Phil, I know you have written some summaries for this in other places, but a thread on the subject may give us a way to more gently notice the varying tendencies of the FS. This would relate, of course, with the thread on the affective ego, the healthy observing ego, and will hopefully help understand what the True Self is in more concrete ways.

What prompted me to start this thread was one of the authors you have quoted recently on several of the Spiritual Seeds. One of those entries spoke of forgiving others as deeply as God forgives us. My first reaction was quite strong, since without Christ this is simply impossible. In fact, I wonder if it is possible at all, since all the saints lament the impasse between fallen human nature and God until their very end. Christ heals that breech between God and man. Perhaps those whose psyches have been drawn completely into the unitive stage can live this purely. But for the vast majority of Christians, there is actually some peril in such a rectifying claim to perfection.

Now, to keep the goal of complete forgiveness as a reminder to turn to Christ is very important. But I see so many Christians, and other religious seekers, actually castigating themselves over how impure they are. In myself, I know the difference between compunction, where my conscience is made raw to the moral truth I haven't embraced fully, which prompts both surrender to Christ and a more compassionate awareness for the parts of my psyche in pain, and when I skip this recognition of exiled parts and fall into abdication of will through unrecognized shame.

This abdication of will through unrecognized shame is what many fall into in 12 Step groups. And so a missing, crucial step is to treat the distorted aspects of the self with compassion, which itself activates the TS and the presence of Christ. What I'm saying is that not all aspects of the False Self System are evil or inherently diconnected from the TS, but are distortions of an original truth, as in addictions being rooted in a fundamentally good longing. Until we do this, or have some sense of its importance, then compunction alone can lead us, inadverdently, into an overly pious, self-perpetuating shame, a state that closes our hearts to the humanity of Christ and to the humanity of others.

The True Self can open both to the Holy Spirit, and to the darker, unhealed aspects of the False Self, which in the light of TS presence, and the greater Presence of Christ, can unfold its distortions and return to its original inspiration to connect with others through the heart. Only by a willingness to bring compassionate awareness to these distorted yearnings, which requires grace, can we avoid treating them as evil, when they are in fact only wounded. Real evil doesn't repond positively to compassion; whereas FS disortions always seek the light when presence and Presence are offered, or they simply fall away.

quote:

Until we do this, or have some sense of its importance, then compunction alone can lead us, inadverdently, into an overly pious, self-perpetuating shame, a state that closes our hearts to the humanity of Christ and to the humanity of others.

quote:

But I see so many Christians, and other religious seekers, actually castigating themselves over how impure they are.

I've seen all three in myself (they're all in a sort of regular rotation): True-Self, No-Self, and False-Self. I've spent most of my time in false self and have had only glimpses of the others, but like tasting REAL chocolate, as opposed to what passes for chocolate in your typical Hershey's bar, one immediately knows the difference, even on the first bite; even if that bite is rather small.

I agree that when engaged in a bit of self-deprecating humor, self-flagellation, or self-criticism, it's difficult to know sometimes whether one is perpetuating shame-based behavior or specifically breaking OUT of it by, as it were, spitting directly in the face of ego. But there's always a lightness and a freeness to the experience of True-Self or No-Self, at least from my experience, although later this can easily be confused because of the shame and doubt that tend to pop up and rehash and reinterpret previous events.

How stupid of me not to have figured this out before. Thanks for your help, WC.

That light, fresh/free quality is a good sign the TS has come into awareness. The internal dialogue, at least in those spontaneous moments, doesn't know what to do with itself, and we easily get drawn back into the trance states of the FS energy. But that energy is more than what the ID appears to be doing with current events, problems, etc . . . it is actually drawing upon the FS energies at an unconscious level, and so by being with these energies as they appear in the body via sensation, we can give them more room to re-emerge in their original, TS authenticity, or simply fall away if they aren't connected to deeper currents of the soul.

