Dear Brad, the thoughts that come to me as I read your post this morning and feel your Love, kindness and humor melt away frozen fears and insecurities in my heart...

As I allow the tears to flow and let your tender and thoughtful encouraging words envelop what feels like a very little "me" inside....

(At this point, I feel a real need to say something profound)...but to my embarassment, my mind virtually stops And this is usually the point that I just delete and set about other tasks. But for the Love of Love, I think I'll just send this and hope you can understand what I'm trying to say.

Pauline, From your post, I think you think I'm a brother, but, I'm a sista like you. And while I'm here, I'll just say that you too have helped me so much. I particularly like what you call "noticing". During intense moments during the day, when strong emotions are arising, it helps me detach to just say, "Okay, I'm noticing that I feel or think, etc."

The short of it all, is that Shalom place has become my spiritual community, a reservoir of wisdom and a sanctuary for my lost soul to rest. My long and wearisome spiritual journey has left me feeling pulled and tugged in every which direction, that like a swimmer plunged to the depths underwater loses their sense of direction, I too don't know which way is up. God, forgive me, but I don't even care anymore. I just want to rest, even if that means staying underwater and never knowing anything ever again.

Wow, I've said quite a lot. Here goes....I'm going to post it and not delete it...

tate, I often feel the same way but I can't say those kind of things. It just wouldn't be ahem, well
...dignified. Love ya' {{{{{{{{Brad}}}}}}}}

I too don't know which way is up. God, forgive me, but I don't even care anymore.

Tate, I think that if life could analogously be thought of as a big packing crate with the words "This end up" written in big, red letters on one of the sides, our job would be simple. We'd make sure that the big, red "This end up" arrow pointed upwards. And that's how I feel about life now, as imperfectly as this is realized in me. Whatever the case, whatever the situation, the end that we can point up is "love". And where we point it isn't just up but all over. And it needn't be a big arrow. It needn't be gigantic, Mother Teresa love. It can be small love. It can be the smallest love. It can be the smallest most imperfect love.

Which way is up? Well, the following sums it up for me:

The Invitation to a Deeper Virtue
by Ronald Rolheiser

quote:

It's precisely here where Jesus' invites us "beyond", beyond natural reaction, beyond instinct, beyond giving back in kind, beyond legal rights, beyond strict justice, beyond the need to be right, beyond even the ten commandments, beyond the virtue of the scribes and pharisees.

Indeed the litmus-test for Christian orthodoxy is not the creed (Can you believe this set of truths?) but this particular challenge from Jesus: Can you love an enemy? Can you not give back in kind? Can you move beyond your natural reactions and transform the energy that enters you from others, so as to not give back bitterness for bitterness, harsh words for harsh words, curse for curse, hatred for hatred, murder for murder? Can you rise above your sense of being wronged? Can you renounce your need to be right? Can you move beyond the itch to always have what's due you? Can you forgive, even when every feeling inside of you rebels at its unfairness? Can you take in bitterness, curses, hatred, and murder itself, and give back graciousness, blessing, love, understanding, and forgiveness? That's the root invitation inside of Christianity and it's only when we do this that we move beyond "an eye for an eye".

And frankly, Tate, if you don't know which way is up, I think you've already got a head start. I think the true logic of the universe ought to leave us feeling somewhat that way: disoriented. I was thinking about something last night that sort of relates to this. So bear with me, if you will.

I was thinking how incredible it is that we really do have freedom, that we really do have free will. Imagine that. Imagine being a creator and giving that away freely. It would be like setting children loose inside a candy shop. They would surely eat themselves to a giant-size tummy-ache before they figure out (partially, but not completely, on their own) what's good for them. That is to say, we learn "responsibility". And then I thought of the words of Julian of Norwich. "All shall be well. And all manner of things shall be well." And I thought that that made no sense. Mustn't there be some kind of penalty, other than just bad karma, for less loving and wise actions? Can there be a true thing called "responsibility" if there is not, if, no matter what we do, we are forgiven?

And I think there is. There still is a true responsibility. We're responsible to love. And the penalty? Well, I think that's where we get into the apparent odd logic of the Universe. The penalty for not being loving is to be loved more, to be pursued like a lost sheep: If there be to any man a hundred sheep, and one of them strays away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains, and having gone he seeks the one having strayed? And if he happens to find it, truly I say to you that he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine not having gone astray. I think this is how all things are brought to love instead of to chaos and division. But many first ones shall be last, and last ones first.

