Grace,

I believe that many are longing for the type of experiences and energies which are being expressed through you. It's a JOY getting to know you better.
Please continue. Your experience seems illuminative,
and alot of my experience is along the "dark path"
as some have described Thomas Merton's mysticism.
Personnally, I need Joy-full people around me as much as possible. Thank you!

The purification process dramatically changed its course when k suddenly removed from my body. Now we arrived in a totally different and new situation. The work of k is now history instead the commando is taken by Christ himself and the journey of the soul toward Trinity accelerated. At this level we are not talking about the psycological feelings. At this level the challenge of the soul is to encounter Satan. Since the commando is taken by Christ the only Person who can defeat the power of Satan is Christ. In the mean time soul tested if she has strong enough faith in Christ. Based upon this Faith Christ continue to battle with Satan claiming his properity until the entire nature of soul is merged with Him.

Okay, Grace, there�s certainly a Wagnerian quality to the epic struggle that you are undergoing that I can relate to. I certainly know what it�s like to have one�s insides feel like a battleground between good and evil or between whatever forces are arranged.

The part of your story that caught my eye earlier is when you mentioned that it was painful to you to be around people who weren�t at peace�or something to that affect. That�s obviously not a very stable place to be but I think it�s a necessary one. We need to take refuge from time to time to gain our bearings. We need to remove ourselves, as best we can, from sources of corruption or upset. And then, I think, we will eventually move to a place or an understanding that what is corrupting or upsetting ultimately comes from within. Goodness knows I know how to take a perfectly peaceful situation and, through my mind, shoot it all to hell, so to speak, with thoughts of envy, worry, need, whatever.

Good luck as you progress through your own personal battles. Life, at times, seems as though it SHOULD be a grand Wagnerian opera with great forces aligned against each other. Those are times we might feel most alive and vital and undergoing, perhaps, the type of change that is needed. We�re all of such different personality types that it can be hard to draw any firm conclusions, but I like to think that we truly began to discover life, its meaning and have begin to relate to it correctly when we leave those grand battles behind and begin to live more even keel; when our ups are not so up and our downs are not so down. When our greatest joys can be mightily exuberant and yet we smile at this passing exuberance (it will never stay for long) and gain pleasure and comfort from the relative quiet that is our baseline between the pleasures and pains. But then, some people are cut out for playing great roles on a great stage with great meaning. That may be you. But whatever your role is, there is always the need for the quiet or else, I think, our passions consume us instead of revitalize us.

Good luck with your battle.

The part of your story that caught my eye earlier is when you mentioned that it was painful to you to be around people who weren�t at peace�or something to that affect.

Brad, I didn't say it is painful to be around people who aren't at peace. What I said is it feels uncomfortable to be with people with negative energies (some people called it denser energies). Brad, when my kundalini awakened suddenly I began to feel the subtle energy of people. You know we all are surrounded by subtle energies. It is the vibration of that subtle energy which manifest in our physical world. To come to your point, some peoples subtle energy is very dense depended upon their perception, feelings, thoughts, life style etc. For instance, those who are very stressed in their life they have this negative energy. So, it is this subtle energy which disturbed me when I feel it. Important to remember is that this negative energy of people doesn't indicate if the person behind is evil or not. It s only the reflection of their current state. They can be very friendly, kind although they have this negative energy. If evil energy is in the presence of the person that is another thing. In such a case not only I'm disturbed I can't even stand in proximty of that person. On the other hand if I meet deeply religious people (it has nothing to do with the involvement of religious organisation) I can feel belongness. Unfortunately, it is very rarely I encounter this type of people. Anyway, this is the state of my current situation. I believe this feeling of uncomfortabilty will gradually diminish. It seems it has to with the degree of intergrating Christ in my being.

You closed your post with Good Luck, I know you wrote it sincerly.. Thank you! However, I want to point out something here. Winning the spiritual battle has nothing to do with luck. What is needed is Faith, determination, commitiment and accept whatever comes in this journey. But the greatest of all of them is Faith. Faith is the ground where Christ walk.

