Jacques:

Sorry, I hit the edit icon rather than "reply" in responding to you. Your post is unchanged.

One thing that comes to mind in reading your post is how evil, if we believe it has some significant intelligence, might choose better props than what is obvious. Not that C.S. Lewis is the final voice on the subject, but I believe his Screwtape Letters suggests evil seeks a more subtle approach to our world. But then Lewis may himself have over-estimated the influence of evil, given how he apparently was a rather repressed person emotionally - common for that time period. His "hatred of emotions," which he admits changed over the years, is quite a distorting lens through which to see the difference between psychological pain and true evil.

I think what you're describing is a potentially good and safe way for many people to test the spirits. Go in the presence of Christ in an accepting way, initially, to see the response you get at the level of appearance.

Since his name came up on the other thread, I've been reading up on Mike Shreve. I'm adding him to this thread of conversion stories. Check out his testimonly on the Sid Roth show in the clip below. It's quite an amazing story of how intercessory prayer can change lives.

He appears very genuine, simple, and quite intelligent in this interview. I don't hear much about what he makes of kundalini since his conversion except to suggest that it is demonic. I do wonder how he'd react to some of our discussion on kundalini energy as a natural, internal force. I'm tempted to contact him directly and see if he's open to discussing it with me/us. Yeah, I can be bold like that, why not?

http://www.tangle.com/view_vid...6c5018171cca8f8dbc5f

Be bold, Shasha.

Yes, I second Ariel's encouragement.

I listened to the presentation as well and he does seem a really good guy. Glad to hear that he's recognized the distinction between the way of Christ and the way of enlightenment spirituality that kundalini points toward. I don't think the latter is a bad thing, as you all know, and there are no doubt many who pursue it with the best of intentions. Still, it is different from Christian spirituality as it isn't really able to resolve the issues inhering from our fallen nature. But neither is psychotherapy, exercise, good nutrition and a whole lot of other kinds of disciplines that are good in themselves unless pursued for the wrong reasons.

Let us know how it goes, Shasha.

And happy new year, everyone!

quote:

Dear Phil,

There are bhaki(love)yogas / traditions that worship the divine in relational ways and have no problem moving between enlightenment, in which they become completely one with the Goddess, for instance, AND recognize her as GOD and experience themselves as one with God through enlightenment.

These folks will argue that their mystical union with God (non-dual awareness) AND their love relationship with the divine co-exist, and will argue that Christ is just another name for kundalini shaki or Krishna or the Feminie Divine.

I don't deny that they are *in relationship* with a supernatural energy...in fact, I experienced this merger myself when I was initiated into a powerful Kali worship tradition. Here they equate kundalini exactly with the Goddess Kali and this is GOD and you too can become one with God/Goddess if you invite her to live inside you. They emphasize that kundalini is the same as the Holy Spirit, Chi, etc. and deny the unique mission of Christ.

This part of the discussion seems appropriate on this thread because my point is that worshiping gods/goddesses, even as the energy of kundalini, is a false god.

Why? because Christ and the Holy Spirit is not kundalini or the dieties associated with kundalini energy. Nor is Christ the goddess Kali; nor is He Shiva or Shakti...His name is not Krishna...it's more than the names of God that are different--it's the source to which the names refer.

I know this is quite an old piece of conversation, but what Shasha says here is what happened to me. I was intiated into this merger with Ammachi where I was to see her as the Goddess/God/Kali incarnate...and I was to understand it as enlightenment.

This was all highly seductive. And no, none of it was Christ or the Holy Spirit.

I was operating under an assumption that what I thought was "love" was of Christ, but this was far from Christ or Holy.

There is much good information, insight and affirmation to be gained from the discussions on the forum. I am glad to be back.

Kristi

Continuing here now from the last post I made in this thread.

A few days ago, I found myself thinking/feeling I would like to send a letter to the woman who initiated me in the Goddess worship. I'd ended communications with her on an angry note and thought I would try to redeem my angry actions.

