Here's a kind of yearning in the soul that cannot be fully realized via enlightened consciousness without the extensive purifying of supernatural grace. To take delight in the happiness of others for their own sake - truly for their own sake - is a theotic expression of the Trinity.

So although I recoil at Paul Pott's singing being used in a commercial, as commercials go it conveys something of this awe and gratitude which, at least temporarily, evaporates all lesser concerns in a moment almost like praise. The people in the commercial seem genuine, perhaps shot without knowing what they were to see, with these vinettes strug together. Or perhaps Paul's singing melts the actors' hearts beyond the need for a script. We are moved into a common yearning, taking delight for Paul, with that wonder spilling over into gratitude for each other and for nameless joys we cannot complete ourselves.

The day before my grandmother died, I was given to see that "tunnel of light," standing at the edge with her. I could only endure a split second of looking at the light at the end of that tunnel; it was so unspeakably Holy and Loving and Frightening and Pure and Terrible and Mercifully Just and Final that no mortal could ever gaze upon Him unless called to worship at death.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkaHOQQayTI

Yes, that is really beautiful. I often experience great delight in the happiness of others upon hearing testimonies of people coming to the Lord or getting healed, for instance.

As you know, this kind of selfless pleasure is quite rare as our brokenness predicts envy far more reliably than happiness for other's fortune.
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Happy Easter to you all!

with love, Shasha

It is humbling and transforming to be in the presence of true greatness, especially when it's unexpected. Kind of exploitative to use Pott in that commercial, however.

That's quite a vision you had there, w.c.! My hope is that the Mercy will predominate.

Yes Shasha, I was pondering this before Mass tonight . . . how such moments reveal the difference between fallenness and the errant notion of total depravity. We are totally dependent upon His grace, and know deep in our hearts we are unable to live in a fully loving way even as we yearn for, and fear, the same. We taste this, it burns us many times over as we see the sublty of our selfishness, and we come to the end of ourselves eventually (certainly not there myself).

What also struck me was the way in which virtue, and all pain and darkness, register so poignantly in our faces. Each face belongs to the other, and is so potentially full of blessed expression, and so complete for the spirit of that particular person, enfolding the eyes as windows to see and be seen with nearly endless depths of light, yet hidden.



"Now we see through a mirror dimly, through a glass darkly. Then, we shall see face to face. Now I know in part, then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."

W.C.,

I missed you at the forum recently, so I'm glad you're back and with that thread!
I waited until you post something, because I wanted to tell you that I had a dream about you...

For last two week I've been praying daily for you, Shasha, bdb, and other people at SP, and I felt real connection.
This dream I had - it was the night 6/7 of April, I guess, and I don't remember much of it. But I remember I was reading a book of some sort, and suddenly I came accross your name in it - or names, actually. There were two names with initials W.C., written together like "W... C... and W... C...". I was looking at those two names, from one to the other, and I was wondering which one is your name, but I realized that both are your names (which seems a bit impossible, but...).

During the day after that night I was walking with a sense of importance of that dream, don't know why, because nearly nothing happened in it, and I prayed for understanding that dream and my understanding - which may be inaccurate - was that the two names symbolize two selves. Perhaps, the old one and the new, emerging one. I remember that in the dream I was shifting between two names, unsure which one is yours. Perhaps it's a sign of a kind of inner struggle, passing from one identity to the other? Or maybe about embracing two identities, since they both are you? Old man, new man in Christ?
These are my thoughts about it. My feelings were that something good is happening, and I felt rather comforted and joyful, when I was thinking about your growth and that dream. I also felt I should share this dream with you, I really feel for your struggles and growth in Christ, and I often pray for you. The dream had a lot of hope in it. Maybe you will find something helpful in that , but maybe it's just merely my unconscious.

Mt:

I very much appreciate your prayers, and "inner struggle," as in "old man, new man" wouldn't be far off the mark.

Over the past few weeks there has been more aridity, but less fear of it. In fact, what surprises me is that the aridity is more peaceful than the consolations. The consolations tend to have a delayed effect on the kundalini, and therefore the passions. The passions can turn into "living waters," but that is not easy, since all the old wounds become raw and awake in my body and tend to their old habits. So as the passions intensify, all I can do is surrender to Him. The places in my body become openings for prayer, which is more a focus on Him than on the sensation. But it is important not to try and fix the wounds, but go to Him just as I am (as the old hymn goes) and be as completely honest as I can. He actually turned down the volumne last week. I was laying in bed, and surrendered to Him through these pains, then felt His hand touch the top of my head; it was like He turned a dial or knob, and this caused energy in my second chakra to go quiet.

Not all is quiet, of course, so more consenting is yet to come. It's funny how little we can do with "our" energy, especially in terms of spiritual pride. The kundalini is so very fallen from the persepctive of graced contemplation. Not bad, but just completely insufficient to heal itself. So the more consolations we get, the more we are vulnerable to spiritual pride. Or at least that is the case with me. I feel better, more enlivened after consolations, and then go off and do my own thing. Not bad living, but not really surrendering to Him fully. It's like the part of me that didn't get to live as a happy kid wants to go play. I feel closer to Him, but part of me wants what I never received in human terms. Whereas the aridities seem to be Him silently present where lack, or immaturity, of virtue exists, and this leaves me feeling much more dependent upon Him.

So He is giving me aridities that are bearable, and at times even slightly peaceful. But there would be no way for increased virtue without them. How fragile is our own love! One bit or two of discomfort and we can become rather mean or withdrawn. And so aridity seems His way of grafting us to Him, branches to vine, so we can love even when we're hurting.

Amen to aridities being peaceful and making us more virtuous!
Painful as they may be, after a while we see the fruit they bear - like the mustard seed.

After my recent ordeals I experience freedom to welcome and say goodbye to consolations and aridity, but I don't know if it's going to be stable freedom. Lord knows. But when I was experiencing fear and insecurity, your sharing and your thoughts about aridity were really helpful to me: thank you.

Could you say sth more about those aridities? Is it just absence of contemplative graces during prayer, or a more enduring sense of God's absence, or some kind of pain, burden, hurt? We know there can be so many kinds of aridity. Certain are easier to deal with.

Mt:

I'm probably too new to the tolerance of aridity to explore those distinctions. God is giving me milk, not meat. Spiritual colostrum!!

I'm glad I was able to support you in some small way during that time.

Move over, Paul Pott!

- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

So good to see when something like this happens. You can't just a gift by the wrapping paper.

Yes, these shows, which have their shadows, allow folks like Susan to share their gifts with us. Our rather denuded psyches need those wake-up calls. When somebody whose probably had a rough life reveals such inner beauty, I end up feeling, simultaneously, guilty for those I've hurt, the hurt I suffered myself, and a sense of belonging, since nobody is left out in such a moment: all the most forlorn parts of the self get a chance to breath.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: w.c.,