Brad, I didn't say it is painful to be around people who aren't at peace. What I said is it feels uncomfortable to be with people with negative energies (some people called it denser energies).

I gotcha. I should have re-read your post. I scanned for that passage but gave up too soon! I think you did a wonderful job describing that fascinating phenomenon.

You closed your post with Good Luck, I know you wrote it sincerly.. Thank you! However, I want to point out something here. Winning the spiritual battle has nothing to do with luck. What is needed is Faith, determination, commitiment and accept whatever comes in this journey. But the greatest of all of them is Faith. Faith is the ground where Christ walk.

Good point, Grace. Therefore I will offer you best wishes for the process that does not rely on wishes at all. Although perhaps I can't relate to all of what you're undergoing, I do think, particularly because of your ability to sincerely describe what you are undergoing, that it will be of benefit to many if you continue to describe your progress. Getting feedback is always difficult, because as Phil already described, internet forums usually contain more listeners than relaters. But you can be sure that there are listeners.

Becoming increasingly sensitive is a problem for me.
I sometimes feel that I may be doing it wrong since
some eastern teachers have said that you reach a point where you realize that everything is as it should be and other people's suffering no longer touches you. This has not been my experience and I have been given the "gift of tears."

I guess Jesus had the same problem, so I'm in good company.

caritas,

mm <*))))))><

Thank you for your inputs. All of you who aired your opinions here have one thing in common. You asked me to continue write. Ok, as long as there are people who sincerly follow the process and hopefully gain some benefit from it there is no reason to stop writing.

I will continue to share my experience with you. Since my experience has a mystical character it will serve us best if your feedbacks follow my writings. Don't hesitate to put your comments, questions or whatever you have in your mind. The very reason why I need your feedbacks is because of its potentiality to enrich and clarify the mystical experience. A good example is the exchange I had with Brad above.

Grace--

I just wanted to chime in here...and thank you for posting your awakening experiences. They contain within them a tangible sense of Mary's Grace. And that's the only reason I come to this board. For myself, your presence here is pivotal:-)

Kind Regards,

ag

mysticalmicheal, I understand your sensitivity. I feel such compassion for people these days that it hurts. But I also feel that everything is as it should be at the same time. I used to feel that the universe is broken but it is not. Pain and suffering have their purposes. There is something about it that cause another person to feel compassion. You could not feel compassion if there was no suffering.

I am not saying pain and suffering are a good thing only that they serve a purpose. The moment you wish to end pain and suffering is the moment you open up your heart to goodness.

Dear Grace--

Ha. I can understand this, but probably not from the awakened perspective, which must heighten it a great deal:

"Brad, I didn't say it is painful to be around people who aren't at peace. What I said is it feels uncomfortable to be with people with negative energies (some people called it denser energies). Brad, when my kundalini awakened suddenly I began to feel the subtle energy of people. You know we all are surrounded by subtle energies. It is the vibration of that subtle energy which manifest in our physical world. To come to your point, some peoples subtle energy is very dense depended upon their perception, feelings, thoughts, life style etc. For instance, those who are very stressed in their life they have this negative energy."

Yes, I agree with what you have said here, although I think it has more to do with a combination of my natural disposition and infusions from above the head. So I hope, it's alright, not to suggest I have any understanding of your experience of other peoples energy, but at least to suggest that I know where you are coming from. I could hardly go to class this semester a) because I was slightly unbalanced b) because I would feel the currents of other people, as though other people were not solid objects, but fluid and interpenetating my own being. Since I have no image to look to, I simply accepted all these forces--but such a stance becomes confounding at times, so one, I think, learns how to differentiate others movements, moods from their own. Finally, I find being in the world a strengthens ones defences, so one doesn;t simply seek to escape into a higher world. But to lovingly accept these energies and to not feel that one is somehow above others. Then, the world doesn't seem so far apart from oneself and prayer becomes more spontaneous, rather than: oh that's dense etc. so I'll reject it. I'm not contesting your point of view, Grace; I suppose I simply felt the self indulgent need to express mine in light of your discussion with Brad etc.

