Herb, it has been months since you posted your last comment. I hope you find your way back to read my post.
I want you to know that I understand you. I have been down the exact same road; so similar that.. in reading your post.. I felt I was looking into a mirror. It is so helpful to me to finally find someone who has been where I've been. You are right. Well-meaning people who haven't experienced the loss of the Holy Spirit, or His "shrinking away", the "quenching", whatever one wants to call it, many times don't believe it happens. Personally, I think that that this is because many of them have never been close to Him; so they can't understand what it's like to lose something they've never had. They're well-meaning assumptions really only make matters worse for me; bringing confusion. I finally decided to go it alone. No one understood. Not even pastors, whom I've come to believe are usually not even saved themselves, much less acquainted with the Holy Spirit. That's why we need each other.. Remnant Church!
Did you know that this happened to Mother Theresa, Teresa? (that's embarrassing) There is a book on it. I believe maybe the phrase "Dark Night of the Soul" may have been connected with it.
I will tell you what happened to me.
I grew up in a painful childhood, followed by falling into the wrong group in my late teens,and making very bad decisions in my 20s and 30s, and 40s.
In my early 20s God called me as I sat alone on the beach, in the middle if sin. : ) I knew it was God; he made it known. He then led me to Christians and the church where I joyously gave my life and heart to Christ; was personally, privately and beautifully baptized in the Holy Spirit while in prayer, and lived a happy joyful life, ... for a season. In fact, that season, other than young childhood, was the only happy time of my life. The Holy Spirit and I were one.
I do not know if this had anything to do with what happened next, but I had agreed to pray a prayer, "Whatever you need to do in my life Lord, to change me into your image, please do so." I had no idea what THAT prayer would do to me! Seemed all hell broke lose for the next 30 years. Yep, I said it. 30 years. I am now 55.
For although I gave my life to Christ, I had not been warned by the church to remain separate from sin, and fell back into it. Only worse than before my conversion. Then once day I'd had enough. I was demonized and I knew it, and I Had to be free. I had heard that there was a deliverance minister in our city, and I ran there. No appointment. (To this day I think God honored that). I was desperate to return to God. I was anointed with oil, prayed over for approx 45 minutes, and then God truly rid me of those foul, death producing spirits. It was a very real miracle, not unlike what Jesus did, and I walked out light as a feather. Joyful. But guess what the pastor didn't tell me? Yep. He did not quote scripture to warn me not to sin. Scripture says that if once delivered, we get back into it, then life becomes even worse than before. The demons then return stronger. And it did happen the way The Word says. More demons, more destruction, more loss. In the late 80s I lost 4 family members to death on separate occasions. Almost my entire family.
I found myself lost, displaced and belonging to nowhere. I continued to sin.
And then the day, involved in my usual sin.. something happened. It was just like you happened to you Herb. The Spirit said "Don't" .. in His characteristic soft, gentle voice. But.. I did it anyway. I ignored the actual voice and message of the Holy Spirit within me. And that was the last day I sensed His presence.
In fact, it seems as though demons came on even stronger. Life eventually started hitting bottom as I began to lose everything I ever loved. The last of my family. Even my only child abandoned me. You see, I had become.. well.. all I can say now is.. I was being severely chastised. God was removing everything.
Had I not feared our God, I may have taken my life. I thought about it a lot. So, why has all this happened? Well.. for decades I have suffered under the belief that because the Spirit left me, and there was no indication of God in my life, and I no longer seemed to know Christ, and He had left me to rot.. that I was doomed. I have lived in that belief for about 10 years; until now.
This new season, having begun maybe 3 months ago.. is the first light I've seen in decades.
So, I am just beginning to sense it; kind of.. distrusting it a bit, but excited.
If this truly is God bringing me home, I can tell you one thing for sure. For sure, for me, it took Him bringing me to desolation. It took so very much loss.
