quote:

Originally posted by Derek:
The short answer to your question, "Has someone experienced similar things?" is no, I haven't experienced anything exactly like that. The cultivation of loving energy after you came home from traveling, and the emergence of childhood memories and feelings, sound like you definitely opened yourself up. And I can relate to the slow opening over the course of many years.

First: thanks for your reply. It's so good for you that it happened for you over many years. It seems like my opening process has speeded up way too quickly in the end and that i wasn't able to keep the positive thinking/vibe alive because I had to change a lot in my environment and I wasn't good in making decisions, so things were botteling up inside.

quote:

Originally posted by Derek:
But then at a certain point, you say you became blocked, contracted, and unfeeling, and the whole opening process stopped.

It feels like a process that started from birth (I also opened up more and more from childhood-puberty-adult, in a natural way, by making friends/having first boyfriends etc.), has started over again. But I don't know how to start the process again in a natural way while I am 31. I cannot connect with people with my heart, while I know here lies a key. It also is more difficult to connect in a more spontanious way, cause most of the people are already 'caught up' in the carrier/family life and they are not as open as children anymore.

quote:

Originally posted by Derek:
Now, I'm no expert on this, just an ordinary person. But a couple of thoughts come to mind.

I'm also an ordinary person, like all of us

quote:

Originally posted by Derek:
The first is, I'm hearing that you are doing this whole process alone, without the assistance of a priest or pastor or psychotherapist. I'm wondering if you would find it helpful to have someone to act as a "container" for your process?

I am in treatment. I've had had a psychologist last year for a couple of months, while I was still in 'open' state. They tried to help me to keep thinking positive and all these things, but it didn't help me with my sensitivity to energies. They don't acknowledge high sensitivity. Everything spiritual, they don't really go into, they are only focused on 'solutions' or 'medication'. And also talking to these people costs me energy. But I have to do it, cause otherwise I'm not sure to receive money from the government (See I'm stuck in a cicle...)

Also I became to think that my life is screwed cause I have built my life on a 'false identity', I failed to built a new life on my new 'true, open being' and now I don't have the abilities to change my life, because my 'false, close identity' has taken over my life again but even stronger. Also I didn't have a lot of friends around, cause I lost my home, and I had no positive warm people around, so I had to go out and search for the positiveness myself. Which I succeeded a bit, by volunteering and celebrating christmas etc. but when this period was done, I fell into a hole.

I am visiting a haptonomy therapist. She gives me 'homework' like walking in nature, putting my feet in a warm bath, etc. to come back in my body again.

quote:

Originally posted by Derek:
My second thought is a quote I happened to come across the other day, and which by coincidence I mentioned on the other thread:

"I did not collapse, but was determined to hold still and not flinch come hell or high water. The task is to get to the bottom of this dark hole, to see it is God and to surrender our whole being to It."

So my question is, is it possible and/or helpful for you to simply BE WITH this contracted state, allowing it to be as it is? And is it helpful to do so?

I know I have to let go of my previous feelings of freedom and stuff and indeed just be with it, cause everytime I long to past feelings/happenings I know I am contracting worse.
I just find it very difficult to knów the things I'm capable of in my open state. I can't do things that would give me energy (for example I wanted to help people, share feelings etc. and wanted to sing), cause I don't have the 'personality' anymore that feels and is empathic.

quote:

Originally posted by Tucker:
Hi Dreamcatcher and welcome to the message board

First I would like to say, based on my experience, that Derek is right when he said: "I did not collapse, but was determined to hold still and not flinch come hell or high water." You have to decide that you are going to hold on and not collapse. Because without making that positive decision all will be lost and there will be nothing that anybody else can do about it.

I am visiting the haptonomy therapist. And trying to find new volunteering work, that's I guess something that is ok.

quote:

Originally posted by Tucker:
Dreamcatcher what you are describing in your post is me over the last twenty years and maybe my whole life . I was like you in the past and now I am like you are in the present and I have been dealing with what you are dealing with for over twenty years now. Day in and day out.

I'm very sorry for you...

quote:

Originally posted by Tucker:
So my first suggestion would be to go to the Doctor and talk to them about possibility of you being in the first stages of Parkinson's disease.

I checked the symptoms, but I don't have a smaller handwriting and I don't have tremor or something...

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Tucker:
Dreamcatcher I have spent most of my life in meditation and have thousands of hours of meditation experience so I can share with you, if you wish, some meditation techniques that I have found helpful.

Thank you, though sometimes I think meditation is not the answer right now, but doing more 'earthy' things is better... For example I signed up for salsa dancing. It doesn't give me relief but at least I'm moving and paying attention to something else.
Still I'm interested in the meditation techniques you use. Could you tell me more about it?

quote:

Originally posted by Tucker:
And I would suggest that you find an open link chain necklace (the links are not welded together) that you like and then find some kind of a round shaped pendant with some kind of crystal in the middle that you like and hang it off of the chain necklace so that the pendant hangs somewhere over the area where your heart is and wear it all of the time. This kind of necklace will give off an energy ( a mild emf signal) that will help to stimulate the parts of your brain that are being shut off by what you are experiencing (the panic attack stuff). I wear two different kinds at the same time and they really help. But one should be enough if it has a round pendant with a crystal in it. And you should feel some parts of you nose and the area where you nose goes into your forehead and between your eyebrows begin to tingle or become energized "when you first" put it on and maybe other places if you are sensitive to what your body is doing.

Is there a reason for open links and why exactly round shaped? I used to wear black tourmaline for grounding. I wore it underneath my clothes. But it didn't seem to work anymore in my closed up state. Still I'm interested in the crystals you are wearing.

quote:

Originally posted by Tucker:
Dreamcatcher, if you are interested I can go into other things that I am doing that I am finding helpful. The important thing Dreamcatcher is that you understand that you are not alone in this and that there are a lot of people going through what you and I are going through.

