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Tate's kundalini story Login/Join
 
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Hello, I've been lurking for about a month, absorbing some wisdom from the information here and often just basking in the healing energy from some warm souls. I'm new to posting on any forum, so please feel free to give advice if you notice the need.

My kundalini was activated about 14 years ago after I left an abusive and damaging cultish church known as Worldwide Church of God, founded by Herbert W. Armstrong. I don't have a link to any of it's old teachings but suffice it to say, we were strict, rigid and not much grace taught or expressed. My mother joined this church when I was eight so I grew up in it from that age until 38, when I left. The following is briefly how my k became activated.

Suffering from many years of deep depression, I began to seek God intensely, and He began to reveal the errors of the church. But since confidence was very low and the church taught some fearful things concerning leaving their congregation, I spent many hours praying, crying and seeking assurance that I should leave. God baptised me with the Holy Spirit one night and I spoke in tongues. This was just what I needed because this church taught if you left their congregation, you would no longer have the Holy Spirit. My reasoning at that time was if I could speak in tongues, then I KNEW I had the Holy Spirit with me Smiler So I left

This all seems like a lifetime ago. The years since leaving have been really tough trying to deprogram my mind. I could have used some counseling but did not have enough trust for anyone at the time. I isolated myself, read the Bible and prayed for wisdom. The intensity of my prayers I guess is what activated k. I was having terrible pressure in my lower back, went to a chiropractor. He made an adjustment that hurt tremendously. I felt a warmth go up my spine. It felt like liquid. I thought I must be bleeding internally. I knew nothing about k. As time went by I began noticing energy moving in my body, especially when I prayed.

In this particular church we were not allowed to read any outside literature...so my mind was hungry for all the world had to offer spiritually. I tried attending a few Christian churches but felt pressured to join and I wasn't about to join any group ever again. Smiler So instead, I began reading all I could get my hands on. I read whatever crossed my path if it had anything to do with spirituality. I found new age books, and even though fear was present because of Christian teachings, I read anyway. I found "Course in Miracles" and felt God speaking to me through this. I found a charismatic group that taught from this book. The so-called leader had obvious powers but he was frightening to me. The energy from this group activated k in me powefully and I was simply not prepared for what happened. The energy shot into my head and opened my psyche. I had horrible hallucinations and anxiety attacks.

This energy seemed relentless for three days and three nights. I barely slept, thought for sure I was going insane. I had no understanding of what was happening to me. I suffered physically as well for those three days, could not eat, had diarhea and vomiting. My heart was having palpitations. I thought death was imminent. Finally, on the third night I was so exhausted, I remember saying, "Father, Thy will be done". In that moment, I stopped resisting and released my spirit to God, and realized pure awareness. It lasted only a few moments but the fear left and I felt profoundly peaceful for days afterward.

The years since that event have been very difficult. I lost faith in Course in Miracles, sought information from eastern religions for awhile, studied Buddhism and Hinduism. Found teachings of Sri Ramana Maharshi on nonduality and attended satsang with some devotees of Ramana. I discovered Sedona Method, Byron Katie's "The Work", and Centering Prayer, all which have been invaluable to me, although centering prayer tends to activate k too much.

The last six months I have been drawn back to my beloved Jesus and Mother Mary. Lectio Divina prayer is gentle and cooling to k energy. I discovered a little prayer book called, "Praying with Sister Faustina". Mercy is the theme of her prayers and that's what I need. I'm certain now that I have been heavily influenced by demonic energies. Jesus' precious blood is cleansing my energy system. I bow in deep thanks and reverence for His precious love and sacrifice. I humbly ask to be His servant throughout eternity.

I appreciate the opportunity to share this story. I still tend to isolate and don't belong to any church or group, although I'm interested in joining a 12-step group, maybe for codependents. I really feel drawn to finding community at this time. But from past experiences with groups, this brings up lots of challenges for me. I figure this post is a baby step in that direction.

