I'm starting a new thread from a question related to the "Could Jesus have sinned?" thread.

This is from a link on that thread:

"Successfully resisting temptation requires a battle of the mind, spirit and will. The longer one resists, the greater the force of the temptation becomes. While we often prematurely succumb to temptation, Jesus resisted to the end, and thus felt its force in full."

I'm wondering if most people would agree with that quote. Is temptation meant to feel like a battle?

I had a bit of a struggle with something today. I wouldn't say I have any particle addictions, but there are times when I've used a variety of unwise ways to feel better, or avoid feeling what I really feel.

Hmm...posting this while I think.

When I was about 10, my family and grandmother went on vacation to Arizona. On Easter morning we got up early for an Easter sunrise service right on the edge of the Grand Canyon. It was, of course, awesome.

Upon returning to our hotel, however, I was expecting the usual Easter basket from my parents or grandmother, while unbeknownst to me they had decided we'd (my older sister, brother, and I) outgrown getting an Easter basket. So I waited patiently all day for any mention of an Easter basket, but nothing was said. I mean this story to be kind of funny, but I really was confused by the fact that no-one else seemed to think anything was missing from Easter. It wasn't the lack of a basket that bothered me, really, it was that nothing was said about it while I waited and waited.

So here I am as an adult, in some sort of control of my circumstances, and every year for I don't remember how long, I think I need to buy myself some Easter candy. I don't think I usually associate food with love, but I know I associated that missed Easter basket with feeling left out---out of the loop, out of growing up without sometimes missing things, out of my older siblings' greater maturity.

I lost my last post to cyberspace.

Continuing...

Anyway, today I had other obligations, but I really struggled with not going out, shopping---for an Easter bunny, or tulips, or something else as a mood altering substance. Of course chocolate bunnies or tulips are not bad at all in themselves, it was that I was attracted to them specifically to avoid my feelings. Most of the time I can take or leave such things, enjoy them or let them go...but today I struggled with that, and I was clear I was battling temptation because I didn't want to feel what was really bothering me.

posting this while I think...

I wrestled with temptation till I stopped to let myself turn to God with what I was really feeling, then it was not a battle anymore. My body, when left to its own devices, seems to have a decent sense of what I need to eat, or own, or when I just need sleep rather than something else.

I'm not eager to tell embarrassing stories about myself, but on another thread I talked about a time when I succumbed to sexual temptation. One of the main things that stopped me, was two very scary dreams from which I woke up hyperventilating. I had one dream, promptly stopped seeing someone with whom I was really crossing the line, but then started seeing someone else. That eventually led to pre-marital sex, which I stopped partly due to another dream more than a year after the first one. My point in talking about this is that in both dreams, while different but undeniably about my behavior, I was driving in a car without a roof, but thinking I was invulnerable to being touched by dark beings. In both dreams I was touched, though--in the last, the dark beings' hands sank into my shoulders and poisoned my bloodstream.

I think it was my subconscious telling me something I didn't want to acknowledge---That I'd taken small steps, then more steps, slowly away from God, leaving myself vulnerable to a temptation that otherwise wouldn't have gotten such a grip on me.

posting while I think...

So trying to tie this together, today, when I wrestled or battled temptation, the battle ended when I acknowledged 2 things. One, I've been busy and wasn't spending any quality time in prayer, leaving myself vulnerable to other influences. And two, I was a little angry and distrustful of God, thinking maybe I should just try to meet my needs my own way.

So, how much of the battle with temptation is "normal" for a fallen human being, or is a protracted battle more likely to indicate an underlying breach in my relatioship with God---I don't mean noticing something that might be good in itself, but being strongly drawn to it enough to require a battle to break free.

Ariel, I don't recall you mentioning at any time if you have a spiritual director, but what you're sharing here would be wonderful to process in that setting. We can talk about it here, too, of course, but I'm not sure we'll get to the depth of processing necessary.

It's been my experience that we are much more able to resist temptations or not even to experience something as a pull to sin when we maintain a close relationship with God. Also, once an addictive pattern sets in, it's necessary to "change playgrounds and playmates" -- to avoid the near occasions of sin, as the old catechism lessons taught. So if one is an alcoholic, it helps to stay close to God, go to AA, talk to your sponsor, etc. But if one does all that and chooses to work as a bartender, then they're likely to fall anyway as it's just too easy to "slip."