Love, Tucker

In my environment it feels like I'm all alone. I'm living in a western environment where people don't know about this stuff or they think it's scary or something. I do understand this, but it's kind of difficult, cause people concerned or being scared around you is the least thing you can use being a sensitive person. I can only find some stories on the internet. A lot of people recognize the sensitiveness, but they don't recognize the 'contraction'.

Thank you for taking your time to reply. I appreciate that.

The reason why I opened this thread, is not that I want to know what books to buy or DSM codes...

I am asking for experiences and how people dealt with similar things. So please could you stay on topic?

Small group interacting here these days, Dreamcatcher. Lots of experiences shared on the forum as a whole. People are just trying to be helpful. It's typical of message board discussions to meander a little, sometimes a lot!

Re. your comment about "western environment where people don't know about this stuff . . ." I've just written a book on this topic, and there are 12 experiential accounts in it.
- see http://shalomplace.com/view/k-process.html

quote:

Originally posted by Dreamcatcher:
They tried to help me to keep thinking positive and all these things, but it didn't help me with my sensitivity to energies. They don't acknowledge high sensitivity.

Are you following some kind of restricted diet? For example, do you eat mainly vegan food, mainly raw food, mainly liquid food? All of these things can make you more sensitive.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Derek,

quote:

Originally posted by Derek:

quote:

Originally posted by Tucker:
Phil, does Lulu accept PayPal?

Hi, Tucker,

I'm not Phil, but this page says that Lulu does indeed accept PayPal:

http://connect.lulu.com/t5/Ord...lu-accept/ta-p/31568

Thank you Derek! And as always your input is always appreciated.

Love, Tucker

@ Dreamcatcher

Humm ? Dream catcher am glad to see that you are back. You are so much like me that just being able to interact with you is very helpful to me. So just talking to me you are helping somebody . I don't have any friends except for my wife, and I don't go anywhere, this message board is the only thing that I do for social contact. So I do understand why you have problems with attempting to do the things that you use to do.

"Kundalini Psychosis". Dreamcatcher I like that term . What folks do not realize is that there are two Kundalinis. One Kundalini takes you into the spiritual and it is usually called or referred to as the "female Kundalini". The other Kundalini takes you into the physical and the Raja Yoga and Kriya Yoga traditions call this Kundalini the "male Kundalini". The Kundalini that Phil is writing about and has done tons of research on is the "female Kundalini". The Kundalini that I am battling and have spent years studying is the "male Kundalini". The kundalini that affects the physical. And this physical or male Kundalini has the ability to shut down one's mind and body. Shut down the physical. When you have permission to feel "Power", feel that you are winning or can win, this "physical Kundalini" is your friend because it gives you the ability to do things up to and including super human things. But if you loose the permission to feel "Power", that you are winning or can win, for whatever reason, the "physical or male Kundalini" becomes your enemy because it starts to shut down your mind and body. Sometimes slowly and sometimes all at once. So what you and I and others like us are experiencing is being caused by us feeling, for some reason, that we are not winning and that we can't win.

Now this sounds like there should be a simple solve to this, but for you and I and others like us there isn't a simple solve. We have gone into a tail spin with no way to pull out of it. And this tail spin is being caused by the "physical kundalini" using our autonomic nervous system to shut down our mind and body. So some how Dreamcatcher we have to get our "hope" back which will give us the permission to feel power again or that we can win again in some sense of the word win. But until we figure out how to do that we need to fine ways to turn "on" our mind and body to stop or at least slow down what the Physical Kundalini is doing to them. Studying how this can be done has been my focus as an advanced yogi for several years now.

Love, Tucker

quote:

Originally posted by Derek:

quote:

Originally posted by Dreamcatcher:
They tried to help me to keep thinking positive and all these things, but it didn't help me with my sensitivity to energies. They don't acknowledge high sensitivity.

Are you following some kind of restricted diet? For example, do you eat mainly vegan food, mainly raw food, mainly liquid food? All of these things can make you more sensitive.

I'm a vegetarian for about 3 years, and yes I also became more sensitive when not eating meat anymore. maybe I should try eating chicken again.

Dietary problems other illnesses both mental and physical apart from being the lot of living creatures have one other important role and that is to remind the spirit that there's a body and mind here.

https://youtu.be/o7YFWEJyJhg

Not a Christian understanding which might be instead to immerse oneself in the caring of others as an alternative method to remembering but it might aid in addressing the problem.

Small update:
I have been able to feel a little love again when I was together with someone I feel kind of safe with (This person has also mental problems, so we don't feel ashamed or hold back or something). I also was reading a romantic book (Eleven Minutes - Paulo Coelho) and this somehow gave me a little inspiration. We were wandering in nature and having lunch in a Quiet restaurant and as hè was telling some story I could feel a little bit a connection, as if something started to flow some how, a tiny bit.
After the day spent with him, I meditated at home by listening To Eckhart Tolle, and suddenly I could reconnect again a bit with my "inner spark" in the core of my body and I let go of a tiny little bit of resistance, cause I could feel a small sensation of fear flowing out of my body. Since then I am able to experience some more warmth in my body and it seems like I can feel my muscles more. The muscles in my core are still contracted, but I find it interesting that I have been able to let go of something (although it might be 1%, it is something hee hee).

quote:

Originally posted by ~Tarantella~:
Dietary problems other illnesses both mental and physical apart from being the lot of living creatures have one other important role and that is to remind the spirit that there's a body and mind here.

Yeah. My spirit somehow has difficulties with being in my body. So I'm trying to call it back.
Gonna try eating some bio chicken this week.