Blessings,
Tate
 
Posts: 77 | Location: South Carolina | Registered: 18 July 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Welcome, Tate, and thank you for your sharing. It sounds like you've had quite a rough ride but have made some very courageous decisions along the way.

Since you mentioned "speaking in tongues," might I ask if this still happens for you? I've found this to be a marvelous aid in integrating the energy process.

I can relate to your point about centering prayer stirring things up too much. Lectio divina moving into glossalalia and simple contemplative resting (and cycling through these movements) has been most helpful to me.

There are several of the "regulars" here who've had experiences similar to yours. I hope you'll hear from them as well.
 
Posts: 7539 | Location: Wichita, KS | Registered: 09 August 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Hi, Phil. Yes, speaking in tongues still happens sometime. It seems mostly to occur when I'm experiencing some emotional upheaval. It does seem to calm and lead into contemplative resting.

Thank you. I look forward to hearing from anyone who would like to share.
 
Posts: 77 | Location: South Carolina | Registered: 18 July 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Hi Tate, your story has touched me deeply. Thank you for sharing and a big welcome to you. I want to absorb everything you have said and will get back to you later. Many blessings to you.
 
Posts: 571 | Location: Oregon | Registered: 20 June 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Hi Tate,

I also found your story quite moving and ultimately uplifting.

There are certain parallels with my own story, including the move into Eastern/new agey stuff, the flirtation with Christian charismatic groups and how that energy totally disturbed my own K. Then there is your initial connection to the culty church. Not quite my own experience, but I have a deep sympathy for kids brought up in strict, limiting groups. I was brought up in the Plymouth Brethern, not a cult as such but strict and difficult to move away from as many of them claim to be the one true church. My dad made a move away from that group when I was a teenager, and it opened up lot of nice experiences with other Christians.

I am struck by a common theme in your post. The move out of bondage - the search - the Kundalini awakening - involvement with groups or beliefs which add to the weight of the initial bondage and play havoc with the K - the ultimate surrender and finding of God, just as the net seems to closing in around us. This thread parallels my own journey and I'm glad we share the common bond of a return to the gentle love of the Saviour.

God bless!
 
Posts: 464 | Location: UK | Registered: 28 May 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
<w.c.>
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Tate:

Welcome to the forum. Good to hear you are supported with Lectio Divina. I find it soothing to K as you describe. Sedona Method and Byron Katie's work, and some similar to these, help me integrate K effects. But I always find that as beautiful as the present moment is, this release into its presence is distinct (not unrelated) to the transcendental Presence of God in Christ. My mind cannot wrap itself around the differences and their relationship. Quite a paradox. But it does clarify the difference between creatures and Creator, created grace/uncreated grace. The Holy Spirit and K are so very different, yet K seeks HS as her origin and spouse.

Thanks for sharing your story with us.
 
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Hi Freebird. Thank you for the welcome. I was moved by the courage and forgiveness you experienced in your own story. Anytime abuse occurs, forgiveness must follow...and oh, how sweet that forgiveness is to the soul.

Hi Stephen. Thank you for your insights. Yes, I see the theme of moving out of bondage. I've read some of your posts and it's been encouraging to see your faith and growth.

Sharing my story in this way is probably very good for me. I haven't had much opportunity to do so. During posting last night and afterwards, my hands were shaking and I felt weak. And just bringing all this up in sharing activated k last night. Didn't get much sleep and not focusing too well this morning. Thankfully, I have some time to rest today.

Much, much love and appreciation to everyone here. I would also be grateful for prayers if anyone feels so inclined.
 
Posts: 77 | Location: South Carolina | Registered: 18 July 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Hi Tate, I can really relate to your story and will continue to pray for your peace and renewal of your strength. May your guardian angel stand watch over you. I thank Father God for our ministering angels, which are all given to us for protection and guidance. Know that your angel Tate is with you always. This is a message especially for you today.