Please pray for me, if you feel moved to.

Kindest Regards,

Asher

Asher I am sure that prayers will find you from many people.

I was wondering , Grace if you think that the kundalanni process needs to happen first in order to purify the emotional body ready to experience the holy spirit more fully?

I also once ecperienced what you may be referring to negative energy, I was talking to someone and I felt as if something heavy like treacle had seeped from him and was moving towards me. The experience left me witha sense of darkness and confusion. What os the best way tor emain compassionate but somehow have a centredness that means that these things do not overwhelm you?

any thoughts, sharings appreciated.

Greetings, rachel!

Since God is light and no darkness is found in him,
John, Chapter one, I believe that the darkness may be easy for God to rise above, but more difficult for mere mortals. There is for some more, and some less, an encounter with one's own shadow.

shadowboxers.org

Hi Rachel!
In my understanding kundalini per se is biological. It can be awakened without holy spirit but when it awakened by holy spirit the difference is markant. Kundalini can be harmful if it is not guided approprietly and the only appropriate way is Holy Spirit.

Re negative energy, When once awareness expand one becomes aware of subtle energies. The subtle enrgy of human being reflects their current state. Let say if the person is stressed and deapressed it is more likely that you experience that energy negatively. By the same token if the persons subtle energy is clear it is more likely that you experience the energy as positive (means you feel belongness and have a sense of peace).

I love to read everyone's experiences and beliefs. Mine are expanded in your sharing. However, by the time I get done reading, I do not take the time to answer when sometimes I am bursting with sharing. Our life experiences are so different. I love it here where everyone's experiences are honored and respected. It is safe to share. And so many of us are expanded. Thank you all!

Fierce battle with Satan and Ahriman

In four weeks time beginning From April 7 until May 10, 2005 I have been in fierce battle with dark energies. Intensively without break the whole day and night (may be 2-3 hrs for sleep) there has been fierce battle among the Christ energy, which want to integrate fully in me, and these dark energies. I have encountered two types of enemies in these four long weeks. The first one is the one we usually called Satan or dark energy and the other is totally another type of evil energy. I will borrow Solomae�s word to name this evil energy. She called this evil energy Ahriman. To differentiate these two evil energies I will call the first dark energy Satan and the second evil energy Ahriman in this post.

It all started around my computer. For a couple of weeks ago I felt something uncomfortable on the left corner of my computer. This feeling of uncomfortable ness increased and lastly I began to feel the presence of dark energies. They were circulated like dark smoke around the corner. Thereafter I thought that they don�t like my communication with outer world through my computer. So, when the Christ inside me started to clear them I found them everywhere and lastly I obliged to isolate me in one room. In the room I was standing in front of the Cross of Christ and he works intensively to clear these energies. In the mean time I observed the whole living room was occupied by these energies and it was impossible to enter in that room.

On the second day after I visited the washing room the Holy Spirit began doing something to the energies in the living room. I was standing about 2 meters from the living room. At that moment some of these dark energies entered in my body through my left foot. They made some dark trace on my foot. When the right foot pushed the infected one the dark traces changed their colour to white. The fingers of my left foot looked like as if they immersed in white powder. It is really disgusting to observe it. Anyway to clear these dark energies took more than two days. Now in retrospect I can�t call it clearing. It seems Christ allowed that small part of dark energies entered in my body to facilitate/deepen the integration process. It was after their entrance to my body that the real encounter with the enemy occurred. Almost face to face. As I mentioned earlier around my computer accumulated strong �battalion� of these dark energies.

