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Grieving and Loss as Transformative Process

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https://shalomplace.org/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/19110765/m/51110885

17 July 2005, 11:53 AM
spoonboy
Grieving and Loss as Transformative Process
Wow! I can't believe this book is online. I had this romantic situation sprung upon me and it triggered some deep, fetal position sobbing today. Actually,
I've been crying for a couple of weeks now.

All the prayer and spiritual reading loosened up another layer. It's a VERY GOOD THING! Smiler I had no idea that I had so many layers of it.

Anyone read The Grief Recovery Handbook? How about Kubler-Ross. How about ageing and midlife transition
and/or Vision Quest?

http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/sur/srtoc.htm

double caritas,

mm <*)))))><
17 July 2005, 03:00 PM
Freebird
MM, as a survivor of love, I can tell you that we never lose anyone we love at all, as incredible and impossible as it may sound to you right now, that's why love is a mystery.

Love is light and this light never dies. I know that you will overcome this, heal, move on and some day may be blessed again with another. It takes great courage to open your heart to love. Pity the ones who are incapable of love and hold on to their crunch around their hearts running in fear from it.

Let the tears flow, and Heaven's angels minister to you. The book sounds great.
21 July 2005, 04:52 PM
DianeA
That is really good MM, thank you for sharing it with us. May God's peace and love fill you and surround you, holding you close. D
21 July 2005, 11:02 PM
Brad
Pity the ones who are incapable of love and hold on to their crunch around their hearts running in fear from it.

That sounds like a tremendously wise observation, Freebird, and this comes from one who has usually been the one with the crunch around his heart. I have personally witnessed crunched hearts that would not respond to love and seeing this in others, and looking back on my own stupidity and fear, it's just AMAZING that we will so willingly throw away something as precious as love. And we will do so because of our fear (and our fear can be a legitimately tough obstacle to overcome), but we will also do so out of stubbornness, a need to control, a need to be pleased to unreasonable lengths, and any number of other petulant reasons that resemble the behavior of a spoiled child.

My scrunched heart goes out to you, MM. Recently I was contemplating my own love life (or lack of same) and the famous words of St. Augustine occurred to me: "Give me chastity and continence, but please not yet." But considering how badly I've botched a number of situations lately, I thought it might be appropriate to recycle St. Augustine's words: "Give me the pleasures of the flesh and the birthing pains of a deep relationship, but please not yet."

Grieving and loss are indeed transformative and it seems your experience mirrors mine. I need some time to rest and contemplate. But there's no particular rush. We have eternity. Give me the pleasures of the flesh, but not just yet.
22 July 2005, 01:29 AM
Freebird
Brad, yes how sweet the pleasures of the flesh and how memories can taunt us, until one day they lose their grip, only to rise another time.

It's great that you brought this up today. Yesterday I was reflecting on love between man and woman and realized that love should not be first in a relationship. Trust and truth should be the main ingredient and love, dessert. We all get swept away with the passions of love first and then trust and truth seem to follow at the end, ouch. When we receive this inoculation of love we are so blinded to all realities, until the fire no longer rages, and we have smoke and ashes, which nothing rekindles.

How vulnerable we all are in love, and yes it is scary, but it is what we are and come from, God, love.

I now sleep in my new virginal bed hugging the pillow until eternity. Blessings.
22 July 2005, 05:33 PM
Phil
How's it going, MM? Have the tears run their course? You doing OK?
22 July 2005, 11:00 PM
Freebird
Dearest MM, what a fierce and terrible mother I was responding to Brad's magnificent post with such insensitivity knowing your sufferings right now. Would you belief I did it to shock you out of your grief and sorrow?. It's true. We have all been there and have the greatest compassion for you.

Enough of these tears, we miss your posts, love you and pray that you are well.
23 July 2005, 10:12 AM
spoonboy
Thanks everyone! Smiler I was playing around with the I-Ching, of all things, and arrived at Gua 15, which is all about humility.

I also have a prophet who comes into my life occasionally, who is much more interested in truth than compassion, who called me on my attitude. Frowner

Really, an unrepentant heart combined with a sense of entitlement and a left-hook from the adversary combined to produce this latest round with self. I'm spending more time with freinds, especially females, and feeling more connected.

Whether God leads through suffering or consolation
is not so important, but I feel currrent on the grief recovery, and find some ability to comfort
others usually comes out of it.

ok,whatnext?.com
23 July 2005, 11:56 AM
Freebird
Welcome back MM. Smiler