It didn't go over well. As I was writing to her, I felt the energy of she and the guru filling me. And so have been working to clear myself of that again. I am sorry I sent the letter. I will NOT make the same mistake again. I had a huge mother projection with this woman ... and the childhood wounding there was speaking.

It is coming clearer to me, now, how much influence they had over me, how much I opened myself to them, how much authority I'd given to them. The title of this thread is most apt: "False Gods." I have been having mind impressions that are of their intent, not my own, of this I am sure. It is their will to control. I've questioned myself (before, and again, now), how much of this is my projection, my own shadow. I am sure I have my piece, but this that I have felt, before and now, is NOT all mine, I know.

The day before yesterday, I woke from sleep, and felt an orgasm trying to grip me again. Nothing like they used to when I was being devotional, yet it was there. And now, even as I write, I feel like I have something in my solar plexus that needs getting out...them.

I am seeing more clearly how hugely seductive it is.

I am also aware that one of the reasons I have not talked more of it is because I have felt like I was "not supposed to," have felt afraid to, what, "betray" them. Hogwash.

Oh, and this. I shared here somewhere on Shalom Place that I had the experience of the Lady Bug symbol and flowers springing up in my womb one day. When I sent the letter, I visited her website. I observed a tote bag she made/weaved. On it was a "lady bug waiting for spring." It is not just my imagination. I feel sure the connection was not severed, hence my experience. I was as much merged with her as the guru. In fact, I am not sure I know the difference between the two, as she is completely merged with the guru.

I feel so regretful, remorseful, like I've a chest-full of tears to release in prayer. I want my life back.

Kristi

Hi Kristi, I visit Shalom Place often and have benefited so much from reading about the experiences of others. After reading your last post and seeing some similarities I wanted to share some of my own journey here.

Okay, so now I'm faced with how to condense what I want to share into a few paragraphs. I became involved with a group whose head guru misused his powers. How my journey brought me to cross paths with them is a long story, not meaningful for this portion of what I want to share. I encountered this group only briefly because through them the kundalini was stirred up and I was not prepared for this, had no knowledge of what was happening to me and they were of no help. I was deeply afraid, withdrew from them and dealt with what was happening to me the best I could. Found online help about kundalini. So grateful for internet. Shalom Place and Phil's book on kundalini helped tremendously.

It's hard to put into words for what I'm sharing happened over several years time. Briefly, each time in my life when I felt a deep longing for God, kundalini became active and this guru or group would appear in my life in some way, either contact from someone in the group or just an inner realization of this guru's presence. Either way, I began to feel terror. I prayed so earnestly for God to help me, for Jesus to protect me from them. I just couldn't understand why it happened continually. Why as soon as I longed so deeply for my Beloved, this group would appear. Each time, I was so terrified of a repeat experience that all I knew to do was to back off from so much prayer, try to find something to occupy my mind, to calm the energy down.

This happened many times until finally, I could no longer deny that God was bringing this to me. Each time I longed for Him in a profound way, this happened, something of this group would appear. The last time, I told God I would face them but I needed help. I didn't know what He wanted me to do. Somehow He gave me Trust. Kundalini was really moving in me, I felt drawn to the guru's web site. I went there, terror was gripping me so that my body was shaking as if I had uncontrollable chills. As I looked at this man's picture, I prayed for Jesus' help. Then a sorrow from within me began building for the hatred I felt for this man. I could see that I hated him for all the harm he had caused me, the years of fear, confusion and dysfunction that became my life, for his activating kundalini prematurely, an energy I knew nothing about. Finally, the sorrow was overwhelming and I verbally said, "I'm so sorry". At that moment my heart opened (I literally felt a block like a damn open) and God's love POURED in, this energy was felt throughout my body. As this was happening, I felt a strong jerk in my solar plexus and I knew I was free. I cried and cried with thanksgiving. Peace consumed me for days.

I finally understood the reason each time I longed for His love, that this guru appeared, was because my hatred was the block from His love.

This man or this group has not caused fear for me since. I have been able to express to others who had an interest in this guru of his abuse and pointed them to websites who said his group was a cult.

