Hey Guys,

I�m not having a very good day today, and thought I would share with you all something that happened to me last night.

I live on my families� business property; they have a self-storage business with hundreds of lock-up garage units. Last night before I got home a woman came and hired a unit, saying that she wished to store her car there for a month. She came in just before we lock up at six, and everybody left without realising the woman was still inside. At about seven o�clock one of the security/groundsman staff realised that the woman had come in and not left. By this time I had gotten home and was eating supper with my wife and little baby.

My Brother in-law phoned me to tell me that the security guard had realised that there was still a customer inside and could I please go and find out what is going on. I said I would and went out to speak to the security guard, who told me that the woman had apparently parked the car and closed herself inside the unit (which has no electricity or lights and it was now dark). My brother in-law phoned back to say that perhaps we should call the police, as it seems as though something funny is going on.

I phoned the staff member who had showed the woman to her unit and he seemed to think that everything had been in order and so I said I would go speak to her.

By about 7:30-7:45 we went down to the unit (myself and 3 of the security/groundsmen). We pulled the garage door open and I saw a swimming pool pipe taped to the exhaust of the car and running into the driver�s window, which was also tapped shut. I ripped the pipe out of the exhaust and ran up to the office to phone an ambulance.

I ran back down and tried to open the car, which was locked. I noticed that the car was not running and had not been running when we arrived. I also smelt no exhaust fumes. The woman�s interior light was on in the car and I could see she had been drinking. I looked at her and could see that she was breathing. I couldn�t see whether she was conscious or not and couldn�t see whether see was okay. To be very honest I was afraid of her, I didn�t know what kind of person would do this to themselves and I wasn�t sure whether or not she was drunk, swallowed tablets or what. I could see drool on the side of her chin, but the fact that she was breathing led me to think that perhaps she had not managed to gas herself and had perhaps just passed out drunk. I honestly thought that the fact that she was breathing meant she was okay. I ran back up to the office to wait for the ambulance and direct them to the woman.

My brother-in-laws brother arrived on the property and the two of us went back down to the car. This time however the woman was no longer breathing and he broke the window with a rock and the two of us pulled her out of the car. Just then the ambulance arrived and began CPR and tried to revive her. More paramedics arrived on the scene a while later and together they tried to revive her for almost two hours. She died.

I am really feeling terrible that I didn�t do more. The whole evening keeps playing over in my head. I though she was okay, but now I wish I had broken the window when I first found her and tried to get her out. Part fear/Part thinking she was okay made me leave her in there and now she is dead. I found her breathing and by the time the ambulance arrived she was no longer breathing. I feel guilty. I really wish I had reacted differently.

You guys are my church and so, I just wanted to share my struggle with you.
Your prayers would be appreciated.

Much Love in the Lord Jesus
Jacques

Jacques,

What an awful night you had. My prayers are with you and, of course, with the soul of the woman in that car. I have known suicidal depression many times in my life and it is an awful thing. Know, however, that there is no real cause for you to feel guilty or to feel that you could or should have done more. You did everything that you could possibly have done. God bless. I will be thinking of you and of this poor woman.

Roger

Jacques:


Similar to Rogers comments: I've suffered like that and also lost a friend to suicide, so I can relate to the feeling of guilt. It is very traumatizing to be in the midst of that chaos and still manage to think clearly, as it is frightening and confusing to see this kind of hopeless suffering.

I hope you'll take time to receive support, even some trauma counseling, for your grief. Let me know if you feel the need for this and I can make some suggestions.

And I'll remember you in my prayers, and of course this poor woman's soul.

I'm so sorry to hear of this tragedy, Jacques, and echo what Roger and w.c. have written. I understand your guilt, as one always wonders what else might have been done. But who would think to check out a possibility like that one? Let yourself off the hook, good man; it sounds like you did everything you could once you became aware of the situation.

Prayers . . .

Hey Guys,

Thank you so much for your replies, truth be told I do feel a lot better. I think it helped just to write down what happened. It helped put it all into perspective. I truly am sorry for this woman's loss and perhaps things may have been different, but they can't be...thanks a lot for all the kinds words and prayers, deeply appreciated.

Much Love in the Lord Jesus
Jacques.

Hi Jacques!
What happened is sad. It is good that you release your feelings here. Everything happen in the world is under the control of God. Nothing bad happen to us unless we choose it. As any sensible good person it is natural that you feel guilty but when it comes to the truth nobody is responsible for the death of poor woman. You did everything what you could. It is good that you leave it behind you; the sooner the better.

Much love and peace to you

Dear Jacques,
I am so sorry that this happened to you! I am glad that you could tell your story here. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Revkah

Dear Jacques,

I am so sorry for your pain. And I can relate very much to your feeling guilty and wishing you had done something different. During my clinical training in grad school, I had a patient who committed suicide, and I was very torn up about this for a long, long time.

