Thread originally titled "Christianity and Kundalini?" by CeCe Light. Only subject line changed to re-focus this thread.
I was a Roman Catholic girl who had a very un-Roman Catholic experience in my late twenties, some 16 years ago while engaged in a chore of laundry duty at the local laundermat in 1985. It all started when I was folding clothes near a large window on a snowy winters day. The view was serene, the folding near perfect and enjoyable. As I did often while engaged in this weekly family chore, I was listening on my head phones to music and as was also common at these times when out of nowhere the quality of sounds heard countless times before changed into what I can only understand as "a thing" coupled with a sensation inside my body of which I was completely unfamiliar. "Spectacular" to say the least. I can only describe it to others as some kind of electrical current running up from the base of my spine to the top of my head. As I had at that point before hand experienced a similar feeling while listening to music, I had anticipated this pleasuable feeling once again with open arms, just ready to enjoy it once again..but soon discovered this was a wee bit different than before. It was stronger, incredibly stronger, and as this energy moved up and up my torso, I found that although pleasurable, it had a life and will of its own and therefore uncontrol-able on my part. When I realized this after having made several attempts to control it, I saw I had no choice other than to allow "it" to happen, even though at this time, I had no clue what "it" was. This is when all time seemed to cease in this inner experience and what seemed to feel as if took an eternity, was just minutes. In there was a wealth of experience I had never known before, where accompanied by the most explosive yet pleasurable physical sensations, came insights of a thing I never knew existed. I started seeing and experiencing a "me" which was a bit larger than I had ever imagined. I felt a feeling of wholeness I had never felt before, as if "I was finally done" (like a Turkey on Thanksgiving cooking slowly at 325 degrees...)only much faster here. I felt warm all over, my breathing became fast and shallow, my legs weakened, trembling all over. With this experience came a word in my mind I didn't even know of...as I had not been very educated at that point, nor had I been, with the exception of small talk while taking my kids to school every day, very social publicly. "Integration" was the word. "What?" I asked, of whom I didn't even know, but asked none the less. The lack in reply didn't seem to matter as this experience deepened. The musical sounds became what I can only understand as being etheral, from the heavens somewhere, a truely trusted source. As each note played in my ears, a feeling of what people understand as "chills" or "goosebumps" increased in intensity and manifested in waves of a powerful pulsating state. A communication from something was born - what something? - I just didn't understand at the time, but knew on some level to just allow it to happen - as trusting as a child in the company of strangers. Then "it" happened. I saw. I saw. I saw. ..and I saw some more.
What did I see? Well, at that time, I must say, having still the emotional turmoil state of a soul strggling to know why "this and that" of my life...dot...dot...dot, I saw too much, as any one who understands the ego problems involved when one is not properly prepared for such a light to manifest, but I saw none the less.
I saw me, and what I can only describe as something magnificent. I saw God and how it was I had relation to Him. I saw power, real power. I saw I had it too, and coming from the conscious perspective or ego perspective personally where power was for everyone else but me, I was frightened, yet in awe of what this God offered to me. I felt a presence of Love so deep that in that moment I could have left this planet with no fear as there was no fear here, only Love - and a Love I had never known before. A feeling of true brotherhood, true love of others, even strangers. ..and I felt this through a sense of empathy I had never felt before. The level of understanding for my brothers and sisters of this world made me feel whole and at peace. This presence of love I just cannot describe with words. Does it no justice at all. I felt hugged and embraced by this Love. I felt safe, indestructable, as if nothing could ever harm me again, no matter what it was. I received the most magnificent insights about my own self, was told I was a genius, and that we all were in this world. I thought to myself on this other level - as ego was still there at that point, although on the side somewhere, that this couldn't be me thinking and feeling all these wonderful things of myself or mankind, but as soon as I thought this, that part of me which is bigger and had a more profound sense of logic said, "but you are the only one here, so who else would be thinking and feeling all these wonderful things if not you?" ...and so "sense" - or simplicity of common sense was born, along with this incredible knowledge of truth through the viewing of what "actions" itself revealed in this truth, the relation of the "unconscious" as "it" pertains to this truth. I saw a new reality through this insight, was now able to understand people and myself in general now. But not without a hell of a lot of work to come through this powerful melting of illusions to see reality. (the time spent thereafter for many years..and a loooong process - a long dark night.) But, when I went home from that laundry experience, I was full. Felt whole. Felt uninhibited. Full of Love. Full of this presence I did not want to go away. I was doing the most unusal things as a result. I couldn't stay still. I had to move. I had so much energy. Felt as if I put my finger in an electical outlet without the pain. I put on my stereo, my favorite music, I just couldn't stay still. I had no choice but to move my body somehow, so I danced, and danced, and danced this energy calm - a dance I never knew I had in me. Incredible rhythm, as if I were the music itself moving my body to the beat of my own drum. I remember my husband being home, and he looking at me quite strangely as I had never danced like this in front of him before. So through his inquisitive look, I could only answer that something strange and wonderful happened to me at the laundermat that morning, and that it was difficult at that time to describe, but all I was feeling now was complete love. I remember distinctly sometime thereafter as this energy finally subsided, me sitting down on my comfort recliner near one of my large black speakers writing the word "Freedom" in the dust that had accumulated on top. Freedom from what, I still didn't know at that time, but it was definately the feeling of freedom and love through this incredible loving presence that was with me.