A few years back, I happened to see online that he had died. I felt a strange sadness; I can't really explain why. I hadn't thought of him in years, but I felt compelled to ask God to bless this man in his journey home. Truly, God is merciful.

I hope this helps in some way. You are in my prayers.

Welcome, Deann, and thank you for sharing about your healing experience. I think it speaks to some of the issues Kristi shared above.

We really are still bound to those we feel anger, resentment, fear or shame toward, and it's not easy to break those bonds, is it? At least if we can name that as the problem, it can be helpful, and the first step toward forgiveness.

Hello Deann,

Welcome to Shalom Place. And thank you for the generous sharing that you did above. It certainly seems like some common threads of experience exist amongst many of us who have been initiated/involved with gurus. Your story attests to the strength of the supernatural ties that exist between guru-disciple and it seems that kundalini is manipulated as kind of glue that binds per the guru's intent. As I was reading your story, I recalled precisely the kind of terror you described in coming close to the energy of the gurus. I didn't recognize the anxiety then as being a warning against anti-Christ spirits that I detected. I remember thinking, "Why am I so scared?! That's so unlike me!" But I see now I was blinded to the dimension of reality of the source of those energies.

People don't realize that unholy soul ties exist not only when we feel angry/resentment/lust etc. towards others (expecially sexual) but also if they feel that towards us. I've prayed with people to break soul ties and come across a powerful energy break as they are renouncing a particular soul tie. The person I praying with will express surprise that I detect a strong break in the supernatural over a particular connection because they don't feel anything for this person anymore. However, what they don't realize is that the other person feels something for them and the bond exists because the other person keeping it alive at some level. That's awkwardly worded, but I hope you get the point.

Anyway, so glad the Lord has claimed you. I hope and pray that you will benefit from the discussions here and continue to experience God's Love and blessings in your life!



Kristi--

I want to respond to your recents posts, but am out of time for tonight. Will lift you up in my prayers tonight.

with love, and in our Lord,
Shasha

Thank you, Dean. It does give me more to contemplate.

I thank you and Shasha both for your prayers.

I myself would write more now were it not for lack of time this evening.

Kristi

Hi Phil. Thanks for the welcome. I've been lurking around for several years. I do so appreciate your internet presence and the services you provide, especially your experiences of the Kundalini energy.

Hi Shasha. Thanks for your warm welcome. I've enjoyed reading your posts over the years and have found support and comfort through your sharing.

Kristi, you have been through so much. I hope my post has not caused too much contemplation. I know for myself, taking in too much from others can sometime be overwhelming and confusing. I can't tell you how many times, I've thrown my hands up and asked God to please take it all; I'm so tired of trying to figure it all out. This gives my weary mind a rest and the quiet usually leads to a greater awareness of His guidance.

Blessings,
Deann

quote:

Originally posted by KristiMarie:
...It is coming clearer to me, now, how much influence they had over me, how much I opened myself to them, how much authority I'd given to them. ...

I have been having mind impressions that are of their intent, not my own, of this I am sure. It is their will to control. I've questioned myself (before, and again, now...

I was as much merged with her as the guru. In fact, I am not sure I know the difference between the two, as she is completely merged with the guru.
...

I want my life back.

I don't know anybody who's gotton out of this kind of energy enmeshment easily. It seems to be a longer process in some cases. Sometimes forgiveness is what is called for to make a break, other times you need a hard boundary of no contact. Some people think they should compulsively pray for somebody to break a hostile bond, but that can make you more stuck to them. So, it's a discernment process.

The good, great news is that you're hunger for Christ will combat all those entaglements. He will feed and form you. I'm thrilled and happy to know that you want to join the Catholic Church; you will be receiving Jesus in the Eucharist, and that gift is beyond words...

So you will get your life back, but you'll get more than that! I believe we resonate to Phil's teaching about a healthy Ego because we know, at some level, that God does want to heal all the brokenness in us. In fact, I believe our Egos will actually be perfected and carried right into our Glorified Bodies.

