Post your jokes and stories on men and women on this thread. It is understood that stereotypes will be published, and that they are therefore not to be taken literally.

OTOH, there's something about stereotypes that IS true, or else they would not have become stereotypes.

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female raindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen ... had to be a female! We should've known! Only women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night, and not get lost!!!

(Don't blame me. Sr. Louise sent it to me.)

To Women Everywhere From a Man Who's Had Enough

Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Birthdays, Valentines, and anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Sometimes we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one:Subtle hints don't work.Strong hints don't work.Really obvious hints don't work.Just say it!

No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar.

Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the $%#% they're saying anyway.)

Check your oil.

It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

All comments become null and void after seven days.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something, but not both.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

If it itches, it will be scratched.

Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping!

(source unknown; if you know it, please post a reply)

- - -

- this is a good example of how men in their thinking function a la Jung view women in their feeling function; as most men are thinking types and most women feeling types, it's probably the basis for some of these stereotypes -

Lost chapter of GENESIS:

God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he
didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that he was going to
make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.

God said, "This person will gather food for you and when you
discover clothing she'll wash it for you. She will always agree
with very decision you make . She will bear you children and
never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of
them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit
she is wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never
have a headache and will freely give you love & passion
whenever you need it.

Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"

God replied, "An arm and a leg."

Then Adam asked, "What can I get for just a rib?"

The Pope dies and is standing in line at the Pearly Gates. He is close enough to hear Saint Peter's welcome of the man in front of him, and it is positively effusive. Saint P goes on and on about how glad he is to see him and describes the penthouse apartment that's to be his dwelling in Heaven. He overhears St. P give this guy God's personal phone number and sends him off escorted by three incredibly gorgeous and friendly women.

When it's finally the Pope's turn, St.P is quite brief, almost brusque. He welcomes him, hands him a paper containing the address of his efficiency appartment, the Heaven Helps-Them-Who-Help-Themselves-Line phone number, and a map of Heaven.

As St. P turns to greet the next in line, the Pope stops him and says, "Your Grace, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but do you know who I am? In life I was the Pope, and I don't know who the gentleman who preceeded me was, but your welcome and accomodations for him surely exceeded mine by a wide margin!"

St.P smiled beatifically and replied, "Your Holiness, I mean no disrespect, and we all certainly appreciate the work you did while on Earth. But you must see things in perspective.

YOU are our eighty-third Pope.

THAT was our FIRST lawyer!"

OTOH, OS X really IS more stable than OS 9.x, and with the 10.1 update, it's pretty zippy, too. . .

. . . hmmm. Wait a minute! Markle, Brad Nelson . . . I AM on the macfixit forums, aren't I?

Oops!

Sorry all. My mistake!

Phil

I AM on the macfixit forums, aren't I?

Let's find out. Will this "spark" a reaction?


One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the
� "Three Little Pigs" to her class.

� She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying
� to accumulate the building materials for his home.

� She read,
� "...and so the pig went to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw
� and said, "Pardon me sir, may I have some straw to build my house?"

� The teacher paused then asked the class,
� "And what do you think that man said?"

� After several moments, a little boy raised his hand and said,
� "I think he said "Holy S***! A talking pig!"

� The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

Okay, a joke a bit more on topic:

Bill and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year and every year Bill would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that airplane." Martha always replied, "I know Bill, but that airplane ride costs 10 dollars, and 10 dollars is 10 dollars."

One year Bill and Martha went to the fair and Bill said, Martha, I'm 81 years old. If I don't ride that airplane I might never get another chance." Martha replied, "Bill, that airplane ride costs 10 dollars, and 10 dollars is 10 dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word it's 10 dollars." Bill and Martha agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't." Bill replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but 10 dollars is 10 dollars."

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly
around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
"Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows."
"We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end."
"I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball...stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake."
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife,
"Hey, this looks like yours!'"

I hate to be the one responsible for starting the holiday season early, but....

