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Transformation: The Love Habit Login/Join
 
posted
One of the things I�d like to see regarding transformation is tips and tricks on how to enkindle love. I assume love can become a habit that one can get into and needs to get into�and will quickly get out of somewhat if we quit willing ourselves a bit in that direction.

I�m aware of my own resistance to love and I think it�s more than just psychological resistance. Frankly, if feels like the resistance one has when one has simply not exercised that muscle enough (no sophomoric jokes allowed) Wink and the thought of doing so fills one with the same "ugggghhh" that one may feel toward the thought of doing pushups or sit-ups.

So if anyone has some tips or just wants to relate some experiences on how they stay connected to love, especially as a conscious endeavor to overcome lethargy or resistance, then I hope you will do so.
 
Posts: 5413 | Location: Washington State | Registered: 21 September 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I'd say that even for a shy person the method of silently praying for others in traffic or during transit on public transportation can be very rewarding. Same with strangers in the mall or at the park. Just silently bless them and whether anything happens or not, I usually fell better. Smiler -mm
 
Posts: 2559 | Registered: 14 June 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Wow, I think that's an incredibly useful, helpful and compassionate idea, MM. Thanks. That�s just the stuff I�m looking for.
 
Posts: 5413 | Location: Washington State | Registered: 21 September 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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It is through this kind of simple method which Theresa of little jesus has become saint. Thank you to remind us MM.
 
Posts: 340 | Location: Sweden | Registered: 14 May 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Here�s one that I�d like to add: cleaning up...whether sweeping the sidewalk, washing a window, or whatever. None of these things do I habitually do, or have I ever liked doing, but it�s a way to show and orient to love, I think.
 
Posts: 5413 | Location: Washington State | Registered: 21 September 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Posts: 2559 | Registered: 14 June 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I ask God as to who needs love today, and where is love needed. The answer comes I assure you. It may be a friend, garden, neighbor, family, or house cleaning as mentioned, but don't forget yourself as well.
An old widowed neighbor depends on me alot and sometimes I want to stay in my own private space, and yet when I hear God's call I get a renewed push and move into the mode of love, always benefitting myself as well.
 
Posts: 571 | Location: Oregon | Registered: 20 June 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I ask God as to who needs love today, and where is love needed.

Freebird, I think that's a marvelous thought. Thanks. And MM, that's such a great saying from Mother Teresa. Thanks for that as well.
 
Posts: 5413 | Location: Washington State | Registered: 21 September 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Brad, you said:
I am aware of my own resistance to love and I think it's more than just psychological.

Open yourself to yourself in love. This is no easy task and unfamiliar, so start with tiny things like saying to yourself I am love, therefore I am loved. In time you will find this joy alive within you and also see it reflected on others. Trust me it works.

Love is not always something just for others, but is most important in the love of yourself.
 
Posts: 571 | Location: Oregon | Registered: 20 June 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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One of the major blocks to love is self-acceptance.
I've been working on myself for years, and I feel that I should be much farther along by now. Then I realize how common this is, and that others struggle with this feeling as well.

Living in a human body is a dense experience. Sometime really dense. Wink

"You deserve a break today." - McDonalds' wisdom.
 
Posts: 2559 | Registered: 14 June 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I am love, therefore I am loved

I was quite touched by that advice, Freebird. Another good and compassionate recommendation. Thank you very much.

One of the major blocks to love is self-acceptance.

You and me both, MM. You and me both. And it does seem we should be farther along than we are because it doesn't, at first sight, seem like such a hard thing to do. But at least in my case, I can see how much I don't accept myself because this will be directly mirrored in how I don't accept other people. If one is critical or judgmental of them then one can be sure that one has the same level of criticality or judmentalism towards one's self.

Self-acceptance is love. Besides believe in a loving god, I truly do believe that if we could achieve no more than self-acceptance that we would have no other large hurdles remaining. The rest would just be minor detail work. Thank you for that bit of input, MM.
 
Posts: 5413 | Location: Washington State | Registered: 21 September 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Something is afoot. I just bought some flowers. I told somebody, "I really like you, and I'm afraid."
She said, "I really like you too, and I'm not afraid." Wonder if she'll check my eX-files, some of which are still freinds, and others, well... Wink

summerintherockies.net
 
Posts: 2559 | Registered: 14 June 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Well, Michael, you sonofagun . . . Wink Flowers, eh? Cool Keep us posted.

---

So if anyone has some tips or just wants to relate some experiences on how they stay connected to love, especially as a conscious endeavor to overcome lethargy or resistance, then I hope you will do so.

St. Francis de Sales said that we learn to work by working, to pray by praying and to love by loving. Sounds advice . . . only he then went on to write a 300 page book about it! Big Grin

Problem is, here, that the false self has its own notions about love, including the usual slogans like:
- it's better to give than to receive;
- put others first;
- others' needs are more important than your own;

Then there is this whole bit about "feeling" love. Roll Eyes

I very much think that, in the end, love is a decision and commitment to be present to others and interact with them unto their and your good. I call this the attitude of benevolence, and believe it becomes increasingly strengthened through "acts of love/benevolence" -- the love habit. Of course, such a commitment also puts us in touch with our resistances to love, as Brad noted. But that's OK. Such awareness and honest admission of what we encounter enables us to let go and move on, or helps us recognize issues that need to be worked through.

My own experience, too, is that I very much need to tap into the Source of love . . . to pray, to rest in God's love, and to call upon the Spirit of Love to keep me focused throughout the day. Here I find the gift of the Spirit to be essential, as it is the movement of pure Love Itself.

C. S. Lewis wrote a marvelous book on The Four Loves. Leo Buscaglia's little classic, Love, is also a good read to support developing the habit.

Let's keep comparing notes on this one.
 