I felt Christ in my body how he was prepared me to meet the biggest all of them in the living room. Little by little he guided me to enter to the room. I touched the carpet of the living room very slowly. All the time I followed only my intuition. Gradually I entered in the living room in triumph by crushing the enemy. I saw these evil energies how they desperately tried to hide from the power of almighty inside me. Christ filled the room by his energy and the dark energies pulled towards me. The energy of Christ is like magnet to the opposite energies. When they pulled towards me automatically they crushed by the energy of Christ. Pulling towards me those energies is a means to dig them out from the place they are hiding. There were numerous confrontations with Satan and his forces. The intensity of the forces which oppose the Christ cannot be understated. It is nearly beyond the level of human endurance.

The Battle with Satan lasted in 10 days. Direct after Satan was defeated I encountered another enemy. This second type of enemy, Ahriman, had distinctly different qualities than Satan. Ahriman is much more powerful and acted altogether differently than the Satan. The Ahrimanic energies cannot be overcome as easily as the Satan. Ahriman is parasitic, manipulative, evil, vile and ruthless. The attack is beyond imagination. It was a great surprise for me that such evil being control our world by infiltrating the astral plane and manipulate human beings mind. Their main enemy is Christ and everybody who follows Christ intently is their target. Since their manipulation mechanism is very sophisticated it is very rare that they attack directly.

During the time when I was under attack I observed two different forces. The first force attack and the second force defend and purify. I took for grant the defender force is Christ and I simply followed when he defends and purify. The problem was during purification the first force can easily infiltirate and tried to look like Christ. In vision they appeared as Christ with fool of light surrounded by angels. Believing what I saw was Christ I looked at it. In actuality it was the forces of Ahriman who tried to fool me. To some extent they were successful, because when I looked the vision I gave themn full access to my spiritual body and they have done big damage in my astral body. I feel the damage in my physical body the day after. After this period I decided the following things. I have to surrender to Christ. The instinct reaction of defense mechanism must be stopped. I have to rely on Christ. I have to show my full faith to Christ in this difficult time. The whole idea of this attack was to surrender the remaining part of my ego. The attack changed character after I decided to surrender. They flew in front of me freely without my reaction and in the face of enemy I pray, pray with tears streaming through my cheeks. The degree of their attack is totally incomprehensible. This harsh and difficult time lasted for 3-4 days. During this time I had no sleep, because during sleeping time I couldn�t close my eyes. If I try to close my eyes they attack fierce fully. I couldn�t eat because they poison my food. After these four days the attack decreased as the same time I intensified my time of prayer. What I was doing was reading books on mystics, listening Christian based music, attend Church and Mass as much as I can.

The battle with Ahriman is the longest. It took four weeks. Relatively I�m in a very peaceful situation today. The Ahriman is still lurking around but they are not harmful. Not because they change character but I�m fully focused in Christ and Christ provided his Grace. I feel I�m more integrated to Christ than ever before.

Lesson learned
The lesson we can deduct from this experience are:
1. Satan is real. It is not allegoric as many people assumed. The description of Satan stated in Scripture is literally true.
2. Everyone in the spiritual journey who devoted to Christ will meet Satan. As I understood our lowest nature which are the first lowest four chakras are associated with Satan. Defeating Satan means overcoming the temptation associated with these lower energies.
3. Satan and Ahriman are two opposing forces. In those religions that don�t focus on Christ Satan is defeated by Ahriman and Ahriman took over. But if we follow Christ intently both enemies fall down one by one.
4. The Ahrimanic energy has a veiling effect that is used to cut us from our source of light. It is not possible to feel this veil until one has a very high level of integration with Christ. Only then, once the possibility of deception is no longer possible, do these Ahrimanic beings reveal themselves through direct attack like they do wth me. Ahriman can appear like any holy angels. They appeared to me with big wings with star-like lights. It looks like light but underneath it is dark. By infiltrating our astral body they can gain to our mental body and control it. If someone is under their control there is no any way to know that the person is under the influence of Ahriman. Only Christ can detect them. Ahriman manipulate every humanbeing through infiltirating our astral body. The chaotic world we see is mainly the work of Ahriman. The person who is manipulated by this forces has no any clue that they are under evil power because Ahriman can appear as spiritual being. The division among Christians is the work of Ahriman.
5. As he himself stated Christ is the only path to God.

