Dear phil and friends:It is embarassing to post this but I am in need of help. Early in life I was very depressed having had great difficulties in my family life. After becoming ill and getting post-viral syndrome, I had to resign from teaching and go on welfare. I changed my diet, gave up dairy and wheat, became a vegetarian and returned to work 21/2 years later. I then worked for over 20 years, but still experienced depression and other symptoms. I did Tai Chi and some Buddhist chanting. I was spiritually searching. My life was very unhappy and stressful in many ways and I started to have physical symptoms: difficulty walking, bladder infections--a force inside so strong I would drive around screaming, a feeling at night of a sword pushing up my back and getting stuck at my diaphragm, throbbing in my throat, jaw locking, terrible back and neck pains. My partner meanwhile left me, my mother nearly died of a heart attack. Money problems followed and then I ended up having to go on disability. The doctors could find nothing except recurrent bladder infections and so I consulted some psychics who were well respected. I was told by two people that I was having a Kundalini awakening that was blocked because of trauma or toxicity. Meditation seemed to make me feel worse. I have become very ill, cannot walk more than a few blocks without later falling asleep, feeling very chilled, having dizziness and headaches, later shortness of breath and crying. I used to have feelings of intense heat in my body. I now get intense wrist pain and neck pain and sore throats and tingling in my hands and burning prickly feeling in my skin. I get urgency incontinence and sometimes I have creative surges where I write poem after poem and then get remendous headaches and collapse. Doctors want to give me anti-depressants. They make me feel suicidal or agitated or more depressed. I am very sensitive to medication and get awful side-effects. I am now not on anything but get viral infections easily and am very sick right now. I have been diagnosed with everything from chronic fatigue syndrome to dissociation to borderline personality syndrome. I am so confused. I keep saying to people who do not know what I am talking about that it feels like energy is not going through the central channel, that it is going up the sides of me, that energy is blocked in my body, that I feel empty inside, that something is stopping me from living. Could this be a Kundalini emergency or is it possible that I am possessed, or can one have such severe emotional problems that Kundalini just causes distress? I am a kind, very spiritual and passionate person who cares abot social justice and yet I feel I have lost touch with God and with myself. I welcome all feedback that is constructive and might shed light on my experience and what I might do to deal with it. Has anyone else had such an experience? Please let me know. This is truly a dark night of the soul, a soul that is immensley creative and loves life and nature profoundly.

Welcome Bluebird.

Quite an ordeal you describe! I kept waiting for the happy ending in your post, but, alas . . .

You've obviously had things checked out every which way, so that's good. Of course, neither I nor anyone lacking supernatural intelligence or some special graced knowledge can say for sure what's going on. It could be blocked kundalini; I've heard others share similar symptoms for such. Or it could be a combination of things like fibromyalgia, allergies of different kinds, repressed material in the unconscious, etc.

If you were in the Wichita, KS area, I'd encourage you to become part of the program at The Center for the Improvement of Human Functioning, Inc.. It would be very helpful to get your biochemistry in better shape, no matter what else is going on. Why not contact them to see if there's a similar clinic in your area.

You say little about your spiritual practice. Are you a Christian? Do you meditate or pray? Virtually everyone who's posted on this forum has shared that praying to Christ and the Holy Spirit has been helpful.

That's a brief response. I'm sure you'll hear from the other regulars here as well. You hang in there, and know that we're praying for you.

Shalom,

Phil

Thanks for the response. I will contact the centre you mentioned but I am a long way from Kansas being in Ontario Canada. I am a Quaker and we sit in silent meditation but I am finding this makes me peaceful at first and then later agitated and uncomfortabe and tired. It doesn't seem to help and makes me wonder why I am going to meeting. I don't feel I know how to pray about this as sometimes prayer makes the symptoms worse also. I am sorry I don't have a happy ending--I want to but right now am feeling desperate so am reaching out for guidance both spiritual and practical.I am sure others will respond with insight.

Hi bluebird!

The Alchemy of Illness by Kat Duff is a good book, by a Chronic Fatigue Syndrome patient. I was able to
encourage many people in my CFS support group by speaking of spirituality as a coping mechanism.
I have the symptoms you are describing, and I guess
I've had the thought that it might be nice to die about every day for over 13 years.