A stranger passing through a small town in Arkansas in December noticed a strage nativity scene in the town square. He decided to go into the barber shop to inquire about it. After striking up a conversation with the barber, he got to the point, saying, "I noticed the beautiful nativity scene out on the square. Now, I understand the manger, baby, mother, father, and shepherd, but what are the three figures dressed in firemen's hats, coats, and boots?" The barber rolls his eyes and drawls, "Mister, everbody knows them three wise men came from afar."

Dedicated to Phil:

While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in the "good old days."

Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, "Roy, aren't you and your bride celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?" "Yup, we sure are," Roy replied. "Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?" another man asked. The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, "For our 25th anniversary, I took the misses to Tucson. For our 50th, I'm thinking about going down there again to pick her up."

LOL, Brad and Markle! Those were great!

Kind of reminds me of the one I heard about the Protestant minister and his wife who went to celebrate their 50th in Hawaii. The old man loved watching the waves, the surfers, and tended to wax philosophical about it--how life is like waves, and we have to catch one and ride it, etc. . . . He even tried surfing, but couldn't get the hang of it, which added only more fuel to his interminable ruminations.

His wife soon grew weary of hearing all this, however, and so when they returned home and he decided he was going to share these experiences and reflections as a sermon to the congregation, she said she'd just wait in the library for him until the service was over.

Doubting the relevance of this topic for his Bible belt Church at the last minute, however, the old preacher quickly searched his files and found one of his best fire and brimstone sermons on the evils of sex. He hadn't given it for a long time, so perhaps no one would remember. Judging from the reaction of the congregation, it seemed to go over well.

After the service was over, a couple of elderly women noticed his wife sitting in the library.

"Fine sermon your husband gave this morning," one stated. "Best I've ever heard on the topic," the other added.

"Aw, believe me," his wife replied, "he hasn't any idea what he's talking about there. I know for a fact he's only actually tried it twice in his life--once on our honeymoon, and once on this recent trip . . . and he fell off both times."

LMAO!

(Continuing the vacation theme, here's one from the archives that really fits in HERE!)

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.

��� As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

��� The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop dead gorgeous" topless blonde wearing only a thong bikini bottom came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare.

��� As the blonde passed them, she smiled and said, "Good morning, Father; good morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by.

��� They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? they asked each other.

��� The next day, they went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits. These were so loud, you could hear them before you even saw them. Once again the two priests in mufti settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine etc.

��� After a while, the same gorgeous topless blonde, wearing a string, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again, she approached them and greeted them individually with "Good morning, Father," and started to walk away.

��� One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, "Just a minute, young lady."

��� "Yes?" she replied.

��� "We are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we're priests?"

��� "Father,� she replied, �it's me, Sister Angela."

This one is very bad! I've given you warning.
- from the man's point of view -

Heaven on earth is:
- an American salary
- a Chinese cook
- a British home
- and a Japanese wife

Hell on earth is:
- a Chinese salary
- a British cook
- a Japanese home
- and an American wife (mine being the exception )

THE LOVE DRESS
The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married
couple's house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw
her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law
answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and
it makes me happy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will
be home from work any minute."
The mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left.
On the way home she thought about the love dress. When she got home she
undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door.
Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her standing naked by
the door.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress" she replied.
"Needs ironing." he said.

LOL, Wanda!

My guess is that this guy could have used a bit or "ironing" as well.

There is a man in his back yard trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds then it comes crashing back down. He tries this a few more times all the while his wife is watching from her kitchen window. Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything she opens the window and yells to her husband "You need more tail."

The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, "Make up your mind, Honey. Last night you told me to go fly a kite!"

During a papal visit to Cuba, the pope was strolling along the beach with Fidel Castro when the wind suddently blew His Holiness's hat into the ocean. Castro retrieved it for him by walking across the water. The next day newspaper headlines in Cuba read "Pope Declares Castro Successor to Jesus," the Vatican issued the statement "Pope Calls Hat Back With Divine Power," and a Miami paper declared "Fidel Can't Even Swim."

Reader's Digest, p. 108, November, 2001

Oh man, uraqt. That last one was halarious and hits quite close to home if you've been following King County Executive Ron Simm's similar BS.

