mary Ann. The Taoists have deep wisdom concerning energy and its integration. It should be clear to anyone following this forum that we make a distinction between what Christianity calls the Holy Spirit and the kinds of stirrings of energy Dr. Welch writes about, though the two can and often do intertwine.