Oh, not a succession of hair-raising peaks and valleys - just a constant �don�t fit in� type of thing.
You know?...I could've said that very same statement.....still could, as a matter of fact. It used to bother me a lot...square peg, round hole...all that kinda thing. But one day it dawned on me that not fitting in was actually pretty cool. It's a type of individualism that makes me...me see?.....lol And although I pretty much sit alone at church suppers or ballgames or well any kind of social function (except the times hubby or children sit with me), that's cool too cause I'd be even MORE uncomfortable if I tried to "fit in" to a conversation that I just had nothing to contribute to. Or be a part of a situation/function that I was absolutely lost in. You know what I mean? That's not to say that people intentionally leave me out of things or anything like that. I'm just don't show an "available" attitude I guess. And no, I'm not a snob or anything...just one of those people who's more comfortable alone than "with". I'm also drawn to people who don't quite fit in...kindred spirits

But just like the apparent fact that DNA can not account for all of our behavior nor the growth of an organism if there is a missing part, this �cause and effect� behavior may not be able to get at our real problems.

In my way of thinking, cause and effect are only the outer shell of getting at our real problems because for each person the cause and effect is totally different. It's what lies inside at the very core of who we are that holds the secret to the real problem and why things do have the effect they do....at least to me it seems that way. So in that line of thinking, the next step is to find out who you truly are at that core. It's not easy sometimes to do away with all our "glossing" of things within us, but it's definitely beneficial.

Thanks for the kind and sage advice, Terri. I�ll ascribe to you the �JB Factor� as well. In a couple days, weeks or months I may realize the wisdom of your words.

The saint is one who knows that every moment of our human life is a moment of crisis ; for at every moment we are called upon to make an all-important decision - to choose between the way that leads to death and spiritual darkness and the way that leads towards light and life; between interests exclusively temporal and the eternal order; between our personal will, or the will of some projection of our personality, and the will of God. In order to fit himself to deal with the emergencies of his way of life, the saint undertakes appropriate training of mind and body, just as the soldier does. But whereas the objectives of military training are limited and very simple, namely, to make men courageous, cool-headed and cooperatively efficient in the business of killing other men, with whom, personally, they have no quarrel, the objectives of spiritual training are much less narrowly specialized. Here the aim is primarily to bring human beings to a state in which, because there are no longer any God eclipsing obstacles between themselves and Reality, they are able to be aware continuously of the divine Ground of their own and all other beings; secondarily, as a means to this end, to meet all, even the most trivial circumstances of daily living without malice, greed, self-assertion or voluntary ignorance, but consistently with love and understanding. Because its objectives are not limited, because for the lover of God, every moment is a moment of crisis , spiritual training is incomparably more difficult and searching than military training. There are many good soldiers, few saints.

Aldous Huxley - The Perennial Philosophy

Come on, folks. Go ahead and have yourself a crisis!

pax tibi,
jb

The saint is one who knows that every moment of our human life is a moment of crisis ; for at every moment we are called upon to make an all-important decision - to choose between the way that leads to death and spiritual darkness and the way that leads towards light and life; between interests exclusively temporal and the eternal order; between our personal will, or the will of some projection of our personality, and the will of God.

Because its objectives are not limited, because for the lover of God, every moment is a moment of crisis , spiritual training is incomparably more difficult and searching than military training.

How true this is. A few scripture immediately came to mind when I saw this....for example:

Rom 8:13 For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live.

Rom 13:14 But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.

Phi 2:3 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.

Most Christians throw around "die to self daily" all the time, but never actually put it into action because they do not perceive our daily choices nearly as well as Aldous Huxley does in this quote you posted, JB. And I have to say that I completely agree with the idea that every moment is a crisis when we are truly seeking to show our love for our Father by choosing as He would.
Thanks!! That was great. I may have to check out some more Huxley writings

Warning: Controversial post follows. Give the writer some artistic license. If you take everything absolutely literally you are bound to blow a gasket.
-----------------------

I was thinking today of a person that used to frequent SP and no longer does. We shared certain similarities.

Keeping in mind that life can be a series of accidental missed opportunities (we look left and miss what was on the right), and keeping in mind that we tend to blame others for our own shortcomings, and keeping in mind that someone�s else�s paradigm of reality may be no better or worse than someone else�s, I�ve come to the conclusion that not many people believe �All you need is love.�

Now please keep in mind that I know I have problems loving myself and this certainly affects my ability to love others. I know we all see reality through our own little pair of blinkers that we don. But it�s been my experience, my crisis (to tie-in with JB here) that women are not looking for �love� even though it�s a popular belief that this is so. I don�t particularly think it�s even that high up on their list of requirements, at least not if you measure their behavior rather than their stated desires.