Well, Happy Winter to all and to all a good night.

(Sorry if I offended any sun worshipers by that "night" reference. Oh, and sorry about the "good" for all those sado-masochists out there. By all means have a bad night. And for the environmentalists I'm not talking about any "well" dug near any sensitive habitat.)

1. How Do You Catch A Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It.
>
> 2. How Do You Catch A Tame Rabbit? Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
>
> 3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? They Take The Psycho
>Path.
>
> 4. How Do You Get Holy Water? You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
>
> 5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit A Concrete Wall? "DAM"!
>
> 6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroids
>
> 7. What Do You Call A Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick.
>
> 8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese.
>
> 9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
>
>10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quatro Sinko.
>
>11. What Do You Get From A Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk.
>
>12. What Do You Get When You Cross A Snowman With A Vampire?
>Frostbite.
>
>13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous
>Wreck.
>
>14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup? Anyone Can
>Roast Beef.
>
>15. Where Do You Find A Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him.
>
>16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? Because They Have Big Fingers.
>
>17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The
>Dog.
>
>18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? Sanka.
>
>19. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down? Because They Wore Their
>Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
>
>20. What's The Difference Between A Bad Golfer And A Bad Skydiver? A
>Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
>

Wow, we're on a roll.

Uraqt, you should post your recent one to the PC thread.

Wanda, you win the pun of the year award! Collect from the great pun-master, Brad Nelsen!

-----------------

Got this one from Marcelline, a friend and spiritual directee, whom I begged to register and post it herself, but, alas . . . Lots of truth in this one, methinks.


Damn, It's Good to Be a Man!

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be president.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station
because this one's just too "yucky."

Same work ... more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically
expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with:
"So, notice anything different?"

One mood, ALL the damn time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.

You can leave the motel bed unmade.

You can kill your own food.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of
Thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the
passenger's seat.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.

You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking: "He must be mad at me."

You don't mooch off other's desserts.

You can drop by to see a friend without having to
bring a little gift.

You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to
turn a nut on a bolt.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You don't have to shave below your neck.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all
seasons.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a
mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

Damn, it's Good to be a Man

-----------------

(Let's hope the last one about Christmas shopping works out! -- Phil)

The world is your urinal.

Umm...I didn't think anybody saw.

Wanda for those great puns and jokes you win The Million Box. Yes, just like that great Daffy Duck cartoon where he misheard what he thought was the grand prize of a "million bucks," you too are a winner. And inside each one of those million boxes is absolutely nothing. Thanks for playing and come back real soon.

CHRISTMAS WITH LOUISE
As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of pantyhose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.
What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
One year, I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things
at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've never been to an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?" "You're kidding me!" "Who would buy that?"
Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.
Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could
do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for "Lovable Louise". She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a
"doll" took a huge leap of imagination.
On Christmas Eve, with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.
The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog
confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.
We all agreed that Louise should remain in her pantyhose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional
Christmas dinner.
My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked. My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll."
"Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped. I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. "Where are her clothes?"
Granny continued. "Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran," Jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?" Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny, Hang on!"
My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told him she
was Jay's friend. A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning.
Then she lurched from the pantyhose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa.
The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.
Granny threw down her napkin, Stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember. Later in my
brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.
Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health. Louise went on to star in several bachelor party
movies.
I think Grandpa still calls her whenever he can get out of the house.

That was the last I heard of it.....does anyone know how it all concluded?

I blamed the email on an Outlook Express virus and we eventually got married. Six months later we were divorced. She couldn't handle my peeing in public.

Anyway, the answer to my first question was Tycho Brahe

Good ol' Tycho Brahe. I would have never gotten that. BTW, any good comedy team needs a good straight man (or woman). Uraqt you're every bit as good as Dean Martin or Bud Abbott. Actually I think maybe Phil is more the Bud Abbott type. Ah, the good old days when you didn't need streams of four-letter words to be funny. That's a pet peeve of mine. Give me an old Bob Hope movie any day. You forget how funny (and how cleverly suggestive) he was.

ah.... you are all too kind.

