Greetings forum,

I posted here some time ago concerning the dark night of the soul. There have been some developments since then, one of which I am finding extremely distressful. I came here to share that and to also ask for prayers if anyone is so inclined.

Due to some unforseen and unfortunate circumstances, the control of the small construction company where I work has fallen upon me. In short, I have worked practically all my life for an hourly wage, but in less than a day I found myself with the responsibility of the business. This includes 3 employees who are depending on me to keep it going.

This is not something I would choose. In my youth I was a fairly severe social phobic (social anxiety disorder), and this is still with me to a degree although its intensity has weakened somewhat over the years. It has become quite a fight just to get out there and find new business, meet new people, and negotiate prices. Amazingly, the business has been sustained for nearly 2 months now. I felt it was really over my head right from the getgo and knew I had no chance whatsoever unless the Lord helped me.

A few things fell into place at just the right time and I knew it had to be Him holding me up. To me there can really be no other explaination. Although my sense of the experiental presence of God is for the most part gone, I can easily see Him working through circumstances. Now, however, work has slowed and the feelings of dread that I was already experiencing have intensified. I am in debt for equipment I had to buy (make payments on) when I took over the business, and we will have to stay busy in order for me to get all that paid off. The dread of each day is threatening to paralyze me to the point of inaction. I still have these feelings even though I have turned everything over to the Lord.

This is not about what the world calls "success". It's more a fear of the unknown. I know that failure is often very valuable to us in our Christian walk. It could go either way, every day is uncertain. This business is really more about hard work and survival than making big profits, even at its best. If I had not worked side by side with these guys for years, perhaps I would have just tried going to work for someone else at an hourly wage. But I felt responsible for them and so I had to give the business a shot.

Just trying to throw off some of the weight of it here by writing about it in a post, I suppose. This could possibly qualify as transformative experience, who knows.

Tim

Hi Tim,

Sounds like a stressful time for you. Running a business where others are dependent upon you for its success is a huge responsibility.

Can you get some help -- coaching, support, financial advice, etc.? That could come in handy.

Keep on praying and stay close to God. Let us know how it goes.

Thanks Phil,

I actually have been very fortunate to get timely advice and support from a variety of people, and my coworkers (I guess I should say employees now) have performed brilliantly, as usual. Without the timely help that has come to me I'm afraid I wouldn't have lasted more than a couple of weeks.

I felt quite a bit better after making the initial post here and felt some relief from the pressure the next morning on my way to work. Another job dropped in this morning and so it looks like we'll have work to do at least through next week.

Meanwhile, spiritually speaking, I'm learning to see and appreciate the glimpses of beauty that come with the night's quiet desperation. Just simple things that speak to the heart can sustain me for weeks.

Hopefully I'll be able to check in and post from time to time. I do still enjoy reading here even though I don't post much.

Take care,
Tim

Take care, Tim.

So glad to hear the report that you're feeling hopeful. Trust God and seek to do His Will. I'll pray like that with you, if you want. This crisis may turn out to be exactly what your soul needs to grow more in loving communion with the Lord.

Peace.

Thanks Shasha, and yes, I would appreciate those prayers very much. Peace to you, friend.

It sounds hard, Tim. I'll pray for you, too.

Thanks for your kindness, Mt. Your prayers are most welcome.