In the Blessed Mary topic Asher asked me to share my experience, however as it was not specifically Mary based I thought it might be better to open a new topic. So here goes.

I have been a Christian since my teens but found myself going through quite a time spiritual darkness where my relationship with God and all the insight I had seemed to be out of reach. God had always seemed so real and present to me an eternal, all powerful, vibrant presence but now all I had seemed to be doubt. I was easily depressed, often went into black moods that lasted for hours, my wife might say days. She often said that without saying anything I could create a foul atmosphere.

Then one day when I was surfing, looking for some inspiration, I hit upon a meditation that simply asked you to focus on each part of your body in turn and be aware of it. It then asked you to look inside you and look for a bright light in your heart region, that the power of the eternal God was present in each one of us even though we did not always recognise it or give it and honour. I found a warm bright light growing within me near my heart that seemed to expand and fill me from head to toe and move up and down the spectrum. It seemed to resonate from the top of my head to the soles of my feet. At times the sheer power of this made me simply want to gasp every time it happened. And yet for all the energy and light that seemed to fill me there was an incredible stillness that was deep inside me.

I meditated on this stillness and within a few days was sitting in the garden when: now I have problems putting this into words, but it was not a feeling, or a thought but more like a knowing combined with an awareness that this stillness was the presence of God moving and giving me life and that everything that had life was the same, had the same presence of God in it, wether it knew it or not. In that moment the realisation of what God said when he said I AM was so real I could see it and taste it.

Shortly after that someone said to me next time this happens speak directly to God inside you and give thanks for the love, light and guidance being giving to you. This I did and next time I prayed and meditated saw a vision of a being of light that spoke to me, told me that this was real and said that I had been given a gift to create an atmosphere that people around could feel and that now I had been given this light I was to use that gift to create an atmosphere of light and love around me that everyone could feel.

That was the start, there is a lot more, particularly about how now I trying to let this light shine through me that I am being given guidance to transform my thoughts and emotions. But for now I would value your thoughts on my experiences and any help or guidance that you might give me.

In Love

Paul

Welcome Paul, and thank you for sharing your experience. What a marvelous grace you've received in these experiences of light, love and presence.

It sounds like you've already been given simple guidance as part of the experience yourself. What's it been like to be a catalyst for the loving atmosphere you were invited to help create for others? Could you say more about that?

quote:

Originally posted by pj:
[qb]

I meditated on this stillness and within a few days was sitting in the garden when: now I have problems putting this into words, but it was not a feeling, or a thought but more like a knowing combined with an awareness that this stillness was the presence of God moving and giving me life and that everything that had life was the same, had the same presence of God in it, wether it knew it or not. In that moment the realisation of what God said when he said I AM was so real I could see it and taste it.


Paul [/qb]

Paul, this grace of stillness is very profound and something which I rarely experience.

I was wondering if you still experience this; if it is readily accessible to you? Could expand on how this has transformed you?

Thanks for posting your story. Now I understand what you meant on the other thread;-)

Asher

I hope that I have not rambled on here and I hope this helps.

� Is it still with you?
In varying or lesser degrees yes although rarely with the same intensity as that time in the garden. What I am starting to learn is that God is always the same, he is always in that secret place at the core of my being and come rain or shine aches for me to open the door and live in the conscious realisation that wherever we go and whatever we do that �in him we live move and have our being�. It�s as if we are swimming in God.

I try and make time at various points in the day to stop and look inside, still myself, and allow this light to grow in me, to let it fill every cell of my being from the top of my head to the toes on my feet. Now this is strange but when I respond and send my thanks to this still point and express my thanks for this light it�s as if a wave of love comes, almost bounces, back. I find that if I do this it stays with me. It�s rather strange walking down the road with this sense of oneness with everything. It makes you want to smile.