Phil and I may have some semantic distinctions to work out here, but my refering to FS distortions is meant to say that any unawakened aspect of the TS, or its essential goodness disorted in an addiction, for instance, is going to feed the FS system via shame and fear. We can be afraid of our passions, and yet when in the presence of the TS, and the greater Presence of Christ, these very conflicts emerge in the heart as deep, shameless compunction for the good in others, and our own loveableness.

And so a sign of TS piety would be a sadness in not loving God, others and ourselves more; whereas FS piety would mainly be the castigating, shameful sense of never being good enough.

Another way of touching the presence of the TS is to sense the part of us that can let go of whatever we are clinging to in the moment. We may only allow this for a few seconds, but just to tap this capacity is to feel the reality of the TS. Trust your intuition in this, as intuition is itself a faculty of the TS.

It is often best to start with a small irritation. For the more formative resistances, the Presence of Christ, and attention to the inner being of the pain, i.e, its yearning, may be necessary, since aspects of the FS that yearn for, yet fear, healing in the heart may need more patient, compassionate company, and not just letting go in an instant. Having someone who understands this just sit with you can enhance the presence needed to contain and allow the transfiguration of deeper pain to occur.

What I'm finding helpful, WC, in sorting through the false and true selves, however one defines them, is to separate (if only in the mind) the should-do's and oughta-do's from the wanna-do's -- and doing so NO MATTER the implications for one's self image, sense of duty, sense of propriety or known ethics. Go through this process every now and then and see what's left. Not what should be left, but what is actually remaining.

Yes. Anything that helps distinguish between shame-driven concerns, and those inspired from conscience, the latter usually connecting us more with others, seeing their POV, etc. . .

Noting some of those resources w.c. alluded to:

Origin of the False Self System

Characteristics of the False Self System

- - -

In a nutshell, I understand the FS to be not a real self at all, but a system of conditioning developed to cope with life in a fallen world -- i.e., a world where we are loved conditionally. The FS is about "meeting the conditions," usually by obtaining approval, avoiding criticism, having, getting, etc. Fear and shame energize its movement, as they present the "problem" that the FS is trying to work out, co-opting the intellect, imagination, memory, and other apsects of the psyche.

I like what you all are sharing, here. I guess paradox, here, is that the TS and FS co-exist; in fact, you cannot even name the FS unless awakened somewhat in TS. Breaking free from FS conditioning is work, even with grace assisting.

How to drop and attachment or addiction

The Four Rs of Breaking Free

Carry on . . .

"The FS is about "meeting the conditions," usually by obtaining approval, avoiding criticism, having, getting, etc. Fear and shame energize its movement, as they present the "problem" that the FS is trying to work out, co-opting the intellect, imagination, memory, and other apsects of the psyche."

_____________________________________________

In the Sedona release method, the focus is on letting go of the three primary wants: wanting approval, control and security. Not that any of these is bad, but the wanting them obscures the TS identity. To even let go of these wants for a moment is to taste the TS. The approach consists of either letting go, or allowing, accepting and welcoming the wanting - any of these is the larger space of the TS bringing its presence to the experience of attachment/aversion at the heart of the FS system.

In Focusing, the welcoming aspect of letting go is even better understood, since early developmental patterns that were thwarted still have in them their original intelligence, or what they would be like if environmental conditions had been favorable for their designed emergence. With an attitude of presence, we let these be, listen to them/keep them company, don't necessarily agree with them or let them act out (as parents need to do for narcissistic children), and in so doing they open gradually with trust, since presence is actually what they want most, and through which their own genuine beingness/presence can be realized i.e, brought into conscious awareness.

In Ann Cornell's version of Focusing, there are four powers of awareness, but complete healing requires a fifth step, which isn't a power, but grace.