Now don�t go and get your knickers in a bunch. I can hear every woman in America (or maybe the world) screaming like Meg Ryan did in When Harry Met Sally �Yes. Yes! Yes!!! Love is all we really want!� Okay, I�m sure that�s true for some of you now, perhaps after you�ve endured a few years with some slob who treated you like dirt. But even then I�m not buying it as a general rule. Love is given far more lip service than I think actual behavior can account for. And it�s not just that love is the ideal and that we, of course, have to settle for the far messier reality. No. It�s that love is a self-deluding trick many of us play on ourselves in order to give our other, more practical, less glamorous intentions the veneer of something more noble. And I�m not necessarily saying this is wrong. A woman may want and need security, romance, excitement, sex, stability, a protector and father to their children, friendship, etc. And that�s probably as it should be. But saying you want �love� sort of throws a monkey wrench into the works. Men have a hard enough time figuring out what women want without women not being honest with themselves.

One of the few qualities I have, believe it or not, is the ability to love. And, frankly, that ability alone is a non-starter for most women. And I think of my un-named companion who used to be at SP and how he had touched on something similar to this. And I realize he was right. And I realize that my answer to him, in which I spoke of �ideals�, was totally wrong.

So the question becomes, for me at least, if love is all one has to offer can one ever hope of finding a woman for whom this is enough? And please don�t go up on your high horses. There�s no need to defend women as a race. I appreciate the wisdom of all the factors besides love that are put into forming relationships. I�m not saying it�s inferior. Heck, I�m willing to say that it is SUPERIOR, without reservation. But there are those out there like me who really do value love over all else and for whom material things aren�t that big a deal. PLEASE don�t think I�m suggesting this is a superior attitude. I know it is a limited and simplistic one but it�s all I�ve got. So the original question stands: any women out there for whom love is all they need? Really?

Hey Brad,
Actually? I think you touched on something that I ponder about a lot and I'm not altogether sure I understand it. I think there's a great deal of difference in people's definitions of love. It seems that most of the time it is a description of an emotional feeling that one has for another. Okay...well yes love will manifest that. But what is the true definition of love? Isn't love that action whereby the needs of another come before your own? And isn't love that understanding that the other is not perfect, but IS a companion, a friend, a person who deserves respect and care? How many times do we see anything in our media about self sacrifice? Isn't that love? We see all kinds of things about lust...that's pretty obvious. We see all kinds of things about "spending your life together". We see "quality time". We see "compromise". But do we ever see how all these things tie into love?
There's also a big difference between loving and being IN love. When we "love" others...we DO put their needs before our own. When we are IN love with another then their needs entertwine with our inner selves to the point that they become our needs as well because ..why?...we absolutely want what they desire for them as much as they do. Ideally this works both ways....but often it does not. Love is also familiarity. I know a common quote is that familiarity breeds contempt. I believe that's a lie. Familiarity with another enhances and supports our love for them.
I can remember my mother saying love wasn't about whether she was happy or not...love was about whether my dad was happy or not. That stuck with me and I believe it's a wise saying. Some might not agree. Some might even say that if we aren't happy then how can we possibly care if another is happy. I would contend that if we aren't happy, it has very little to do with the other person....it has to do with our OWN inner self. I would also contend that in thinking of another's happiness over and above whether we are happy or not...will rectify and heal much unhappiness within us.
On a spiritual level, love of God teaches us that touchy, feely isn't true love....it is a by product of love, but it isn't love itself. Love is that action of worship (and I don't mean church service) of Him. And that action will bring the truth of love toward others to our spirit allowing it to flow out into the human realm.
Ummmmm not sure if this touches on what you were asking. But like I said at the beginning, I ponder about this a lot because I am often disheartened at what I see that is thought to be love....when it is so much less.

<<I can remember my mother saying love wasn't about whether she was happy or not...love was about whether my dad was happy or not.>>

<<I would also contend that in thinking of another's happiness over and above whether we are happy or not...will rectify and heal much unhappiness within us.>>

Hi Terri,

This sounds well and good, but in my experience it really doesn't work. I've been married for 22 years and my husband and I have two teenaged children. The times in my life when I have been MOST unhappy is when I put my own needs at the bottom of the list(or perhaps didn't put them on the list at all.) The times when I have been the happiest have been when I made a conscious effort to take care of my own needs ALONG WITH the needs of the other family members.