By the way... thanks for the award Brad.. best kind - never needs dusting!


Uraqt - of course you can pass Louise around... figuratively of course...


Lol,
Wanda

Actually I think maybe Phil is more the Bud Abbott type. Ah, the good old days when you didn't need streams of four-letter words to be funny. That's a pet peeve of mine. Give me an old Bob Hope movie any day. You forget how funny (and how cleverly suggestive) he was.

Well, better to be Bud Abbott than Moe, Larry, or Curly, although if I'd have my druthers, it would be Dean Martin as in the Martin-Lewis combo.

Yes, Bob Hope. There was a man who could run the men and women stereotypes around without debasing either sex. Truth be told, I hardly watch any of the sitcoms on TV any more. I've tried a few times, but they just don't do it for me. Give me the old days on sitcoms: Andy Griffith, I Dream of Genie, Mr. Ed., Bewitched, Beverly Hillbillies, Gilligan's Island -- OK, I'm getting carried away, eyes misting and all.

Phil

Phil I agree that most stuff on TV is junk. Part of the problem, and this touches on my Bob Hope reference, is that subtlety has been replaced by explicitness. What used to be suggested is now spelled out in ever-greater detail with little left for the imagination. I do not know why this is so but it is and would make for a good topic in its own right.

Now, I'm no prude but I do know a thing or two about comedy. Just like a girl in a sweater can be more seductive than a full nude so it is with humor. Saying the f-word is good for an instant, shallow laugh and requires little imagination or effort but real humor stems from engaging the audience's imagination and life experiences and is much tougher to pull off. And good humor tends to gently poke fun but never degrades. Again, that is much tougher to do because it requires not just a sense of humor but a real feeling of kinship with people. The degrading, shocking type of humor is usually cold and comes from anger, and while it may make you laugh, it often leaves you feeling dirty for having done so. Long live Mr. Ed.

"Saying the f-word is good for an instant, shallow laugh and requires little imagination or effort but real humor stems from engaging the audience's imagination and life experiences and is much tougher to pull off."

As my mother used to say - people who have to resort to that language have little imagination and less vocabulary.

Brad, I couldn't agree with your comments more. Imagination allows us to keep within our own personal comfort zone and is a much richer experience. I hate watching movies made from books I have read because they all seem to be wrong somehow. The characters don't fit, the scenery doesn't quite fit... I always seem to get more satisfaction from the book. Perhaps because it is my experience of the book - my vision I am enjoying not someone else's. You can't interact in the same way.

For me the early sitcoms were superior simply because they allowed more room for me to interact.
This is not stated very well - sorry. Hope you all get the gist of my thoughts anyhow.
Wanda

This is not stated very well - sorry.

No, I think you stated if very well, Wanda - as did your mother.

Books are wonderful because of the way they engage the imagination. Each person reads a slightly different story - even though the words have all been completed beforehand. I've often wondered how the authors themselves experience the stories they've written. With a good story it feels like I'm in direct contact with the author's mind and that every detail has been maticulously planned out and is experienced in my mind as they had meant it to be. However I know this can't be true. I know I've infused the story with my own interpretations - ones that the author may never have imagined. Maybe this is why we all have different tastes. Ever go to a movie that everyone is raving about and you wonder what the big deal was since you thought it was boring?

Ever go to a movie that everyone is raving about and you wonder what the big deal was since you thought it was boring?

Yes. "Bridget Jones' Diary!" Ugghh. Anything by Barbara Streisand. Tom Hanks-Meg Ryan movies ("You've Got Mail" was OK since they showed computers a few times -- actually it WAS entertaining.)

Hmm. Anything these movies have in common? Could we be getting back "on thread."

Best movie rendition of a book: "Dr. Zhivago." Absolutely marvelous both ways.

Phil

Hmm. Anything these movies have in common? Could we be getting back "on thread."

Hmmm...the portrayal of men and women in the movies or TV. I think you've got something there!

