Les, I read several books by Gopi Krishna years ago and correponded with Gene Kieffer (who has helped publicize Gopi's work) for some time.

As you know, Gopi considered his awakening to be from kundalini rising, and he is to be credited for helping to raise awareness in the West concerning this phenomenon. I don't think his kundalini experience was related to the Dark Night of the Soul. It may be that in some people kundalini activation comes in the midst of the Dark Night, but that's not really common. As I noted in my new book, the strongest correlation with kundalini seems to be apophatic spirituality -- non-discursive meditative methods, including pentecostal glossalalia. There are exceptions, of course.

You note physical crises from your past experiences, and that's more par for the course with kundalini than Dark Nights. Although kundalini can and often does activate an intense psychological cleansing process, what's far more characteristic is for the recipient of the experience to sense something going on in their body -- pressures, pains, movements of energy, blockages, breakthroughs, and so forth. It's like we're being pumped up with some kind of energy from within, and it can't always get where it needs to go, and we feel we can actually help or push it along with our attention. That's why many wonder if they are not, in fact, the cause of the whole thing.

Dark Nights are very different, usually without the somatic fireworks of kundalini.

I'm seeing my psychiatrist coming Tuesday and we'll talk about dropping the medicine for a while to see how that goes. We'll probably talk about some therapies aswell which I haven't had until now. I'll update the thread after my visit.

Saw my psychiatrist today. I got directed to the Erasmus MC in Rotterdam where I will stay for a while somehwere in January. There are specialists that know a lot about psychosis, but I still think that I didn't have a psychosis but an actual spiritual awakening. Anyways, my psych said that they will be able to give me the treatment that I need under good observation. I really hope this is the last step before I get my normal life back again.

Ralnagor, thanks for the update. I hope that course of treatment proves to be effective.

I do believe you had a religious experience, and I believe that God is still loving you and helping you. Keep praying and studying.

5 months and a hospitalisation in a psych ward(clozapine) later,I still find myself stuck in my own mind and I never felt the Holy Spirit for 21 months now. I think I can conclude that I have gone too far sinning. My repentance is not heartfelt and my desire to find God never came back. Romans 6 4-6...
Last stop: Ayahuasca. If Ayahuasa doesn't do the trick,I'm out.

Ralnagor et al, our personal experiences tell us nothing about God's attitude toward us. That information is perfectly manifested in the life of Jesus, who reveals a loving and forgiving God. If we do not have experiential knowledge of this truth, then we wait for it in faith and hope and continue to love ourselves and others no matter how we feel. If there are serious obstacles to experiencing loving affectivity (neuroses, psychoses, addictions, trauma, etc.), we work on those problems, trusting that God is with us through the process.

Last stop: Ayahuasca. If Ayahuasa doesn't do the trick,I'm out.

Maybe check out the link below before you run too fast in that direction. There are serious risks!
- https://www.warrior.do/ayahuasca/

Please continue to seek medical and psychiatric attention, and be patient. Also, know that if you have sincerely confessed your sins, God has forgiven you, whether you feel it or not.

You mention confessing my sins sincerely. I have confessed my sins, but not sincerely...I don't see my past sins as sins. I don't regret sinning so I can't repent from the heart.

Also I have been in psychiatry for almost 2 years now and their bullshit medicine didn't work for me. I am not mentally ill, I am suffering spiritually...I died spiritually in July 2016 and I can't fix it because my mind is stuck in a loophole.

I do not see how we can help you at this forum. Better luck elsewhere.