I think it all fits. It's God Logic, which is different from our logic much of the time. Throwing the first stone if one has no sin. Turning the other cheek. The meek shall inherent the earth. Etc. Your kingdom come; Your will be done, as it is in Heaven, also on the earth. And this might be one reason why we haven't achieved that to more of a degree than we have. The logic of love is a logic that is difficult for us to grasp sometimes. Oh sure, our intentions to love are always there. But we often need help in directing those intentions to, I guess, maximize their effect. And how could one ever intuitively grasp that the right and loving thing to do was to turn the other cheek? How would one ever easily divine which way that big, red, "this end up" arrow should point when it is so very easy to lose a sense of direction in this busy, sometimes violent, and often painful world?

Wow, I've said quite a lot.

Yes. I think you did. And I'm truly glad.

{{{{{{{{MM}}}}}}}}

A Sister-Tater eh? That was so beautiful and heartfelt Tate. I felt the same frustration you did about my own writing here at first. My inner critic made my posts take forever. But I want to share a well kept secret with you, or at least a largely unnoticed secret....

(Let me whisper this in your ear though, sister to sister,Tate, because believe it not, behind all those many posts of his, Brad is really kind of shy, it's the strangest thing, but anyway,...the secret is: Brad is as fine a Muse as a sister, and maybe even a brother,could ever hope to find at least for me he is, but at first he felt more like a Nemesis!) And funnily enough, I had to discover that most often it was my own projection on to his words, that made him sound so... needling? to me. But as I learned to transmute some of the feelings he brought up in me, well, I found the most precious gift in it, my very own voice, or voices, in my case... (I have lots of Sisters in me and even though they've been there a while, Brad tends to bring them out and give them confidence to speak out more) It's really rich.

So, now we sort of Muse each other. And I have a really strong intuition that all people can and should be Muses for each other. But in Brads case, because his creativity is so penetrating, and because he is such a gifted adn prolific writer, and seems to aspire to be honest with his own inner dialogue and process, I have a strong intuitive hunch that being a Muse could actually be a sort of "vocation" for him.

especially for souls
sometimes finding themselves
as we all hopefully do
at bottom of the sea...
and who are willing open
their protective shells
for everyone to see .. .
they're so much more
fragile, radiant luster.

So Sista Tate', I for one, hope you continue to come out from the depths long enough to share your beautiful, fragile pearls with us. If you've talked about your journey here, I'll check your other recent posts, to see what all you've shared so far about it. I will also try to locate a poem for you which I came across awhile back at a dance work shop called "Lost" It was really simple, yet so beautiful.

It started something like this:

" Lost? Go outside and stand beside the trees. The trees is not lost" etc..

On Finding One's Self in Nature

Ever since childhood, Nature has been my most constant reliable source of renewal for me. Long walks alone in the woods, to get away from all the yelling and family dysfunctions were a a saving grace for me in adolescence.

Nature is a perfect reflection of God's beauty, power and diversity. It has no mind of it's own to confuse us with opinions and theories about itself, about its' creator or anyone else. It simply IS, all that it is, in all its' many forms, expressions, and diversity. It's both fragile and destructive, it has cycles of birth and death, it has awesome power to destroy and/ or give life with elements that are one and the same, just different expressions of them.

All of Natures forms seek only to express themselves, according to their Nature. And if left alone, and untamperd with by humans, Nature will always finds balance within Herself. She reflects back to me, my very own nature, without words or confusing concepts.

So part of my daily spiritual practice, is spending at least 15 minutes a day in Nature, but I usually do more, because I love it so much. It's the simplest, easiest, most pleasurable way I know to stay balanced in and with LIFE. ..Maybe because Nature is our source of Life. It is what sustains all Life, at least here on this plane of earthly existence. And somehow spending time with what sustains me and LIFE, tends to foster deeper reverence and gratitude for Life, and all it's splendid diversity, making every small moment, smaller somehow; every tear, every fear, every anger, every joy becomes more precious, more sacred. Nature takes me back to Source.

Gotta meet a friend for a walk !

Love, with love,Sista' Pauine

quote:

at bottom of the sea...
and who are willing open
their protective shells
for everyone to see .. .
they're so much more
fragile, radiant luster.