My guardian angel was seen by my doctor during a routine cancer screening examination in Medford, Oregon. Doctor Martin, a Catholic, is a specialist at the Providence Medical Center, a Catholic hospital.

I waited in the examination room for the doctor who upon entering the room stopped by the door looking at me laying on the examination table. He hesitated moving toward me. With the greatest reverence and awe he said to me:"Oh my God who is standing next to you holding your hand". With continued reverence and the greatest respect and honor he slowly came forward to examine me. Sweat pouring down his face like a river, trembling, almost uncontrollable, he managed to examine me and gave me good news that I was still cancer free. Quickly he exitted, and since that time he has treated me like I was royalty. It is obvious that Doctor Martin saw a majestic messenger angel from God.

I also saw my angel, for the first time, a month ago during a session with a client sent to me through a doctor's referral and a psychiatrist. I am a part-time counseler and healing practioner. My work is dedicated to Christ and The Holy Spirit.

Said client is a challenging case. He attempted suicide in January and has a history of severe drug abuse and control by the demonic. In my ongoing kundalini awakening and new birth my spiritual sight together with awareness is expanding. I am aware that my client is imprisoned by evil spirit and negative energies. I can see a thick layer of enslavement around him.

During our session I became aware of someone standing in back of him, an awesome angel with majestic powers beyond all comprehension holding a mighty sword. I cannot say that the angelic being was feminine or masculine. I saw no gender identity that could have identified this angel as such. Having never seen my angel before I thought it was my client's angel and told him to sit still so I could see the angel better. My client knew immediately that it was not his angel, but mine, as he slipped down the chair and fell to the floor almost lifeless. Praise God, my angel was with me protecting me from this client's evil and demonic energies. Thank you Father God.

We all have a guardian angel and the experiences with Dr. Martin and my client testify to this truth.

Tate may your own special guardian angel always protect, guard and comfort you.

Thank you angels for protecting us from all evil and keeping us safe in the Light and Love of Christ as the children of the Most High God and Blessed Mother.

Much love to you Tate.
 
Posts: 571 | Location: Oregon | Registered: 20 June 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I'm feeling much better. Some rest and then good hard labor can also be good to stablize k. Smiler

Dearest Freebird, Thank you for you prayers and the glorious testamonies of God's love and protection. Your posts are full of love and mercy, and are helping support my faith.

I saw a mighty angel in a dream once during a particularly difficult time. It seemed more real than a dream. The angel was huge and powerful. He came towards me from the sky as a light at first, then transforming into a powerful male being. I was on a beach. He looked at me and I knew he wanted me to throw an idol in the water. I ran into a little nearby house as fast as I could, found the idol and quickly threw it in. I didn't do this out of fear but knowing he was there to help me. I wish I had written this story down because I also remember the idol had a word on it. It was something do with a particular fear I was holding onto at the time. He stuck his sword into the water and the water became light. When I awoke, the room was lighter, still and very peaceful. I had forgotten that story. Thank you, blessed friend, for reminding me of the angels of Light.

I too have experienced healing energies working through my being. I use to work in hospice caring for patients. One night I was caring for a man in late stages of Alzheimers. He could not communicate anymore and was totally bedridden. His family had entrusted me with his care while they got away for a much needed vacation. One night, I felt intuitively to enter his room. I felt guided and was listening for what to do, because this man may have needed something and couldn't communicate it to me verbally. I intuitively felt I was to go to his head and lay my hands on him. I said "Thy will be done". I began to feel an expansion and pure love filling every cell of my body. All I could say was "thank you, Father". I guess my nervous system couldn't handle it, because the next thing I knew I was waking up on the floor. I had passed out. This man, who would always hold his hands tightly in a fist and his brow always furrowed and scrunched, was now lying there with his hands softly open, his face was relaxed, completely open with a luminous sort of glow to it. I was deeply humbled by this experience and grateful to have been an instrument in His hands.