Deann, No, It was not too much.

Shasha,

Reading your words about receiving the Eucharist just brought suddenly clearer meaning to a recent dream. I'll not share the whole dream here, but there was the serving of the sacrament and my being receipt of very live/fleshy (disc-shaped) pieces of meat.

I wish I could receive the Eucharist already.

I was sitting here writing some more of my experience out to share, but am going to take a break from it for now and get my day's rest.

I will continue to pray for Christ's guidance. I feel I need to turn all my thoughts to Him.

Kristi

Having read Deann’s sharing and Phil’s comments, I am taking the time to write this out, to help identify what is being held and where it belongs?

(This became long, but it's done me good to write it.)

But I am going to need to back up and share of another association before I write of the affinity I had with the guru and the woman who initiated me into her.

Still, I have not taken the time to write the experience of my initial kundalini awakening for sharing here. Shortly, it was spontaneous and very powerful and after a period of about 4 months of sublime bliss where I experienced life as being without any contention or judgment, my subconscious began unloading and with it all the wounding of my ego. I did not have the ego structure/health to support my experience and my reference points for life spun wildly out of control. It took me some time until I began to feel I had my feet somewhat back on the ground, had some sense of structure and stability again.

Soon then, I began seeing an energy worker/healer. First, one woman, intermittently, for about one year. I took a break from that. A short time later, I began working with another woman. I continued working with her for more than three years. I entered into analysis during the period of time I was working with her. The results of my analytic work began to show/tell that I needed to stop seeing this woman, but I had become hugely dependent upon her. She had a very soothing and very "seductive" energy, I later came to see. It became a like drug for me, something that wiped my cares away. So, it was counterproductive to my analytical work and growing in my self. Toward the end of the time I was seeing her, she encouraged my going to see the woman known as Mother Meera. I considered it. On a later date, I communicated to the healer that, yes, I think I will go see Meera. With that answer, she began channeling an energy into me that caused me to stop her cold when it hit my solar plexus. It was Meera, someone the healer had been devotional to for years. This woman always worked by opening the body from the feet first and then took position at my crown, with her hands on my crown, as powerful streams of energy coursed through me. She literally received everything that flowed through me. Does that scenario/positioning cause your eyebrows to lift? It did mine, later. This woman became like "mother" to me, a cradle, if you will. It was only with hindsight that I knew the energy which caused me to 'stop" the healer was Meera. For, the healer again encouraged me, "look her up on the internet." I did. I had not looked at her picture for one minute when the room in which I sat and my whole body became filled with silvery white light that literally pushed me to the floor. I did not know I'd invited that. I pushed the healer away, stopped working with her. I became very angry with her. She became angry in return and placed a huge guilt trip on me. I responded from a child-like place. It took me months to begin to get a sense of myself again. When things got tough, I still thought of her. Over the course of the next two years (while continuing my analysis), I consulted her via distance once and then in person at the end of the second year. THAT treatment left me literally feeling (within a few days time) that my body was a lingham ascending up into the universe (reminds me of my childhood experiences of nightly ascending), though I stood on the ground. Again, I pushed her away.

Full of fear and uncertainty, I turned to the woman who initiated me into the (female) guru. Do you see a pattern here? All these woman/mothers? It was not at all long before I felt pushed down to my knees in this guru affair. The energy of my body would literally go to her in devotion, as did it earlier flow to the healer, and Meera, by extension, I now understand. I was practicing devotion to the guru for nearly two years. There was a huge propensity for me to "go away" to her (the guru...and the woman who initiated me into her), which is essentially the same thing I did with the healer.