The Ahrimanic energies cannot be overcome as easily as the Satan. Ahriman is parasitic, manipulative, evil, vile and ruthless. The attack is beyond imagination. It was a great surprise for me that such evil being control our world by infiltrating the astral plane and manipulate human beings mind. Their main enemy is Christ and everybody who follows Christ intently is their target. Since their manipulation mechanism is very sophisticated it is very rare that they attack directly..

I�m familiar with those energies, and although I�ll grant you the possibility of these energies perhaps ultimately emanate from some more impersonal or "out there" force, you might be surprised (or maybe not) to find out that many of those energies have more earthly origins and faces as well, such as people in our lives, past or present. Think about what things, Grace, you might not be facing that instead are being played out (and I would say helpfully so) in the more abstract realm of Christ vs. dark forces. I think when a little more safe room is perhaps carved out by Christ in order to give you some room, you might find this is so.

I have to surrender to Christ. The instinct reaction of defense mechanism must be stopped. I have to rely on Christ. I have to show my full faith to Christ in this difficult time. The whole idea of this attack was to surrender the remaining part of my ego.

Perhaps you need to do that, and in doing so you also gain back a part of yourself that has long been dominated by something else. I would keep my eye on the end prize as well, at least that end prize that relates to our time here on earth, in that we are all unique human beings who are put on this earth as individuals for a reason, and that reason is to BE us. I would view Christ as a shield and insulation and guidance for the purpose of allowing the wonderful Grace that is you to unfold. But for some of us to unfold a great deal of pressure and internal "yuck" has to be dealt with first. Seeing it in terms of Christ vs. dark forces is, I think, ultimately correct, but it is the coarse-grained view. A finer grained view will likely take you into dealing with some more personal issues that relate directly to you. And the purpose of this will be to bring you from understanding your place is this vast battle between dark and light to a finer understanding of your place within yourself and as you relate to other people and nature.

All my best to you.

Grace, I hope you're seeing a good spiritual director through these times. It sounds like you've been through a really tough time -- shades of St. Anthony of the Desert, who would be a good touchpoint for you. And if the net result is a deeper surrender to Christ, then all shall indeed be well.

There's some good, solid wisdom in Brad's feedback as well. Without in any way denying the existence of realms of darkness inhabited by fallen beings, I do believe the alienated parts of our own being can themselves seem to be such as well. Again, spiritual direction can help to sort out some of this, as the way we respond to evil spirit is different from the way we deal with our own stuff.

Keep us posted on how things go, and be assured of my prayers for you.

Hi Grace,

This is my first post here. I'm impressed and moved by the accounts of your experiences.

I do not pretend to fully understand them. And that reminds me of the difficult question of just what role of understanding has in such matters.

For myself, I am well aware of how important it can be not to rely on my own concepts. I am a big fan of The Cloud of Unknowing. For that author, writing in the 14th century, our modern word "concept" was spelled, c-o-n-c-e-i-t. Not knowing, not resting in fixed concepts, can be a crucially important element of spiritual honesty, existential humility, and intimacy with what is most fundamenatlly real.

On the other hand, we must also somehow trust what our heart of faith most sincerely feels and knows. Even while not resting in "conceits," we must allow ourselves to connect with and respond from the simple core of what we most essentially are.

Fostering that connection with what is most fundamentally real seems to me the highest calling there is. And there seem to be many modes for cultivating, experiencing, and expressing that.

It is interesting to me, for example, to notice that there is what, for like of a more precise term, I would call a Shamanistic quality to the accounts of your experiences. You are immersed in a relational space wherein elemental forces are met with as external, literally existent entities that produce physical, bodily effects. With what I intend as highest respect and affection, I will tell you that that quality brings to my mind your Eritrean cultural ancestry.

It is also with respect and affection that I note that some of the feedback you have received from others in the postings here bring to my mind the Northern European cultural language of Western psychology. While you are describing a community of forces you experience as literally existent and outside yourself, some comments here have suggested the possibility that they are parts of your own individual, inner psyche.

