I am strongly compelled to post my Holy Spirit experience, as I am truly convinced that the only other individuals that have had activations on the levels that I have had, are mostly on this board. I sit next to them at Church, am friends with some of them, and the rest are in the world, yet I truly know from asking and seeking that the one�s that had it so profound are secretly living the Christian Mystic ways like myself.
Let�s cut to the chase. Mother always super spiritual growing up. Father an alcoholic who had to flee the country due to illegal activities when I was 13. That was so meant to be, and although access to God was always around me and in a sense I was itching for it, I chose the opposites of lusts, drugs, alcohol, illegal activities just like good ol� pops. I will say free will is a hell of a drug.
Fast forward to 25, when I�ve had enough of it all. Sick of the same mundane cycles of life. Finished school and read the majority of Eastern/Western religious views/philosophies and still sick of it all. Well I�ve always been considered an extremist by all since I take the biggest risks and lived for the moment, in a sense. Finally broke down, cried, said a prayer for God to show me the way. Next day a friend from High school, who I haven�t talked to for over 4 years, calls me out of the blue to see how I was doing and mentions he�s studying to be a pastor and if I would like to go to some churches he frequents. This was so obviously the answer to my prayer.
He spent over a year with me with weekly Bible studies, but Church I was never too big on and went every other week or so. I gave the blind faith thing a try and believed every bit of it, seeking the next level some-how believing that if I can take the Spiritual precepts just a little further, I can reach something. Yet it all seemed like a big children�s story that I always heard since I was young. It was hard to relate to it all but I did it. Then after 14 months of hard-core Bible study and fighting old ways came the water baptism. Yes I did get baptized as a baby, but this was recommended and I felt that it was right.
Well it was me and my, studying to be a pastor, buddy at 2:00am in lake Michigan the day before I had to fly out to New York for some work stuff. I understood the concept of what was happening completely, but when I came out of the water, it just seemed like nothing changed. Well IMGINE my surprise when 5 weeks later I wake up to this presence entering my body through the top of my head. It was as if I had died, yet was still there. A complete ego death, yet some of the ego still remained. It was like a trillion volts of electric liquid love. From that day on for three months I remained at this utterly amazing consciousness, and yet was completely shocked by it.
I called my pastor friend and other Christians, yet they didn�t know what I was talking about. I called different pastors and others to try to figure out what was going on and nobody could tell me. Finally after 3 days some-one put it together for me that it was the HOLY SPIRIT.
Now the follwing didn�t all happen the same day, but are all the experiences over the next 3 months. I ate like a handful of food a day and slept 2-3 hours a day. I knew 3-4 seconds before somebody was going to call or come over, I could literally see atoms, there were brilliant orbs of white light floating around me that I could see from the corners of my eyes and when I tried to focus in on them would disappear. I stepped outside of my apartment building to witness a giant thunderbird land on the opposite building, stare at me for 5 seconds, then take off in flight with its giant wing-span. The bird was at least 180-220 lbs. I could see this all pervading presence of God in all things. I sense different energies from different people. I had to reduce my trips to the outside world as I became to sensitive to different people/places. Outbursts of tears for no reason as well as praising God all day. I still to this day have these bouts of who am I? Why am I here? Where did I come from? This is all so weird? I am in awe of nature and everything else. I started getting this sound in my head like a constant white noise which gets louder if I drink tea, grape juice, or eat certain vegetables. The indwellings would happened twice a week while sleeping or meditating. Felt pulses of energy through-out my body and an annoying knot in my stomach and heart bursts. Once while meditating, this white light covered my eyes while they were closed, so I opened them and realized I could see through all solids. This freaked me out so I slowly grounded myself away from that and in a sense asked for it all to go away.
The strangest part of it all is that at times while meditating, this cold presence would come over me and I would literally get aroused and made love to me by my lower body thrusting forward over and over. My face would lock up in strange contortions as well while this was happening.