Let me now back up many years, to when I was a child. I had a powerful dream. I don't really know that we can call it a dream. It was more experience or visitation of some sort, meeting with an archetypal energy. I was asleep in my bed when I became aware of a raw, electrical energy formation having entered my bedroom. My child's mind later identified it as "witch," but there was no form. It was a huge apparition/formation of colored light/energy…white, red. I thought it hovered above my bed, pulling my teeth out in one full set. Comprehend this? Grasp this? Sink my teeth into this? How does a child who has no reference points for such a thing. My body was so electrically charged that I felt as if I had millions of electrical needles penetrating every tiniest point of my body. I sat bolt upright in my bed, staring into the darkness of my room. I tried to form sound, to call out, but could not. I was so frightened that when I searched for my teeth with my tongue, I could not find them. In a moment I located myself in space and time, in my bed, in my room. Feeling the covers of my bed with my hands again, I simply heard an inner voice say to me, in a very comforting manner, “It is okay. It is just a dream. Go back to sleep now.” I was immediately calmed, laid down and very soon returned to sleep. The dream/experience changed me in ways I did not then understand. I became determined for life, ached for a life better than what may have been my fate were the grace of God not present. It was after this that I began yearning for God, studying the New Testament, had the various charismatic experiences, before one day praying that God take it all away. I do believe I began experiencing a kundalini awakening that was far too much for me to deal with. My prayer was answered.

Looking back on my young life, it was always (to me) as if a great love carried me through my (difficult) early years. I truly felt held/carried more by my Self through most all of my teen years. My consciousness/psychological disposition was far different than others of my age. This made it hard for me to relate to others of my own age.

Anyhow, about one year into my devotional practice to the guru, I’d asked the woman I was in contact with to do a weaving for me. She is a fiber artist. I had been working (in therapy) with that dream/experience memory, again. It was harder for me in earlier years than it was feeling now (then), as before it was full of the memories and pain of the abuse by my father. It is said in Jungian analysis that the way the work should (the way it is important for it to) proceed is that one work’s first with the father issues. My process was intrinsically reverse of this from the beginning, keeping in mind that my healing work began spontaneously with the advent of the kundalini rising.

Now, however, at the time I’d asked her to do the weaving, I felt in a very good place with the work with my father. Still, today, when I think of him, I am moved compassionately. Through the course of my healing, seeing and witnessing his wounds, I could locate them, viscerally in my own body…feeling my inheritance of them on a psycho-spiritual level. So, I felt I grew to understand the deep nature of his pain, because I shared it. This helped with forgiveness.

But I’d still never really dealt with my mother issues. With today’s hindsight, I know that the child I was (and the woman, still was) was protecting my image of mother as a child. I had to hold out hope that at least one parent was good, responsible, loving. And there certainly was a sense of mothering and caretaking in my young life, but it did not come from my own mother. Again, it was more this connection with Self, that something Other that held, cared for and guided me. Spiritually, it was there. But physically (and psychologically, as would be needed for my ego health), a mother’s nurture remained absent from my young life. Obviously the dream experience and my associations with it (witch taking my teeth out) can speak of the negative/devouring mother archetype, too. And that was essentially the experience of my sisters and I in regards to my mother, who did not protect us from my father’s sexual abuse.

And now (then) I was feeling in a better place in regards to my mother. So, I’d gone back to that dream experience and sketched me there, sitting up in my bed with this apparition visiting me. The image graphically caught the sense of electricity and terror I experienced. My analyst was so stunned by it, she asked, “How was that for you?” It was okay. And it was. I was glad to finally be able to look at those moments and for it to not produce fear. I felt a certain “is-ness” with it.

It was this image, I decided, that I wanted to honor in the weaving, and asked that she come up with something around this image to weave for me, as a tapestry. I wanted to somehow honor that experience of my young life…live with it…be okay with it…and hence find greater resolution and healing.

One thing led to another in our communications and it turned that the weaving began on the night of the beginning of Deepavali (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diwali), known as the “Festival of Lights.” We both said some prayers for this “auspicious” event (as we called it) marking the beginning of my tapestry weaving. During the course of the weaving, her inner muse took over and she came to tell me that Devi wants to be in the weaving. There would also be a unicorn and dove and waterfall, she said. I accepted and agreed upon this. As she wove, I ended up having some powerful experiences, one of which left my womb literally rocking in heaving motions and contractions, followed by the sense of a huge lingham that wanted to enter my being, leaving my inner vision dazzled with a million lights/suns. I must share that this experience was not at all much different from one of the experiences that came to me when the kundalini initially awakened in me ten plus years ago.

