He wanted a truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town.

He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in just a few seconds. Nothing else will do. My birthday is coming up so surprise me!"

He did just that.

For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Nobody has seen or heard from him since.


"You know you're a redneck when......."

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
5. You think the "Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want
it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made
it.
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip"on
the side.
24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of
improvements.
28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

LOL. Hadn't heard that one. And I think it's best that I deny ever having heard it.

OK, add #31:

You are much more gratified by peeing in the woods than in a toilet.

And I'm pushing about 20% red-neck myself...
can't help it, it's the mountain-girl in me...

Gosh, those are pretty funny. What's even funnier is forgetting I posted them. Wonder if that qualifies?

This message has been edited. Last edited by: w.c.,

When rednecks take Stephen Colbert seriously
--------------------------------------------------------
.
You know you’re a redneck when...

The Colbert Report is one of your favorite current events programs -- but you don’t know that he is joking.

Example?

Last week Stephen Colbert did a nice over-the-top segment on Florida Representative Bill Posey. You may recall that Mr Posey sponsored a bill regarding the birth certificates of presidential candidates.

Colbert thought a similar measure should be taken to end the whisperings that Bill Posey was a human-alligator hybrid.

Mr Posey’s response?

quote:

"I expected there would be some civil debate about it, but it wasn't civil... There is no reason to say that I'm the illegitimate grandson of an alligator."

LOL

HP, Colbert is joking? I'll be watching to see how many Dems he skewers, and if he gives as much time to ridiculing Obama as he did to Bush. Personally, I think what he dishes out is mostly a sarcasm motivated by anger and intolerance. Same goes for a number of other "comedians" like Bill Maher, who seems an anti-Christian bigot.

- - -

BTW, I'm not going to say how many of those Redneck characteristics I checked off . . .

quote:

BTW, I'm not going to say how many of those Redneck characteristics I checked off . . .

Oh, I thought that was just a sunburn.