Hang on to that Quaker spirituality. It could get you through this and perhaps to something better.

Phil and w.c. are good resources for Christian kundalini, and
they have been a great help to me!

Good to have you here. Keep hope alive...

Just adding my prayers and best wishes through this, Bluebird. It can quite a ride with the Kundalini, especially at the start, but focusing on Christ, making him the centre of any prayer or meditation really helps. Any energy blockages can be worked through carefully, with attention, and I'm sure you'll be given real strength if you keep on praying.

Dear Blue Bird,

I am a fairly infrequent poster here, and you should know that some people here find my veiws and way of thinking rather unorthodox and New Age, possibly even un-Christian. I other than feel that way about myself, my beliefs, or my relationshiip with Christ, but given the vulnerablity of your situation, I feel it only fair and prudent of me for your sake and out of respect for Phils website, to tell you that.... You most likely came to a Christian website seeking a more traditional Christian approach to what I would call a healing crisis..but many of the things I have to suggest are discussed here..so I thought I'd share my experience with them.. I trust and pray that you will trust your own discernment process in evaluating all the information given to you here at that is all any of us can do.

I agree with everything they and especiallly with the Kat Duff book and the book WC recommended. The link he shared contains kinds I question is what I would have suggested myself, as this is what many healers have done with me..and it has always brought some gift or insight and healing and her outline is very thorough. Think of this pain as your freind, that has something to tell you. Prayfully let it know that you are grateful for it showing up to teach you AND let it know that you're ready for it to change it's form...that in it's present form it is causing you extreme discomfort and blocking your ability to love yourself and others.

If for some reason, you still find your insight and healing blocked, the other perspective I have to offer may be something you laugh at, or even judge. I only offer it because it has provided me with great insight into areas of my life I might otherwise have seen or understood from a strictly Catholic Christian perspective, which is how I was raised. And some of the 'solutions' and 'remedies' may be hard for you to imagine yourself doing, (like dancing in the way I will suggest) but I am confident that they are part of what has allowed me to integrate kundilini with relatively little discomfort compared to others.

Other than some chronic neck pain,which ended a few years ago, but started at age 14 when kundilini is first activated (according to an astrological perspective when chiron is opposite it's natal position) and a 5 year chronic skin rash (also now gone) which started at age 42 (when chiron was once again in it's oppossite natal position,) I have other then had any extreme physical discomfort in my body..which I think is due to some of the practices others might consider unorthodox or weird in some way.

From a astrological perspective, chiron is often referred to as "the wounded healer". Understanding it's placement in ones chart, and the planets which aspect it, and which maybe transiting it at any given time in ones life, can give much insight not only to what areas most need to be addressed and more hidden from your veiw, but also which modalities might be most affective in allowing the energy to flow unemcumbered and to integrate into ones consciousness. Theoretically, once on the other side of it, ones' own healing gifts become more clear to them, along with a better understanding of how to use them.

It was a very enlighted "classical homeopathist" that most helped me with my rash...but there was lots of cleansing that preceeded it, in the way of diet..no sugar, no coffee, no alcohol. And It was Tria's peaceful contenance and demeanor that allowed me to place absolute trust and faith in her, (crucial to any healing) She helped me with the rash which also resulted in freeing up areas of my emotional and spiritual life too. This woman had a 1 year waitting list but took me in as an emergency via a freinds referal when the rash migrated suddenly showed up on my face, and it looked NASTY..I didn't want to be seen. She got rid of my rash in just one treatment, with no ill side affects. This ... after spending thousands of dollars on another local suppossed expert..a medical homeopathist. She has since moved, and left the name of one of her students, but I mislaid it..But if this interests you, I could probably source one out. Tria explained how homeopathy works in a way that made a lot of sense to me, much more then the other expert, who never explained anything but gave me long lists of his credentials and endless lists of what I could and couldn't eat, and too many confusing remedies....All of which had some value as Purification Leads to Progress" on all levels of life. But it was Trias's life, her work and my personal results which most attested to the wisdom of her practice. She is sought after around the country and has helped bi-polar and attention deficit kids, and many "uncurable" dieseases. So ef you seek a classical homeopathist there, get references, and ask them A LOT of questions. (They will ask you thousands, very personnal ones too) which is why it is very important that you TRUST them and how you feel around them.

