Hello, folks.

I am pretty much at peace with my very present experiences, but any advice you may have would be welcome. I have read Phil's book.

I am a middle-aged research professor in Educational Psychology. In recent years I have been an ex-Catholic, though unhappy with my lack of spiritual direction and growth. Shortly before last Christmas I began experiencing mild depression and strange memory loss episodes. Full range of neuropsych., CT-scan, EEG, etc. were diagnostically negative. Then my wife of 15 years got fed up and left me a few months ago. I hit bottom, and cried out to the Lord, who lifted me in a breath to ecstatic tears. I cried and purged for about a week, and then seemed called to Contemplative Prayer. No workshops or partners--it just jumped of the shelf at me, so I read it and did it.

I quickly became addicted. I have practiced now for about 75 days. I meditate three
times per day, 40 minutes per sitting (my job gives me lots of flexible time).
..................

During weeks 1-2 I learned to quiet my thoughts, which was relatively easy. I also learned to say my sacred word "love" in time with my out breath. I also determined to locate my attention and breathing in my heart. I wanted no special experiences, just a deeper relationship with Christ.

During weeks 3-4 I experienced a handful of "out of normal consciousness" or "splitting
of awareness" experiences. Also, strong euphoric electric-like energy
currents and pressures coursed through body. Spontaneous crying with
gratitude began after these sessions.

During weeks 7-8 I first noted the euphoric energy currents flowing during
the day--outside of prayer-- when I was simply introspecting and relaxed. I quite suddenly developed a
keen interest in church liturgy and sacred music. I continued to copiously
cry after Centering Prayer and at various times during the day. Some
unpleasant cottony headaches begin, lasting all day, but these passed. I learn how to
partially control the energy flow through a sort of "sub-breath" (like
breathing, but more subtle in nature). I prayed fervently (and continue to do so) to Christ to use or direct these experiences for his purposes, or help me eliminate them. I got no strong message back, but my impression is that he is supportive of them, and will help me use them for his purposes.

During weeks 9-10 (up to current): Each session seems composed of 4
different activities, with me having little say about the order or duration
of each. There may be some iteration. I am in control of only the first.

A. Typical Centering Prayer: Adoring attention to Christ from my heart,
with shallow breathing of love into the heart. I am planful and active in
this activity. This tends to result in "B" and or "C" below.
B. Self-propelled currents of warm, euphoric electric-like energy
emanating from my torso, heart, head, etc. I must maintain complete
passive and devotional for this. If I think about it or try to direct it,
it dries up, but then will restart on its own.
C. Trembling/shaking from minor to major throughout the body, emanating
from the anal spinal area. Usually only 5-20 second,s but has lasted
several minutes. I am not at all in control; could stop it if I wished,
but it seems wise not to. Can be strong enough to nearly knock my off my
prayer stool.
D. Prolonged and strong muscle contractions/cramping in orderly
succession from tailbone area, to stomach, to chest, to throat (flinging
head up and mouth open, or chin tucked in and upper spine
arched). Eventually the energy settles in the crown of head. My hairs
prickle and feel singed.

In the last few weeks, I have also become aware during the day, at times of
repose, of the energy flowing or radiating through my body. If I focus on
it, my muscles can begin to spasm, so I just regard it lovingly but more
distantly.

In just the last few days, when I relax during the day, I noticed my body--particularly the legs--actually vibrating or "buzzing".

The net result so far on me as a social being is difficult for me to judge,
but these seem pronounced effects:
1. My first real desire for Mass and the Eucharist, and to delve into the
liturgy.
2. My first real interest in sacred music, both the worship and the deep
lyrics.
3. My first real understanding of new testament passages, more subtle,
interior meanings.
4. Strong interest in mystical, worshipful writing--nothing too analytical.
5. Sadness and self-upbraiding when I catch myself in mean-spirited or
ego-inflating thoughts.
6. Eating less, and more careful about what I eat.
7. Having to deal with not treating sex as a casual act.

Richard, thanks for posting your experience here. As in so many cases, it seems to have arisen out of a Dark Night period; I hope some of those issues of marriage can be resolved, along with any others that have pained you.

That's a lot of meditating you're doing, which can account for a lot of the phenomena you're describing--much of which resonates with the literature on kundalini. It sounds like there's a powerful process of healing and transformation that has begun. I hope you've got a good spiritual director journeying with you to help process some of this.

Keep us posted on how you're doing, and don't hesitate to ask questions or request feedback about something. There are several others who post out here who have depthful experiences with contemplative spirituality and kundalini. Maybe some of them would want to provide feedback as well? What say, gang?

Phil

P.S. Welcome to the forum!