It took the devotional "Streams in the Desert", written in the old days. It took the song "Only in God" by John Michael Talbot; a monk. It took me losing my mental health, my career, and my family; and crying desperately for God, for many years.. to bring me to a repentance that I'd never known before.
Oh, I had repented. Countless times. But never had I repented like I did about 3 weeks ago. And then, that night that I couldn't sleep, near sunrise after crying and praying and reading the bible all night long.. for hours, there was what I'll refer to as "a shift." Something has happened. I think maybe something Glorious!!
Can I hear an Amen?
Herb, Please forgive my bad grammar. I should have read my own letter before posting. This is my first time to do this sort of thing!
Golly, I hope my letter helps someone.
Glad to hear you're feeling more connected with God, AND that you also know now that sin places a barrier between ourselves and our sense of God's presence.
I don't know what was going on in your life all those years; it sounds like you've been through a very rough time of it. It also seems that you have reached your bottom and have truly, deeply surrendered to God. Prayers that you will continue growing in the Spirit.
Hi again Herb. I made a mistake in the letter I wrote to you. In the 1st paragraph I was referring to those who don't believe that the Spirit will leave us. But, it was actually Dominicus who wrote this topic in HIS letter, which I responded to, (thinking it was you who wrote it. sorry.)
Ive been there too folks and thought I was the only one in existence till I read your accounts
Ive been a believer for 25 years going to various churches penatcostal missionary brethren etc.
But many years back one day I was on my knees praying and I felt like a big vacumm just vacummed out my soul afterwards I felt empty loveless and in the years following darkness.
it was like if you were in a room with a 100 watt bulb it looked like a 40 watt.My soul was under a lot of torment to the point of hospitalization.They only thing that helped was
clonazepam to relive my fears.I didnt understand, why me because I wasnt perfect as a Christian but wanted to follow God never leave Him.I couldn't explain this situation to anyone they just didn't understand.But Im not sure I l lost the HolySpirit
to continue Im not sure I ever lost the Holy Spirit but It was a terrible time in my life.
As the years went by I seemed to grow out of it
every once in awhile I fell reminded.But I learn to trust in God despite what I feel or see with my eyes.Faith does not depend on feelings.i believe God had a reason for this experience see example of Mother Teressa,Spurgeon,and the one who wrote Dark night of the Soul
oh by the way did any of you experience weird dreams even today I still have dreams that don't make sense its like Im always trying to get somewhere but don't get there I want to accomplish something but don't accomplish its weird.
Welcome to the forum, and thank you for contributing to this discussion. It sounds like you've done some learning and growing through this process and are coming out in a good place.
- - -
I don't know why it's never occurred to me to mention the phenomenon known as spiritual desolation in connection with this thread topic.
- see http://catholicmom.com/2011/09...-do-i-get-out-of-it/
As these pages point out, there are different causes of desolation: sin, negligence of spiritual disciplines, or a time of weaning one from dependence on feelings (affective consolations) being the most common. St. Ignatius notes that illness can also be a contributing factor, and we should include depression as an example of a psychological contributing factor.
Yes, there are others who have struggled; knowing there has been a loss within them. Because it has been so hard for me to find someone who truly understands this, out of desperation I turned to the internet. I simply Googled things like Spirit, loss, departure, return, etc. In my desperation for restoration with God I fell on writings on this subject, some from preachers from long ago. You will know which ones are true and which are for you. But the greatest blessing was this site. For in reading testimonies of real people with real struggles and a sincere heart for God who were going through the same thing I was, I found the comfort of knowing someone understood me and I had fellowship.
It has been a great blessing; in reading the testimonies of a few true disciples who have gone through this same thing, and were then restored to Christ! This has meant so very much to me.
So, there is hope Brothers and Sisters!
Read the posts of Herb, above, which started it all for me. From what I hear, Herb's experience was authentic and brings hope for anyone going through this.