I suppose it would be fair to call myself an amateur astrologer at this point, my friends all think I should do it for a living. But I doubt I will ever feel confident enough to do anothers chart, it feels too big a responsibility at this time to me. And it is but one of many tools that has provided me with insight, a sort of symbolic univerasl language that can transcend cultural and religious differences. I have long found the most respected and reknown astrologers can provide great insight during the more confusing times in our lives as they can provide a more objective perspective into our personal bias's and beliefs,our paradigms, that might be causing the flow of energy. Jyotysh or Vedic Astrology in particular is the study of 'the unfolding of consciousness,' both personallly and collectively. It can bring light to areas of life where we experience blockages, limitation, or resistance to change. There are many good, highly ethical astrologers out there these days, both western and eastern (Jyotish) who can provide a great deal of insight to times of darkness in life. Jyotysh, however does not discuss Chiron, as it was not discovered during the time when Jyotysh was cognized by the Rishi's. But I am confident all that you are experiencing would be not only evident in you chart, but with a good Jyotish the exact time it started and when it might get better,if you take proper precautions. Some can also advise you with Ayurvedic remedies,which I would also recommend. I remember when I asked Hart about my daughter, who I gave up for adoption, he looked very puzzled and said,,,"You keep mentioning a daughter, but I see loss here." I said yes.I surrendered her at birth...He pinpointed the approximate time of birth, and said that definitely I was meant to conceive this child, but loss would have come one way or another...Interesting thing is,,that on some level I knew that which was a part of why I surreendered her. Two other Jyotishis said the same thing, with out any prompting from me. They also pinpointed exact dates of significant events in my life..like the death of my father, even the nature of the family secrets etc...So it is a very illuminating study, and can lead some profound questions about life.

So if this sort of knowledge does not scare or offend your own spiritual sensiblities, I would refer you to the school founded by Hart DeFouw, a delightful and sublime teacher, who happens to be a very proud Canadien, a'Knook' as he calls it,as were my parents...eh? ) Hart is the co-author of 'Light on Life'and 'Light on Relationships" and founder of The Vedic Institute of Astrology in San Raphael, Ca. (Search google) He is an internationally acclaimed and highly esteemed by every Jyotish astrologer I've ever met and can talk shop with "western astrology." His focus however is now entirely Jyotysh as he finds it to be far superior to western as a study of the evoltuion of conscioussnes I am confident he or his wife could recommend a good astrologer to you, that would be familiar with both eastern and western perspectives,if that is what you want. (Unfortunatley for us, Hart doesn't do personal charts anymore, he only teaches, and that he does with same grace,humor, humility and profundity as his readings were)

As far as your physical syptoms, for starters, and to assist cleansing, I would suggest "restorative yoga" ..it's very gentle yet cleansing form of hathy yoga.

Also, know that Amma, The Huggins Saint, www.amma.org in one of her books, told people that some of the kundilini breath excercises some people do can actually activate kundilini too fast for the physiology to keep up with. Amma, by the way will be Michigan end of November. Her darshan is VERY, VERY VERY profoundly healing physiically, emotionally and spiritually....like a bath in divine grace...saturation. (Go to TOURS on the site) You might even get to ask her a question. You can also recieve a mantra from her for Jesus,if that is what you want. Or you can ask her to pick one for you. In vedic traditions There is something about having a saint of her stature whispering it in you ear that activates the mantra vibrationally,it has to do with the sound of their voice. You just have to promise to try sit in meditation with it everyday 2x per day for the rest of your life. Amma has also instructed some of her devotees to teach what she calls the "I AM" technique which has assisted many in intergrating kundilini...It should be done 1x daily

