Dear Phil and friends,
Here I am again! A little embarrassed! I realize I am probably constantly searching for attention or confirmation or maybe I am living far too much in my head and rationalizing things, but it is not easy at all to match all those different experiences I have. I hope you will understand me and I am looking forward once again to a reply from someone. It seems to hard at the moment to listen only to myself and not to get advice from others who have gone through all this.
As I said, I am in therapy in Ostend now, where I live. Before, I went a few times to a therapist in Brussels with quite some experience, but then through people of the mindfulness group I got in touch with this woman in Ostend. She is a very intuitive person and during the first session I got a confirmation from her of my woundedness from within the womb of my mother. I was amazed by what happened and we worked some time with the Hellinger approach. I had to hand over to her (who played my mother) the knots and anxiety that I took over from her out of loyalty since I was a child. I noticed it was all about working with the inner wounded child.
After, I called M. several times in difficult moments and each time she replied with a lovely and compassionate text.
But I have questions regarding her Eckhart Tolle- and New Age-like approach. In the session yesterday there was first some 'fight' (she showed me the 'What the bleep do we know' DVD and the book on the Sedona-method) and she said that I am uncoachable, that I don't listen. I have to admit that the latter is right. But I just wanted to talk about certain things and her reaction as always was: what do you feel now, what is the thought behind and you have the choice to live from the adult-side of yourself.
I rather think there is a vertical (here and now) but also a horizontal (evolution in life) dimension of time. When I am confronted (and in se her rather harsh approach, which she seldom uses as she says, is good for me!) with this t.m.o. solution directed approach (you have to be delivered from this pain, you create this pain permanently, you have to stop this...), I feel I don't see where mindful attention has it's place and where even more contraction, expectance, struggle, will power... begins!!! I saw her practicing the technique of voice dialogue (with two toys, a big and a little, representing the inner child and the adult) in the context of what happened at the moment and I had the feeling: I cannot do this.My home work consists in writing a letter to my father from the standpoint of the wounded child and then delete it. This brings me to my second point.
In mindfulness, one has an open awareness to what is here and now and there is the recognition that deeply ingrained patterns (also in the nervous system and every cell of the body) need time to change. Thoughts, feelings, emotions, ... come and go and follow a natural law, that escapes our control. This is as I see it a different approach from the techniques of affirmation, that EFT and other therapies use.
Contradictory, practicing mindfulness you stay in the here and now, but there is no intention or expectation to change. According to M. this is all very well, but she doesn't believe it changes things very much. She was herself at the edge of suicide years ago and helped herself transforming negative convictions of the wounded parts of her.
Moreover I heard that forgiveness is not necessary since the people that hurted me were themselves unconscious and doing this from their wounded child. As a Christian all this seems very strange, but on the other hand I ask myself whether my concept of sin (hamartia = missing the mark) is not twisted. Most of the people hurt themselves and others out of ignorance. What about inherited sin? And again, where is the boundary line between sin and wound?
So I feel I am confronted again with spiritual differences between the therapist (monism, new Age...) and myself (Christian...) and I cannot help but think that this has implications for the therapeutic work, since man is a unit of body, soul and spirit. I have the feeling that Christ is still further away after sessions like that. Is this deep resistance? Is this a hint from the HS or a gift of discernment (M. doesn't care about discernement!!??)? This brings me to a third point.
I have experienced that praying the rosary is sometimes helpful and relaxing. I think it is very healing too(is there anyone who can affirm?).
Why, why, why don't I find the way out? Am I too critical to be helped? Is the victim convicton that strong? I can only say (and M. affirms this) that I have not little but incredible pains day by day.
I ask myself whether after all is said and done the only necessary thing is not 'acceptance', 'surrender', how difficult this may be! All the saints speak of this! Did they go through therapies to come to that point?
Again, PAX to you all,
Very interesting. It seems she is teaching you a three-part process:
(1) Get in touch with what you feel
(2) Identify the thoughts and beliefs engendering this feeling
(3) Examine/confront/challenge these thoughts and beliefs
Is that right?
I've been reading a bit about Orthodox Chrisianity these last few months. Their main criticism of Western/Latin/Catholic Church is not simply the filioque clause, but rather that Christianity has been reduced to a purely intellectual endeavour. For them, Christianity is therapy for the fallen soul.
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