To try to argue about this "contradiction" - whether the things you are experiencing are outside and communal or inside and individual - I personally think would be largely beside the point. It is clear that something powerful, important, and profoundly meaningful is happening for you.

It is also clear that your heart (will, intent, love) is sincerely directed toward the truth. I very much get that feeling from those who have posted here, as well - that they wish you well from their hearts.

I will save for other posts my further thoughts on the nature of spiritual expression and its relationship to actual experience. Instead, I would like to ask you what you feel would be helpful from us.

wishing you well,

~ Dave

Welcome bhodidave,

Looking forward to discussion. It seems that I have
a leaning toward the apophatic such as The Cloud and
Zen and Tao, and the feedback I get around here is that I lean too much in that direction, so it will be interesting to see what you have to say...

Grace,

Hope you stick around here, as spiritual warfare is a daily concern in my world.

caritas,

mm <*)))))><

...you might be surprised (or maybe not) to find out that many of those energies have more earthly origins and faces as well.

Brad, first I would like to say thank you for your comments. The origin of Satan and Ahriman is not earthly. They are fallen angels. They exist in the realm of spiritual world. Their aim is to cut off humanity from God. So, they need acess to physical world and therfore they penetrate through the mind of humanity.

Think about what things, Grace, you might not be facing that instead are being played out (and I would say helpfully so) in the more abstract realm of Christ vs. dark forces.

I understand what you want to say. I think we have to understand how these forces, Satan and Ahriman, works. Most people are guided by we call in Christinaity False self without knowing that they are under False self. This gives rise to to the impulses which dominate the lower nature of man. These lower impulses have to do with what you call personal issues such as physical survival, personal gain, lust, greed, self-protection etc. When we begin to to move in an upward spiritual direction, we feel an inner pull from these lower impulses. We call this pull Satan. Overcoming the temptation of Satan is an inner process which relies on our center of will. Until one becomes purified, the temptation of Satan is always present. When the inner knowing within us becomes stronger than the ilussion outside of us, the lower impulses are neutralized through an energetic process of purification. Undr the purification process the more Satan pulls down ,the more we strive to move up. The down ward pull provides the momentium that propels us down ward until the two opposites become one. When this poccurs we will have ascended to the peak of kundalini process. After this ascension the Satan energies within our individual conciousness become purified. But Satan still exists within the collective consciousness of humanity. At this level Satan and Ahriman attack directly. So, it is this collective forces of Satan and Ahriman that I encountered and summarized in my previous post. It is possible to overcome the lower impulses without Christ. That is why some people following East religions attain Enlightemnet without focusing on Christ. If we continue to not be Christ orieanted on this level we will experience peace and we wrongly believe it is the end of the journey. But if we are Christ orianted it is inevitable to encounter Satan and Ahriman directly at this level. So, it is important to remember that the oppostite poles Satan on the one hand and Ahriman on the other hand can only be overcoming through the third force which is Christ.

..................................................

Grace, I hope you're seeing a good spiritual director through these times.

Phil, thank you for your consideration. I have contacted three spiritual directors. Two of them live in my area and the third one is you. Stick on Christ is the advise of the priests and be straight with the Church is yours. I really appreciate all of your advices. It really works. Faith and commitiment to Christ and his Church has been very crucial element of my spiritual growth in these difficult times. Saying that I would like to say excessive dependent on spiritual director has negative effect. Because the drive force behind excessive dependant on spiritual director is fear.

..................................................

I would like to ask you what you feel would be helpful from us.

Wellcome Dave. I'm very thank ful for your kind words. It is nice to hear that my experience touches you. To come back to your question, the reason why I'm sharing my experience in this open forum is hoping that some readers can be influenced by my experience and I wish as well to rekindle some light in the their heart. It would have been helpful if people will share their reflection on my writings like you did. Because I believe it nourishes the experience I have and I will have good understanding how people take my words. Any misunderstanding can only be corrected if we exchange our views. So, I recommend and encourage to all of you who are interesting in my writings to input your words. Thanks again.