I had also been praying: (A chant/mantra edited out)

She (and I) had packed so much prayer and intention into this weaving, that by the time I received it, I could hardly stand to look at it. She considers her work to be somewise shamanic and the complete tapestry to be somewhat of a mandala of the Self. The tapestry emanated a powerful energy that disturbed me. It also felt to connect me all the more to her and the guru. I took it down time and again, placing it in the closet. Finally, not able to stand it anymore and the confusion and dissociation it was bringing into my life, I took and burned it in a fire pit at a local park.

I need to back up one more time and share that after the experience of the dazzling lights and heaving womb, I was moved to some of the most free-flowing tears I ever experienced. As I wept those tears, I recalled a poem I wrote in earlier years. My poems have often been as prayers, many of them coming from very deep places within me, my heart. This one I entitled, Whispering Moments. I will share it here to add context to the experience. It was reflective of my then contemplative moments (in 2003) and my heart’s prayer to be born anew from the circumstances of my early life:

"Whispering Moments"
With pure and perfect affection
In solemn ceremony,
She arrives

Cascading through my heart
Reminding of spaces untouched by me

From the belly of my being,
She ascends
Her breath catching in my throat

Thirsty for voice
She has me to see
To say

The beauty that has not been said
That has not been told

Impassioned with Her love
Encased in Her gentleness

Opening, allowing
With sweet and delicate weeping

She moves me
In fragrant tenderness

Like a virgin birth,
She is becoming
2003

Given the experience I had and the weeping I was doing, I was feeling like my prayer/poem was coming true.

But as the days wore on with that tapestry, I was no longer feeling this way. Things were becoming very troublesome inside of me, hence my sharing of the experience and dream of feeling like I had a battle between light and dark inside of me the last time I seen the guru for darshan.

I think I will (try to) sum up here, for now.

I became angry again, with her now, for bringing this into my life. I’d invited it, but without fully conscious consent in that I had no idea what this was going to bring into my life. Because of that, I blamed.

So, there I was, for a third time, with the kudalini either awakened (in the case of my spontaneous awakening) or enticed to move (via the healer and this tapestry weaving) in a way which was too great for me. Surrendering to and trusting the guru or this woman no longer felt the right thing for me. I was full of fear and terror again, as I shared in some earlier posts.

It is worth my saying that when things become tough for me after the initial awakening ten years ago, I did experience a period of profound fear/terror. I had no understanding for what was happening to me, as my unconscious unloaded, while the kundalini was so strong that I often felt like I had tadpoles swimming up my legs. That became better for me only when I began literally “calling out” to God from what was to me like a living nightmare. I had a turning point one evening when I just could not stand the fear anymore and resolved to let go, to God. I felt/experienced first my brow chakra (filling the greater portion of the interior of my head) as if empty or full of air with a sense that it was also a vast space. What we have read termed as the “music of the spheres” (sometimes, also referred to as the “eeeeeee” sound, something I had heard since I was a child) filled the space of my brow chakra and then spread to my heart center, vibrating, emanating to most clear musical tone/note. It soon filled my whole body. I felt in a very celestial space, literally like the grace of heaven’s angels were filling me. The single note or tone evolved into a heavenly orchestra, music unlike could be produced on earth, I thought. And then, a choir of angels singing praise inside of me. I was bathed in this experience for what seemed a short eternity. I literally felt like my being was being washed, as though the angels poured spiritual water into me, flowing like a river of heavenly love. I was concerned my body may literally levitate. I had such dream experiences at that time. “Okay,” I said the next morning, “Thank you God.” “I can do this, then.” “I can continue.” “I can begin to trust and know that you have something good in store.” It helped me to be able to continue putting one foot in front of the other.