I have spoken to many well-meaning people who wanted to help my fears, but because they have never experienced this difficult place, they couldn't help. In fact.. the sad thing is.. in their mind.. if it hasn't happened to them, then it doesn't happen. Why are we humans that way?
Have Hope. If you have given your life to Christ, and you sense that He has left you.. His pulling away is for a reason. Seek Him diligently with fear and trembling, for it is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God. Allow Him to bring you to desolation. Separate yourself from sin, abandon idols, seek Him with all your heart, and He will lead you to a perfect repentance. Through this He will restore you to Him. For He loves you so.
Just thinking I should add something.
I don't know what it is, exactly, that is happening when we sense the loss of the Holy Spirit; and I don't suppose anyone does.
But I can tell you that about 15 years ago, I was praying for the Spirit to return His fullness to me as before, and I sensed an answer. He, the Spirit, told me that He was unable to return His fullness because of the strife in my life.
I have heard Him speak to me only 4 times in my 55 years, and that was one of them.
We all post our experiences and thoughts in the hopes of helping a brother or sister in Christ, and I do hope you are being helped by our posts.
So, exactly what it is that the Spirit is doing when we feel we've lost Him, I don't know. But from all the reading I've done, it seems the agreement is that living in prolonged/deliberate sin most assuredly does grieve Him, and eventually cause Him to shrink back. (leave?) And is that not what any one of us would do if someone we loved repeatedly mistreated us or exposed us to filth? Can I blame Him?
So as for me, personally I believe that even as He pulls away.. it is still part of His working. Working for us, waiting for us, disciplining us, teaching us, continuing to wait for us, refining us, to save us, and I hope and pray.. never letting us go. That is what I sense, believe, and hope for. Though often I feel abandoned, deep down inside.. this is what is true to me.
Bless you Brother.
And let us all, daily, count the cost of turning from Him. For it can be a long, painful road finding our way back.
OnlyinGod, check out the links I posted above. I think you'll find connection with the traditional teachings on desolation and consolation.
Hi everyone my name is Angela. I am 19 years old and lost my Holy Spirit on June 21st, 2014. Since then nothing has been the same. Ive lost almost everything. Here's my story.
I had gotten dumped on May 5th, 2014 (more like stink o de Mayo). I was devastated and slipped into Major Depression. I sought help from therapists, priests (i was Roman Catholic), friends, and family. I began to get closer with God and visited the cemetery and church every chance i had to pray next to my grandpa's grave. I hated myself so much i couldnt stand myself. I blamed myself for everything that happened and everyone kept saying things like "its a two way street" or "its not all your fault" and "it takes two to tango" and such. I believed them but then my negative thoughts would come swirling back. Then i attempted to commit suicide at my workplace. The cops and ambulance came and somehow with much prayer I didnt get sent to a mental hospital. i began losing sleep and stopped eating for weeks. it really had its effect on me. i couldnt concentrate on anything. a coworker of mine invited me to a Christian church one day (this was one of the days i attempted suicide again. She warned me that the devil is going to try everything he can so that i wont go. I reassured her that i would go. When the time came, my mother told me i was betraying the Catholic church and that it was wrong. Feeling guilty, i went to church with her at the Catholic church instead. All i learned during that mass was that it is "an abomination" to leave the Catholic church. Nothing beneficial really. Anyways one day another co worker invited me to her house and that her pastor would be there to talk to me. I went over and he asked me do i accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour. I agreed, not really knowing what i did, and the negative thoughts came on even stronger the days to come. My therapist told me to get on the pills and i was going to but i had no motivation to even go to the doctor. i became sluggish and i even stopped going to summer classes. i lost an immense amount of sleep. i was going insane. then these thoughts came into my mind saying "you commited adultry (i didnt all i did was kiss my boyfriends friend during our relationship) and i believed it and the thoughts told me i was going to hell". and then at work, without thiniking the words "id sell my soul to the devil to get my boyfriend back". when i went home that day that thought flooded my mind and tormented me that i was going to hell so i ran to the church early in the morning seeking help. the priest absolved me of my sins on June 20th, 2014. I felt amazing and God's protection surround me.