The way men should be portrayed: Cary Grant or John Wayne. With Cary Grant you get all the attributes of a funny, sensitive male while still maintaining a backbone. With the Duke you get a man who's driven by a clear sense of values and whose raw strength is subject to (if not drawn from) those values, not vice versa.

The way men should not be portrayed: Ryan O'Neil or any guy on Friends. Okay, Ryan had Farah so he's not all bad but these guys on Friends, while they may be handsome (so I'm told by some lady friends, heh heh), there's NO way in H. E. double-toothpicks any real man would have women that gorgeous as just "friends." Okay, sometimes they didnt. And I think Joey was okay in the Lost in Space movie. And I did like John Ritter (at least as he appeared on The Waltons) but...ahh...forget it.

The perfect woman as seen in the movies: Sigourney Weaver. Strong and bold, yet feminine and beautiful. Most of all she's not a man-hater.

The worst protrayal of a woman: Wrong! It's not Jane Fonda. Even though I completely disagree with her politics I have to admit she can act (on Golden Pond, for example.) No, that prize goes to Ellen Degenerous who is a HUGE comedic talent but took a clever show and ruinied it and her career with political correctness. I care not a whisker about her sexual preferences but when I sit down to just have a laugh in front of the TV I'm not looking for indoctrination. She had the opportunity to REALLY show us (as they see it) that sexual preference is not the defining characteristic of people and what does she do? She defines herself with it.

This is a good topic for discussion.!!!

However, isn't that precisely where we get into trouble with the Gospels? Interpretation.
That is where we get into trouble in a lot of places - interpretation. Language is so imprecise in every form...even face to face our words can be misunderstood, but you're right.. we often do get into trouble with our interpretations of the gospels. Perhaps more education and less preaching is in order... hehehe. Ever wonder what Christ would have to say to us if he returned today? I'm not sure I want to know.
Ever go to a movie that everyone is raving about and you wonder what the big deal was since you thought it was boring?

Pulp Fiction. I can't for the life of me understand why people thought it was so hilarious. Personally, I thought it just stupid. Speaking of movies... anyone see Dogma ?

She had the opportunity to REALLY show us (as they see it) that sexual preference is not the
defining characteristic of people and what does she do? She defines herself with it.

I still haven't figured out why she decided to do that but then I can't really understand why the need to "come out" period - at least with some type of announcement. All of the definitions we use to categorize people and ourselves are so limiting - so shallow somehow and none of them tell us much about who people are really. It seems to me that there is much more to people than who they sleep with or the color of their skin or their sex.

Hmmm...the portrayal of men and women in the movies or TV. I think you've got something there!
I have a problem with the way tv portrays most things. It's a fantasy world that poses as reality or that a lot of people look at as a form of reality. TV for the most part today, appeals to the baser side of human nature and, in my opinion anyhow, gets worse every year. Not enough real talent to feed the number of networks maybe. But yeah - I get disgusted with the way they portray both men and women on tv... and the guys on Friends are cute but looks are definitely not everything and there's not much else there that appeals to me anyhow.
Now Harrison Ford... love those eyes!

Wanda

All of the definitions we use to categorize people and ourselves are so limiting - so shallow somehow and none of them tell us much about who people are really.

It's the old aphophatic/kataphatic conundrum, in a way.

The apophatic way says that we are mystery, beyond concept, undefinable, that words misconstrue as well as indicate, etc. The negative way in theology and spirituality. The Buddhist approach.

The apophatic way says that concepts and reason are limited, but they do mirror reality and know what they know. So long as we understand these limitations, there's no need to reject them. Just keep the apophatic way in mind as well.

We are simultaneously mystery AND male/female, a member of a country, a parent, child, etc.

The kataphatic way emphasizes the reality of form; the apophatic its inherent emptiness.

Etc. etc.

------------

And Gregory Peck is my all-time favorite male actor. Mr. Integrity. I don't have a favorite actress so clearly defined: perhaps Maureen O'Hara and Meryl Streep.

And Gregory Peck is my all-time favorite male actor.

Gregory Peck is the man. He caused quite a bit of excitement the time he came to town to shoot scenes aboard the USS Missouri for a movie (McArthur, I believe).