It seems like a healthy response to have some feelings of guilt--afterall, this means you have a good heart. Not experiencing any guilt would mean you are in denial or have no concern.

What helped me was eventually *forgiving* myself and my supervisors for our role in the tragedy. Nevertheless, the sheer trauma of suicide reverberates in us in a deep way. It's good to allow yourself ample time and prayer asking the Lord to come along side you, to comfort you.

This re-playing of the scene over and over in your head is the souls attempt to 'digest' the trauma. Writing about it and talking about it--perhaps several times--will help.

And we are corporately lifting you and this woman up in our prayers.

Come Holy Spirit...

Jacques,

Also adding my thoughts and prayers for you and all involved in this tragedy,

God bless.

Dear Jacques,

I felt a disturbance in me continue as I prayed about what happened to you. Then I believe it was the Lord who brought me to that moment when you looked inside the car and saw this woman. I felt a strong repulsion and recognized that it was a demonic spirit which had control of her. We can apply psychological terms to it, hopelessness, helplessness, rage, etc., but it was a tormenting spirit that led this woman to take her life.

When you looked inside and saw this woman, at the spirit level, I believe you saw this demonic force. Naturally, this is very frightening. I wonder if this gut-level fear of this evil force that you "saw" in this woman is what repelled you so strongly beyond the surface horror of the situation? In your note, you say,

"...To be very honest I was afraid of her, I didn�t know what kind of person would do this to themselves..."

In my opinion and considering the experience of the few seasoned faith-healers I've read on this subject, suicidality is usually a manifestation of some tormenting demon which has oppressed or possessed a person.

Hey Shasha

I sit here with tears in my eyes as I read your post.

It is a bit overwhelming when somebody who wasn't here describes the situation in such an acurate way. I haven't really said much about it. Perhaps I was feeling guilty for thinking that, or maybe wondered if I was making an excuse to make myself feel better. But I think you are right. When I looked into the car and saw her, there was a feeling of demonic "repulsion". I don't know what to do with that? But I think that is what it was.

Thank You
Much Love in the Lord Jesus
Jacques

Dear Jacques,

It is important that you treat yourself with great tenderness and love at a time like this.

You might pray to the Lord that He teach you how to be more and more open to receive all His blessings.

When you are ready, you may want to ask Him to show you what it is that He would have you learn from this experience. Trust our Heavenly Father to bring about what you need in your walk--come rain or shine.

much peace to you,
in Christ,

shasha

Thank you Shasha

I receive your advice and will ask God to guide me during this time.

Much love in the Lord Jesus
Jacques

Dear Jacques,

There is one more thing I MUST share with you. I am stunned by this and can only bow my head in humility over this 'coincidence.'

Just this past Monday night, October 2, I told a story about a man who witnessed a suicide to my class of MA students. My class is an evening class, 6-10 pm, on Christian Counseling. It was around 8 or 8:30, give or take 1/2 hour.

Out of the blue, I felt motivated to tell my students about a friend of mine who had witnessed a suicide. He had recently come to the Lord and went through a season of great suffering. He told me that he had decided to pray his heart out every day for God to use him in some way, EVERY DAY, to do something good to help out somebody in need. He shared with me how God was answering his prayer as he found himself every day put in the right place at the right time to help somebody in need. Then one morning, he felt motivated to do everything different from his usual pattern. He was having some coffee in his truck outside his office. He looked up and saw a man walking on the top level, 9th floor, of a parking structure. The man walked to the edge, put out his arms, and jumped to his death. My friend, in shock and horror, ran over to the body and knelt down to pray. As he prayed, "Come Father and take this boy now! You have to take him now! in Jesus' Name!" he saw a greyish substance leaving this man's dead body. My friend says the grey matter was "screaming" in agony. As he prayed, the grey stubstance turned to white, the screaming stopped, and he felt a peace come over him.

I just saw this friend of mine, by chance, today after not seeing him in several months. Then I remembered his story of being used as an intercessor for this man's transfer to the Father. And then just tonight, I realized that I *told* that story Monday night, the same night and around the same time (although I don't know what time zone you're in)you experienced the suicide of that woman.

I don't know what there might be for you to get from this, but I felt I had to share it given the bizarre coincidence of content and timing.

much peace to you,
in Christ,

shasha

Well Shasha,

the time of the incedent was between 7:00pm and 10:00pm. I live in South Africa though, so there would be a time difference.

I does seem meaningful though that while others were also praying for me, you were the one that God chose to reveal an inner-dimension of the incident.

I say again, it really has been helpful for me. I think I was feeling guilty for being afraid, but the knowledge that the fear came not simply from me, but was mixed with a demonic source has been helpful to me. I thank you again, and thank Jesus for revealing this to you, it is amazing to me that God has confirmed what I sensed I felt/saw in this way.

Nice to see these caring exchanges. Minstry really can happen via the Internet.