Then here comes the next day.
The next day i went to work and little negative thoughts slipped in, saying "if you would have never moved back this would have never happened" and "youre a failure you cant commit to anything" and then lo and behold, my exes dad came thru my register. it struck home and thats when i lost it. i screamed to my coworkers "i cant do anything right! im a failure! i hate myself!" they tried reassuring me that i was okay and everyone makes mistakes but i couldnt believe them even if i wanted to. then the coworker that told me about accpeting Jesus came to me and said "God loves you that all you need". i believed it but then the negative thoughts came even harder. then i went home and told my mom how much i hated myself and the deciosions i made. She tried reassuring me but i couldnt believe her. i left to do my penance given by the priest (pray the rosary) and then "poof!" a hot hot feeling from the back of my neck came and it felt as someone left my body.
instantly my depression went away. leaving in its place was nothing. no emotion. dead. i freaked out and the days to follow lead to destruction. i went everywhere seeking help but no one believed me. i went to several churches i even called to churches out of town. i called prayer lines i even went to spiritual healers. nothing helped. i even moved into a pastor friends house and still dont have my holy spirit. my whole family and many in my town think im crazy, but im not. im so scared. my only hope seems to be this retreat im going to in october its called Alvernia Experience. i hope it could help. i hope anyone can help. Please someone help me. im desperate.
Also ive been seeing the numbers 3 and 6 together everyday but ever since i started reading the bible my mind doesnt seem as reprobate as before i can actually think and i havent been doing bad. right after i lost the Spirit i went into sexual sins, began smoking, lying to my family, breaking promises, becoming completely immoral. After i got into the bible and serious prayer, ive started doing better. i still dont feel the Spirit's indwelling, but i take it as at least something.
Sounds like it's been a very rough emotional ride for you. From what you share, it sounds like the tailspin began in May, when you "got dumped." Were you and your life OK before that?
Keep up the bible reading and "serious prayer," as that can never hurt and you mention that it's helping. Keep seeing your counselor, too.
If you've read through this discussion, you know that I'm not too keen on "feeling" the Holy Spirit. We believe the Spirit is with us through faith. The Spirit is God's gift to us, and we don't always experience the Spirit emotionally. It's often more of a very subtle calm peace and inner willingness to do what is right.
Just believe that God already loves you just as you are and don't buy in to all these negative thoughts about yourself. That does absolutely no good. When we quit disturbing ourselves with judgmental thoughts, we will always feel better.
My name is Rhonda. You can read my story in the postings that are just before yours, but my name may be written as OnlyinGod. I agree with Phil that you should keep up the bible reading and prayer. Be careful about choosing to take prescription mind-altering medications. One thing that helped me was a beautiful CD of songs written and sung by a catholic monk.
I'm not catholic but I can't deny the power of this cd. Most of the words are scripture, meant to direct us away from the world and ourselves and to lead us to Christ. The singers name is John Michael Talbot. The CD I have is called Signatures. It's expensive but has lots of songs and is well worth it. I would be happy to burn and send you a copy if I knew where to send it. Is there a church I can send it to with just the name Angela on it?
I would say, you have to stop believing these self-critical thoughts. You don't have to fight them or argue with them or try to get them to go away. Just don't believe them.
"I can't do anything right!" -- Okay, that's a thought, but just don't believe it.
"I'm a failure!" -- Okay, that's a thought, just don't believe it.
"I hate myself!" -- Okay, that's a thought, don't believe it.
Try to cultivate positive, loving thoughts toward yourself. Make some affirmations.
Tara Springett, who used to post on Shalom Place, has a nice book out titled The Five Minute Miracle. Perhaps that would help, too.
