FEMALE PRAYER

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, he won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
Amen.


MALE PRAYER

I pray for a nymphomaniac with huge boobs
who owns a liquor store and a bass boat and
doesn't mind when I play golf.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't care.
Amen

LOL. That one could be called, "Ode to Estrogen and Testosterone."

The Computer.........

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. "House" for instance, is feminine:"la casa" "Pencil," however, is masculine:"el lapiz."

A student asked. "What gender is 'computer"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether"computer" should be masculine or feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender("la computer"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computer"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn hem on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

......THE WOMEN WON

A elderly man and his elderly wife arrive at the doctor's office. The wife remains in the waiting room while the doctor gives her husband an examination.

About 15 minutes later, the doctor calls the patient's wife into his office, while her husband returns to the waiting room. The doctor tells her:

"For the sake of your husband's rapidly deteriorating health, you'll need to follow through with his care in these specific ways:

Every morning fix him a rich, nutritious breakfast served in bed so he can relax. Then for lunch a meal with fresh salads prepared by hand, and for dinner a poached salmon and fresh Greek olives, with good quality wine served. And you'll need to mow the lawn for him, and by all means, make sure you make love to him at least three times per week. This should restore him to good health in 6 to 8 months."


As she returned to the waiting room and joined her husband on the way to the elevator, he asked her:

"What did the doctor say?"


"He said you're gonna die."