To illustrate how the FS adaptations can have latent TS energies in them, we can consider almost any emotional pain. The FS scenario is what we do to keep from feeling pain. Addiction is the most obvious one. Just feeling a yearning is not the FS system. In fact, with the FS system in place, one really wouldn't be having a conscious relationship with the feeling driving the addiction, but would be overidentified with it in its distorted form. IOW, in acting out of the FS system, we wouldn't be aware of addictive hunger as a longing in the heart to be loved, but be actively seeking ways to support the distorted version of the need so as to protect that FS identity.

The key in all of this, however, is not only turning to Christ, but asking Him to send the Holy Spirit to both strengthen our ability to be with the pain and to enter the pain itself. Asking Christ to enter our pain is only asking Him to be what he already is: the Presence hidden within every longing. Already within the longing is the cause and resolution of all longing. Christ is the hidden Presence that receives and actualizes the unmet need, allowing that need to emerge from its distortion into conscious presence as an expression of the TS.

And so, somewhat ironically, our pain already knows Christ, and is known by Him. We discover this when we contact the hurting through the strength of TS presence, which activates the hidden TS presence within the pain/distortion. Christ awaits us as the greater Presence into which all yearings clarify and merge.

Phil said:

quote:

In a nutshell, I understand the FS to be not a real self at all, but a system of conditioning developed to cope with life in a fallen world -- i.e., a world where we are loved conditionally. The FS is about "meeting the conditions," usually by obtaining approval, avoiding criticism, having, getting, etc. Fear and shame energize its movement, as they present the "problem" that the FS is trying to work out, co-opting the intellect, imagination, memory, and other apsects of the psyche.

I love nutshells�especially when the meat inside is so rich. I realize this is one of your prime areas of expertise and I don't take that lightly. I love the characterization of it as "co-opting the intellect, imagination, memory, and other apsects of the psyche" because that is surely what it does. And when we're busy doing that, our real selves get put on hold. In contrast to "play acting", which might allow expression for some otherwise pent-up emotions, I don't think false-self-acting does this at all. In fact, I think it simply stores up more angst and thus one becomes even less capable of dealing healthily with one's "stuff". It can be a vicious cycle and that's probably why the false self so readily appears and is strengthened. This isn't exactly knew stuff for me, but now that I know so much more about this subject and have discovered or learned about other aspects of the false self, it actually floors me how (and I hope I'm not projecting�I don't think I am) many people are affected significantly by this. You can just look around and see people playing their roles and they're a bit too good in them, if you know what I mean. And you can also sense the silent scream underneath, that desire to reach out and REALLY connect with another human being beyond the stale forms limitations of whatever false self role one is playing at the time.

Surely putting on different hats and playing different roles is normal and healthy, and we all do have these different roles we have to play to some extent. We're simply not going to relate in exactly the same way to a wife or a child or a boss or a friend. We're all innate actors ourselves, thus it's no wonder that we gain so much enjoyment from watching movies and plays. This art is a big part of us. One moment we're the father or husband and the next we're a co-worker or boss and the next we're a friend or lover. Some roles we feel confident in. Others we don't. It's not hard to see how easy it would be to hold over those roles (say, the work roll) into other areas of our life and wreak havoc and loose touch with ourselves, which seems easy enough to do since we are all pressured somewhat to be actors. Throw fear and shame into the mix and you've got a recipe for just what this thread is about.

The Four Rs of Breaking Free

Lots of good stuff there. What I am finding most helpful is just recognizing when I "snap" into the various roles and behaviors out of habit and not really out of desire. This happens automatically much like the USS Enterprises' shields will snap on when the computer detects danger. When this happens I'll ask myself "Is this really what I want right now?" The answer is often "no" although quite often I'm unsure and that's when I absolutely know that I'm out of touch with the TS and playing to the FS. Now, the difficult part of this is to, while doing so, not feeding the hyperawareness and hypercriticalness. We just can't live in that state forever, even to correct a serious FS problem. While, of course, a little effort is necessary, it's all too easy to just strengthen one problem while seemingly fixing the other. That's when you just have to let a whole bunch of 100% Grade A acceptance wrap around you. You've got to put on a couple of layers of it first thing in the morning and it must be the last thing you remove at night. There's simply no better leveling and moderating agent than acceptance. I wouldn't even think of getting on the ride of trying to repair or strengthen the true self without a healthy dose of acceptance or all you'll wind up doing is trying to perfect some carefully-defined idea that you have of yourself; that is, strengthening yet another version of your false self.