..................................................

Mike, I will be here as usual.

That's an interesting and I would say well-developed scenario, Grace. It's one I haven't heard of�at least put in those specific terms. And while I do believe in a false self (or what I might prefer to think of as a protective-mask self�one layer removed from a true self but nonetheless reflective of the true self), in our rush or movement for healing I wonder if we don't discard pieces of "false self" that are simply parts of our unloved or unaccepted self�or even immature self. My bias is towards seeing evil as the absence of good rather than as a separate and active "Satan" force or thing. I can also see evil as a terribly misguided, but passionate, striving for some kind meaning and purpose. But as is so often the case, we miss the subtle and good things sitting right in front of us.

I don't think I see the world in terms of lower impulses such as, as you mentioned, physical survival, personal gain, lust, greed, and self-protection. I think we are in danger of throwing the baby out with the bathwater if we do. If we are created creatures in god's image and meant for good, than physical survival seems hardly a lower impulse. I think many of these so-called lower impulses are just immature impulses or impulses that haven't received a proper orientation towards love. Take greed or personal gain, for example. Both impulses motivate us to be interactive and creative in the world. But why see these various impulses as low at all? Why not assume that the various impulses start out as pure, "high" impulses (love vs. lust, etc.) and are somehow degraded?

I guess, for whatever reason, I prefer a different working model of creation where it doesn't all sort of sound as if our lives are part of this big, Wagnerian opera with huge above-us forces playing things out, although I'm willing admit your scenario might be truer and might work best for you. But it seems to me that the love is in the subtle, in finding the space in between such large cosmic or even personal conflicts. The only way I'm making any kind of progress, for instance, is by beginning to wage peace with myself. I've battled long enough and any battle I ever won never turned out to lead to nothing but more battles.

Anyway, thanks for sharing your perspective. I've certainly gotten some ideas and understanding out of it. And I wish you the best on your journey.

My bias is towards seeing evil as the absence of good rather than as a separate and active "Satan" force or thing.

I don't think this is an either/or situation, Brad. Classical Christian teaching holds that Satan was once good -- a very high angel, or pure spiritual being, if you prefer-- but through rebellion against God became perverted and wicked.

I've experienced these vile demonic forces at times, and they do have a very different feel about them than our own human darkness. That's one reason why I think it's important to try to distinguish between them, as the way one deals with evil spirits is different from the way one deals with one's own inner brokenness. The latter can feel very strange and hostile, and can even show up in dreams under the guise of abhorrent symbols. We can even "externalize" our shadow side through projection and encounter it through visions and hallucinations. So it's pretty tricky business, and the possibilities for self-deception are almost limitless. That's why I recommend a good spiritual director for helping to sort out these matters.

- - -

Grace, hang in there. You seem to have your wits about you, but there is much about what you describe that seems strange to me. This whole thing about Ahriman, for example . . . It's odd that not one single Christian saint or mystic has ever come upon this or written of it. Satan is considered to have been a very high archangel -- right up there with Michael, Gabriel and Raphael in some of the mythologies. Ahriman, OTOH, was the evil spirit spoken of in Zoroastrianism -- sort of a negative counterpart to Ahura Mazda, the spirit of goodness.

I note you referred to Salomae's work. Although I posted a reference to her site on the kundalini forum, I'm not especially impressed with her work. For one thing, she draws heavily from gnostic sources originating in the 19th C., and she seems to consider these authentic early Christian writings. She's one of the few who distinguishes kundalini from the Holy Spirit, but there's a lot of occultish and New Age junk in her analysis that stands at odds with orthodox, classical Christian thinking.

Beware the power of suggestion in all of this, Grace. I say this not to contradict your own analyses of your situation, but to merely recognize that the K process powerfully amplifies thoughts and images. It certainly is possible that you're wrestling with the demonic, as you say, but the Church has always advised great caution in reaching that kind of conclusion.

Keep us posted on your progress, and be assured of my prayers.