Well when I willed it all to go away, it did and I have been on a journey to go back to all those experiences and have deeper ones. I am since in love with Christ and am also in a Zen like state always in the Now. It does make things difficult when making plans because my old perception was that time goes by fast and sometimes slow, yet being in the present, it seems like time for everyone else around me is going by so super fast, but for me there is no such thing, it�s crazy. Nothing really bothers me anymore and all my pet peeves are dead to me. It�s hard to be able to enjoy stuff I once enjoyed because of the Zen like state, but I know how to function in and out of it. Lot�s of forgetfulness and spaced out allot.
Of course I�ve always been off and on of the mystical path, and now since everyone requires labels, mine is one of a Christian Mystic. Through the Spirit there are many secrets revealed in the Bible that only other individuals who have the Spirit will understand if you speak on them. It�s like a select group of decipherers. I�ve since gotten huge into alchemy, knowing firsthand that God�s presence pervades all things, everything has a soul or essence and some of these things can be extracted by God�s grace and used to heal others. I�ve gotten back on with my eastern studies only to find it solidifying my relationship to Christ on a deeper stronger level. My next mission is the complete annihilation of the ego.
Dominicus, thank you for taking the time to share your experience. I've only skimmed, as I'm pressed for time, but will read it over more carefully later.
I'm moving it to our "Transformative Experiences" forum, where I think it better fits. I hope you'll hear from others there as well.
Dominicus, it sounds like a powerful kundalini/Holy Spirit convergence, all right. There are several people on this board who've shared similar experiences; my own is not so dramatic as you describe, but I very much relate with what you call "zen-like states" and a few other things. The various psychic experiences you describe also come with this new state.
What I'm not clear about is how long ago this happened? How long have you been living in this new state of consciousness?
I�ve gotten back on with my eastern studies only to find it solidifying my relationship to Christ on a deeper stronger level. My next mission is the complete annihilation of the ego.
Who is the "my" that has this mission of "annihilating the ego?" Anyway, if you mean to say the self-seeking aspects of your consciousness, I understand. But I'm afraid we're rather permanently stuck with "I," which is the subjectivity of the spiritual Ego. Also, if I could make a suggestion, it would be that for this process to be directed by the Holy Spirit and not become more a matter of wondrous involvement with sideshows of all kinds, that you keep your focus on Jesus Christ. There is a difference between the Holy Spirit and the kundalini/psychic fireworks. The Spirit is about love, joy, peace, patience, etc. (Gal. 5), and has as its goal the integration of our human nature in Christ (theosis). Let love be your priority, and ask the Spirit's guidance concerning what you should be doing with your life. Let us know how it goes.
I stepped outside of my apartment building to witness a giant thunderbird land on the opposite building, stare at me for 5 seconds, then take off in flight with its giant wing-span. The bird was at least 180-220 lbs.
That�s surely worth a "wow!" I don�t know what else it means, but that�s one cool whatever-it-is that you had, Dominicus.
Hey guys thanks for the reply's. I'm glad to know there other Christian Mystics out there like me. I knew there was something beyond the dogmatic intellect they fed to everyobody in the pews. Anyway, Phil, what I'm going through now as opposed to before is the old ways creeping back in at times. Where-as before the Spirit, it was glimpses of the Spirit and of something more, good, pure. Now it's like the old me is trying to come back and this whole internal warfare. When I got the "Experience" my Ego, or the "I" functioning center of the realized self, completely melted away. The "I" ceased to exist, although in a slow manner that took about 7 days. It was that bliss of no "I" where I was on the edge of everything that exists that pushes me to regain those experiences and take it further/deeper.
