Click here for the conference on Discerning God's will.

Reflection and Discussion

1. What questions or comments do you have from this presentation?

2. How do you know when you've made a decision which you believe to be God's will for you?

3. What kinds of binding commitments have you made? How do you feel about living out these commitments in loving persistence? How has this persistence changed you?

4. What kinds of important, nonbinding decisions have you made? How do you feel about continuing to live out these decisions?

5. What kinds of poor decisions have you made? How have they changed you? What have you done to cope with the consequences?

6. What kinds of important lifestyle decisions are you facing at this time in your life? Use the pattern outlines found in this chapter to help you discern God�s call among your perceived options.

7. How do you handle the small decisions in everyday life? Are you sensitive to the movements of selfishness and love in these small decisions? Explain.

2. How do you know when you've made a decision which you believe to be God's will for you?

Well, one situation comes to mind. This past fall my husband and I were shopping around for a doctor for him. There were so many things to consider---driving distance, insurance providers, how well the doctor spoke English , recommendations from friends, etc. As we began to narrow down our choices, several interesting things happened which pushed in the direction of one particular doctor. Coincidences maybe....but I interpreted them as signs that we were moving toward the right doctor.

3. What kinds of binding commitments have you made? How do you feel about living out these commitments in loving persistence? How has this persistence changed you?

At various points along the way I've had doubts about my marriage....was it the "right" choice? Would somebody else have made me happier?? Now I don't spend/waste as much time comparing my marriage to somebody else's or worrying about what it "ought" to be. I'm not as interested in changing my husband or the marriage. I think that God wants me to be in this marriage and the struggles that I've had within it have made me a stronger person. And now that my husband is dealing with some serious health problems I'm glad that I'm here for him. I think it WAS meant to be.

4. What kinds of important, nonbinding decisions have you made? How do you feel about continuing to live out these decisions?

Well, I've been a teacher for 25 years. Not a very glamourous job, not much $$, teachers are a dime a dozen, nobody is impressed when you tell them you are a teacher. Still, I feel fulfilled by my job, and that tells me that I'm where I'm supposed to be. So I feel good about continuing to live out my decision to be a teacher. I liked this part of your conference:

"In areas of life where you have already made decisions (which can be changed) on the basis of God’s call, "your one desire should be to find your continued growth in the way of life you have chosen" (Saint Ignatius)."

That's pretty much how I approach my job. I pray each day that I will "be" what the children need me to "be." And I pray for a continued sense of fulfillment. I feel lucky to be able to still enjoy what I do after all these years. This week I had two delightful encounters with little boys in my class. One little boy came up a whispered in my ear, "Mrs. Donze....I got a cotton candy machine for Christmas." And the other little boy told me, "Mrs. Donze...my dad got his hair highlighted!!" Five-year-olds can be delightful people to be with!!

5. What kinds of poor decisions have you made? How have they changed you? What have you done to cope with the consequences?

I don't think I always make the best decisions as a parent. I think I'm too easy on my kids, but so far they haven't turned into total disasters, either. Actually, I don't beat myself up as much as I used to. Oftentimes I assume that everybody else is doing it all right, but then, when I check in with other parents I find out that they are struggling with the same things I am. I cope with the consequences by reminding myself that I am doing the best I can and that I can't be somebody that I'm not.

6. How do you handle the small decisions in everyday life? Are you sensitive to the movements of selfishness and love in these small decisions? Explain.

I generally take action based on my intuitions. If it feels like the right thing for me then that's the direction I move in. I don't know if I'm sensitive to the movements of selfishness or love in my small decisions. I'll have to think about that one more.

I think discernment is a fascinating topic, but I honestly, I don't spent much time "worrying" about whether or not I'm doing what God wants. I guess I generally feel that God is leading me where he wants me to go.

Anne

. . . I assume that everybody else is doing it all right, but then, when I check in with other parents I find out that they are struggling with the same things I am. I cope with the consequences by reminding myself that I am doing the best I can and that I can't be somebody that I'm not.

That's excellent, Anne! No way anything can be discerned if we're not first and foremost trying to live the life we're actually living, rather than someone else's.

What you shared about how you've come to deeper commitment in your marriage and satisfaction with your work is also very edifying . . . marks of true holiness, I would even say. If you read through St. Ignatius' guidelines for discernment in the conference, you'll see that you've already been faithful to the principles he advocates, which is a sure sign that the same Spirit Who inspired him has been working with you as well.

Thanks for your generous sharing on this topic!

Phil wrote:

<<That's excellent, Anne! No way anything can be discerned if we're not first and foremost trying to live the life we're actually living, rather than someone else's.>>

One thing that really helped me was this website on the MyersBriggs personality types.

http://www.personalitypage.com/info.html

There is actually a section on parenting and it describes the parenting styles of the different personality profiles. What I read about INFP's was so "on the money." It actually said that an INFP would have difficulty following through with punishment and would need the balance of a spouse who was stricter, more consistent, etc.(which I don't have). Of course INFP's also were described as wonderful parents in other ways. So whenever I get really down on myself I go back and read that section in "INFP's as Parents" and then I feel much better.

Phil wrote:

<<What you shared about how you've come to deeper commitment in your marriage and satisfaction with your work is also very edifying . . . marks of true holiness, I would even say.>>

Boy....I don't feel so holy. Lately I've had the after Christmas Winter blues. Today was the kind of day weather-wise that just makes somebody want to crawl under a rock and stay there. I REALLY get down on myself when I'm "down" and have no reason to be "down," you know??

I'm sure tomorrow will be better......

Anne