First, I'd like to thank Phil for inviting me to join this forum (ages ago).

This is my very first post, and what better way to introduce myself than with a joke. BTW, my name is Robert, and I'm known to Phil and other members of this forum as "SR" (don't ask...heheh).
-----------------------------------
After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain and Abel.

They passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden. One of the boys asked, "What's
that?" Adam replied, "Boys, that's where your mother ate us out of house and
home."
--------------
A hearty "Happy New Year" to all.
Robert

Well, Robert, a hearty welcome to you! Glad you decided to join us here. As you've noted, no doubt, Brad and Markle have been active at times as well.

Now I should tell you that I was just getting ready to change out the buttons here to throbbing blue, and add a few stripes to the place, but now I'm having second thoughts.

Happy New Year to you!

Phil

Now I should tell you that I was just getting ready to change out the buttons here to throbbing blue, and add a few stripes to the place, but now I'm having second thoughts.

LOL, Phil. If you do that I'll have to go into my Charlton Heston end-of-apes speech: "They finally, really did it....You maniacs!....you blew it up!!..."

Welcome to SR. This means a great deal to me to see you here.

Maureen Dowd's new book, Are Men Necessary, seems to be a joke, at least to this reviewer (fun to read - check it out).

quote:

The problem with devoting a chapter to the notion that male power attracts women but female power repels men is twofold: In the first place, it's mind-numbingly trite. How many sitcoms through the years, from The Honeymooners to The Simpsons, have run episodes in which the male lead feels threatened by the prospect of his girlfriend or wife outdoing him? And in the second place, it's a grotesque oversimplification. How many straight single men in America would turn down a date with Angelina Jolie because she earns more than they do? Same question for Anna Kournikova, Amanda Peet, and Aisha Tyler. (And that's just the A's.)

quote:

This is the pattern of the book. Banality follows banality follows banality � after which Dowd steps back and declares her conclusions merely tentative. It's as though she's so desperate not to go out on a limb, she winds up hugging the trunk of the tree. Imagine Christopher Hitchens saying, Well, I could be wrong, but it seems to me that certain aspects of Western Culture seem to be upsetting certain segments of the Muslim population.

quote:

In the final analysis, Are Men Necessary? is an important book not for what it actually says but for what it inadvertently reveals about the caliber of mind currently occupying the prime intellectual real estate of the op-ed page of the Times.

I think there is a �religion of anger� out there. The church is just wherever you happen to be sitting. Sacraments including equating George Bush to Hitler, etc. And the sacred texts fill the aisles of Barnes & Noble in the political section. Michael Moore is one of their Cardinals. Jimmy Carter might be their Pope.

Maybe it has always been so, but the market is rich with those trying to blame somebody else for their own problems. Perhaps the perceived need to be perfect, to be beautiful, to be successful means that, when all this is not achieved, scapegoats must more than ever be found.

I could easily claim all women are bitches because they�ll have little to do with me, but that wouldn�t be being honest. But who cares for honesty these days? I might just as well throw in with the rest of these book-writers and blame all my problems on someone else. I�m particularly reminded of this because somebody came into my office today with some dubious story regarding why he wanted/needed to park his trailer in my parking lot. To say that this guy was shifty-looking is an understatement. But still, I tend to keep in mind the words, For I hungered, and you gave Me food to eat; I thirsted, and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger, and you took Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.. But in the middle of my turning him down, he tried to head me off and gain my sympathies by telling me that he had just been thrown off the property of that evilest of all entities, which he admitted that he sort of regretted getting involved with. He told me that Walmart told him to leave because they will evict any cars or vehicles that are there more than three days. The bastards.

And so to Maureen Dowd and all those others who can�t bear looking within and must always look without for a villain, physician, heal thyself. Take it elsewhere. I�ll be more than glad to give you any spare sympathy that I may have � and I�ll even try to dig deep even when I have very little � but you�re going to have to start being honest with yourself first. How can I help you if all I do is help to support your self-lie?

What contest did this guy lose in order to have to review a book by MoDo?