I like that, Pauline. It makes me think of the shiny, silver, iridescent mother-of-pearl inside the shell of an abalone. And apparently that stuff is not only pretty, it�s pretty strong. And yet I almost wince every time that I open up. I still wait for that other shoe to drop, whatever that is, and whatever that means, and know that it�s a test to be as gracious and humble as possible when it does. But I think that can be a proper tension to be in. We have to stay in that overall tension between being nothing (which we are not�we are surely something) and being god (although we surely are divine in some way�perhaps way more than we suspect).

And the challenge for me, in particular, is accepting the good things that are offered to me. I take the bad readily enough. I suck it up like a sponge. But what does it mean if we have trouble accepting the good?

And it occurred to me that true humility is also accepting God�s gifts and to acknowledge the pleasing feelings these gifts bring to our lives and our sense of self. And everyone has these gifts. Without exception. Every one.

It�s not un-humble to feel good about ourselves. God made us good. It might be arrogant to do otherwise. And I think this is all the more reason to open up our shells. It is right to share the wonder of ourselves with each other, that mother-of-pearl inside.

quote:

Nature is a perfect reflection of God's beauty, power and diversity. It has no mind of it's own to confuse us with opinions and theories about itself, about its' creator or anyone else. It simply IS, all that it is, in all its' many forms�

So part of my daily spiritual practice, is spending at least 15 minutes a day in Nature, but I usually do more, because I love it so much. It's the simplest, easiest, most pleasurable way I know to stay balanced in and with LIFE. ..Maybe because Nature is our source of Life. It is what sustains all Life, at least here on this plane of earthly existence. And somehow spending time with what sustains me and LIFE, tends to foster deeper reverence and gratitude for Life, and all it's splendid diversity, making every small moment, smaller somehow; every tear, every fear, every anger, every joy becomes more precious, more sacred. Nature takes me back to Source.

I think that�s beautiful, Pauline. One of the up-sides of living in a concrete city is that we might learn to appreciate nature in a way that might never have occurred to one who spent his or her life in the country�.if, of course, we can find a way to escape our concrete jungle in order to do so. And I think we need to do so because it can be a real challenge to get that same sense from man-made objects that we surround ourselves with in urban living, or in any home, whether in the city or country. And that makes sense to me, not because mankind is "yukky" and perverts everything (art museums, and so much more, show otherwise). But because, as you said, Nature is a perfect reflection of God's beauty, power and diversity. It has no mind of it's own to confuse us with opinions and theories about itself, about its' creator or anyone else. It simply IS.

Maybe them pagans weren�t as dumb as they looked!

Sitting here, soaking in everyone's heartfelt words, let's see, how to put it....I feel like a dog, belly-up in surrender. Yeah, that's it!

And now my mind is scattering all over the place wanting to respond to everyone at once. I think I'll just say thanks, love ya and take Sista Pauline's advice, and go for a walk in nature with these nice {{{{{{{{Love}}}}}}}} vibes. It's beautiful today here in SC - sunny and 66 degrees. Ya'll come!

Later........

I have a small (very small) request for all you nature lovers. For us poor folk who are stuck behind a desk right now watching it pouring down raining outside the window of this concrete jungle, could you lighten our lives with a little poetry about nature, god, both, or whatever comes to mind. It needn�t be long, clever, rhyming, profound, or complex. Just:

I�m indoors
Watching it rain
Pushing lots of paper
Wishing I could refrain

I�d rather be wet
Cold and damp
Then writing letters
And sealing with a stamp (which has now gone up, by the way)

The mind can be like a bad neighborhood, so don't go in there alone! I've listened to over 80 hours of liberal muckrakers since New Years, and have had no human contact since then other than a group which meets a few blocks from my house. Had a very scrooge
Christmas, and did not see my family. Many adventures in "fear and loathing." I've also been tapering off anti-depressant medication, which I have tried to go off for several years now.

I suffer in my body:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/m...ic_encephalomyelitis

But today, ahhh lots of animal communication. I am a
psychic transmitter, and felt like Dr.Dolittle as
I talked to ducks at Sloan's Lake, Jonathan Livingston the seagull and a woman told me about her cat's love and emotions, and two puppies tried to follow me home. I actually have to avoid the psychic link at times. w.c. reads my mind on occasion, and I really have to be carefull around what I think in female company. I met this young woman on
New Year's eve and she looks like a supermodel. We have been playing phone-tag and keep missing each other. She works in a very fancy music store with the yupscale clientele. Her name is Sarah and I've been plating Fleetwood Mac "Sara" quite a bit. CRUSHALERT!