And so, somewhat ironically, our pain already knows Christ, and is known by Him. We discover this when we contact the hurting through the strength of TS presence, which activates the hidden TS presence within the pain/distortion. Christ awaits us as the greater Presence into which all yearings clarify and merge.

That's all so nicely said, w.c. Thanks.

. . . That's when you just have to let a whole bunch of 100% Grade A acceptance wrap around you. You've got to put on a couple of layers of it first thing in the morning and it must be the last thing you remove at night. . .

I like that, Brad. And you made some nice points about roles, too. We can't avoid "playing" them, nor, even, of having a certain amount of our self-concept/identify invested in them. Here's a worksheet I've used to help reflect on whether we're in our roles in a healthy or unhealthy way. I think some of it resonates with what you were saying.

Yes. Good distinctions re: roles and FS persona. I can tell, more now, when the FS begins to operate, especially on my job where I eventually have to slow down and be present to others genuinely. There is a drivenness, attention-seekingness, to the FS persona, and underneath those behaviors a need for, and fear of, contacts with others and God, some of which are current-time needs, and others old as the hills that need something like Focusing or Sedona Release Method for healing and integration.

Other thoughts . . . .

It is heartening to know that much of the FS persona is built out of distortions of a fundamentally good longing for love. Any addiction is both a longing for love and a fear of the vulnerability needed to allow a deeper connection with God, self and others. The persona developed around that fear that seeks pleasure wihout the risk of connection, of knowing and being known, is the FS at work. The longing itself is an aspect of the TS knowing its creatureliness before a transcendent Source. This connection from the FS distortion to TS awareness through longing, although obscure much of the time, is crucial to avoid treating all of the FS as reprehensible, shameful, or even evil.

There is a drivenness, attention-seekingness, to the FS persona, and underneath those behaviors a need for, and fear of, contacts with others and God�

I think you have most decisively described that, WC. I was trying to think about that yesterday. What kicks me into that FS mode and why? (And I was among a fairly large group of people so I had a chance to run a few "experiments".) It's obviously, at root, a feeling of WYSINGA (what you see is not good enough). But it's more than just a defensive technique. Our FS's surely go on the offense as much, if not more sometimes, than they go on the defensive. By throwing on a false face we're trying to extract the desired response out of the other person that we can't normally get. Yeah, it's sort of an honest (if unconscious) attempt at self-healing but it's, of course, ultimately unhealthy because it's often so intrusive and usually disregards the reality (and feelings) of others.

That's why, for me, simply trying to become a good listener is paramount. (That's also a nice way of saying that I should shut up once in a while. Not gonna happen here, but maybe in the real world. )

The persona developed around that fear that seeks pleasure wihout the risk of connection, of knowing and being known, is the FS at work.

I think that's another great bit of analysis and description. At least on my end, it's "pretend" intimacy without, as you said, all the usual associated risks. It's about as fulfilling as you'd expect, too. But join the club. This phenomenon describes about everybody at one time or another. The thing is, the whacker you are (and assuming one doesn't fall completely into the pit), and if you're able to pull back and start looking at this stuff, because you've had such intimate (in this case it really is intimate) contact with such FS behavior, you can quite literally spot it all around. And not only do you spot it all around but you see everyone everywhere trying to escape the somewhat inherent isolation of their own selves. One finds very quickly that a simple smile and a willing, sincere and kind ear can connect you with about anyone instantly. No wonder there can actually be people like Will Rogers who can sincerely say that they've never met a person they didn't like.