We all have our unique "achilles heels," crosses, and addictive tendencies, and it's our responsibility to learn what these are and to put into practice behaviors that help to strengthen us. E.g., I used to smoke over a pack of cigarettes a day -- many years ago. Now, I don't even think about doing so, even when I drink coffee, beer, or drop into a sports bar for a burger. Those all used to be prime times for smoking, and it took years before I was free of the desire to smoke on those occasions. That desire was a temptation, of sorts; there were always people I could have bummed off of (and sometimes did). I felt slimey inside after doing so, however, which strengthened my resolve to hold fast the next time. Because I'd "slipped," the desire to "cheat" was stronger the next time I felt like smoking, but with continuing exercising of my will-to-abstinence, and my turning it all over to God's care, the desires eventually diminished to nothing.

Phil,

No, I don't have a spiritual director, but I've thought before that would probably be a good idea for me.

It's not about shopping or chocolate Easter bunnies. That stuff usually doesn't tempt me that much. Among a sizable group of female friends of acquaintances, we all make an effort to avoid temptation re: food or shopping. And usually between external controls, as you spoke of, and inner "okayness", it isn't a big struggle. And the inner okayness, which means to me a willingness to feel a whole spectrum of emotions, pleasant or painful, seems much more important than any external controls. Yesterday, though, I was bothered by an underlying long-term problem that I got tired of turning to God with, and so it was a battle. That problem, or question, affects my hope that a spiritual director can help, or if I should look for a male or female director.

posting while I think...

I know this isn't the place to get too indepth about this, but I'm asking for some further guidance here because I guess I'm thinking it might help me know if I should talk more with a woman or man about the underlying stuff.

Re: the sexual temptation, the problem for the past decade hasn't been a susceptibility to repeat it; it's partly been that I needed to see that it wasn't some major aberration on my part. I had honestly walled off that period like an abscess, as if my loss of faith and refusal to deeply grieve a friend's death that preceded it was the main cause of my susceptibility. I do think I understand much better how I got to that point, and I have no interest in going there again.

I'm going to try to talk briefly about my underlying question.

Ariel, you might check out http://www.sdiworld.org/ and note the tab for "Find a Spiritual Director." There are probably some in driving distance from you. As for whether to choose a male or female, that's difficult to say -- whoever you'd be more comfortable with (my hunch is a female).

Peace, Phil

Hi Ariel,

Your story about not receiving the Easter basket is such a beautiful illustration of how our vulnerabilities, even addictions, can come out of empathic failures. You can see the need to be understood, to have important people reflect your natural desires, and to help you mourn the losses brought about by growing up.

I like Phil's advise that staying in close connection with God provides some bearings on reality and strengthens us for avoiding temptations to doing what is self-destructive. Years ago, a friend, who was like a spiritual director, said to me very candidly, "Shasha, you just need to know who your enemies are." Now, I do have an official spiritual director who is really gifted at listening to me and the Holy Spirit at the same time. As far as your choosing a male or female, I'd wonder what your fantasies are about each one as mentor/guide to you?...you don't have to answer that question here, of course.

Thanks for the link, Phil.


Shasha, that's a good thing for me to consider--why I might want guidance from a woman or a man. I've been thinking about that for months.

I did used to have a pastor who was like a mentor, and in that period an honest but flawed male mentor was very helpful. He's remained one of the few men I deeply trust. My "issues", or whatever they call it these days, revolve not around women, but around men either physically hurting me (my brother) or lying to me because they were ashamed about something (my dad, then later my boyfriend who would lie to cover his butt). I'm really kind of messed up when it comes to trusting men to have integrity. Something that happened on Sunday set me back about this, and that led to feelings of "life doesn't make sense, I can't trust anyone to give me real information so I can make up my own mind, so I'm on my own and I just have to look out for myself"---hence, thinking I needed to buy my own bunny or tulips or something.

So, I guess I do fantasize about a flawed but honest male mentor. But then am I saying "Flaws are fine--helpful, even, so I see good and bad co-existing---but the flaw of dishonesty is not." ?

I can see, on the other hand, that a female director would be easier for me to trust regarding pointing out changes I could make in how I process my observations.