It's wierd going off the meds. I'm eating foods with tryptophan like peanuts, bananas and turkey
to boost my serotonin, and reading Aurobindo in the sunlight through the front window. Some of my neighbors are seeing into the hermitage for the first time. Such a hermit am I, Robinson Caruso,
Tom Hanks on the island, Thomas Merton. Why is solitude so romantic?

Anyways, enjoy the rain, Brad...

I suffer in my body:

Someone told me once, and I don�t remember who or when, that we could think of the pains in our bodies as being pains that fortunately some child doesn�t have to bear. This, of course, makes no logical sense. It doesn�t seem likely that our physical pain is actively helping to relieve some innocent child of that pain. But I�ve often thought of that. And for some reason I was thinking how nice it would be to fully take on the pain of some child in the hospital who was undergoing chemotherapy or something like that. No, we don�t have that really as a choice to make. It�s just a harmless fantasy. But wouldn�t it be nice just sometimes if we could do that. Hell, we�re already carrying a certain amount of pain. What�s a little more?

I love that song "Sara" by Fleetwood Mac. I love Fleetwood Mac as well. Okay, okay. I�ll admit I have some ambivalent feelings now when I hear Chrissy�s "Don�t Stop" song that Clinton made his own. But I think I�m getting over that now.

Well being to you, MM. Much. Now. Always.

B & B Brad and others,
Info below about abalone, from link above. COOL! I never knew this about abolone and have wondered about it. It's such thin material, It's so beautiful,looks fragile but is so strong, and inexpensive too!

Abalone
"The design is the key reason to why the abalone shell is so tough. It is the design which makes the shell almost 3,000 times stronger then the materials it is made out of alone; chalk (calcium carbonate) and protein. Drop an abalone shell from my second story window and it will not break, but drop chalk and watch it shatter (the local kids had a great time drawing on the sidewalk with it too- reuse!). I guess if you dropped protein, say an egg without the shell it wouldn�t really hold together well either � you see my point here, design is key."

Maybe the deep-sea part of our spiritual journey is about discovering the uniqueness of our own design, how we're made, what and how we're put together and stick together,both within ourselves and in relationship to each other.

Consider the immense pressure oysters have on them at the bottom of sea,to be likend to the pressures of the world. It seems to me, that what comes from our willingness to descend into the depths, is our discovery of deeper mysteries about ourselves and others. We discover that nobody, including ourself, is as "flaky" or superficial as we may often appear,(from trying to appear as something) but rather that we each are incredibly strong and beautiful in our own unique design. It's in the mysterous depths of our commonality, that our journey(s) often start to make sense, we begin to see a pattern and the story in them. I find I learn so much from hearing other peoples stories.

What fun, creative posts from Tate and MM.

MM: What fun, crazy, delightul streams of consciousness you posted above MM. Yhey tell so much more about who YOU are then the many links you post..which I confess I rarely read. So sorry you are feeling bad, sending prayers your way. And sorry I haven't gotten back to you about Aurobindo. Too much going on. Sounds like you recommend it though, right?

Tate: I love that dog-belly up image. This Love Habits thread is a good one to soak up. Hope you enjoyed your walk, we're having lovely weather here in Austn too...an unusually mild winter. Keep on postin'!

Virya (Pauline)

Do read this one: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Jensen
I just finished listening to Robert McChesney interview him on Media Matters and he is a professor
in Austin. Perhaps you might meet with him and report back to us. He has some extremely silly ideas such as pornography exploits women and other radical left wing notions.

It's going to take me awhile to get a handle on Aurobindo, as it is to a great extent outside my culture, even though he writes for a "European"
audience. I don't know how a Westerner can even begin to understand Eastern philosophy, since it taked place in an entirely different milieu. Oops
I spoke French! Now I'll have to wash my mouth out
with Freedom Fries...

I only have a few minutes to be on computer now, but have been working on this little ditty of a poem off and on today, in response to your small request, Brad. Hope you enjoy it.

Walking through the woods,
Following the narrow and winding path,
Passing over the small stream,
Watching the bird take a cold morning bath.

It's all so beautiful, but something is missing

Now the steep hill I climb,
Squirrels run and scatter.
Up the tree they go,
Each without a ladder.

It's all so beautiful, but something is missing.