I would also suggest you try dancing 'from the inside out' to music that soothes you at first, but don't be afraid to let yourself go into more stacato or chaoas movements when your strength improves, as they lead to lyrical and stillness. ...Indeed you may find your strength improves by allowing yourself to just let go. Dance with out shame or judgement and if possible with others who can support and compassionatley witness your dance. I've been dancing the 5 RHYTMS by Gabrielle Roth 1x to 8x's per month now for 15 years now, and know without a doubt, that had I not danced this way, I would have many more physical aches and pains and lots of inherited hurtful concepts of shame about my body. Dancing your prayers, till you feel your heart might burst, dancing till you cannot tell if your dancing to the music or if the music is dancing you...is very healing. There are probabably some Five Rhythms teachers/workshops near you..just search google.
Ok that's my 2 cents...oh and essential oils...specifically "cypress" for lymphatic release, and "lavender" for soothing..in a sesame oil base.
Blessings and Healing Prayers to you,

Virya (Pauline),

There are many mysteries. I'm rather fond of unorthodox approaches, and have read a hundred New Age books at one time or another. I have often been curious about astrology, but remain skeptical. I'm willing to keep an open mind and learn from you, and
am quite sure that I will. I do hope you feel welcome and thank you for sharing your love.

Thank you for your life, and, namaste

Thank you Michael,
I do feel welcomed,just too mentally challenged for what I have time for at this time in area I know little about.. I'm a hanger though..(an InterPlay term) Hangers learn a lot through osmosis. Shapers like to shape, get things in order, Thrusters like to make their point move on..Swingers like to relate, connect have a good time. And many subjects here are way over my head. I gravitate more to the philosopy that we can't solve problems on the level of the problem..They are just the manifestations of much deeper ills.
The most respected, most profound most difficult to read western astrologer which is all I could share about at this time, is Dane Rhudyar, often referred to a "the father of western astrology" It was his writings that first confirmed my own intutitive hunches, that there was much more meaning to astrology then the coffee table variities I was weaned on in junior high. He is a brilliant writer, mathmatician, muscian and philospher..a true renaissance man.
One of his first books is very small and easier to read. "Pulse of Life" is a wonderful laymans introduction to the mystery of astrology which would deepen anyones spiritual journey,especially Christians as he sees the birth chart as a seed pattern from which the potentiall of the Christ Consciousness evolves...It has meaning even with out knowing ones chart. A more challenging advanced read is 'An Astrological Tryptych; which I confess, 've yet to finish But I read these sort of things more sporadically and rarely front to back as they allow for it.
Looking forward to more dialague..
Check out the InterPlay in Shalom Lounge sometime....all improvised, stream of consciousness writing ...lots of fun yet very profound if you follow the instructions...
Love and Peace Pauline

Virya (Pauline),

I'm a Hanger too, and somewhat of a Swinger. Never would have known about Dane Rhudyar if not for you,
so I've learned something already from you.
Thank you for that, and the Hanger, Swinger, Shaper, and
Thruster styles.

Consciouness researcher David Hawkins calibrates astrology at 210-410, which is as
imprecise as he is on anything else. 400-500 is rationality and intellect. There must be quite a range in astrology, just like everything else. According to Doctor Hawkins, half of all spiritual teachers (including Christians) are below 200, the basic level of integrity, and I would assume that means astrologers as well.

I was born at 11:56 AM on April 12th, 1961. Does that tell me anything? Who knows...

What ever happened to Bluebird, anyway?

caritas, mm <*))))><

Don't know what happened to Bluebird, but there's plenty of feedback for him/her.

Pauline, I'm not at all adverse to using alternative approaches to healing and kundalini work. It seemed to me that Bluebird had already tried a great many, and it's also my belief that the k basically inhabits the mental-volitional "form" or container we have created for it (which is why so many are blocked). Opening one's will and mind to transcendent realms seems to help the K move more freely, but I also think one must be careful about what one opens to. That's where my trust in Christ comes in and why I recommend centeredness on him and prayer to the Holy Spirit in whatever Christian tradition one chooses to work out of.

I think you and the rest of the gang have made some good recommendations. Let's see what Bluebird finds helpful. I might also recommend other links on this particular forum, particularly the featured threads.

