I had quite an experience in church this morning.

I've been very aware of my ego clinging on for dear life while moving into a spacious place in myself.

This morning I touched the communion wafer to my tongue and was gripped, internally squashed by a kind of anguish. Immediately kundalini reacted and I began to shake. I could barely gather myself to taste the wine. I made it back to my seat and sat there shaking and jerking. I was aware too of a little resentment that nobody was aware of this but me, that everyone was immersed in their own private thoughts. I gathered myself to leave and walked home exhausted.

Things are more settled now, but I'm a little annoyed that I'm having such a tough time letting go.

Anyone else have positive or negative k reactions to Eucharist?

Eucharist is usually a peaceful, grounding experience for me. I almost never have any reaction when I receive; it's only later that I notice I've been more steady and loving and feeling held and supported.

Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time of it. Jesus promised us peace. You could ask him to help you know this peace through his self-gift to you in Eucharist.

Refresh me, Stephen, are you catholic?

I'm Episcopalian, Paul.

Struggle continues in prayer this morning. Hope you don't mind me sounding off a little on shalomplace. Lots on tension in throat chakra, pressure in head, brain. I'm wrestling something but am stronger and more hopeful than I've been in this situation before. A kind of BPM III scenario ( see here). Oppression, but with a lot more hope.

Thanks for listening.

Stephen, I looked at that slideshow about Grof's work and it was very interesting. As I noted in another thread, I'm a breech baby -- lots of difficulty in the birthing process, cord wrapped around the neck, forceps to pull me out. I think they'd have probably done a C-section (wonder how that affects Grof's schema?) these days as they'd have known about my reverse positioning and the cord problem. Still, in the end -- a healthy baby and Mom, fairly normal childhood, no psychotic struggles, etc.

I just don't know how much those early experiences influence us the rest of our lives. I know you're speaking of a "scenario," but it can seem fatalistic if one buys into the notion that so much about how we respond to things was determined by the birthing process. The brain has a way of healing and re-wiring itself through time, especially through spiritual practice.

Glad to hear you're more hopeful about things today.

Phil, I agree. I don't pay too much heed to any theoretical connection to birth. It's possible there's a link, but fatalistic as you say. I'm more in tune with the aspects of each matrix as they really have an uncanny similarity to my experiences, including dreams etc. It may be they speak to a kind of universal birthing process rather than any supposed blueprint for life experiences established during birth.

Hi Samson
sorry to hear you had a bad experience.

Generally speaking, once kundalini is active it can be greatly aggravated by spiritual practice. And obviously, the eucharist is one of the most intense spiritual practices.

On the Advanced yoga practice website they make a lot of what they call 'self-pacing'. (they deal with a lot of kundalini problems there, too)
Self-pacing means to tailor-make our spiritual practice to the amount of kundalini. As a rule of thumb: Too much kundalini - less spiritual practice.

Instead you can try more grounding activities like being in nature, gardening, swimming, cooking and eating lots of food, even meat.
Or generally, more 'worldly things' as long as they do not aggravate you.

I remember Phil writing in his book that there was very little that he could do for a while when he was in the kundalini process. Wasn't it like this, Phil?

Eating - yes! I can surely go for that .

It's good to have a distraction - reading & talk that isn't spiritual (much as I love spiritual reading & talking). I probably need a hobby.

quote:

Originally posted by samson:
It's good to have a distraction - reading & talk that isn't spiritual (much as I love spiritual reading & talking).

That would make sense, Stephen. I can't speak from personal experience of kundalini, but it sounds like what we used to call "leaky gates" in my primaling days. So anything that rebuilds and strengthens defense mechanisms and gets you away from introspection would be good.

To answer the original question, I've never had any negative reactions to Eucharist. The first time I went to Mass I was in the first week or so of kundalini activity, when it was very physical. I had intense burning sensations in my head and all over my body. When I went to mass, I received a blessing because I wasn't yet Catholic, and felt a coolness in my forehead that spread down to the rest of my body.

But the Eucharist is typically very peaceful. I can only really "feel" it working when I'm able to deeply relax and rest in Christ for most of the Mass. What I mean is, it typically affects me on a deep enough level that it only seems intense if I'm currently aware of that deep level. Most of the time, while I can sense an effect, it is subtle.

Paul

quote:

I remember Phil writing in his book that there was very little that he could do for a while when he was in the kundalini process. Wasn't it like this, Phil?

I'm still in the process, and so still do have consequences if I overdo something, especially reading or writing. But, yes, back in the early days (mid-80s), there was a phase where I had to lead a very, very simple, gentle lifestyle, with no TV, no reading, simple foods, and even only light amounts of prayer. Happily, I can live an almost normal lifestyle now if I don't overindulge in anything -- hence, the problems with reading and writing, my two nemeses.

Just to say I took communion this morning for the first time since the negative reaction, and it was lovely. I came to understand that the above incident was probably self induced. I've always loved the Eucharist and have always had a strong response to it, but I believe I may have been using it as a tool to relieve k symptoms, perhaps even induce a full awakening experience, as if such a thing were possible, instead of simpy receiving the wonderful life of Christ through bread and wine. My intention was all wrong. Such has been my frustration with k over the past year. I've repented of that and received the sacrament this morning as it was meant to be received, with a real sense of Christ and a subsequent feeling of joy and peace. I was however given a little sonic snippet of the spiritual warfare that's going on around me. That's another story.

So easy to get sidetracked from our loving relationship with Jesus by difficult kundalini symptoms.

That's excellent, Stephen.

From what you've shared on other posts recently, I take it you've had a hard time of it with the energies lately. Sounds like you're making some helpful adjustments.