Let's just say that suppose I took a nice walk to the lake today....sat under a shade tree and read my book for a while.....threw a line in and caught a few fish....and then came back home. Let's suppose that this took about two hours. Now I will come home, happily iron my husband's shirts, perhaps fix a meal, etc. Tomorrow I will happily drive my daughter where she needs to go. Do you see? That's how it works for me.

Even after being married for 22 years, my husband doesn't automatically KNOW what I need. He's a nice guy....sometimes he looks at me like I'm crazy when I tell him where I'm going....what I'm doing, etc. But he gives me enough room so I CAN do it. I guess that's what love is.

The times in my life when I have been MOST unhappy is when I put my own needs at the bottom of the list(or perhaps didn't put them on the list at all.)
Hiya Anne,
I think the key is the part in the parenthesis. We ALL have needs that have to be met and not putting them on the list at all does indeed make us unhappy. What I was getting at was that our own needs can't be the primary concern...or at least not for me. The guilt and sense of selfishness would eat me up. I have to have alone time..period. Everyone in my family knows that cause it's like the "life" drains out of me if I don't. I suppose that's because my alone time is time with God and He energizes me. Needless to say with 3 children...2 teenagers at home and a college daughter with a daughter of her own, my alone time is stretched preeeeetty thin sometimes..lol.

But he gives me enough room so I CAN do it. I guess that's what love is.
Amen to that one! My hubby is the same. Sometimes I think it hurts him to see that lifeless me more than it bothers me. I think that's what I was trying to say about familiarity. He is familiar enough with me after 17 years that I don't have to say a word, he just knows I need to have a bit of breathing room. Sometimes he is the one who'll say....you haven't had any time alone lately have you? Why don't you go grab your bible or book and shut the bedroom door. I LOVE that part of being married for a while.

Hey Brad,
I went back and re-read your post cause I felt like my ramblings were rambling waaaaay off topic from your question. This part here:

But there are those out there like me who really do value love over all else and for whom material things aren�t that big a deal. PLEASE don�t think I�m suggesting this is a superior attitude. I know it is a limited and simplistic one but it�s all I�ve got.

Now THAT is a powerful statement. You may consider that limited and simplistic, but I think it's a great attitude. Valuing love over all else opens an expanse of possibilities. And ya know what? Material things AREN'T all that big of a deal. And besides they don't bring happiness... As for your question, I don't really have an answer. I surely hope there is someone out there like that.

Hi gang. I'm back, and glad to see this discussion happening, although I'm way behind in reading and that will likely be the case for a few days.

Carry on!

Phil

Terry said:

<<I think the key is the part in the parenthesis. We ALL have needs that have to be met and not putting them on the list at all does indeed make us unhappy.>>

Yes, but still....you make it sound like it's OK for me to get my needs met, but only after I've taken care of everybody else's needs. Sorry, but I don't buy into that.

<<What I was getting at was that our own needs can't be the primary concern...or at least not for me. The guilt and sense of selfishness would eat me up.>>

Well, they can't be your primary concern 100% of the time. But there are times when it is very appropriate for your needs to be your primary concern. I refuse to feel guilty for taking care of myself and I refuse to be labeled selfish when I put my needs first. It isn't ALWAYS wrong to put your needs first. What about when you are ill? Or so exhausted that you don't know your name? I CAN say to one of my kids...."No, I'm not driving you to your friend's house." Or I CAN say to my husband, "No, I'm not cooking anything tonite. You figure something out."

Remember, now, when I was on retreat this priest, who was giving me spiritual direction, out of the blue, says to me, "Anne, you're carrying around way too much guilt, and you need to do more for yourself." He obviously didn't think that my needs always *needed* to come LAST.

Anne

Hiya Anne,
It sounds like you know what it takes in your own life...very cool. As I stated in my posts, those are things that work for me....which is why I ponder about it a lot and, as I said, am not sure I understand it all. It seems that love is a complex thing....although I'm not sure of that. To me it's very simple...but that's not to say what I think is the "correct" way or anything like that. I guess it's cause we're all such different personalities, aye? And thank God for those different personalities or else we'd be a boring little world..lol.

Terri said: I know a common quote is that familiarity breeds contempt. I believe that's a lie. Familiarity with another enhances and supports our love for them.

Terri, you couldn�t just make this stuff up if you didn�t believe it and act on it. There�s always something good comes out of your mouth (and not just spittle � please refer to the Rules of Civility for help with this).

Terri entreated: I would also contend that in thinking of another's happiness over and above whether we are happy or not...will rectify and heal much unhappiness within us.

I�m sure that�s one of them universal truths that if you had to make a mad dash for the last spaceship leaving earth and you had only the back of a matchbook cover on which to write a few things to pass on to the generations who would be born on that spaceship as it traveled through space on its thousand-year voyage to the last inhabitable planet then this one would take its place right next to The Golden Rule and the Run-On Sentence Rule.