It's been almost a year now that it all happened and I'm still trying to put my-new-self together from the utter shock of it all. I can't function the same is before as I have stated, the sensitivity level of people and places is off the scale. I wrestle with all these things daily and in a sense, have to put on masks and costumes to function in key aspects of life, i.e. mask of a son, friend, brother, worker, church goer, etc. But behind it all, there in a sense is nothing yet everything. It's such a shock that a small tiny fragment of me wishes it never happened cause ignorance was bliss. It's that tiny piece I want to kill off. That tiny piece is what is the remainder of the ego. It's like I know this. I also fail to distinguish the importnace of action and non-action. I know what I do matters, or does it? But to what extent if in a sense I don't care anymore.
The bottom line is that I'm in this transcended place in life where nothing really matters. Pure Zen. The only enjoyment I have is the Grace and Love of God, salvation, Christ, the Spriit and so forth. But I'm almost disgusted by the regular and at times, moments that used to be enjoyable of everyday life like weddings, restaurants, movies, music, women, friendship. It's just not there anymore.
But wait I take that back because since the "Experience" I tremendously enjoy nature, the sky, tree's, the wind and rain. It's all brand new to me. I stand in awe of it all like a child. When I was young I used to tell my parents about the Gnomes in the nearby forest, and my father was a realist, so he would explain to me about my imagination. In a sense he tricked me into believing that I was making it up, until later in life when I found about the Native Americans and their belief in Earth Spirits that are in charge of all four elements. I didn't think nothing of it at first until I found that the one's in charge of Earth were gnomes. Imagine my shock.
Well regardless, I'm just going off on tangents here which is the way my mind works since I got the Spirit. It is never a smooth train of thought, but like a burst of an infinitude of fragments. I seek to destroy the Ego because of my battle between God's will and my will. I know if I'm off track, something in life will put me back on the right one, but I feel like I don't have enough earth time to be falling off track. I want to be strictly in God's will and know it. It's like with Ego death, I can step into the pure will of God. I am the observer, but there are still decisions to make in this paradaxiol state of enlightenment.
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH I needed to get that out of my system. So glad I found you guys on here.
Welcome Dominicus to Shalom. Thanks for sharing your experience.
I relate to your experience of feeling dense energies of people. When I began to feel these subtle energies of people I didn't know what it was. Gradually through the guidance of Holy Spirit things became clear. What happened was kundalini, guided by Holy Spirit, cleanse our own dense energies. This is what we call purification process. Parallel to this process the more we surrender our false ego the more we tap the pure spirit of Christ. When we embody enough spirit of Christ we begin to sense dense energies in other people's soul. Encountering dense energies in people and places is really uncomfortable. It is unbearable sometimes. For me it was impossible to do ordinary things while I began to feel these dense energies. So, I obliged to quit my job. The more we surrender our false self and the more we become purified by Holy spirit the new Christ spirit grows in us begin to manifest outwardly through rejecting things the false self usually associated with. So, as you observed in your experience, it is natural to left many things behind. These include friends, family members and relationship. I know it is hard and painful but it is necessary.
Good to see you here again, Grace.
Dominicus, I (and a few others here) do understand the kinds of issues you're dealing with. In a nutshell, you've been "blown open," and your faculties of consciousness (thinking, feeling, imagining, memory) no longer converge on self-image/concept as before. The small "I" or "mental Ego," if you will, seems to be no longer around, and the affectivity and intentionality that once gave you a sense of self is gone as well. Small wonder people describe this as "no-self" or something like that. In comparison to what you once knew as "me," this totally new.
Stop and take inventory, however . . . everything is still there. Check them off: reason, freedom, memory, feeling, imagination, self-image -- all present and accounted for. It's just that the way they were "bundled" and integrated in the womb of self-image has changed. Now they wait to serve a higher self, what I call the metaphysical self, or spiritual ego. This is still the "I" of the human spirit, only it is born into the world of spirit and has lost its anchor/moorings in self-image.
- see http://shalomplace.com/res/ground.html
That's the way I understand this transformation from my own experience and from what many others have shared with me through the years.