This state lasted for a week thereafter, diminishing a little at a time, as if weaning, so to speak. I felt it leaving. I did not want it to leave. I wanted to go with it whatever it was, wherever it was going. I cared more of it than anything else in this world, and I got the sense that "it" knew this and understood me fully.
I cried because I felt "it" time to go. I didn't want to be left here wthout it. I said, "Please, I feel you leaving a little more each day, please, please, I beg of you, don't leave me."
...and there came a communication through a feeling state which deciphered through my understanding in words said through complete Love...
"I must go now. You will be all right. This was a gift. It will all be yours to own someday, but know you must work for it. I am always here."
...and although I was sad to have this presence leave me in the way it was here in my life then, I felt confident enough in the communication said, and just went on with my life thereafter as usual, with ever working to understand what happened to me on February 8, 1985 - a day I have considered since to be my birthday, and is acknowledged by myself, my husband and grown children now.
Call it what you want. Some say such an experience is credited to a full blown Kundalini Awakening, as I have come to know through my research, for God knows I have found nothing in my own religion of Christianity to explain this presence, except for She, the Holy Spirit, Our Lady whom I have a profound Love of. This presence till today still manifests and speaks to me. Whether it be a source other than my own higher self, I just don't know. Perhaps it is just the higher self to me as I had seen through my visions. Perhaps it is Our Lady's most welcomed visitations to me. I don't know for sure nor can I even tolerate others assumption to really know.
What I do know is that I am in touch with something who gives me the answers to all I have asked, is to the same degree scornful as it is loving, merciless as it shows mercy, having the same energies in varying degrees.
I don't understand it, but know it well.
The transformative prcesses involved thereafter, as anyone who has undergone the experience of this presence knows, is another story indeed. A lot involved as concerns the psychic aparatus and integrating these sometimes, fine energies, into ones whole being as a human. As there is as much an ego to contend with thereafter.
Psychosis is not an unusual state to know in the beginning phases, nor are the physical ailments - such explains my own inner ear disorder which seems to be a common manifestation along with panic disorder as a result of these new energies circulating through the body. With prayer, exercize, and diet, it can be controlled though.
One eventually will reach a point where the energies have regulated in the body, where the insights become more even keeled and flowing pleasureable with more acceptance of it all and less ego resistance, plus many other physical benefits do arise out of it, as ones lack of aging as myself. People just cannot believe I am 45 years old, in menopause and a gramdmother. I just look younger now than when I was 20.
This is what I found personally for "it" to be all about.
Man knowing thyself, unfortunately, through the sometimes lack of prep for it.
Congratulations Philip on the new Web Site. You said it was in the making some time ago. Hope you realize that you did invite CeCe here through the e-mail you sent me. Hope it was not too much a shock to you! I said I would contribute in the Kundalini Talks when established and hope I have helped. I feel it most important. You'll be pleased to know that since we last spoke, I have re-established my relationship with the Catholic Church, ever trying, as yourself, to find where it is I and my experiences fit in there. It is ever a struggle. But I did receive finally the Sacrament Of Marriage just last week with my husband of 25 years (civily married) in celebration of our Silver Anniversary and was a most beautiful Mass.
I am envigorated just reading your post, even though I'm a few months late coming to the conversation. When you wrote, "I saw. I saw. I saw." I understand the sheer failure of words to convey the meaning behind those simple symbols. I will probably spend my whole life trying to find the words to touch the surface of my experiences. Were I ever able to induce the kind of experiences we had with language alone, I'd call that a miracle.