Terri asided: On a spiritual level, love of God teaches us that touchy, feely isn't true love....it is a by product of love, but it isn't love itself.

That�s an interesting thought. I�d have to ask for a definition of �touchy-feely love� to be absolutely precise but I�m guessing you mean the deeper, quieter, unspoken �knowing� that passes silently between two people and that needs no demonstrative �ass grab� to make its point.

Terri professed: Isn't love that action whereby the needs of another come before your own?

I think I need a bigger matchbook.

Terri expounded: And isn't love that understanding that the other is not perfect, but IS a companion, a friend, a person who deserves respect and care?

Maybe a small index card.

Terri concluded: Ummmmm not sure if this touches on what you were asking. But like I said at the beginning, I ponder about this a lot because I am often disheartened at what I see that is thought to be love....when it is so much less.

That�s EXACTLY what I was hoping for � and I thank you. It really helps to hear what other people have to say on the subject, if only to do a little �mirroring.� As long as two people are going to get together they might as well strive to develop love. And you�re right, we don�t see this mirrored very well in the media. But SP, thank goodness, is NOT the typical media.

Anne: consider yourself VERY lucky. After 22 years you�re not �dead� to life. You�re not enslaved to routine. You�re alive and you know what you need and know its okay to need it. And I�ll bet � I�ll just bet � your husband knows that too. Now, go give that big lug a beer (that�s all we really need) and go enjoy your book. I�m looking forward to more reviews.

My Latest Emergence-y

During all these years and after hundreds of audiocassette tape presentations by the leading spiritual directors, theologians and preachers of our times, by folks like Thomas Merton, Richard Rohr, Susan Muto, Phillip St. Romain, Benedict Groeschel, Harold Cohen, Joyce Rupp and scores of other authors, progressive and conservative, Protestant and Catholic � it finally dawned on me: What if there was one thing all these tapes had in common? What if, in any way whatsoever, I could discern a universal message coming through my old wornout headphones? That one message every tape offered , no matter what the topic or subject at hand? If there were such a message, would I grasp it or miss it? Would it rather grasp me? Would it be subtle or bold, obvious or subliminal, clear or muddled? Would I have to play the tape backwards like some old Beatles or Led Zepplin album, searching for the esoteric, the oblique, the sublime?


Well, would I have brought you this far along if, in fact, I had not found it? Would I make much ado if it were not already readily accessible to you , too?


The message is yours. Make of it what you will. You can cursorily dismiss this as foolishness, as so many have done before when confronted with the profound but all too obvious . Or you can delve into the layers of meaning and discover through diligent exegesis a new hermeneutic for your life to share with others. You can explore and discern, probe and dissect, each word, each phrase, both in the context of the tapes themselves and against the much larger backdrop of your life�s experiences.


I gift it to you now. Make of it what you will. Let it transport you . Or, you can transport it, to your recycle bin. All I know is that my task will have been done. My work will have been finished. On each of the cassettes, of course, but now here, probably in writing for the very first time , find the timeless message which goes like this:



[scroll down]















[scroll down a tad more]

quote:

�For a continuation of this presentation, please turn the cassette over. It is not necessary to fast-forward or rewind.�

Now, personally, I think the message has to do with living in the now moment, not the future (fast forward) and not the past (rewind). It is a message about slowing down (rather than fast- forward). It is a message about each moment being a new beginning , a metanoia or turning over. It is a message of perseverence , of continuation. It calls our attention to the one thing that is truly necessary . As invitations go, it is polite, for there is the plaintive � please. It is an entering into that Joyful Mystery, the Presentation, a reminder that this moment is a gift and we are to be gift, too, in this moment. The message is timeless. It is universal. It is a Divine Secret of a sort. It has been uncovered by your Ya-Ya Sibling and is meant to be shared, along with any depthful interpretation of your own.

Is this recurrence an accident? or synchronicity? You be the judge.

Love, Peace & Elevator Music
johnboy

p.s. Look, I've always wanted to author one of those e-mails that circled the globe a few times, since I'll never publish a book or produce a movie or write a hit song. So, por favor, send it to everyone in your address book and ask them to make a novena for me because, any way you look at this, I need it!

*backs up so I'm not standing too close to Brad's face, thereby minimizing the risk of spittle finding it's way to said face*

I�m guessing you mean the deeper, quieter, unspoken �knowing� that passes silently between two people and that needs no demonstrative �ass grab� to make its point.
HAHAHAHA! Although that wasn't exaaaactly what I was meaning...it'll work too!!!