So you note: I seek to destroy the Ego because of my battle between God's will and my will. I know if I'm off track, something in life will put me back on the right one, but I feel like I don't have enough earth time to be falling off track. I want to be strictly in God's will and know it.
OK, understood. There's still a "something" that seeks to "go back" or to oppose God's will. That's what we call the "false self" conditioning on this site, and we have a few threads where we discuss it in great detail. It's not a real self, but something of a psych-spiritual virus inflicting the Ego and the unconscious. So the thing to focus on is no destroying it, but of "doing God's will," which is how it is stripped of power. And the way to do this is by using the reason and freedom you still do possess to love. Also, by rooting your new identity in Christ, you find an alternative foundation to self-image. Etc. etc. Does this all make sense?
Dominicous, as Phil pointed out correctly we can't annihilate the false self by ourselves which is false self in another word. What I understand in my transformative experience is exclusive focus on Christ helps tremendously. When the purification process going on many hiddden stuffs surfaced. When this happened it is important that we just release whatever comes on the surface. The Holy Spirit fixes it. Remember the one who react and want to do something is false self. If we give it power indirectly we create obstacle to the ongoing purification process. The process of purification is threatening to the false self. So, it always tries to regain its power. This is why it is important to focus exclusively on Christ. Listening Christian based music, reading Bible and prayer helps a lot to focus our attention on Christ. Know that whatever you see/feel on the surface the mystical experience you are in is Grace by itself. Much love and blessing to you.
You might want to hold off on the tea and other fluids that created the white noise. You definitely don't want too much white noise in your daily routine.
Some years ago I attended the ordination of two priests. After recieving the Eucharist I went back to my pew and kneeled in prayer, with the blessed Host still on my tongue. In prayer I confessed a sin I had been struggling with to God. Miraculously, I felt God's forgiveness wash over me from head to foot. Then I cried out to the Lord, something like this, "Jesus come to me, I need you!" Then, looking up, I saw with my own eyes, Jesus in the form of a ghost, a Holy Ghost, descend down to me from above, gently like a bird would light on the head of a statue, and enter into me without hesitation!
Then I asked Him, "but what about my sin? You know I'm weak" to which God, to my amazement, replied from within me, "it's OK, I will help you"(with overcoming it). And the next time I was tempted by that sin, He did!!!
When I share that testimony with other believers I am usually met with looks of disbelief. A vision of Jesus in the form of a Ghost, even a warm friendly one like the One who visted me, does not seem likely I guess, and the vision of a ghost entering into someone is not a good vision.
This can be proven by the following english renderings from Mark 1:10. I will give a few examples:
"He saw the heavens opened, and the Spirit as a dove descending, and remaining on Him." Douay-Rheims
"He saw an opening in the sky, and the Spirit like a dove coming down to Him." Weymouth
"He saw the heavens parting, and the Spirit descending on Him like a dove." Word English
Almost all English Bibles translate the original Greek word "eis", pronounced "ice" in the above verse to be "onto" or "on" to make the readers vision a pleasant one, but the Greek word "eis" infers penetration. Jesus did not send us His Spirit to sit on us and remain only "on" us, He sent him to enter into us and dwell within us. In Romans 5:5 Paul writes that "God poured His Spirit into our hearts" and in John, Jesus tells us in many different ways that the Holy Spirit is God dwelling "in" us.
God's revelation also explains why His Word tells us that the Holy Spirit comes down like a dove. He came down very lovingly and gently like you can immagine a tame dove would light on your shoulder. But, as soon as he got to me, he immediately entered into me head first. One other thing, he was the size of a fairly small adult male human being, much larger than a dove. I am a typical caucasian man in size, but the average Israelite man back in Jesus' day was quite small in comparison.
HerbThis message has been edited. Last edited by: herb,
I believe you, Herb. It doesn't always happen like this -- sometimes more subtle, and with no imagery -- but the Spirit can manifest in whatever way the believer needs.
Thanks for sharing your experience. I hope it helps others to be more open to the Spirit.
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