The thing is I believe my journey belongs with Christ, only I have mistakenly placed it outside and onto others. He was/is the progenitor of my spiritual life, since a child. This is why I wept so greatly when I learned that I was in fact baptized in the Catholic Church. Maybe there is, as they say, no errors. Maybe I was supposed to walk the course I have and still Christ will use it to help me to help others. Maybe it was all as needed to be. Searching for acceptance here.

But the anger, I am questioning, where does it belong? With these woman? With my own mother? Who, anymore, I also weep for in prayer, with my dreams and contemplations leaving me now locating her wounding (viscerally) in my own body, knowing that I inherited the same from her (my mother was also a sexually abused child, my grandmother also unable to protect her as a child). And what purpose does anger serve? I held mother projections with all of these women. Amidst all else, each one of them were also a source of nurture to me, despite my relationships with each one of them ending up eliciting anger and fear.

Given the way my rosary prayers turned me to the vision of my mother (at communion) and my grandmother’s heart (the heart she could not express, the sufferring petitioning heart my mother and I did not know in life), I feel Mother Mary is bringing me to where it all really needs to be now, turned to forgiveness for the lacks of mothering within the women of my family, love for the suffering of the women of my family. And forgiveness, also for these others.

Kristi

This message has been edited. Last edited by: KristiMarie,

Dear Kristi,

I'm moved by your sharing and grateful for your insights. I relate to so much of your story. I can only share briefly though for my energy system does not allow for me to dwell too long in reading and writing without repurcussions physically. I sense though that our healing isn't separate. You have much deeper understanding on the mental plane of all that you are going through than I and I feel grateful for your ability to put it into words.

I am 57 years old and my kundalini awakening happened approximately 15 years ago. I'm still dealing with a very imbalanced energy system and am finally learning to be gentle with myself. I just wanted to let you know I'm still here and am benefiting from your healing, this being viscerally within my own body. Thank you.

Much Love,
Deann

Hi Deann,

I am very glad if what I shared is helpful for you.

May I ask, is your name pronoucned De-Ann, or Dean? I made an assumption that you are male, evident in my writing your name as Dean the first time I responded to you.

I wish for you a peaceful and balanced energy system, Deann.

Kristi

quote:

It is said in Jungian analysis that the way the work should (the way it is important for it to) proceed is that one work’s first with the father issues. My process was intrinsically reverse of this from the beginning, keeping in mind that my healing work began spontaneously with the advent of the kundalini rising.

I just wanted to come back to correct my error. It is held that it is important to work with the "mother" issues, first. I wrote father.

Kristi,

I guess the name would be pronounced De-Ann. It's not actually my name though, just my user name. I wanted to use my first initial and my middle name - D. Ann, but it looked like a male name, Dan. LOL! Now I see it still looks male, as in Dean. Anyway, I am female.

Thank you for your wish for me. I feel very messed up energetically. I have a lot of pressure in my head on a daily basis. Can't deal well with a lot of loud noises. I had an MRI of my head and they found nothing wrong. The pain lately is mostly in the forehead area. It expands more during my prayer and feels less sharp. Sometime moves around but never goes away completely. The spiritual readings I come across lately is speaking to finding peace amidst adversity. I pray for the grace to bear it and not complain so much to my family. It's hard though.

Hi Kristi,

That's quite a crazy ride you've been on! Mass confusion is evident in your story, the kind of confusion that is clearly not of the Holy Spirit, but of some demonic force. The energy mergings and exchanges seem to be a tell-tale sign of the deceiver. If you don't mind my saying, it sounds like Satan was distracting you with: "Look here, now see this! Wow-wee, chew on this symbolism!" Like a circus master.

On the other hand, God doesn't need to activate anything energetically to be known by us, to give guidance, comfort, healing, and love...His signature is much more simple, humble, and even ordinary sometimes.