Hi Michael & Phil,

The tenative or apologetic tone of my last post was just my effort to be more careful about how I say things.. as apparently I need to.. It's kind of funny to me, because amongst people that meet me in person, I have a nick name 'Sweet Pauline' that seems to preceed me, and my vocal coach and others tell me, I need to be MORE assertive in expressing myself. I am VERY candid though and relatively naive or at my worse even oblivious to social mores that some people are very keen on.

Phil, thank you for your mention of the recommendation above about the other links on this forum, as it led me to discover all the others postings on kundilini! I'd never really heard of people having so much trouble with it. But in hignsight I do know a few people who have done a lot of the kundilini breathwork and have gone through extreme bouts of depression, even suicidal..So I am increasingly grateful for TM and Maharishi and the very incremental way he introduces people to such knowledge and practices. It seems to have smoothed the ride for many of us, though I hear that in the early movement days, there was a lot of what TM'rs call "unstressing" I've heard TM is a form of 'raja yoga", the "cadillac path" or 'the path of kings" ..The yogic path best suited for those who have to be in the world, house holders, but also want a spiritual life.

Michael, my astrology program is down. And I other then have the time or inclination to discuss a persaonel chart unless you had a specific question about it, or a paricular time or event in your life you are curious about. Even with my friends, I usually just direct them passages from various books I have, referencing some aspect or transit etc which they might be experiencing.
Astrology is an art AND a science and interpretation is a VERY complicated, sensitive process which demands responsibility, compassion and ethics... I cannot believe the irresponsible way some astologers talke to people. We humans are so influenced by what we hear and read. For me, astrology started as a much needed language in my youth, to discern if what I was feeling was me or another person. I went through a time where I worried that it was evil, given what the Bible says. I asked Sister Lydia, who Phil knows, about it and her response was very wise. She said, "no pursuit of knowledge in and of itself is evil. Just be mindful that you are controlling it, rather then it controlling you. So I would sporadially study it by reflecting upon past transits and their interpreations and what happened in my life 9and of friends )during those times..I find the more I understand the language, the more I can see patterns and correlations that make sense to me..So while I now feel I have a fairly good understanding of what tendancies, oppurtunties, restrictions, or lesson might be coming my way..it's still very much a self referral process to learn it, and there fore VERY difficult to read for another..There are some interesting generational things going on right now though, that could bring light to the paradigm discussion..and even why such a book came out when it did.

H. De Fouw fo course finds Jyotysh far superior for prediction of trends, but says western is better at personality...and that has also been my experience. I don't much about Jytysh at all but am thinking of studying with him. I sampled one of his classes last year and he answered every question I had on my mind, with out me even asking it.... That is why I call him a 'sublime' teacher. He lived in extreme poverty for a long time in India to learn his craft, beacuse he knew it was what he was meant to be. He's very intuitive. All the students said the course work is very intense, transformational and evolutionary, and I can see how it would be. It's also challenging in that one has to let go of everything one knows about western astrology, which is just goes to show us, there are many ways to look upon and understand this experience of life

About Stephen Hawkins MM: Interesting as it all is to ponder, I find myself a bit wary from a theological perspective, I suppose, of this idea of "ranking consciousnes" .as you seemed to be yourself....I actually feel we already have too much of it in the world, and that it colors our thinking in a non-life producing way. The reason I say this is that I am find I am most humbled, and my heart is most opened by some of the people who would no doubt rate really low on his scale. This seems to be true for others I know too. Take Katrina for instance, or heairing the stories of prisoners who are able to forgive and forget some of the most inhumane abuse and neglect one could imagine, or mentally and physically handicapped, who rise above their limitations in ways I doubt I would have... Opening our hearts can be done a variety of ways, and how and when it happens is all part of divine mystery to me. The above examples thought make me think of Jesus's words."the first shall me last and that last shall be first" ? Or "whatsoever you do to the least of these, you do unto me " And even from the light of science.."The whole is contained in the sum of it's parts"...'The whole is greater then the sum of it's parts" this would be true.
I was ready to go off and be with Amma in India, when I realized that these women open my heart in the same way Amma does,...it's just very retraumitizing to hear them, but that is what tells me I need to work more on myself.
So more and more, the only thing I know for sure any more is that very little is what is seems to be on the surface of things. Rishi, Deveta, Chandis....The Knower the Known, and the process of Knowing each are forever at play and affecting one another..and truly, "Life is found in layers." Love and Peace,