� How has this transformed me?
I feel embarrassed to answer this because I don�t want to admit my sin, but I have been told to answer it as it is. So hear goes:

When I meditated I used to treat my thoughts like the game of �Pooh Sticks�. Winnie the Pooh and Tigger each used to throw a stick on one side of the bridge then race to the other side and see who�s stick cam out first. Well I used to treat my thoughts the same way I used to watch them float into my mind, leave them alone and watch them drift past and out of my mind. They were not mine but just thoughts. However shortly after the experience I described I came across some advice, I can�t find where and I have tried to find it again but have not succeeded. It might even have been in a dream. The advice was when you get a thought that is wrong, distracting, tempting, lustful, greedy, selfish, proud, don�t try and push it away, don�t ignore it and wait for it to go but grab hold of it and bring it into the glare of the inner light shining within you. Now you can imagine my thoughts; I am ashamed of that thought! it is sinful, dirty, I should be better than that �etc I want to pretend it did not happen not to grab hold of it. But interestingly I found that when I did grab hold of that thought and brought it into the light shining within me the thought, and all the feelings inside that went with it seemed to evaporate. Now I am working with this at the moment but it is so empowering you don�t have to fight the thoughts, you don�t have to give in to them, you just need to put them in the light and watch them shrivel.


� Create an atmosphere of love?
I am finding that you can�t separate out your thoughts, feelings, mind, body, spirit, desires, emotions, ambitions and treat them as different parts of yourself. They are all integrated but things seems to move from the unconscious, to the conscious mind and then into daily experience. I start from the point where the light and power of God is filling my body and then imagine this light and love filling me and overflowing or rather bursting out of me. I focus on the desire for this love to shine out and somehow it does. It is as if I can see radiance around me that I can direct as if I focus a beam of light.

I suppose I am using the light as power to help myself change. Change my thoughts, desires, the way I interact with people. I can only express what I am. In order to create an atmosphere of love I must be loving. That means desires that are born of love, thoughts that come from love, actions that are loving. There are no short cuts�� I feel I am running out of space but�

I find that if you seek to know and experience the power and glory of God with all of your being; and for every small revelation, give thanks and ask for help. Most importantly keep hold of it and don�t let it go until it becomes real for you. Then use this to transform you desires, then your thoughts and then actions.

In Love

Paul

I find that if you seek to know and experience the power and glory of God with all of your being; and for every small revelation, give thanks and ask for help. Most importantly keep hold of it and don�t let it go until it becomes real for you. Then use this to transform you desires, then your thoughts and then actions.

There is much, much wisdom in that, I think. Well said, Paul.

I am ashamed of that thought! it is sinful, dirty, I should be better than that �etc I want to pretend it did not happen not to grab hold of it. But interestingly I found that when I did grab hold of that thought and brought it into the light shining within me the thought, and all the feelings inside that went with it seemed to evaporate.

Thoughts are there for reasons. If we absolutely MUST think of ourselves as being pure and near perfect in order to receive the blessings of a Creator then there is a tendency to freak out at the darker thoughts and to try to get rid of them in order to reach some kind of state of purity. Maybe that works for some people, I don�t know, but I think it usually leads to bad things happening. And the practical reality is that we�re never going to be free of dark thoughts entirely so we�re likely to simply drive ourselves batty trying to do so and we�re also likely to lose ourselves in the process, for often this desire for perfection is going to reflect someone else�s idea of who we should be, not our own. Best to do just as you say, Paul, if you ask me.

On the other hand, surely it does no good to fixate on negative thoughts. But if we were open to exploring even this kind of self-talk we might realize that it was representative of self-hate or expectations of perfectionism on some deeper level. All in all, it�s probably best not to freak out at what we assume are dark thought for very often they are the best way to healing. Once we cut those thoughts off then we become constricted, stilted, and our personhood shrinks. We are less likely to expand into wholeness, in my humble opinion, of course.

I think it�s safe to say that all this rings true if one�s intentions are toward the good, toward love, toward understanding, humility and forgiveness. If not then listening to dark thoughts is just an excuse to take one�s anger out on something�perhaps one�s self.

Wow, Brad, what did you have for breakfast, Special
K? Nice to meet you, pj, and please keep it coming!