I know I am late to the post, but I thought I would post this anyway. It is from a book called Discipleship Counseling by Dr. Neil Anderson.
It tells us who we are in Christ
I am accepted in Christ
John 1:12 - I am God's child
John 15:15 - I am Christ's friend
Romans 5:1 - I have been justified
1 Cor. 6:17 - I am united with the Lord and one with Him in the Spirit.
1 Cor. 6:20 - I have been brought with a price; I belong to God.
1 Cor. 12:27 I am a member of Christ's Body
Ephesians 1:1 I am a saint
Ephesians 1:5 I have been adopted as God's child
Ephesians 2:18 I have direct access to God through the Holy Spirit
Colossians 1:14 I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins
Colossians 2:10 I am complete in Christ
I am Secure in Christ
Romans 8:12 I am free from condemnation
Romans 8:28 I assured that all things work together for good
Romans 8:33-34 I am free from any condeming charges against me.
Romans 8:35 I cannot be seperated from the love of God.
2 Cor. 1:21 I have established, anointed, and sealed by God.
Colossians 3:3 I am hidden with Christ in God
Philippians 1:6 I am confident that the good work that has begun in my life will be perfected.
Philippians 3:20 I am a citizen of heaven.
2 Timothy 1:7 I have not been given a a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind.
Hebrews 4:16 I can find grace and mercy in time of need
1 John 5:18 I am born of God and the evil one can not touch me.
I am Significant in Christ
Matt. 5:13-14 I am the salt and light of the earth.
John 15:1,5 I am a branch of the true vine, a chanel of his life.
John 15:16 I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit.
Acts 1:8 I am personal witness of Christ.
1 Cor. 3:16 I am God's temple
2 Cor. 5:17-20 I am a minister of reconciliation
2 Cor. 6:1 I am God's co-worker
Eph.2:6 I am seated with Christ in the Heavenly realm
Eph. 2:10 I am God's workmanship
Eph. 3:12 I may approach God with freedom and confidence
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strenghthens me.
Hi mperera, Thank you for all the work you put into sending us those scriptures. I haven't read them yet but wanted to take a minute to share what I love about Shalom place, which I found in a desperate google attempt as I typed "Losing Holy Spirit". It is here and only here that I've found people who have actually experienced what I've gone through with the Holy Spirit. And where others can find fellowship in their walk also. I've talked for years with precious well-meaning folks who have tried to encourage me through "changing my mind" about what I "think" is happening as I've sensed His pulling away. I think that some of them mean well, but evidently don't realize how tiresome it gets listening to people who haven't been there; yet think they have the answer. Or who read only the hot new books out there, or follow a tv evangelist, but aren't aware of what the bible says on the subject.
This experience is very real; the sense of losing the Holy Spirit. Mother Teresa died in sorrow as she herself suffered under this dark night of the soul. Exactly what happens, and why it happens, I do not know. But I know it's real to us. My hope is that it's God working in us, and that in the end we will say "I have found my all in you Lord." Thank you Shalom Place and those who have shared this suffering with me. I have found comfort and grown because of you. Having said that; please mperera, don't stop encouraging us with truth. Only in God.
As of September 16th, I've re received the beautiful and blessed holy spirit. I felt so dead inside before a dry bones feeling no emotion or empathy whatsoever. After begging God and Jesus and reading scripture and prayer, He granted mercy upon me. I've never been more grateful in my entire life. I feel he has breathed life back into me. It's the most wonderful feeling in the world that I took advantage of before. Those who are going thru the Dark Night and feel hopeless, do NOT give up!!! Thanks to this website I found hope. Thank yall for giving your testimonies because now I am one. People around me couldn't understand what was going on with me but I found yall here and I didn't feel alone in this. No one should feel alone in this. The way I see this dark night is that we are a rebellious child and God our father takes our toy away (holy spirit) and when we behave and discipline ourselves He gives it back
Thank you for your most recent post on October 9th, 2014. Everything you said is how I feel also. It truly is difficult to find a person to talk to about this matter, which is the most important thing in life! Isn't that crazy? The most important yet not talked about. And yes, I totally agree with your last sentence.