I hear you say that it may be healing for you to write this out. Clearly, when we're traumatized, we do need to integrate split up pieces of ourselves before we can move on. However, I'd caution you against spending time rehashing those memories in a way that is keeping you bound. Of course, you'll have to discern what is healing and what is binding you to those energies. Personally, I wouldn't write out any mantras. They tend to be energetically 'engineered' by gurus to be a 'hook' into us. Even if the words are benign; that's not the point. The guru actually imbues the mantra with her special intentions. Got anything else to burn in connection with those women? I had a bon-fire when I realized how enmeshed I had become with certain people. I threw in clothes, prayer shawls, jewelry, books...it just felt good to say good-bye! Plus, I received prayer to break off any soul ties with them.

In the meantime, do you have any mature Christian friends with whom to fellowship? ...besides us...well, I'm not *that* mature...

Peace to you!
Shasha

Not much time to respond to you or others right now, Shasha, as I am going to spend some time with some healty folks for the evening. Still working on building better community relations.

You are right, regarding the energies I became involved with. I've burned and or disposed of "everything" already.

I understand what you are saying regarding not spending too much time hashing things out, and yet, I feel it is important to go back over things to see just where we made mistakes, so as to not repeat history, but learn from it. To get clear about all that is not of me, but they and the delusions created as a result of my association with them.

This was helpful for me, Shasha, because, before, I was too afraid to even write it. Fear does not help. It is part of what they perpetuate/feed on. But my awareness was raised on the point of not writing or repeating mantras. I think I will go back and edit that out later.

Kristi

Hi Kristi,

I hear you that writing it out is a means of combatting the fear. And I recall you said that you felt you needed to protect them (which is common in abused children, as I'm sure you know). Calling them out into the light is therefore healing for you, I see. You're not RE-hashing as this story has not yet been told. I appreciate that. And, as I said, writing out fragmented pieces of our history is good for healing. Feeling heard about what is real, seeing deeper layers to the story, not carrying it alone-- all are enormously healing. I'm glad you can do that with us.

Please don't feel I'm criticizing you for what you wrote.

Hi Shasha,

I did take some of your earlier post in somewhat critically. I saw that moments afterward. Yet, it is even more helpful that you also came back to speak to it. So, thank you for that.

I have a lot of "bean sorting" to continue to do. Writing what I did helped me even in that, for some elements of what I shared are authentically me, such as the poem, which I wrote at a time before any of the mentioned persons came into my life. After having finished the writing, I felt more layers of deception and fear lift. So, yes, very healing!

Kristi

I was sitting for some early morning prayer and reflection. In some moments I reached for Gail's poem that was sitting on my bedside table since yesterday. As I came to the final few lines, I began weeping. A weeping which moved into a litany of prayer to Christ, for His guidance, for I have been so very lost. I reflected to Shasha's words regarding how my longer sharing above reflected great confusion (among other things) ... and I saw (felt/believe) that God used my sharing here to expose that as well, so that I might better see and begin to heal from it. It was not easy for me to write and share that, not just because of the fear issues (protecting, imagining repercussions, etc.), but also because it was exposing my vulnerabilities, my errors, my weaknesses, etc. And, so, I just wanted to come and take this moment to say how very thankful I am for Shalom Place, as that was also included in my tears...gratitude.

Kristi

Hi Kristi,

It just came to me last night that I was feeling protective of you when I made that caution statement about your writing. But I see how my comment would have felt critical--at some level. So thanks for your honesty.

Hi Shasha,

First, a funny... I'd read your note yesterday afternoon, prior to visiting with my analyst and then on to Bible Study. When I came out of the church and was driving home, feeling in a joyful spirit, I was considering your words regarding feeling "protective" of me, and I giggled (in light of my above long sharing), the comedian in me saying, "Oh, Bother, another Mother!" It was an affectionate thought!

I value your concern and your sharing with me does help me very much. Thank you. I also considered that you were expressing for me the same concern you had for yourself (and exercise for yourself) coming out of all that you did. Just want you to know that "I value you and what you share with me." Already, it has been of great help. And am feeling moved (encouraged) to comment more on some of the topics (re. False Gods) when the time is right.

Kristi
~
p.s. I knew I had to let the feeling of criticism go because it is not what Christ would want, not what He holds for me.