Hi w.c., I was told that Holy Spirit and K was the same thing by eastern teachers, but I am experiencing and understanding more and more the differences. I enjoy your posts very much. You seem to put things into words that make sense to me. I'm not an intellectual, as you can probably tell. Smiler
 
Posts: 77 | Location: South Carolina | Registered: 18 July 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
<w.c.>
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Tate:

Simplicity really seems to be the clearest, easiest path of receptivity to Christ. This doesn't mean intellect is lacking, but implies it is being put more to use through the heart. I was sure K and HS were the same until about eight years ago. Once I simplified, simplified, simplified, and just began talking and listening to God as one would a person sitting in the same room, the Holy Spirit was given. The idea of talking to God, receiving His presence as a child would trust a parent, and not so much seeking healing as opening to company, was just not sophisticated enough for my racing mind/false self always seeking to regenerate itself around drama. Thank God for a great, dear friend who taught me Lectio Divina and gave me his warmth for many years so the opening could be slow and subtle and gentle.

And so those of us with an intellectual bent have to unlearn before we can learn again in ways that allow the intellect its designed partnership with the heart and soul. This took me a long time, so maybe you are further along than you think.
 
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Dear w.c.:

This latest k arising is releasing a lot more emotion and some more clear seeing into the false self patterns of behavior. Last night as I was just trying to be with myself through it all, my prayer became just as you described...just talking as a little child to a father. Sometime the painful remorse over past behavior feels unbearable. The warmth of a dear friend and community of support is what I feel a need for now. Thank you for your response and the kindness you extend.

As I reflect, I can see how many years I have been seeking from an intellectual standpoint. It's only been in the last six months or so of coming back to Christ that I once again feel the simplicity which is in Him. The Holy Spirit I felt some 14 years ago when I first received Him, is once again Comforting me.

When I say I'm not intellectual, I think I mean not educated on many subjects, or slow to grasp concepts and ideas. And then to remember what I've learned is another difficulty. Smiler I often have difficulty in communicating my thoughts, feelings and ideas in words. Probably if I were in school now, they would label me LD, ADHD, etc. It's taken me many years to not try and hide this. Smiler
 
Posts: 77 | Location: South Carolina | Registered: 18 July 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
<w.c.>
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Hope you have, or find, that friend. As for community, it can be tricky, especially as in churches, at least in my experience. Church communities are comprised mostly of families, which is as it should be I guess, but the attempts made to extend singles a place often feels even more awkward. Of course, the discomfort is in me, not in the sea of families I see standing around me. But I've never really gotten used to it.

I also find it helpful to do something creative. One activity I'd like to start is just using a simple eisle to paint my feelings, impressions, and not with any attempt at artistry.
 
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Hi Tate,
You may be surprised at the good memory you have after the walls and blocks of wounds are healed and released. I have had a lousy memory, but have discovered a lot of it is simply my mind protecting me from the hurts of the past. As memories are released and healed, I am remembering more. It was hidden behind a wall that was put there to protect me. It was no longer a good thing and in the silence God has brought forth the memories for me to look at, feel, grieve and let go. Hurts - but then freedom. In the midst of the pain, I try to remember this will bring freedom, release and peace. I have become familiar with the building of the energy - till sometimes I think I can't stand it and then the release and the peace. Very nice.

Blessings on your journey,
Diane
 
Posts: 40 | Location: Minnesota | Registered: 16 January 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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One activity I'd like to start is just using a simple eisle to paint my feelings, impressions, and not with any attempt at artistry.

It sounds very interesting, w.c. Hope you will share with us how it will develop.
 
Posts: 340 | Location: Sweden | Registered: 14 May 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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w.c.

I don't have that friend. I've done a pretty good job of isolating myself. Daily, I look for little ways to extend myself and put myself out there. Just being on this list is one way. I'm afraid of being vulnerable. I haven't learned proper use of boundaries because of so much abuse in my childhood. I guess the anonymity the internet provides gives me courage to start again.