H. De Fouw, Jyotysh, Amma, all new to me. Great-full
to be having the conversation. Stephen Hawking is a physicist and David Hawkins is a psychiatrist and
spiritual teacher/consciousness researcher by means of a controversial technique called applied kinesiology, Course in Miracles, Ramana Maharshi and
some other things. I imagine that you would find him
at least interesting. bye 4 now... mm <*))))><

MM:

Sorry for the long delay...I caught a bad cold upon my return from snowy Detroit, or perhaps it's some deep purification from being with Amma. It's the fifth day now and finally my brain feels able to focus. It's been years since I've been sick and I don't like it one bit..

Thankyou for pointing out my mix-up on Stephen and David Hawkins. As you may have noted by now, I am not a very vigilant typist. I had not heard of David H, except for the few posts I've seen here, so absent-mindedly typed Stephen.

I am fairly famillar with kiniseology. My experience with it has usually been with alternative health practitioners. At times, different ones would get different information about the same question they were testing, so it is something I still remain a bit skeptical about...and yet will at times sometimes use, even on myself...And I use it on my massage clients for finding weak/tight musceles...
Do his studies 'test" more then one individual? If so, how many? Knowing this would make me more interested in his findings..I also question the efficacy of testing "groups" of people by profession or philosophy.

What did David Hawkwins have to do with Course in Miracles? (CIM) I'm curious as I have an very interesting human interest story about that book which I've been meaning to share with Phil and keep forgetting to. .This might be better listed under the homesexual thread though..you'll see why...

Phil and Lisa ( now his wife) and I, all lived (at different times, as Phil is a few years my senior) , in a co-ed Catholic communiity house hold called Abundant Life Community in our college years. Phil was actually was one of the founder of it I think, so maybe he already knows about this)

When I lived there, we used to get a lot of mail for "The Erickson Foundation". About 10 or 15 years later, while attending a Course in Miracles class, I made a comment about how confusing the use of all the double negatives n the book were for me to understand (which is part I why I never stayed with CIM) The leader of our CIM group explained that in fact, the author originally had a lot of trouble getting the book published due to the excessive use of 'double negatives" in it, but insisted it be published the way it was recieved, as it was channeled material. Well, as fate would have it, the author somehow met Reed Erickson, of the Erickson Foundation. Reed was a millionaire philanthropist and loved the book..and said he would publish it just the way it was and so he did..the first edition anyway. As my copy is a first edition, and a bell went off inside, as I rememebered that we used to get a lot of mail for the Erickson Foundation at the ALC house. I asked the CIMleader if Erickson was a transexual because I knew that the Abundant Life Communintiy house had formerely been a transexual halfway house. In fact, the womens room was a very large dormitory style room, sleeping four of us, with dormer windows and a loft, and a very weird, veyr bright 60ish psychodelic painting COMPLETELY covering the walls, and ceiling and a blood red carpet to boot.....There were breastlike projections on parts of the wall and a portrait of four of the former transexuals on the ceiling in the center of the room. We were not allowed to paint the room but we covered it with burlap...

So , I did some research by phone and on-line and sure enough it's the same Erickson. Reed used to be Rita. A few of us went by the old ALC house to visit during an Awakenining reunion in Baton Rouge about 15 years ago, and the folks that live there now actually had a book to sign because so many people had come by for deep sentimental reasons of having lived there at one time in their life...transexuals and Abundund LIfe Communintiy members alike.. Who'd have ever thought a spiritual book that had changed the lives of so many for the good, would have been made possible by the generosity of a soul that so many might condemn?

