Phil, Caneman and Spoonboy, there is so much here, so much to read, so much to discover that I admit I'm feeling somewhat confusedand overwhelmed. I think I need to digest some of this, and sort it through it much more slowly. One thing I don't want to do is overanalyze. That just feeds the performance orientation I spoke about.

Phil, I have thought about seeing a spiritual director. I'm not totally convinced that being at a transitional phase is what this is all about, and I want to proceed based on truth. There is a lot going on in my faith life besides what I have shared -- doubts, fears, disappointments, ways I have thought about God (biblical ways)that don't seem to line up with life, etc. I really do feel at the end of my ability to make sense it all and in need of help from someone who can get to know me in a much deeper way than is possible on a forum like this.

Thanks again,

Charis

I understand, Charis. Your determination to live in the truth and to test things is the way to go.

In you're interested in spiritual direction, you might check out http://shalomplace.com/direction/ to see what we offer here. Lots of good people available. For individual, face-to-face options, check out http://sdiworld.org and follow the link to "Find a Spiritual Director."

Thanks for the links Phil. I know of a number of spiritual directors in the Detroit area. I think I'll start there. I have a good friend who is a spiritual director as well, and I'm sure he can help me find the right person. I've already done a lot of reading on this topic (years of it) and somehow a ton of reading seems like the opposite of what I need to be doing. Not that I know it all, but that it just seems laborious and sends me right back into my head.

all, i am a new member and new to this post. i am struck by how loving you all are. this is wonderful to be a part of. charis, i can relate to you and others regarding abuse and the ensuing struggles of life. i am 57 yrs. old now with two single mom daughters and three grandchildren i am helping them raise. i have raised my 6 brothers and sisters because my mother suffered from mental illness.( that's just the tip of the iceberg!) but there is one thing i KNOW FOR SURE! prayer works even when you don't really 'feel close to God', YES, HE IS THERE! His Love does NOT depend on our goodness or how close we feel to Him. go ahead and test Him on this!He knows all about you and is THE GREAT COUNSELLER ! i too have been on the brink of suicide, but when i dared him, and showed my anger, He gave me THE HOLY SPIRIT! so He saved me while i was in the midst of my sin. i have a story about angels.you know that they are Gods Gift to us. this story was told to me by a VERY close friend who is a nurse.she had a patient with a degenerative disease that she was dying from. soon she would be trapped in her body, unable to communicate, and soon she would die. she was very dispondent because she was still had teenagers and a loving husband who she always took good care of.( no one else in her family cooked. )this woman had NEVER set foot in a church or read a bible. one day, she privately called out to God to please help her family. from that day foreward, she was surrounded by angels. she got tremendous peace from them. she was caught very often one looking at thibgs around the room as if she were listening. then one day she was caught reaching out to one and talking to him(her?). her daughter was afraid that she was reacting to the pain killers that she had been started on just a few days earlier, so she asked the nurse to help her find out what was going on. the nurse had become close enough that the sick mother began to describe what was happenning. she said that these angels had been sent by God to take her to Him. she said that although she was with them(her family) at this time, she was also already "there" also and she was being prepared by Gods MINISTERING ANGELS to cross over. the daughter believed everything her mother said because she knew that her mother nevr talked about such things all their life.the mother described these angels as very large men in white linen pants and shirts, and little cherub children that played and giggled with her and teenagers that wore white warm-ups with white 'hoodies', some of them sat peacefully around her waiting with her, but were quiet and shy and wore their hoodies up. she said she was not afraid to die and that when she died they would get a cat named 'murphy' and he would be an angel protecting and comforting them. they asked where they would get the cat, what kind of cat ect., and she said" don't worry, you will just know". this is ALL TRUE> i just had to find the site to share this and i am so glad to find you people. i know this is for you. LOVE IS ALL THERE IS...love is all there is... love is all... peace. rebecca

Hi Rebecca, It's really good to meet you and have you join our discussion board. I enjoyed your story of the angels. I've had a few angelic encounters myself. I appreciate it that you pray for abused children, as you mentioned elsewhere I believe. My heart is for praying for broken families which is related to child abuse. Thanks for keeping the prayer lamp burning for God's healing every where you turn...

thanks shasha, it is great to meet you also. i believe you said that you were a housewife also.i started praying for abused children when i remembered my childhood(because something triggered a flashback)and i distinctly remembered the feeling that i was trapped in this hell and there was no escape. suddenly i wondered why i had never thought to pray for all abused children in the world( as if God was not big enough to handle such a request), but i couldn't bear to think of them suffering and the first week that i prayed, they found two little girls in our town that had been locked in a basement all summer by their stepmother and two more cases the next week.( my prayer is always that the darkness comes into the Light so the abusers can be caught imediatly before anymore harm is done by them to any child of God!) of course i know i am not the only person praying about that, and i have not any idea how prayer works, but if there is even the SLIGHTEST chance that i can contribute to help abused children in the world thru prayer, why would anyone NOT do such a SIMPLE thing?"WHERE TWO OR MORE ARE GATHERED..." thank God for you and all who pray with us! God bless you ! rebecca

so sorry, but i forgot an important piece of the angel story. these were not hallucinations brought on by pain medication. the mother stated that these angels had been with her for two months.the pain meds were administered only a few days when she finally told everyone . they appeared the very next day after she prayed for help. she was afraid to tell anyone(for two months for fear of scaring her family. there were a few days days the mother had been crying uncontrollably, just about two months ago. she had told the nurse that she was afraid to die. but now she revealed that she had been crying because for a few days when she first saw the angels, she thought she was going to die that day. again this woman had never had any real belief in God before this happened.how GOOD HE IS. rebecca

Beautiful stories!