Posts: 7539 | Location: Wichita, KS | Registered: 09 August 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Yes, to be present to others. Sometimes it's good to just look, look with the heart, and know the wonder and joy of another. I steal a look at my loved ones sometimes and fill up with a sense of amazement and wonder. I look and say to myself:

"I can't believe you're my sister/mother/nephew/niece."

If they catch me looking I just wink or smile or say something bizarre or over the top like:

"You're incrrrrEdible!"
"You're amaaaZZing!"
"You make me sick!" Wink
 
Posts: 464 | Location: UK | Registered: 28 May 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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A spring bouquet rather than roses, which at this point might seem a bit presumptive. Ladies like romance and always leave them wishing for just a tad bit more...

Emerson's essay on freindship is a must read. I would say that I am blessed with at least a half a dozen male relationships at this level, which has healed me from deficiencies of early childhood and
perhaps given me a chance with the feminine, as I have little anger toward women, although I have developed some caution, as anyone I wind up with is either addicted or neurotic to some degree.

Well, that's just about most of us now, isn't it?

I wouldn't completely rule out meeting someone on the internet, but I think it highly unlikely and
only have seen a couple of those work out and dozens of disasters. Our culture creates quite enough fantasy without the aid of cyberspace and virtual internet personas to contend with... Wink

Anyway, the Good Book remains my primary source:

http://www.bible.com/Wheel/Spokes/Mayim_Love.asp

I intend to love you all by the Holy Spirit.

I might ask, as a mayor Kotch was prone to do;

"How am I doing?" Smiler ---caritas <*))))><
 
Posts: 2559 | Registered: 14 June 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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3,500 quotes on love

That oughta help! Big Grin
 
Posts: 7539 | Location: Wichita, KS | Registered: 09 August 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Wow! Smiler Jackpot Phil strike the mother load!

"You learn to speak by speaking, run by running, study by studying, learn by learning, pray by praying, work by working. In just the same way you learn to love by loving." -Francis De Sales
 
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What a lovely thread. Stephen's words are catching my eye especially at the moment:

Yes, to be present to others. Sometimes it's good to just look, look with the heart, and know the wonder and joy of another. I steal a look at my loved ones sometimes and fill up with a sense of amazement and wonder....

And as I paste those sentences now, I'm smilingly struck by their first word: Yes.

Stephen's sharing reminds me of something I find effective person-to-person and in the context of therapy (I'm a sometimes psychotherapist), and that is:

If you want to help someone grow and change, love them the way they are.

Somehow genuine acceptance makes it all the more possible for an inner flowering to have its chance.

~ Dave
 
Posts: 12 | Location: Texas | Registered: 09 June 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Ditto to all of the above. Amazing thoughts.

Silence
Forgiveness
Loving an animal
Apologizing for trangressions
Saying a sincere "Hi" to people you don't know and won't likely meet again
 
Posts: 5413 | Location: Washington State | Registered: 21 September 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Two of the 3500:

Things are beautiful if you love them. -- Jean Anouilh

When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don't blame the lettuce. You look into the reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce. Yet if we have problems with our friends or our family, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like lettuce. Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and arguments. That is my experience. No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change. -- Thich Nhat Hanh
 
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Giving someone your full attention and time.
 
Posts: 5413 | Location: Washington State | Registered: 21 September 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Your sharing above are simple and lovable. As you all of you expressed love is simple. Yes, unconditional love is not complicated. It is so simple, yet it is difficult to live it. You know why? because we are not changed. Our consciosness is at low level. Our awareness is very limited. Meditation, prayer, surrendering all is aimed to embrace this simple love. When Christ transorms us we can tangibly know what unconditional love is, we can give full attention and time, we can love and we can live simple life. However, we can't transform us by ourselves and the untransformed self doesn't able to know unconditional love tangibly.
 
Posts: 340 | Location: Sweden | Registered: 14 May 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Our consciosness is at low level. Our awareness is very limited.

I think you are right, Grace. And I wouldn�t' be surprise that, just under the surface, we know this, that these higher states of consciousness and awareness are not so esoteric, elusive, or so difficult to obtain that they are meant only for the skilled and practiced, for to be in a higher state of both is to inescapably find an expanded moral duty to one's self and others. We resist this because this is a recipe for undignifying and unglorifying the raw pursuit of us. It would collide with such ideas as "Just do it" or one that I see more and more of which is "It's all about me." These ideas are directly opposed to living a peaceful, meaningful life. Take it from someone who keenly knows the pain of pride, who knows the limitations of not raising oneself by first lowering oneself. And I have seen this in others. I have seen the gates of life, freedom, and love unwittingly locked and the key callously thrown over their shoulder as, in so many little ways, their attitude says "It's all about me." I've have thrown such keys away before myself. I am embarrassed by this. I feel ashamed of it. And I've had personal experience of late where I believe one of these keys was thrown in my face. I probably deserved it. I don't know. But I do know that there is a richer life in store for all if we will climb down off our high horses. Oddly, the view from there is not better; awareness and consciousness are not better there. The perspective on the ground is clearer. One can see farther. One can, of course, love better.
 
Posts: 5413 | Location: Washington State | Registered: 21 September 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Find lost keys and return them to their owners if possible.
 
Posts: 5413 | Location: Washington State | Registered: 21 September 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Become a saint.

I like the Catholic idea (and I sure hope this is a widespread idea�if it isn�t then it should be) that we should all try to become saints.

Notice small things.

I was walking in the woods the other day and noticed in the shadows a spider�s web (sort of a tangle of a web among the branches of a huckleberry bush). It was obliquely catching the sun in such a way as to give off a kaleidoscopic bluish radiance that looked like a special effect they might have used in The Outer Limits to suggest something other-worldly. It was truly eerie and it was truly beautiful.
 
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