On the link below, it has information on Rita/Reed's very generous life which unfortunatley ended rather tragically. After becoming a man, it says he actully had two childen and later got into drugs. (I wonder if he actually fathered his children....I've heard that is possible.) There is even a picture of the pet leopard which we used to hear lived in the courtyard of the back of the house.
http://web.uvic.ca/~erick123/

p.s.. If you interested,..The Pulse of Life by Dane Rhudyar is actually available on line.. just search gooogle. I think you might enjoy it, It's short but intense reading, very deepening, insightful. Maybe a bit like reading Rudolph Stiener, founder of Waldorf Education and occult philosopher. I don't think it's not necessary to have any priorastrological knowledge to appreciate it, though that would definitely enrich it for you.. He uses a lot of allegory, metaphor if I remember correctly..(I read it 20 to 30 years ago..and just remember having lots of aha's with it)

pss. Also...Good noticng that you are both a hanger and swinger...most of us are at least two types, with one dominant, but we all have some of each. I am predominantlay hanger /thruster (which I'm told is a tough combination.) ..I need to learn to swing more..and am definitely in the need for more shaping in my life....

Peace, love and joy, Pauline

Virya (Pauline),

Your energy is much appreciated. Long distance reiki
for the soul. Bring us poetry. Poet-try will do.
That Phil is a born leader, alright. Don't tattle on him too much. John Boy knows all. If some of my freinds show up here, and they do, brrrr... gives me chills.

Speaking of chills, I just had a bout with something. It started with laryngitis and worked it's way down. No colds the last two winters. My immune system is revved up very high due to CFIDS,
which is mostly why I'm tired. There are these cells called cytokines and I have too many, so my body wants to hide in the cave so as not to infect the tribe. So my doctor says. Evolution. Hmmm...

"To be absent from the mind is to be present with the Lord." (mm paraphrase) Not a typo Nazi. Fear not.

I like The Course ok, it's about 80% biblical, but
it can lead to denial of reality and the ostrich with the head in the sand effect. Not that loving
positive thoughts are so bad, but wise serpents gentle as doves are more safe and effective.

http://www.soundtransformation...hemarmonicseries.htm

At last, the Holy Grail! Nirvana, Satori, Kensho!

I'm holding off on the sex change, but there was this woman who wanted me to wear a kilt... TMI


caritas, mm <*)))))><

I don't see how this story would be a poor reflection on Phil...it was a great community house in a beautiful neighborhood which we jus happen to be renting. But if it was in some way.....I apologize Phil

Sorry to hear you have CFIDS..Prayers for you and healing energy. A very dear friend of mine lost her colon to it..Her immune system attacked it when she started getting better. She too lives like a hermit...though she met and married a wonderful man in the midst of it, who now lives next door to her. I was the only friend who She knew would be interested in seeing her colon and burying it with her! (I liked my cadaver class too in massage school) Is that too much information? The human body is fascinating to me.

The link you pulled up on Rhudyar is one that I wish I could say I understand...as "sound" and Indian music have been very much a part of my journey., but I am afraid it takes too much concentration and more knowledge of musical scales then I have to really grok it. The writing though is very reflective of his style..very intense don't you think? He was a remarkarkable man and I wish I had met him while I had the chance. I kind of had a semi peak experience when I first read him, as he confirmed or expressed things that I felt about astrology on an intuitive level...but could never have begun to express,,,especially as eloquently, intelligently and all emcompassiing as him...What a mind he had!!.. A friend of mine got to hear his last talk and was very impressed by his contenance. Did you see any of his art on the links? ..He was truly a renaissance man !

MM, I think it's very liberating for men to wear sarongs, kilts etc, and sexy..And even though most of my male friends have a very intergrated feminnine side, and are not gay I have only suceeded in getting two of them to wear one. Maybe because my father was bi-sexual. (I only found out about it 12 years ago, but there were signs before that...he was one of what I fear are many, many more silent victims of priest pedofilia which most llkely had something to do with his sexuality.) He had lots of addictions too, and I imagine his "secret" was part of what caused them.. as they did much of the violence,and other sexual abuse in our home.. as my brother walked in on him at 12..and kept "the secret" They both died young..62 and 42...slow deaths due to their addictions. There wasn't much help available in those days or an environment that was more open about such things. It seems to have affected my own sexuality too, as I am strangely attracted to gay men,...I often joke with my friends...that sometimes I feel like "a homosexual trapped in a womans body"...

Love and Joy, Pauline