I think many of these so-called lower impulses are just immature impulses or impulses that haven't received a proper orientation towards love. Take greed or personal gain, for example. Both impulses motivate us to be interactive and creative in the world. But why see these various impulses as low at all? Why not assume that the various impulses start out as pure, "high" impulses (love vs. lust, etc.) and are somehow degraded?

Brad, I agree with the above statement of yours which says the lower impulses are the immature impulses. That immatureness stems from from external force, Ahriman, who is trying to suppress us through its veiling system. For one who is under the veil of Ahriman, the lower impulses of human is seen as good and high as you mentioned. Once we begin to question this illusion (the illusion is that we treat those low impulses as high and pure)we begin the journey of inner knowing of oneness. When we are in the midst of dealing with our lower natures, Satan feels to be the opposite of God. It is the illusion of seperation that pulls us downward and it is the inner knowing of oneness that pulls us upward. When we pulls upward what once felt to be in opposition to the spiritual process is seen to be another part of the same continuum. It is through the striving for purity that we flush out our lower natures, exposing the darkest part of ourselves.

The only way I'm making any kind of progress, for instance, is by beginning to wage peace with myself. I've battled long enough and any battle I ever won never turned out to lead to nothing but more battles.

When you start to wage peace with yourself indirectly you are in the process of inner knowing of oneness. Did you ask why your battle leads you to more battles? It seems that you are experiencing the pendulum swings of the opposite poles mentioned above. What is needed is balance, and that balance is only created by Christ. The integration/balance can't occur if we hold the misperception pf duality. If our focus is always on the two extreme poles we will experience an endless battle. The integration/balance we are striving after can only come about by adding a third element, the Christ energy, which then creates the bridge between the physical and non-physical realms.

Phil, thank you again for your thoughtful advise. I really appreciate it.

I refer Solomae because I found many similarity in her description of evil energies. She has clearly stated in her book that she is against New age stuffs. The similarity I found in her work touches the experience I had with evil energies. The evil power I encountered at the beginning of April has markant differnce than the one I encounterd in May. That is why I inclined to see them as Satan and Ahriman. The vocabulary I use is not important. The important thing is the experience.

Regarding our Saints and mystics. In the whole process of my spiritual journey they have been my source of wisdom. I was/is influenced by their works. I�m more Church going person than a year ago when my kundalini awakened. Thanks to this process I can see the deep meaning of the Catholic Church. I believe every mystic had had some kind of experience with Satan. Regardless what they call this evil energy I continue to see similarity. One thing I observed in the aftermath of the attack is I began to pray kataphatically which was very rare prior to this experience. I�m very glad that I experience kataphatic prayer. It feels very good to combine both kataphatic and apophatic.

The enemy of the Christian is the world, the flesh and the devil.

Christ has overcome the world. If I remain close to Him, I share his Power over it.

I am but dust, but my Lord overcame the flesh, and if I remain close to Him, I share in his overcoming Power and Grace and Love.

For reasons unknown, the devil is allowed to exist. There is no way for him to survive otherwise, having no Power of his own.

Evil cannot create, it can only pervert.

Evil has no Power, it must feed off Power indirectly, convincing God's creatures to reliquish it. Vampirism, plain and simple.

You know what always happens to vampires, they turn to dust when seen for what they are.

The bible says we will all be amazed when we see
the devil in the end. "Is this the man?" , we will ask. He's probably not what we might expect...

demonology.com

So it's pretty tricky business�

Agreed. Thanks for your perspective on things, Phil.

That immatureness stems from from external force, Ahriman, who is trying to suppress us through its veiling system. For one who is under the veil of Ahriman, the lower impulses of human is seen as good and high as you mentioned. Once we begin to question this illusion (the illusion is that we treat those low impulses as high and pure)we begin the journey of inner knowing of oneness.

Fair enough, Grace. I sort of have my own working model to explain things. I doubt any of them are perfect fits with reality, but sometimes it's the best one can do under the circumstances.