At a distance are not one, not two, but three
Of the occasional deer I spy.
Startled, quickly they dash away,
White tails waving goodbye.

It's all so beautiful, but something is missing.

Passing the camouflage treehouse,
I reminisce of young sons' playing.
Up and down they went
On the ladder rope that's still dangling.

It's all so beautiful, but something is missing.

And now as I turn the final bend to head back home again,
I see the fresh grave, dirt still in a mound.
Buried under this ancient oak tree
Lies the best friend I've ever found.

It's all so beautiful, but this is the something that's missing.

This is in honor of my faithful black lab, named Chip. He was my companion during these trips to the woods every day for fourteen years. He died a few days before Christmas and is sorely missed.

Tate,

I'm left speechless at the beauty of that poem. That�s the highest compliment I know how to give.

Brad

This is true Tate, making Brad speechless is nothing short of a miracle..
Great poem. Please share more as you feel moved. they get easier with practice. More about poetty later.I am so computet burnt right now.

..I notiiced I couldn't wait to find out what was missing. So sorry about your dog. I have a 6 year rescue blond lab that I would LOVE to find a new home for...He needs more then I have to give him ...very protective.

Love with love Pauline

quote:

Originally posted by Virya108 /Pauline:
[qb] . . . More about poetty later.I am so computet burnt right now.. . . [/qb]

"What is "missing" is a web browser that does spell-check.




------

Lovely poem, Tate. And adding another "condolence" re. the loss of your dog. Sounds like he was a good companion to you.

MM:
I skimmed that link but I am so tired right and sometime you seem to write in almost a secret morse code, that it's hard for me get your meaning. But if I understood it correctly, yes, I may want to meet him...I think there is a lot of oppression of the feminine in men and women in our still very patriarchal society and I feel it it part of my dharma or ministry to do my part to free that up ...But I read it so quickly I hope I did't misunderastand it.

I would like to eventually look at Aurabndos book.

Thanks everyone. I really enjoyed writing that poem.

Brad, thanks for the incentive. As soon as I saw your request, I knew I wanted to write about Chip.

Also, thank you all for your condolences. I guess in truth, Chip wasn't my best friend, but my best animal friend for sure, although I can't let my cat know that. We certainly shared a strong bond and spent much time together. His energy was healing and all who knew him loved him.

Brad, thanks for the incentive. As soon as I saw your request, I knew I wanted to write about Chip.

You�re welcome, Tate. It was a pleasure to help. I�m looking forward to taking the next chance I get to follow your and Pauline�s examples and to get out into the wilderness a bit and see if I can be inspired to write something. Your experience (and results) make me want to do so. I think it�s a way to truly connect to something and make it more real. Or as Pauline said:

Nature is a perfect reflection of God's beauty, power and diversity. It has no mind of it's own to confuse us with opinions and theories about itself, about its' creator or anyone else. It simply IS.

Virya (Pauline),

http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/The_Man_with_Two_Brains

I realize I have a problem, and might seek professional help, but presently seem to be of two minds about it.

One thing we may have in common is mentally living
half in the West and half in the East philisophically speaking.

Thank you for showing up here, tired, war weary and seasonally affected as we all may be.

Thank you MM,

I do occassionally feel tired, especially if I spend a lot of time on the computer here. But just so you know hough MM, I feel like I showed up here vibrant, love activated and seasonally well.
I really don't understand what so much of the fuss is about between East and West. I think they should marry and have babies.

Happy Valentine's day to me, Happy Valentine's day to me and to everyone and everything God has created with love.

I celebrated the afternoon planting trees, feeling the warm soil in my hands since it is sunny outside, lovingly placing the roots in position, and thanking God for this blessing and gift of life for today.

It is the simple things in life that can bring us such joy.

Thank you Freebird, and Happy Valentine's Day

March 10, 06

I awoke this morning and looking outside my window.......I saw a winter wonderland, snow here in Oregon. Today love is wearing my old flanel nightgown, oh so cozy, my woolen socks and old, old chenyl robe. What bliss and joy as I look forward to lounging in front of my woodstove and a warm fire. A client called to reschedule a counseling appointment for next week, yippie!, I need not use my four wheel drive on my jeep and face slippery country roads to drive into town. There is peace and joy everywhere I look. Songbirds feasting from the bird feeder and soon the deer will arrive looking at me with soulful eyes begging for old bread. It is these simple things that bring such joy and gratitude for me. Thank you Father God for all your gifts and blessings.