I wish I could find a church. My expectations of what my experiences should be in a church environment keep getting in the way. I tried attending centering prayer meetings at a Lutheran church. It was a small group, the pastor was warm and I began to open up to him in little ways. He seemed knowledgeable about many spiritual issues. Well, with centering prayer, my k was strongly activated and I began to have some problems. I decided to email him asking for help either from him or anyone he might know that is knowledgeable about k. I received no reply. Ouch! So I learned again I must be guarded. I never returned to the meetings, although part of the problem was transportation. But I also felt we would both just be too uncomfortable. I don't know what thoughts he had. My gut says he was afraid of being involved in any way.

I'm reading, "A Woman's Way through the Twelve Steps" now and feel I would like to be involved in a 12-step group. My parents were alcoholics so I guess ACOA might be a good one. I know I've got to break this habit of isolating...and I'm willing to face the pain now. God help me.

As for creativity, I enjoy gardening and dancing. The dancing is just free-style here in my home... of course, by myself. Smiler Dancing also helps get stuck energy moving in my body. I like the idea of painting your feelings, w.c.. Let me know how it goes.

Diane:

That's interesting about the memory. And since you mentioned it, I do know my memory abilities have improved from say 10 years ago. So maybe this is from the healing work I've done so far. Another plus for the little willingness to go through the pain, huh?
 
Posts: 77 | Location: South Carolina | Registered: 18 July 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
<w.c.>
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Tate:

Centering Prayer often presents the problem of K complications. Phil has a thread discussing the problems of CP. I don't find this conflict with Lectio Divina.
 
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Being vulnerable is a very scary thing. I lead women's groups for women who have become isolated because of their wounds. We use the Boundaries material by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. It has been very good. Grace filled. Truth and grace over time bring healing. Their videos, books and materials have really helped me. I had no boundaries. Now I do.

I got a chuckle when you said the first time you wrote your hands shook. Me too! I believe actually the first 3 times I wrote. Waiting to see what would happen. Would what I said be accepted or criticized. I love this grace filled place. I agree with w.c. Centering Prayer activates. Whatever begins to release the memories. And yet in the dealing with the memories is the healing we so desire. A conundrum (ok that is not spelled right!)
Blessings on your day,
Diane
 
Posts: 40 | Location: Minnesota | Registered: 16 January 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Hi Tate, isolation can also be a Grace from God. In His time you will be guided to new friends, community, and hopefully a Church of His choosing for you. For now He has sent you to Shalom Place, and we love you.

As uncomfortable as isolation can feel, it is truly a gift of a loving Father to be alone with a beloved child, so give all your burdens to Him. Trust that this present isolation will change when you are ready to reach out to others with renewed strength.
 
Posts: 571 | Location: Oregon | Registered: 20 June 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Freebird:

Your post and expression of love just released a torrent of tears. I cried until laughter came bubbling up. Thanks; I needed that. Smiler

Yes, yes, I can see that the isolation is also a gift. Not resisting the gift of isolation, my innards relax. Smiler Trusting in a loving Father, turning it all over to Him, I smile with relief!

And I can see that Shalom Place is an answer to prayer. It feels so wonderful to be in such a place of Grace.

w.c.:

I read Phil's thread about CP. I guess each of us has to decide what works best for us at any given time. For now Lectio Divina is feeding a part of me that was barren.

Diane:

Thank you for sharing that your hands shook too when you first posted, and all the fears and expectations that arose. I was feeling a little embarassed about sharing that. Smiler

I will look for Boundaries material you mentioned. I just read from a local library, "Learning To Say No, Establishing Healthy Boundaries", by Carla Will-Brandon. This has been very helpful information.

With Love & Gratitude,
Tate
 
Posts: 77 | Location: South Carolina | Registered: 18 July 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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