As for me, I am waiting for His return. You see, for many years I would grieve Him, He'd return, I'd grieve Him, He'd return. Then one day, 15 years ago, I sinned a sin, and my sin was very grievous, for I said NO to Him. Things have never been the same since that day.
Be careful my brothers and sisters, that you don't end up like me.
On that note however, there was last January. After spending weeks in prayer and crying out to Him, many times at wee hours of the morning, He carried me to a deep repentance which was so sweet and real. It was Him, not me. I await His return for I know He wouldn't have done that for me if I were no longer His.
Finally, people i can relate to. I am going through something similar. it feels as if i lost God or the Holy Spirit. As a combination of both grieving with sin, and personal circumstance. i was really struggling with my partner sexually and went a bit too far, not sex but still to far. i then went on a mens retreat and Gods voice stood out saying " because there is so much sexual immorality, each man have a wife etc during a talk. So i decided to the solution to the problem was to propose to the girl i have dated for 6 years whom i love( don't recommend long dating, makes purity hard). ill be honest had some doubt ( but probably not the first person)and it mademe stressed out to the point of hospitalisation. i thought i was doomed cause i wasn't aloud to have doubt about a big decision. but now even though feeling condemned i know the bible tells us not to trust our feelings, that faith exceeds feelings. More than anything i want God back, the holy Spirit and inner witness of peace. been praying and reading the bible, entering catholic buildings alone (even though not technically catholic) to confess and contemplate and try to re receive God. any advice from those who successfully found God again?, just trying to be honest about situation
CVv, welcome to the forum.
You mention dating/loving for six years the woman you plan to marry, but that you have doubts. It's very much OK to have doubts, and important to face them head-on, including the feelings you have. Don't repress those feelings; they're giving you important messages. Maybe by facing the feelings and doubts and working with them in prayer, with a counselor, and maybe even talking about them with your fiancee, you will come to a new place of peace.
Re. "I want God back . . . " You would not be seeking God if God had not already called you to a return to fellowship. (Look up "prevenient grace" on the internet.) Most likely what has happened to you and others who have posted about "losing the Holy Spirit" is that you are dealing with the psychological consequences of your previous lifestyle. Check out the parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32). The Father is always watching for our return, and runs to greet us on the path to reconciliation, places a ring on our finger, and throws a party. We don't know what happens next, but I'm thinking it probably took a few weeks or months before the wayward son shook off his old life and felt like he was home again.
What you and others are referring to has a name: it's called "spiritual desolation." You might read up on that as well.
the effects of this desolation are strong. i want God back, but the bible seems different now like its just a book without the inner witness. also even though i feel this way im still capable of praying in tongues ( which does my head in). my heart use to be on fire, but i really have to force myself do be disciplined. likes its harder then normal, easy to put the bible down or get distracted when meditating
Angela, what did you say you did to re receive? beg, pray, beg read scripture ?
Theres been this deep sadness I've been feeling inside that telss like somethings really bad happened u just don't see it. This great sadness it's so sad.. What is gonna happen.. I Took from the tithes n offerings dat I have already hearted to god as his n after that had a near death experience.. Suddeny bcame dizzy, felt trembling in whole body like ur weak n gonna fall n had this hardness to breath.. Starting after that couldnt sleep anymore in d night till morning bcause even though u would want to u could choke to death bcause of the breathing problem..' probably had this 4 time straight do believe or more or less.. Bcause couldnt sleep feel something invisible force leading to acts 5 taks bout ananias n sapphira n was so scared didnt want read it cause it might really take placed.. Also after doing that felt a force that was trying to pull my ghost out of the body most when going to sleep.. N ananias gave up the ghost..This message has been edited. Last edited by: True One,
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