These are supposed to be actual excerpts from pantients' medical records, with the doctor's names deleted:


Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

She is numb from her toes down.

While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

The skin was moist and dry.

Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

Skin: somewhat pale but present.

The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Hi w.c., I could not stop laughing reading your post. Years ago I worked as a transcriber of doctor's orders given in a hospital. What a job trying to decipher the doctors' written orders, and what a challenge. Ouch, I could not err since these orders were for medicines, physical therapy, lab, etc. I swear they do it on purpose to look more important and intriguing, than they really are. My pleas to write more intelligible were ignored, so I just flew away.